by Joyee Flynn
“Gavin! What’s wrong? You’re scaring me,” Ant screeched as he leapt off the bed. I could only see him in frames, like part of the movie reel was missing. Then suddenly, he was kneeling in between my legs that I had pulled up to my chest and cupping my face with his hands. “Baby, talk to me. Please! What just happened, Gavin?”
“I’ve become my father,” I whispered so quietly I could barely hear myself over my racing heart. “I think I’m having a panic attack.”
“Focus on me, baby. I’m right here, okay?” Ant took my right hand and removed it from my chest before placing it on his own. “Feel my heartbeat, Gavin. See how my chest rises slowly with deep breaths?”
I nodded rapidly as I focused on him. Ant took several deep, slow breaths as I tried to mimic what he was doing. It felt like hours, even though I knew it had been only minutes, before my heart slowed down and my breathing returned to normal. Finally, the spots in my vision cleared, and I could see his intense blue eyes focused on me.
“You are not like him,” Ant said firmly. He covered my lips with his free hand when I went to tell him otherwise. “The man I met in Scotland was full of hate. His eyes were dull from years of unhappiness, and he didn’t give a flying fuck about what his only son wanted, or your happiness. You are not that man, Gavin.”
“How do you know?” I asked desperately, feeling as if I could crack any second if he didn’t bring me back from the abyss I was about to fall into. “I didn’t even know where your mating seal was.”
“Because you held my hand on the plane,” Ant answered as he ran his knuckles over my cheek. “Because you brought me flowers, and have been trying since you know that I needed more affection than you’re used to. Because you admitted you were wrong about what happened with Marv and said you were sorry, Gavin.”
“I don’t want to be him,” I gasped as the panic seeped back.
“I won’t ever let you.”
“Promise?”
“I promise, baby,” he said firmly with a nod. Ant brushed his lips over mine before leaning back to stare into my eyes. “You just need someone to show you what love is. Let me show you, Gavin. Say I can make love to you in our bed and give yourself to me completely. Please? I want to show you how great it can be.”
“Okay,” I breathed out as I started to shake. “I’ve never been a bottom before though.”
“Don’t worry, I have.” Ant winked as he stood up and held out his hand to me.
I knew this was one of those moments I would never forget. The choice was there for me to make. Either I could trust Ant and let him help me, or I could go at it alone and risk ending up like my dad. It wasn’t a hard decision when I realized that’s what was going on. I slid my hand into his and stood up, taking the biggest leap of faith in my life.
“I’ve topped before, too, so you don’t have to worry about me hurting you,” Ant said gently as he led me back to bed. I nodded as he pulled me to sit down and then tapped my hip so I’d scoot to the center of the bed. My entire body shook with nerves from allowing someone to take me in the aftereffects of my panic attack. Could I really do this?
When Ant turned to look at me and had such love in his eyes after grabbing the lube, I knew my answer. Yes. Yes, I wanted this with him. Yes, I wanted to love him. And yes, I wanted us to share everything and be true mates.
Ant smiled softly as he moved so he was sitting on his feet by my hip. I watched with equal parts desire and apprehension as he poured a liberal amount of slick on his fingers before closing the bottle and dropping it by my ass. He leaned down and gently grazed my lips with his.
“It’s very erotic to stretch your lover,” he said as he kissed along my jaw and up to my ear. I felt the fingers of his right hand rub the cool lube over my hole as his left hand rested on the bed by my ribs. “Knowing that your pleasure is entirely up to me is more thrilling, and gives me a better high, than any drug.”
“Before you, I never cared if my sex partners got off. I always figured if they wanted to have sex with me that they’d be ready,” I admitted sheepishly.
“Well, that is in the past.” Ant nibbled on my ear, and I heard a sound come out of my mouth I’d never made before. I whimpered. I wanted this. “Push out while I push in.”
“Okay,” I gasped as I felt the pad of his finger start to breach me. He had small fingers given his height, so there wasn’t the burning I’d read about. But it was weird. Part of me wanted to scream, get it out, that’s not supposed to go there. And then I realized the other part of me wanted him to hurry up and show me everything.
Ant placed soft kisses on my shoulder as he whispered words of encouragement. He circled his finger inside of me, trying to stretch me out while keeping me distracted with his sweet lips.
“Give me more and kiss me,” I begged as I reached up to thread my fingers through his hair.
“That, my mate, is something you’ll never have to ask twice for,” he whispered and lowered his head down to mine. The kiss was so tender that I felt the last of my nerves slip away. His tongue ran over the seam of my lips as he slid a second finger in me. It was then that I started to like this. Sure, there was nothing like a tight hole surrounding my cock, but this was a nice change and something I’d like to explore more in the future.
Ant nibbled on my lower lip before sweeping his tongue inside of my mouth. He was being so gentle with me that I felt a stab in my heart for the way I’d treated him in bed. Swearing I’d do better, be worthy of him, I pushed those feelings away and focused on the now.
When he pushed a third finger in, I was more than ready for more and wanted his cock inside of me. I gave another whimper, not caring about my ego at the moment, and he took pity on me.
“I don’t want to hurt you, baby,” he said as he cupped my cheek.
“You won’t ever hurt me, Ant,” I replied, shocking myself as much as him. But it was the truth, and I knew it in my very soul. Ant quickly snapped his mouth shut and gave me a nod. I moaned as he pulled his fingers out, feeling empty. He moved in between my legs and pushed them up toward my stomach.
“I’m going to make you feel so good,” he cooed as he lined up his cock with my hole. I gasped at the pressure against me, a sudden panic surging through me when I realized this was really going to happen. “Breathe, Gavin.”
I let out a deep shuddering breath as he pushed in. There was a slight burn, but nothing major as he passed the first ring. He froze as he allowed my body to adjust to the intrusion. When I realized he was waiting for me to give him a sign to continue, I nodded rapidly.
Ant smiled and ran his hand over my thigh as he thrust in slowly. We stared at each other as he worked his cock in me. It took a few minutes, but then he bottomed out inside of me, his balls resting against my ass.
“How you do feel, Gavin?” he asked as he moved my legs to circle his hips. “Do you feel cherished?”
“Yes,” I whispered as my eyes blurred with tears before I blinked them away. “I feel as if I’m giving you my soul instead of just my ass.”
“Can you tell how I feel about you right now?” Ant leaned over me, moving his forearms under my shoulders as his lips brushed mine.
“I-I mean a lot to you,” I blurted out when I realized what it was I saw in his eyes. “You’re mine.”
“I am,” he agreed as he started to move his hips. The burn turned into delicious pleasure like I’d never experienced before. “Just as you are mine. You are mine, right, Gavin?”
“Yes, yes, I’m only yours, Ant,” I gasped as his cock rubbed over my sweet spot. I tilted my head up to kiss him as we wrapped tighter around each other. “I’ve never felt that I mattered as much to someone as I do right now.”
“You do matter to me,” he replied, still moving his hips in a slow, gentle pace. “I’m starting to fall for you, Gavin. I lusted after you for years, but even after everything that’s happened, I find you’re becoming part of my heart.”
“I want to be better for you. I want to be the man
you deserve, Ant,” I admitted as my face heated up with embarrassment. “Is that the same thing?”
“Yeah, it is.” Ant smiled before mashing his mouth down to mine. I immediately opened for him and I rocked my hips up to meet his thrusts. We started to move a little faster and a little harder, but nothing like the quick fucking I was used to. There was nothing left to be said after that, as we made love to each other’s mouths just as we did our bodies.
I never wanted this connection, this close feeling to end. But like all good things… I felt the slow buildup of my orgasm. It wasn’t the quick slam I was used to when I came, though just as intense. When I finally let go and stopped fighting it, I threw back my head and cried out his name.
Ant thrust forward a few more times before slamming deep into me and moaning loudly. His cock exploded inside of me, coating the inner walls of me with his seed. And I knew he had given me more than his orgasm. Ant gave me all of him in that moment, and I would cherish and protect that with the very fiber of my being.
I was still panting from my climax as his ebbed, and he collapsed on my chest. We lay there for several minutes, trading soft kisses on the skin we could reach while caressing each other.
“So that was making love?” I asked, unable to think of anything else to say. I wanted to roll my eyes and smack myself in the head. But then of course, I let more stupidity pour out of my mouth. “We can still have hot, sweaty monkey sex though, right?”
“Yes and yes.” Ant giggled as he nuzzled his face in my neck. “I vote for lots of both, personally.”
“Yeah, I could get on board with that.” I chuckled and kissed his neck. “Will you let me take care of you now?”
“What do you mean?” He leaned up and started down me as he scrunched up his nose in that cute way he had. How did I not realize he was a mouse shifter before he told me?
“I know you’ve got that massive tub in the bathroom,” I answered hesitantly. I was on treading on new ground, and after over a century of living, old habits were hard to break. “I thought maybe you’d let me draw a bath for us, and I could wash you. Or is that stupid?”
“No, it sounds perfect,” he groaned as a smile broke out on his face. “Very tender and considerate of you, especially after my hospital visit today.”
“Oh fuck,” I gasped and sat up while making to hold onto him so he didn’t get tossed off of me. “Are you okay? Should we have just done that? I mean—”
“Gavin, it’s fine,” Ant chuckled as he cut me off. “I’m a little tender, but you know how fast we heal.”
“Okay, good,” I sighed with relief. I moved him so he was in my arms as I scooted to the side of the bed and stood. It took me a few minutes, but then I had the bath drawn while Ant waited on the counter, ready to go. I went back for him, carried him there, and sat us down.
“Oh yeah, this is what I needed,” he moaned and settled back against my chest as he sat between my legs. I loved the big garden tub he had, complete with pulsating jets. I’d never admitted it before, but I was a bath man when I needed to relax.
“Will you tell me about your family and pack?” I asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. Now that I knew Ant was it for me, and accepted it, I wanted to know everything about him.
“Sure, but we’re really not a pack. A group of mice are a mischief. Most of us say pack to other shifters because it’s easier and a much more widely known name. I’ve told a few shifters that about my mischief, and they just look at me like I’ve got six heads, so I say pack.”
“Boy, aren’t you just teaching me a ton of new things today,” I chuckled and kissed his neck.
“I try,” he snickered and wrapped his arms around mine. “I’m an only child, too.”
“What about your parents?”
“Some people just shouldn’t be parents,” he sighed.
“They didn’t hurt you ever, did they?” I asked hesitantly. If Ant had been abused by a past lover and his parents, I was going to beat them all bloody. Well, I still might for the ex-boyfriend, anyway.
“Physically? No,” he answered softly. “They just ignored me. My parents were so wrapped up in each other that I was just in the way mostly. My earliest memories were of my nanny, Rita. I very rarely even saw my parents. They both come from a long line of rich shifters and lived off their trust funds and the money from their savings. And they hated when I called them mom or dad. I always called them by their first names the few times I saw them.”
“That sucks,” I replied, not sure what else to say. How horrible to be so invisible to the people who were supposed to love you the most. I almost laughed at how much I’d grown up on the other end of the spectrum. My father focused too much on me as he groomed me from a small cub to take over the pride.
“I don’t think they ever remembered my birthday or were home for it. I grew up with Rita and a slew of tutors. Then when I was eighteen, they mailed me a note saying it was time to move out and make my own way in the world. At least they gave me my inheritance from my grandparents. But I’d been secluded in that house. I knew nothing of the outside world.”
“What did you do?”
“I had a house built and worked in a bakery in town to occupy my time. You have to remember this was the 1700s. As time went on, I learned how to start over in another town after a decade or more so that no one realized that I’d stopped aging after twenty-five. I kept up with my schooling here and there when I found a new area of study that interested me, but mostly kept to myself.
“I eventually came back this way when humans found out about us since it was my home mischief. I see my parents sometimes at functions, but they don’t really even acknowledge me. They were there in Scotland and didn’t even bother saying hi when I went over to them.”
“How did you get into gaming?” I reached over to grab the soap and a washcloth. Getting it good and sudsed up, I started washing him.
“I saw an Atari in a store when it first came out and was fascinated by it,” he shrugged. “After that, it became a passion of mine. When the industry blew up with Nintendo and then Sega, I started entering tournaments. And you know how the gaming world progressed from there. When the right people found out how good I was about a little over a decade ago, I had companies start to approach me about testing games for them. The rest is history. What about you?”
“I told you my mom left when I was five,” I hedged, not sure how much I wanted to tell him without sounding like I was whining. I took a deep breath and just went for it. “But she said it was because of me, or at least that’s what my dad told me. After she took off, he became the horrid man he is now. All he cared about was growing the pride to be the strongest, and grooming me to take over.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a great childhood.”
“Right?” I snickered and relaxed. Why had I worried that Ant would judge me when I knew he wasn’t like that? “I was a late shifter. I didn’t have my first one until I was almost seventeen, and even then it was bad. It took me hours to shift. And with lions you do it in front of the whole pride. If you do fine, they welcome you into the pride as an adult and everyone’s happy. But we both know that not everyone survives their first shift.”
“I was pretty lucky with my first shift,” Ant said as he turned over so I could wash the other side of him.
“With lions, if you have a really bad shift or seem lame and weak, the pride kills you.”
“Holy shit!” Ant exclaimed as he moved up onto his knees. “That’s horrible.”
“Yeah, but was our way of life,” I sighed, hating that I had to admit how cold lions could be to my sweet mate. “It’s different now with UPAC and humans knowing about us. But back then, it was how things were done.”
“What happened?” he asked and took the rag from me. I settled back against the tub, smiling as my mate turned to take care of me, probably without even having realized it.
“I guess I bordered on being considered lame.” I shrugged as he washed my shoulders and
chest. Even though the topic was a depressing one, my cock took notice at the attention he was giving me. “My father and grandma got everyone to agree to wait until my next shift to see if I did better before forcing a decision.
“The pride agreed and left, but we stayed behind and my father beat the shit out of me. I was in so much pain and knew fighting back would just make it worse. After he walked away and left me there bleeding, my grandma got me back to her house somehow. The next morning she gave me a sack of money and told me to run. So I did.”
“But you’re back with them now?”
“Once I knew I was strong enough to stand up to my dad in human or lion form, I came home. It was the only pride I’d ever known, and I was tired of living alone, looking over my shoulder all of the time. I still don’t do much with the pride since a lot of them who were alive for my first shift treat me like crap. But it’s still better than not having any support from other shifters or friends.”
“I can understand that,” he said with a nod.
I was officially done with our sad topic choices. When I thought we were clean enough and the water started to get cold, I stood up as I cupped Ant’s ass in my hands. He gave the cutest squeak and wrapped himself around me.
“I guess we’re done?” Ant’s eyes sparkled with lust as I nodded and stepped out of the tub. “How about some hot monkey sex then?”
“Music to my ears,” I moaned and sprinted for the bed. I didn’t even bother pulling the drain for the tub in my haste. We could get to that later. Right now, I planned on enjoying the mate I was falling in love with.
Chapter 6
The next morning Ant was still asleep when I snuck out of bed. I left him a quick note saying I had to pick up something from the office, but I would be home in time for the interviews. Cheryl had emailed me last night saying she lined up several candidates for the PA position. The great thing about Cheryl was that she was part of the pride, so I never had to hide from her.