A Kiss in the Dark

by Sotia Lazu

  However much she tried, she couldn’t make sense of it. He was the only one who could provide answers. Gathering her wits, she dashed for the door. She had her hand on the doorknob, when she realized she was about to burst out on the dorm’s main corridor topless.

  By the time she was dressed and out of her room, Nate was nowhere to be seen.

  Chapter Twelve

  She contemplated calling Bill and asking for Nate’s address or phone number but decided against it. Think first. What would she ask Nate? Why he kissed her during the blackout? If he were willing to answer that, he wouldn’t have run out of here as if chased by hellhounds.

  Sleep on it was the way to go, she decided.

  It would be a good plan too, if she managed to get some sleep, instead of tossing and turning for hours. Her mind ignored her better judgment and scanned through all her meetings with Nate on a loop, trying to make sense of tonight’s revelation.

  He’d seemed to despise her from day one, and yet his lips had been so infinitely gentle against hers. He kept insulting her but jumped to her defense and got a torn cheekbone for his trouble. He mocked her mercilessly for a year, then told her she was worth much more than what she wasted herself on.

  And then he kissed her again and ran.

  There was one explanation that made sense to her at three in the morning—he wanted to drive her crazy. He sent her so many mixed signals, there was no way to take him seriously and avoid going cuckoo.

  It was disturbing that she took him seriously.

  Another couple of failed attempts at sleep later, Eliza sat up in bed and reached for her phone on the nightstand. She dialed a number she hated knowing by heart and waited for the person on the other end to pick up.

  It took seven rings for Troy’s groggy voice to say, “Hello?”

  “What’s wrong with you and your buddy? Better yet, don’t tell me. Whatever fucked up plan you have, you’d better quit it. Now.” She barked the last word.

  “What? Huh? Who is this?”

  When they were still dating, she’d have found his confusion adorable. Now it bugged her. She rolled her eyes. “It’s Eliza, you dick.”

  “Eliza?” He sounded incredulous. “Are you crazy? What time is it?”

  “I don’t know, and I don’t care.” She huffed. “And I’m not crazy.”

  “No. No, you’re not. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” He suddenly sounded awake, panic evident in his voice.

  His panic was not her business. She didn’t care. “Whatever. Will you and Nate cut the crap?”

  “I don’t know what—”

  “You know perfectly well what. Nate, acting all civil and gallant toward me lately.” She didn’t know why she didn’t mention the kiss. Kisses—plural. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but stop it. This is my last warning.”

  “Nothing. We’re playing at nothing, Eliza. Please believe me. I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about.” He sounded near tears. “Have you talked to anyone about your… suspicions?”

  “No.” Eliza frowned. Was she missing something? She hurt him when her knee connected to his groin all that time ago, but she didn’t think he’d be intimidated by her.

  “Please don’t tell anyone. Please.”

  “Um, okay. But you owe me.” She was missing something but let it slide, since it seemed to be working in her favor.

  “Sure.” His eagerness would be heartwarming if she didn’t despise him like the worm that he was.

  She hung up feeling more perplexed than before. Great. Now another mystery floated around her head. Why did Troy act so weird? He sounded afraid—so much so, she was convinced he wasn’t in on what Nate was doing.

  She flipped onto her stomach, wondering if all the males she knew had been taken over by aliens.

  She was still awake when Krista tiptoed into the bedroom a bit after five in the morning. Eliza flipped on the light switch, and Krista let out a yelp.

  “Have a good night?” Eliza grinned, arms crossed over her chest.

  “Uh huh.”

  “Glad it was good for one of us.”

  Krista rolled her eyes. “What did Cal do? And is it the stay-up-all-night-talking stuff? ’Cause if so, I need coffee.”

  “Get coffee.”

  “O-kay.” Krista dropped her shoulder bag, kicked off her sandals, and made a cup of instant coffee on the small kitchenette the two shared. She came back and sat on Eliza’s bed. “How was the party?”

  “You’re not going to believe it, but I found my mystery kisser.” Eliza started talking, and Krista’s eyes widened with every new bit of info.

  “You called Troy?” she asked when Eliza was done. She propped one elbow on Eliza’s bent knee and laid her cheek in her open palm. “And he didn’t yell or call you names?”

  “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m lost, Krissy, help me out.”

  “I’m trying.” She rubbed her eyes that looked heavy with sleep and folded her legs under her. “That thing with Troy is really weird. Why would he be worried about you telling people?”

  “That’s what’s weird? I mean, I know you love puzzles, but can we stay with the Nate-shaped one for the time being?”

  Krista chewed on the inside of her lip. Judging by her frown, Eliza could tell she wasn’t going to like what came next. She turned out to be right.

  “Now you know it was Nate, do you want to kiss him again?” Krista asked.

  “No. Definitely not.” Eliza shook her head. “Yes.” She looked at her hands. “Maybe?” With a grunt, she pulled the pillow from under her head and covered her face with it. “I don’t know. I’m in for a world of pain if I say yes, but— I don’t know.” She felt stupid for not being able to think straight. She felt even stupider for hating him less because he was nice to her once. Once. “After a whole year of constantly being on my case, he smiled, said a couple of nice things, and kissed me—okay, and he took a punch or two for me—and now I possibly like him?”

  Maybe she’d been taken over by aliens, too.

  Then again, she always found him attractive in that obnoxious way of his. He knew how to walk in a crowd; that was for sure. His swagger made women’s gazes lock on him with appreciation. And he had a hot body. Sculpted, lean, with his wide shoulders and narrow hips forming that V-shape that was the epitome of the male physique. His eyes were beautiful, especially the way they lit up when he smiled. And his lips…

  She pressed the pillow harder against her face. None of this should matter. Hot or not, he was a Grade-A jackass.

  Krista pried the pillow from her hands. “Let’s go over every time you two have talked. Maybe we’ll decrypt Mr. Mixed Messages.” She emphasized her promise with a yawn and guzzled down some coffee.

  “You sure you can stay awake?”

  “I’ll manage.”

  “Okay. Where do we start?”

  “I have a theory.” Always the one to see the best in people, Krista offered her optimistic point of view. What if it wasn’t a game to Nate? Maybe he liked Eliza but couldn’t move in on a friend’s ex. There was something they hadn’t considered, something fitting this theory, that could explain why he’d been an ass to her from the start. They simply had to find out what that was.

  This would mean the kisses Eliza and Nate shared weren’t meaningless.

  Eliza was upset with herself for liking this scenario. Sadly, past experience indicated there was also the possibility that maybe Nate was trying to sleep with her and ditch her, like Troy did.

  Her mind reeled. “Could Bill be in on it too? He sort of tried first.” Conspiracy theories were easy to come up with after a sleepless night.

  Krista shook her head. “I asked Bill out for you. He never made a move before that.” She smiled dreamily. “And he’s too nice for something like that. He’s kind and considerate—”

  “Maybe that was his evil plan—playing Mr. Nice-guy.” Eliza grimaced. “I’m being an idiot. Scratch Bill out. He’s your man, and he’s cool in my b
ooks.” Seeing Krista barely keep her eyes open made her realize she too was finally drowsy. “We’d better get some sleep. Think about it more tomorrow.”

  “I think you mean today”—Krista crawled into her bed, not bothering to change into her pajamas—“but that’s still the best suggestion I’ve heard all night.”

  “I think I’ll talk to Nate tomorrow. I doubt he’ll be forthcoming with the answers, but this has to be talked about.”

  “Good idea,” Krista mumbled sleepily.

  “So, how good was your night, exactly?”

  The only reply Eliza got was her best friend’s snore.

  * * * *

  He ran.

  Eliza kissed him, knowing she was kissing him. She crawled to him topless and fucking kissed him, and he ran away.

  He could have explained. Hell, he could’ve tasted her for as long as she allowed him to. But no. He chose to be a coward and flee. God forbid he stick around for the chance to maybe be happy for a change.

  Should he go back?

  Nah. She had time to collect herself and he’d end up castrated.

  But he couldn’t leave things this way.

  He could text her; he stole her number from Troy ages ago but never had the balls to use it. But if he sent her a message and she told him to go fuck himself—or worse, didn’t reply at all—it’d tear him to pieces.

  Wuss. He might be taller and wider and on the college football team, but inside, he was the same scared kid who worshiped Troy for not beating him up.

  Ah fuck.

  Still in his boots, he stomped around his room, talking himself out of climbing on the roof for a smoke. It wouldn’t solve anything, and his dad would blow a fuse if he found out Nate hadn’t given up despite his promises.

  He unlatched his window and hooked one leg over the ledge. He was an adult, damn it. He could do whatever he felt like.

  Except be with Eliza.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Waking up for class was hard. So hard in fact, that Eliza decided to skip Psychology at eleven and go straight to her English class at two in the afternoon.

  She took longer than usual to get ready, trying to convince herself it had nothing to do with the possibility of running into Nate.

  Mondays had been a source of anxiety, since she and Krista had a break between courses at the same time Troy and his buddies were done with football practice. Eliza refused to let them drive her off, so they’d inevitably meet at the cafeteria, where she had to put up with whatever idiotic behavior Nate decided to direct her way.

  This Monday she couldn’t wait to see the jerk, though she wouldn’t admit it out loud.

  She wanted to check his reaction when he saw her. It might hint at what on earth was on his mind. If his friends started nudging him and laughing at her… Well, she’d wish the earth would open up and swallow her whole, but she’d also know his behavior was to mess with her, and stop agonizing over it.

  She put on some mascara and finished her light make up with a generous amount of lip gloss, watching her reflection in the mirror. Her hair seemed too wild. Did she have time to wash and redo it? Nah. Unless she skipped English, too. She shook her head. She’d stop freaking and just go.

  “Kris, I’m out of here. Want me to set the alarm clock for you?” she asked her friend’s sleeping form. A negative-sounding groan indicated Krista had no wish to wake up.

  “Okay. Call me when you’re up. I’ll get us a late lunch after class, and you can fill me in on your fairytale romance.”

  Krista turned on her back and smiled. The happiness on her face was enough to make Eliza smile as well, all the way to and through class.

  The smile disappeared from her lips about fifteen minutes into her break. Troy was at his usual table with Bill and Ethan, but Nate was nowhere to be seen. Eliza at first thought Nate might be held up in class, but her agitation grew as the minutes ticked by.

  When Troy broke away from his pack and walked toward the door, she jumped out of her seat and hurried after him.

  She caught up with him outside the men’s room. “Hey.”

  The look on his face when he twirled around to face her was that of a cornered animal. “Eliza?”

  “Where’s your friend?” She had no time for small talk.

  “Nate? Don’t know. He skipped practice.” He sidestepped her, but Eliza blocked his way into the restroom.

  “So he’s home then?” She gave him a toothy grin, knowing she didn’t appear half as cool as she tried to be.

  Troy flicked his gaze from her to his surroundings and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I guess,” he mumbled.

  “Well, where is home?” And what did she ever see in him? The way he avoiding her gaze disgusted her more than all the remarks he’d made at her expense.

  “Listen, Eliza—” His tone was one he used on her a lot when they were together. It said, “Listen to your superiors, little girl,” and it irked her to no end.

  “No, you listen. I want to talk to Nate, and I want to talk to him now. I don’t know what he’s up to, but I swear to God, if I find out you’re in on it—”

  She didn’t realize she’d raised her voice until he flinched and took a step back.

  She closed the distance between them, to poke him on the shoulder with her index finger. “Okay, what the hell is wrong with you? I’m not gonna knee you in the… there again.” She gestured at his groin.

  “I’m not afraid of you.” He squared his shoulders and looked down at her, making their height difference all the more noticeable.

  “That’s not the feeling I get.” Remembering their talk the previous night, she added, “Maybe I should start telling people how you and Nate—”

  “No.” He grabbed her shoulders but let go almost immediately and looked around once again.

  “What’s going on?” His behavior was so weird it wasn’t even funny. Well, maybe a little funny. She wanted to yell boo and see if he ran.

  “I’ve been nice to you, right?” Her face must have betrayed how incredulous she felt, because he went on. “I mean I’ve been nice lately. Haven’t been teasing you. Even apologized.”

  “If you don’t explain, I can guarantee I’ll make it hurt. For you.”

  His body sagged. “I got a note.”

  “Not much sense is being made here.”

  “An anonymous note, saying if I ever treated you wrong again, they’d know.”

  “Who would…? Oh right. Anonymous.” She rolled her eyes. “So?”

  “They knew something about me. Something I want to be kept secret.” He gave her his best puppy-eyed look. “If I hurt you again, my life is ruined.”

  Eliza let a few long moments tick by, taking perverse pleasure in his obvious discomfort. When she saw his forehead glisten with sweat, she said, “Well, tell me where Nate lives and you won’t have to worry about that.”

  * * * *

  Nate took a long drag from his cigarette. He was over berating himself for not staying and telling Eliza everything. Now he was trying to convince himself he wasn’t a coward for leaving. More—that he wasn’t an idiot for doing so while she was topless.

  He never should have kissed her at The Zoo. He should have let sleeping dogs lie.

  He couldn’t regret those perfect few moments when she returned his passion that night, or how she responded to him a few short hours ago, but he sure as hell felt like shit for the look she gave him when she realized he’d been the one to kiss her in the dark. The confusion and pain that replaced desire in her gaze would stay with him forever. That was what he hoped to escape by fleeing.

  He wished he could run back to her dorm room, sweep her off her feet, and admit everything. If he told her how he tried to spare her Troy’s plans, if he told her he fell for her before they ever spoke…

  She wouldn’t listen—not that he blamed her.

  Troy wouldn’t care if Nate made a move for Eliza, but Nate could never be with her if Troy was in his life, a constant reminder
of how she’d been played. Nate couldn’t expect her to have to socialize with her ex-boyfriend, when the two of them went out as a couple.

  He let out a bitter laugh. When they went out as a couple. Eliza’d never give him the time of day; he made sure of that through a string of idiotic stunts.

  Still, there might be a chance…

  He shook his head, threw the cigarette butt off the roof, and climbed back inside his room. There was no chance for them, but there was still a chance for him. He’d stop pretending to be someone he wasn’t.

  Even if that left him alone.

  He had been a coward. Not just for leaving her the previous night, but also for not showing up for practice today. What was he afraid of?

  He rubbed his eyes. Staying awake all night was taking its toll on him. He needed coffee.

  He made it downstairs, to the kitchen, without tripping, though his feet felt made of lead. When the coffee was ready, he poured two cups and took them to the back porch.

  “Hey.” He handed his father one cup and took a seat next to him, nursing his mug and looking out into the yard.

  His dad looked up from his newspaper. “Making me coffee, Nathaniel? Something must be seriously wrong with you.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Keep making fun of me. See if I do anything nice for you again.” Nate’s threat lacked conviction.

  His father put the paper aside and looked at him with his unique mixture of parental love and shrewd observance. “Is there something you want to talk about?”

  Yes. He wanted to talk about how he’d decided to break away from the only friends he ever had and was afraid to face them. He needed to talk about that girl he was head-over-heels for, who hated his guts because he was a complete jackass to her, and the idea of seeing that written all over her face again scared the hell out of him. “No. Nothing. I’ll be in my room.”

  A little time alone should help him figure out what to do. He couldn’t avoid everyone forever. Of course, Eliza wouldn’t mind never seeing him again. He punched the doorframe of his bedroom. If he lingered on that thought too long, he might crumble, so he wouldn’t think about Eliza until he was all right with himself.