"Princess, he has blessed me so much more than twice. I have you, don't I? Besides, everything is going to be okay. I just know it. This is the coolest news ever. Twins!"
"That is, if our son doesn't eat our daughter."
"Good point. Let’s go schedule your next appointment."
We got the schedule down for the remainder of the pregnancy. Apparently with twins, it changes everything. It definitely meant I was going to be bigger than a house. Poor Heather. I was going to look just awful by then. On the way home, we turned the Bluetooth on in the car so we both could hear. We called my mom and dad first, then his parents. Kate came next. After her, came Heather, followed by Kaleb and then finally, Tony. Every one of them screamed into the phone. All of them wanted to name them for us. I think they had names lined up before we ever found out. Maybe we should have listened. Probably could have made it easier.
We went out to dinner early because I had worked up an appetite and didn’t feel like still having to cook. I was craving Chinese food, so we hit the buffet in town. Ash held the door for me as I made my way in. No one was there. Maybe five o'clock is early for Chinese? The employee led us to our booth and Ash joked that I wouldn't be sitting in a booth much longer. We were going to have to start sitting at tables because I wouldn't fit. I didn't laugh. I gave my drink order and then went straight for food. I found black pepper chicken and rice. I just needed a couple crab rangoons and I was good to go.
"Sadie, is that you?"
Every fiber of my being wanted to run as fast as I could. I did not even turn around. I continued to make my plate and pretended he wasn’t there.
"Sadie, who knocked you up? If you would have stayed I..."
I couldn’t stop myself. With that comment, I found myself spinning around and saying, "If I would have stayed, you what? You would have been the one? Never, you piece of shit. You’re nothing to me. Nothing but a sad, pathetic, piece of worthless shit that feels the need to beat on girls."
"Sadie, you know that what we had was special. I loved you."
"James, fuck you. You need to just leave me alone."
"Sadie..." And then he hit the floor. I looked over and Ash was shaking out his hand. He looked up at me and said, "I'm guessing that was him?"
"Sure was."
"I have dreamt of being able to do that and it felt great. Let’s get out of here, princess, unless you would like to add a kick or something?"
"No, I'm done with him, but I really did want to eat my food."
"Oh my God! James, what happened? Are you okay? I heard it before I saw her. Cindy was coming out of the bathroom one second, and on the floor with douche bag the next. I couldn't believe it. She was back with him!
"Unbelievable! You two deserve each other. Have a nice life. Ash, I lied, I have no appetite any more. We should go."
We ended up ordering Chinese delivery. Ash went on and on about how great it was to be able to punch James. I went on and on about the fact that Cindy was such a fool. It felt good to confront him finally and say what I always wished I had said before. When the adrenaline wore off, we were back to talking about the babies, plural. Names seemed very important all of a sudden. The only problem was we could not agree. I went to bed that night and had a dream that I had all the Oompa Loompas from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory jumping out of my crotch while giving birth. I think this multiple birth thing scared me more than I thought.
CHAPTER 53
Heather and Jason's wedding day was finally here. I was so excited for her. Her showers and bachelorette party all went smoothly. The rehearsal and the dinner that followed were perfect. Everything fell into place. All of our friends got back in town and I could not wait to see them tonight. I missed them like crazy. In such a little amount of time, so much had changed. We all Facebook, but seeing them in person couldn’t be beaten.
Them seeing me was a different story. I wish I could say I was feeling as beautiful as a matron of honor should. But do you remember me telling you I was going to be as big as a house? I was a true double wide. HUGE! A small framed person like myself, carrying two large babies is not easy. Did you catch that? Both of my babies are healthy and strong. I think my daughter figured out how to fight back. She started depriving him at one point later on. The doctor said that I needed to take it easy in my last trimester due to the fact most twins don’t make it to their full prospected due date.
Ash asked me to consider leaving my job temporarily so I could take better care of myself. I hated the idea of being home with nothing to do and missing my clients and my coworkers. In the end, it just got to be too hard working all day, standing on my feet and trying to reach my client because my babies were in the way. I quit the week before the wedding and I have got to say, sleeping had never felt so good. Well that is, when I was not uncomfortable or getting up to pee.
The nursery was almost finished. We decided to not theme it so much, but to use colors and patterns instead. Chocolate was throughout, but one side was done in pinks, purples and yellows. The other side had blues, greens, and oranges. It sounds awful, but the room is large enough that the space could hold that busy of a color pallet. Each crib was placed parallel to each other in the center of the room. Ash wanted to do something special for them, so he and his dad hand carved the cribs. They are just perfect. I had no idea they could do something like that. Apparently Ash's grandfather was a furniture maker. He taught his son, who taught his son. They made them from maple and stained them dark chocolate. I couldn’t imagine how much they would cost to purchase. The cribs were hands down, my favorite part of the room.
"Sadie? Hello, Sadie?"
I snapped out of it and focused in on the person standing in front of me wearing a wedding gown.
"Sorry, girl. La-la land and I have become great friends."
"Can you put my tiara and veil on me?"
"It would be my pleasure, if I can reach you, that is."
"No kidding. You are fucking huge."
"Heather!"
"I could lie and say I was kidding, but what would be the point. I love you. That's not a lie either."
"Wow. If it weren't your wedding day, I would be really mad at you."
"Sadie, you barely look like you have gained a pound anywhere other than your gigantic belly. And who can fault you there, when you’re carrying not one, but two babies. Stop making me make you feel better on my wedding day. Tell me how pretty I look again."
"You suck. Turn around so I can put this on you."
"Girls, be nice."
"I'm sorry, Megan. We’re just being us. It’s just a different version of nice. I promise."
I turned back to Heather.
"There, you’re done. Tell me if it's where you want it?"
She looked in the mirror and started to cry. "It’s perfect. I look so damn pretty."
"Yes, you do, absolutely perfect. Now stop crying or you will ruin your makeup. Waterproof doesn't mean cry proof. Let’s go see if it’s time to start. I have no idea where either of your parents even went."
"Good idea."
We did eventually find her parents. The ceremony did start on time and Heather did make one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen. Jason looked so handsome, as did Mike and Tony. The purple taffeta gown I had to wear on the other hand, was going to be burned as soon as I was able to take it off. I would have worn whatever she had asked me to though. Being able to witness two of my best friends take on the vows of forever was amazing. I remember a time when she couldn’t even work up the nerve to talk to him. Now they are officially husband and wife. They didn’t choose to write their own vows, but it still brought everyone to tears when it was done.
After the ceremony, we all got on a party bus. Ash and Jeff got to come with us. We drove around everywhere so Heather could get the pictures she wanted. All of them were drinking heavy and having a blast. I didn’t miss drinking as much as I thought I would. I was still having just as much fun. Tony came to sit by me on the bus. He looked a
t me right as I made a face.
"What's the matter?"
"They just move so much now. It’s like they are wrestling in there."
"Can I feel?"
"Of course, you know you don't have to ask me every time. You are one of the Godfathers, for goodness sake."
"What?"
"You heard me right. You, Kaleb, Heather and Kate, we decided that a while ago. That is, if you accept?"
His face was priceless. That smile was worth its weight in gold.
"It would be my honor. Now which one is mine?" He placed his hands on my belly and just as he did, one of them kicked, hard.
"Holy shit, I think this one might play soccer too. That has to suck. I can't imagine feeling that inside me."
"That's why I tell her she's amazing every chance I get. I couldn't do it, that's for sure."
Ash had come over to sit with us. He did tell me both of those things a lot.
"Dude, she's a trooper. There is no doubt in my mind I would be crying like a baby if that happened to my body."
Tony pointed to my belly as he said it. I couldn't help but laugh.
"It’s not that bad, you guys. Besides, it's almost over. The tough part starts when we have two screaming babies at one time."
"No shit. I feel for both of you. Ash, you better not bail on her and make her do it all by herself. I will come over there personally and kick your ass."
"Have I ever given you reason to think I would bail on Sadie, ever?"
"Nope, just making sure you don't start."
He smiled again and continued, "I'm just giving you trouble, man. I think you two are going to make stellar parents. And from what I hear, I get to have some say so also, as Godfather."
Ash looked at me disappointed and then said, "You told him without me?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was supposed to be a ‘tell them together’ kind of thing?"
He looked hurt until the smile took over and he said, "That's okay. I told Kate the other day. She is so excited. She says she wants the boy, as if she gets to pick."
"You told Kate without me?"
Tony started laughing at us both.
"You two crack me up. I personally don't care which one you give me. I will be happy with either one of them."
"Good, because we haven't decided who's getting who yet, we will let you know."
"If I have any pull as the father, I will try to get you the boy."
"Thanks, that would be awesome but I really meant what I said. Having a miniature Sadie would be pretty cool too. I just feel so honored that I was chosen."
I hugged him and said, "You’re part of my family. Now it can just be official." And then I kissed him on the cheek.
The bus came to a stop so I looked to find we were already back at the reception hall. Time just flew by. I could not believe the night was starting.
We all lined up in the hallway waiting for the DJ to announce us. Ash and Jeff went inside to find their seats. Megan and Mike walked in first and then it was mine and Tony’s turn. We got to the table just in time to turn around and watch Heather and Jason Harrison make their entrance. They both looked so happy and in love. Tears came to my eyes again. Life is good.
We ate a delicious dinner. Well, I actually had two plates, but the second one didn’t count because that one was for the babies.
It was time for the toasts. Tony went first and talked about growing up with the brothers and how Jason was always the one with the softest heart. After he found Heather, he knew she was the one. It was so sweet.
I had no idea what I was going to say. Ash had told me to pre write my speech, but like a fool I said I wanted it to come from my heart. This is what I came up with,
“Heather has been my best friend ever since the first day I met her in the tenth grade. She has never been one to settle for anything. She wants what she wants, and she works to get it. And work she did. Months went by of me hearing about Jason. She never would say more than two words to him, but ‘he was going to be hers’ as she would tell me. The night that they finally got it right, I will never forget. That night changed a lot of things for all of us. One night at the bowling alley and Heather snagged her man. They have gone through so much. But still here they are, side by side for the rest of their lives. I'm so proud to call you both my friends. Congratulations, you guys. I love you both."
Everyone clapped and then I went to sit back down. I was shaking from my nerves when I scanned the crowd looking for Ash’s smile to calm me. What I found was not that, my eyes landing right on Colt.
He looked amazing. He always did. He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. I stared a little longer than I probably should have. When my eyes finally found Ash, his smile was gone and he was looking right at where I had been. Shit! Ash knew everything by this point, the proposal and all. I didn’t want to start a life with him based on lies. This night just went to shit. There was no way I could handle both of them in one room. I looked over at Tony and he had apparently caught the whole thing too. His expression was one of caution. I, at that point, just chose to look for my parents. They were sitting with my husband, of course. I made eye contact with my dad and everything was great again. He always could look at me and make everything seem better. I smiled at him and he winked back.
It was time to dance with our wedding partners, so Tony led me out on to the dance floor. When the music started and we began to sway back and forth Tony said, "How are you holding up, pretty girl?"
"Not good. He's here, Tony."
"Did you think he wouldn't come?"
"I guess I just denied it to myself."
"Denial is a tricky thing. What are you thinking right now?"
"Honestly? I want to go talk to Colt. I know I need to talk to Ash first, but I want so bad to talk to him."
"Your right about Ash coming first, I wish I could understand the pull that is between you and Colt. I always felt it. It’s like you guys are magnets. You two always just needed to turn one of them around. Sadie, I have to ask this? Don't lie to me or feel like I am going to judge you, okay? Do you feel like you made a mistake sometimes?"
"No." I didn't have to take a second to even think about that answer.
"I wouldn't change anything other than telling him how I felt back then. Not because of the outcome, but because I hurt myself by keeping it in. I needed him. He helped me so much, Tony. He showed me how to love myself again. Everything that Ash loves me for, is what Colt helped pull back out of me. He means so much to me, whether anyone else can understand that or not."
"I get it. I really do. I watched you grow into the woman you are today. But don't forget, Ash has helped you too. Colt still loves you, Sadie. Just be careful. This could get really ugly."
"I know it can. That's why I need to speak with my husband first."
The song ended and everyone was walking off the dance floor. Tony looked at me one more time and said, "Good luck."
I walked straight over to Ash and asked him if I could talk to him out in the hallway for privacy. He looked at me for a minute and then scooted his chair back and stood. He followed me out into the hall like I asked, but he did not speak to me once while we were getting there. I turned to him and said, "I love you. I chose you. I will always choose you. Do you understand that? Colt is a huge part of my past. You have my whole future. I don't want you to ever doubt my feelings for you. You own my heart."
He stared down at me and said, "I hate him. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. You left me for him twice. I know the first time was so you could be there for him with everything he went through. I get that. He needed you. But it doesn't take away the fact that you cut me off, for him. The second time you never left, but you doubted us. He rocked you enough that it created doubt. I have never once doubted you. Not once did I think about leaving you. Can you understand that? It hurt, Sadie. And he's fucking here! I saw the way you looked at him. How am I supposed to feel?"
It hit me like
a ton of bricks. I never thought about it before. How selfish am I to not have? I hurt him.
"I'm so sorry. You have to believe me when I tell you that. I never want you to feel hurt, especially by me. And what I am about to say probably isn't going to make you feel any better. I need to talk to him, Ash. I need to do it. I promise you, there is no doubt left in me. I am yours. Look at me. I am all yours. He was a friend to me too. I haven't seen or spoken to him since that day. I have to do this. Please, have faith and trust in me. Love me enough to let me do this for myself. I won't, if you put your foot down. I would hope if the situation were reversed, you would give me the same respect. But I need this. Please."
He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. It was not the easiest thing to hug me anymore. I missed them. He lifted my chin and said, "Go. I hate it, but I understand. You have all my faith and trust. Don't ever think you don't. Come find me when you’re done. I love you, princess." He kissed me and then walked back into the reception.
I walked back in, but this time I went over to all of my friends. Bryan had brought Marissa as his date. She was beautiful. Every time I saw her, she grew more and more into her features. She could be a model, there is no question. Bryan looked the same, cute as ever. Shawn and Ashlee were there and still going strong. In fact, Shawn planned to propose on their next anniversary. I was so happy for them. Dave and Angie finally gave up on the independent thing. She moved to Huntington Beach to join Dave last month. They all looked so tan and healthy. Everyone could not believe how big I was in person. That was all they seemed to be able to talk about. I told them that two means bigger than one and to leave me alone. Every one of them was shit faced already and heading out on the dance floor to find Jason and Heather. That left one person, the one sitting directly across the table from me. He looked over at me and said, "Care to take a walk?"
"I would love to, if you don't mind that I waddle more than walk these days."
"I don't mind a bit. Let’s go, beautiful."
I followed him outside. The air actually felt good on my skin. It was getting very hot inside. At least to me it was. I seemed to be hot anywhere regardless.
Finding Solace Page 45