I looked back over my shoulder to Heather and Kate both adorned in champagne bronze floor length strapless dresses with chocolate belts. Pure unattested beauties they were, with complimenting hair styles, yet strikingly different with Kate having dark hair and Heather having light. Both of them wore it down with one side pinned back. Our mothers looked radiant. Maria wore a silver metallic floor length gown while my mom was in a light copper color.
The florist came into the room to hand us all our bouquets. Mine almost touched my knees in length. The flowers cascaded down like water in rich red, copper, burnt orange, green and fall yellow. We had the bridesmaids’ bouquets be a shrunken version of my own. It seemed too real once the bouquet was in my hands.
It was time for everything to get started. My father came into the room to collect me. He began to tear up when my mother yelled at him.
"Bill, you know full well if you do that she is going to cry and ruin her makeup, pull it together."
She failed to mention that she cried herself. My parents cracked me up.
"It’s okay, Dad, mom cried too."
He walked over to me and took my hands.
"I couldn't give you away to a more deserving man, but it still breaks my heart. Sadie girl, you make one stunning bride."
"Thank you, Dad. I love you so much."
"My love for you has never faltered."
My mom walked over to us and said, "Knock it off, you two. Now you have the whole room in tears. We need to get going, let’s go."
I looked over and sure enough, Maria, Kate and Heather were wiping their red swollen eyes.
"Sorry, guys."
"It is perfectly okay, Sadie. The love between a daughter and her father will always create tears. It is inevitable."
Maria was truly the best mother in law I could ever ask for. In fact, the whole family was. It made it even more special to know that when I take Ash’s hand in marriage, I get all of them with it.
The doors opened and closed as each of them went through. I couldn’t see Ash, but I knew he was there, waiting for me. When it was finally my turn, the doors opened and my dad and I walked through them. In my peripheral vision I saw everyone stand. They were not what I was focusing on at all. One man was all I cared about and he was standing at the end of this aisle. God, did he define perfection. His tuxedo had to have been custom made because it fit his beautiful frame like a glove. What pulled at my eyes the most was his smile. It radiated light like the sun. To his left, stood Kaleb and Tony. When he first told me he would like to ask Tony, I was shocked. Tony and Ash had become very close over the last six months and being he was also one of my best friends, nothing could make me happier. My father and I reached the altar and he was asked to give me away. He placed my hand in Ash’s, kissed my cheek and then turned and went to sit next to my mother. She was already a basket case of tears by this point and we hadn’t even said our vows yet. I turned to face Ash and again our eyes locked like they always do. He mouthed, "Simply breathtaking." I just smiled up at him and winked.
When it was time to recite our vows, Ash interrupted the priest and asked if we could use our own. We failed to have a rehearsal, so the poor man just looked stunned and said yes. That is when Ash turned to me and said,
"From the first time I saw you, I knew you were the one for me. Love at first sight might be a myth, but there was something pulling me to you. The second time I saw you, I knew you had to be mine, but I let you go. The third time I saw you, fate stepped in. It is the only way to explain it. You were destined to be mine and I would have waited forever for you, if that's what it took. You complete me in ways I never knew possible. I love you more every day that passes. I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring and every day after that. Thank you for returning my love and giving me the chance to make you feel like the princess you are to me, for the rest of your life I will love you."
I cherished every word he spoke. I had no idea what he was going to say. We didn’t talk about our vows. They were meant to be a surprise.
Then it was my turn. When I started, I got choked up and had to take a breath to get my emotions under control. I looked up into his eyes and said,
"I knew you were something special. I knew also that something was pulling us together. Fate is the best way to put it. What I didn't know is that love could feel like this. I didn't know that people had a right to be truly happy, to not have to take the bad with the good. Because you, Ash, you don't possess one bad quality. You’re perfect in every way I need. You are my prince and have managed to bring my fairy tale to life. You are all I will ever want or need. I couldn't be happier than I am right now, and I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds for us. I understand there is surely going to be some bad along the way, but with you by my side I can face anything. We can do anything as long as we have each other. Thank you for loving me like you do. I promise, I will love you more than you ever knew a person could. And I will show you just how much for forever."
I barely got it all out without stumbling over my tears. It didn’t help when I saw Ash's eyes fill up either. The priest accepted our vows and after the ‘I do's’ we were announced husband and wife. Ash grabbed me and claimed me as his, right there in front of everyone. That kiss meant everything to me because we both poured every emotion we were feeling into it. I was his wife, he was my husband and we were having a baby. Life does not get any better than this. We turned to the crowd and everyone was standing and applauding. We walked back down the aisle hand in hand, raising them in the air for all to see.
The reception was a blast. It definitely was not what I had always envisioned, being that I couldn’t have a drop of alcohol, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I loved having everyone there. I was grateful that I had nothing to cloud this memory. The venue couldn’t have looked more beautiful. Never would you be able to tell all of this was thrown together last minute. The tables were covered with beige table cloths. Four foot high glass vases were in the center of each, holding flowers that matched the wedding arrangements. Chocolate colored plates and burnt orange napkins that matched the chair ties were the final touch of elegance. I loved it all. Everything was done perfectly, and I will cherish it always. We ate, we danced, and we celebrated.
What did catch me off guard was how much Tony and Kate had in common. They seemed to be spending the bulk of the night talking and dancing. Ash and I both noticed and thought they could work well together. Heather and Jason could not have looked more adorable either. Knowing that it was their turn next brought tears to my eyes. They deserved to have the fairy tale also. Mike wasn’t able to be there because a fight had already been booked, but he called both Ash and me, telling us congratulations. Had we had more time, I know Shawn, Angie, Ashlee, Dave, and Bryan could have been there with us. And I know they would have been if they could. When it came time for Ash and I to dance, I chose Michael Bolton’s "When a man loves a woman." I made it our song after Ash sang it to me. He wasn’t happy about that fact and that people asked him to sing it again for them. He explained that once was enough, which had everyone laughing.
The cake ended up in our faces versus our mouths, but having that much fun was absolutely worth ruining my makeup. And when I slammed it in Ash’s face, it was worth everything. Don’t get me wrong, I ate plenty of cake afterwards. It didn’t all go to waste.
The night ended around eleven o'clock. I was exhausted and ready for bed. Pregnancy and all-nighters do not go hand in hand for me anymore. I was proud of myself for making it through the reception, period. We said thank you to everyone and gave out our hugs and kisses. Then Ash picked me up and carried me to the car.
"Ash, I can walk, you know."
"Princess, I will carry you when I want to carry you. Just let me okay. I love taking care of you and the baby. If you have to carry it, I can carry you both."
"I'm so tired."
"Let me just get you home and in bed. I will rub your feet if you want. Just tell me what I can do and I will do it."
>
"I just need sleep, honey. Can we consummate this tomorrow?"
Ash started to laugh.
"Princess, that baby proves we have been there before. I don't need that tonight. I just need you."
He put me in the car and drove us home. I was out before we left the parking lot. When he pulled into the garage and cut the engine, I stirred but couldn’t wake up completely. He picked me up and carried me to bed. He rolled me on my side to untie the back and get me out of my dress. Once I was free of the contraption and everything required to go under it, I blissfully fell asleep naked next to my husband.
CHAPTER 52
I was twenty weeks into my pregnancy when Ash and I changed our minds and wanted to know the sex of the baby. The ultrasound was scheduled for two o'clock that afternoon, which meant both of us had to take time off. Work had been great about supporting me through all of the events that have transpired stemming from that one trip to Fiji. I wouldn’t change a thing and they know it.
Ash’s school was almost done and the fire house has accepted him full time, pending graduation. Everything seemed to be going perfectly. Heather and Jason were getting married in only twelve more weeks. I was going to be huge by then. I thought bridezilla herself would have been mad at me for ruining the look she was going for, but she had been nothing but supportive.
Tony started pulling away again, which scared the shit out of me, but come to find out, he just had his last scan done and he is still very much in the clear. No cancer detected at all. He said he was just busy with work. I didn’t believe him.
Mike still holds his title. The fight he was in the day after our wedding was close, but he did end up winning. It was just by decision versus knock out or tap out.
I never have heard from Colt. I think about him from time to time. I wonder how he is, if he's met someone, where he lives now. I wonder sometimes what my life would have been like had I said yes to him. What would I be doing right now, in this current moment? I guess I will always feel this way. Love doesn’t ever turn off. Not true love anyway. I wouldn’t change my mind. If I could go back to that day, Ash is still who I am destined to stand beside and who I would have chosen. Questioning life doesn’t mean that you are doubting it.
I heard the garage door open and then the voice that I love to hear, "Hey princess, where are you? We need to get going if we are going to make it there by..."
He came around the corner and found me walking down the stairs.
"My God, woman, you get more beautiful every day."
I beamed a smile at him and said, "Keep them coming, handsome, because pretty soon, I'm not going to believe you anymore."
He reached me by the time I made it to the bottom.
"There will never be a day that I don't think you are the most beautiful being on this planet. Add the fact you’re carrying my baby, makes your beauty untouchable."
"I sure am glad your psycho stalker ways never did scare me away. I kind of like them now."
He scooped me up and said, "Good to hear, Sadie Williams, because you’re stuck with me. Now let’s get you to the doctor. I need to know if there is a mini me or you in there growing like a weed."
"I sure hope it’s a mini you, because this would make one very big girl."
I rubbed my belly as I said it. I firmly believed what I was saying. I felt huge and I was only half way through. I’m sure most first time mothers complain about this very thing, but seriously people, I am huge.
He set me down so he could open the car door for me and said, "I kind of agree with you. Not about the huge part, but definitely about a big boy versus big girl. But if you think about it, princess, no one in either of our families are huge people. I'm sure it is mostly fluid until the baby gets bigger. Then it can fill the space up."
Something about his comment brought me back, back to a time when I heard the same sentence. It just happened to be coming from a very broken man. I can’t believe one simple comment could lead to finding out your child is not yours. Thinking about how attached Ash already is to this baby, five years later what must it have felt like? This baby brought me to a whole new understanding of his pain.
Ash got in the car and then turned to me. "Sadie, are you alright? You got awful quiet on me."
"Sorry, babe, just thinking about the baby."
"That is something I will always understand. I'm so excited. This is going to make the nursery so much easier to do. I can't believe we thought we could wait until the end to find out."
"No kidding, like we could have ever made it that long. Do you have any names you like?"
"Nope, I figured we could wait and see what we are having first."
"Good point. I don't have any either."
We pulled in to the doctor’s office with ten minutes to spare. We walked into the office and were greeted by the receptionist I have known since I was sixteen and put on birth control.
"Hello, Sadie."
"Hi Becca, how are you?"
"I'm great. Ultrasound time, huh?"
"Sure is. Do I wait here or go back?"
"Go on back. You know where it is."
Ash and I walked back to the ultrasound tech’s office. When we got in and closed the door I said, "I can't wait to go pee. I've got to go so bad."
"Then go. I'm sure we have time before she gets here."
"No, that is part of the deal. Full bladder means better pictures."
"This whole process is crazy. If men had to do it, the species of mankind would die off."
"I believe that."
The tech came in and introduced herself to Ash. I've known Jesse also, since I started coming here. She explained that what we were there for really was not about gender, but more about the health of the baby. Measurements of the head and spine determined a lot.
She lifted my shirt and began to squirt a clear gel on my belly. The screen was on, but nothing made sense to me. Ash was by my side and holding my hand. Then she put the wand over the gel. She moved it around for a couple seconds. Staying still in one spot and then moving it to another and pausing. This went on for a while. Jesse normally talks my ear off when I come in so I asked her, "Are you always this quiet when you do this?"
She did not say anything for at least another minute and then what she did say will never be forgotten, "Sadie, I'm sorry. I need to go get the doctor."
She turned to leave, but Ash was up out of his chair and blocking her path to the door.
"Hell no! What's wrong with our baby?"
I was instantly balling.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Williams, but I am a tech. We are not authorized to release any information. We give the results to the doctor and they talk to the patient.” She turned to me and said, “I wish I could say more, Sadie. It is just that something is different than a typical scan. I wish I could tell you more. Now will you please, excuse me?"
I was so devastated that all I could do was scream for my husband. Ash was at my side in seconds telling me to breath. He wouldn’t lie and tell me everything would be okay. He knew just like I did, if something was wrong with our baby, it would never be okay.
The doctor came in the room in a hurry and grabbed the probe thing and placed it on belly.
"Dr. Weiss, please tell us! What is wrong with our baby? Please!"
The doctor turned to us and said, "Well, one of the babies seems to be taking more nutrients than the other one. With a significant size difference, we need to monitor this closely."
"Did you say babies? There is problem with our babies?"
Ash never spoke. His jaw looked like it was going to hit the ground any second.
"Well technically, only one of your babies is in distress. Your son seems to be stealing your daughter’s food. That is the problem."
"A boy and a girl! Wow! So, can this be fixed? Or is she at risk to die?"
"In most cases, nature kicks in and it fixes itself. There are other possibilities, but I'm not going to go there yet and scare you more than you already have been today
. This is fairly common in a set of twins. I wouldn’t worry or stress yourselves about this. I would like to see you back in two weeks. We will keep a close eye on both of them and make sure they get here healthy and strong. Congratulations on the twins, by the way. Oh, and Jesse feels awful for scaring you so badly, but you need to blame me. I made that rule and she would lose her job if she broke it. Too much wrong information can be given if techs start reading scans. Anyway, I will see you in two weeks. Take care of yourself until then."
"Thank you, Dr. Weiss. I will see you then."
He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.
"Holy shit! Holy shit! We are having fucking twins, Sadie! Two babies! Holy shit!"
"Ash, watch your mouth. We are still in a doctor's office. But I totally agree. Everything you said, pretend it just came out of my mouth too."
"A boy and a girl. No wonder you’re growing so fast. Two babies. We are screwed."
"Yes, we are. One for each of us, I guess. That was so scary. I feel so much better after talking to Dr. Weiss. You do know that means God blessed us twice, right?"
Finding Solace Page 44