No End to Love: A Love in Spring Novel

by Roberta Capizzi

  “Have you always wanted to be a sheriff?”

  Adam laughed, as he shook his head. “I took the job as deputy only when I moved out of my parents’ place and needed a regular income to support Sophie. After what happened with Hannah, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a cop anymore, but the job was there, and I didn’t know what else to do with my life, so I took it.”

  “You were a police officer?”

  Adam nodded. “I was a Seattle PD rookie, before I moved back here. Even though my dream was to be a P.I.”

  “A private investigator? Really?” The surprise in her voice coupled with the amusement in her eyes made him wonder why he’d mentioned it at all. After all, it had been nothing but a silly childhood dream, but apparently she had the ability to make him say things he didn’t want to.

  “I wanted to be like Magnum—Ferrari, mustache, Hawaiian shirts, and all.”

  Ellie stared at him with wide eyes, and he grinned at her stunned expression. She quirked an eyebrow, and her eyes narrowed just a little. “And I bet you wanted the girls, too.”

  “Busted.” He chuckled. “No, seriously, I was in awe of Magnum. I watched every single rerun, and I thought being a P.I. would be cool. So I went to college in Seattle, studied criminal justice and started gathering information on the business. Until Hannah introduced me to her friend’s boyfriend, who was a cop. He told me if I joined the police, I’d eventually be able to apply to become a detective. Hannah loved the idea of seeing me in a blue uniform, and I would have done basically anything that made her happy. So I finished my senior year in college, graduated and joined the police academy in Seattle.”

  A smile tugged at his lips at the memory of the first day Hannah had seen him in his Seattle PD uniform—and how it had ended up on the floor ten minutes later. His heart gave a painful squeeze. When would the memories stop hurting so much? He wished he could think of his wife and all the happy moments they’d spent together without feeling his heart being twisted in his chest every single time. He wanted to be able to reminisce without his throat constricting and tears threatening to spill.

  “Have you ever thought about going back to your initial plan?”

  Ellie’s soft voice brought him back to the present, and he focused on the here and now. Sophie was sliding down the yellow slide, giggling and squealing every time she reached the ground, while Sammy followed her like a loyal puppy. Funny, he used to follow Hannah around just like that when they were Sophie and Sammy’s age.

  “Not after Sophie was born, no. I needed something that would bring in a paycheck every month, and being a P.I., as exciting as it would be, wouldn’t do that.”

  He shrugged. As much as it had hurt him to put his dream aside at the time, it didn’t hurt so much anymore. Maybe because he was older now, or maybe because his only priority was his daughter, and her happiness always came first. Being a P.I. didn’t sound as appealing as it used to when he was a child dreaming of being just like Magnum.

  “Well, you could always wear Hawaiian shirts and lose the beard for a mustache instead.”

  At that, he laughed. The sound was so unfamiliar to his ears that for a moment he thought it hadn’t come from him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed, but he was sure it hadn’t happened since Hannah died.

  “Yeah, I should probably shave. The other day when I kissed her cheek Sophie complained that my face was prickly.” He scratched his cheek out of habit and realized that maybe it really was time. After Hannah died he hadn’t bothered shaving for weeks, and afterward he’d just liked the look and worked on keeping it well groomed. “I swear that little girl doesn’t know how to keep anything inside. Whatever she thinks, she says it. I guess I should work harder on fixing that, too.”

  “That’s one of the things I love most about working with kids. They’re straightforward and never lie about their feelings. I wish they’d never grow out of that phase. The world would be a much better place if adults knew how to be honest.”

  “Uh-oh. I sense a little hostility here. Whose face should I punch?”

  He’d meant it as a joke, but the thought of someone hurting her had made his protective instincts kick in. Obviously, it was only because he was a good neighbor and an old-fashioned gentleman with a hero complex. Not because he wanted to be her hero.

  Yeah, right.

  Ellie laughed. “Nah, don’t worry, Sheriff. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much.”

  Was that a note of disillusionment he heard in her words? What had happened to her? Who had turned her into this I-don’t-need-your-help kind of woman? And why did he care anyway?

  “Daddy, push me!” Sophie shouted from the swing set, bringing his attention back to where it should have been all along: his daughter. He’d been so focused on Ellie and their conversation—well, more on her than on the actual conversation—that he’d forgotten to keep an eye on the kids, make sure they didn’t hurt themselves. God, what kind of father was he? Hannah would kill him in his sleep if he let anything happen to their daughter. And so would his parents and Hannah’s family.

  He jogged over to where Sophie was dangling her legs, trying to push herself even though she couldn’t reach the sandy ground. The vision brought a smile to his face, and he wished Hannah could be there to see how cute their daughter had become. Ellie walked around him to the other swing and helped Sammy up, then went behind the little boy and pushed him.

  “Daddy, push me!” Sophie’s tone was annoyed now, and she had every right to be, since her father was acting like an idiot, forgetting who was the most important person in his life, the one who needed all of his attention.

  “Hold on tight, baby girl, you’re about to fly.”

  Squeals filled the air as the swing went high. Not as high as he and his brothers used to push themselves, because there was no way he’d let his daughter do the reckless things he’d done back when he was a kid, but high enough for Sophie to giggle and shout at Ellie that she was flying like a fairy.

  “Push me higher: I want to weach Mommy up in the clouds!”

  Adam could swear his heart stopped beating for five long, painful seconds. He stood with his mouth open and his arms at his sides, as his vision blurred. A moment later, the swing hit him straight in the gut, knocking the air out of him, along with the remaining shards of his heart.

  “Oh gosh, are you all right?” Ellie stopped Sammy’s swing and reached for him, stopping Sophie’s swing too before it hit him again. He straightened up and massaged his stomach.

  “Yeah, I’m okay. It didn’t hurt much.” He put on a fake smile he hoped would look genuine to her. Sophie’s words had hurt him way more than the swing seat. If only it were that easy to reach Hannah, he’d rent a charter plane and fly high up in the clouds, just to hold her in his arms again, to see her beautiful smile and stroke her soft curls one more time. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like, and he hated it. He hated himself.

  It should’ve been Hannah pushing Sophie on the swing. It should’ve been his wife rushing to him when the swing hit him, not his neighbor. Not his daughter’s teacher. How could he do this to her? She’d died to protect him. She’d died because of him. And he’d been spending the day with another woman, playing happy families, and forgetting, if only for a few short moments, his loving wife. He’d been laughing with another woman, letting her get close to his daughter—to their daughter.

  “I think we should get going.” His tone came out harsher than he’d intended, but right now he felt as if that blow had put things back in perspective. All he wanted to do was go home and forget this day had ever happened. He had to focus on Sophie, he had to be the best dad for his little girl. He had to find the man who’d gotten away and lock him in a cell… not before he’d given him a black eye and a split lip, though.

  Ellie nodded and helped Sammy off the swing seat. Adam saw the way her forehead had creased just slightly at his rough tone, and he felt horrible. Actually, he felt like a jerk, bu
t whatever. He wasn’t trying to impress her anyway.

  “I want to try to avoid the weekenders, get home before the rush hour starts.”

  He picked up a grumbly Sophie, who wanted to stay a little longer. He wouldn’t surrender to her whining this time, though. Once they were back in the car, after a little more complaining, Sophie fell asleep, and when he looked in the rear-view mirror, he saw that Sammy had nodded off, too.

  Uncomfortable with the sudden silence, he switched on the radio, letting country music fill the car. Whether Ellie was tired, or understood he wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, he was grateful she didn’t push him into a futile conversation he just wasn’t in the mood for. Once he was home, safe in his beach cottage, he knew he’d be able to put this day, and the crazy feelings he’d experienced, behind him. He needed to, if he wanted to keep sane.

  Chapter Fourteen

  After the trip to Cape Arago, Adam pulled back so suddenly Ellie nearly got whiplash from the change in his attitude. Not that they’d had anything going on before that day, but he’d never dropped Sophie off at school or picked her up in the afternoon without stopping to chat a little with Ellie. Two weeks into this new routine, where Adam barely said hello and goodbye, looking like he couldn’t get out of Spring Bunnies fast enough, Ellie wondered whether she should talk to him and ask what was wrong. She didn’t think it had been her fault, but maybe she’d inadvertently said something that had annoyed him or, worse even, that had given him a hint of her inappropriate thoughts.

  “Hey, Ellie. Good to find you here. I meant to call you.” Jared sat down at her table in Spring Delights, a to-go cup of steaming brew in his right hand and a cinnamon roll in his left. No surprise there. “Mind if I take a seat?”

  Ellie smiled. She could use a little company and a distraction from the silly musings about a certain deputy sheriff she couldn’t stop thinking about. Stupid woman.

  “I haven’t heard from you about the new article yet, so I wanted to make sure you’re still on board.”

  With all that had been going on in her mind, she’d totally forgotten about the article she was supposed to deliver to Jared in time for next week’s edition.

  “I’m sorry, I’ve just been, uh… busy.” She took a sip of her cinnamon latte to swallow her lie, but it didn’t make her feel less guilty. Jared and Lauren had been her friends from the very first minute they’d met her, and she’d promised she’d contribute regularly to Jared’s newspaper. Instead, she got all caught up in a man who was off-limits and forgot everyone else.

  “You know you’re free to pick the topic you want to write about, right? I mean if you’re not comfortable with the option I gave you, we can totally change it. No one besides the two of us will know.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, maybe we could brainstorm while you’re here, and come up with something. I think I’m having writer’s block or something.”

  He bit off half of the cinnamon roll and munched slowly for a couple of seconds, looking lost in thought, then turned his attention back to her.

  “How about an article with tips for single parents? Since you live right next door to Adam?”

  Her throat constricted at the mention of his name, to the point she nearly couldn’t swallow the latte she’d just sipped. Jared seemed oblivious to her reaction and sat up straighter, holding on to his to-go cup.

  “I could totally see this becoming a regular column, especially once the online version is up and running. There are lots of single, divorced or widowed parents. I think a few tips from an expert would help them a lot.” He nodded and his smile grew wider, as if he were mentally commending himself. “You could ask Adam about his life as a single dad, his struggles, his routine… you know, stuff like that.”

  The last thing Ellie wanted was to interview Adam. Spending one-on-one time with him was out of the question, especially since he didn’t seem to want to be in the same room with her for more than two-point-five minutes tops. How was she going to get herself out of this mess, without Jared realizing why she didn’t want to do it?

  He stared at her over the rim of his glasses, which had slid slightly down his nose. Heat crept up from her neck, and her heart bounced in her chest. She’d never been good at lying, and right now she felt like she was being interrogated and she didn’t know how to get away with her crime.

  “Well, you shouldn’t be so over-enthusiastic about my proposal.” He tilted his head to the right and winked. He adjusted his glasses with the tip of his finger, then tilted his head to the other side.

  She smiled. “No, I think it’s a good idea. It’s only that... well, I think Adam’s been a little busy lately. I haven’t seen much of him, except when he drops Sophie at school. I wouldn’t want to steal his free time with his daughter, on top of everything else.”

  “Maybe he’s working on some new project with his grandpa. He could totally have a career outside the force if he wanted. But he likes being a super hero.” Jared shrugged, taking a sip from his cup, and grimaced when he scalded his tongue. “Must have something to do with the men in uniform charm you ladies are so fond of.”

  “I was an Army brat, with a brother who’s currently in Afghanistan. I’ve seen enough uniforms to last for a lifetime and beyond, thank you very much.”

  Jared grinned. “Hey, that’s cool. You could write an article about how to make things work when one or both parents are in the military?”

  Ellie scrunched her nose. “That topic is a little too tough for a newbie like me. I’d need more time to write something worth publishing.” She rested her chin on her propped hand and chewed her lip, thinking. “How about something a little more cheerful for this article? I don’t know, maybe since Halloween is only two weeks away, I could write something about that?”

  “Like, ‘How to carve a pumpkin with your munchkin’?”

  Ellie laughed. “Yeah, that sounds fun. I’ll see if I can jot down some ideas tonight.”

  “Great.” He wolfed down the cinnamon roll right as Ellie finished the last sip of her latte. “I’d better get going now. Don’t want to keep my minions waiting.”

  “Your minions?” Ellie quirked an eyebrow, and Jared gave her a mischievous grin as he stood up.

  “The kids at school. They’re staying overtime today to finish a project for the blog. I promised I’d bring cookies.”

  She followed Jared outside, where they parted ways. Then she got on her bike and rode down Cypress Road to the marina, where she stopped to buy fresh cod to make fish and chips for dinner.

  Two hours later, as she sat at her table and took her first bite of the food, her taste buds reminded her of the last time she’d had fish and chips, and her stomach twisted. She remembered sitting across from Adam, laughing as Sophie spoke with her mouth full while he tried to teach her to swallow first, watching Sammy eat quietly but with the appetite of a three-year-old, and thinking it felt a lot like they were a happy family of four on a day trip—and for a moment there, she’d wished it was real.

  She tried to erase those memories and the feelings that were connected to that day, but with every bite she was reminded of something that had happened, an expression on Adam’s face, a funny thing Sophie had said, a twinkle in Sammy’s eyes that was worth more than a thousand words of appreciation.

  She’d thought she was over her dream of having her own family, with her own happily-ever-after, but spending a day with her handsome neighbor and two adorable kids had crushed all of her certainties.

  Maybe her heart still wanted to believe the fairy tale, after all. But her mind didn’t want to. She didn’t need to depend on a man for a happy life. She didn’t want to, period.

  Once she was finished eating and had tidied up, she picked up her laptop and walked out onto the back porch, where she hoped the cool night air would clear her mind.

  * * *

  Adam walked through the French door of the kitchen onto the back porch, with a bottle of chilled beer in his hand. He’d received a call from Mendosa
today. He was risking his job sharing information with Adam, but besides being his former partner, Xavier Mendosa was a friend. A loyal buddy who’d helped him to his feet and kept him up straight when the paramedics had loaded Hannah’s lifeless body into the ambulance, in a black body bag that had haunted his nights for weeks. Xavier had understood, even when Adam’s captain and his parents hadn’t, how vital finding the man with the knife was for Adam. He’d risked his career back then, and he was risking it again now, just to give Adam the peace of mind Xavier said he deserved.

  The call had left a bad taste in Adam’s mouth, though. The lead they’d had only a couple of months before was now a dead-end. The man had disappeared from the police radar, and even though the detectives had been asking around, they hadn’t been able to find him. He’d probably left Seattle, and unless he came back and started dealing drugs again, Xavier would have no way of helping Adam. Wherever the man had gone, it was out of Seattle PD jurisdiction—out of Xavier’s hands. Adam would have to do some digging of his own now, and he’d intended to do it tonight, if only Sophie had agreed to go to bed at a decent time, like he’d planned.

  Now he was too worn out to concentrate on a case that had been eating at him for three years. He just needed a little thinking time before going to bed.

  He plopped himself down on the Adirondack, leaned his head against the hard wood and took a long pull from the bottle.

  “Tough day?” A familiar voice coming from his left made him choke on his Guinness, and the lilting laughter that followed showed him she’d noticed his reaction. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”