Animal Instinct

by Noelle N

  But there had to be a reason for it. And I was adamant on finding out the truth.

  Nevertheless, I shoved the question aside and focused on the situation at hand. Setting the book I'd grabbed earlier on the table, I flipped it open to another bookmarked page and began to read. "So, mating. It is believed that werewolves share primitive biological instincts as actual wolves. However, mating does not occur seasonally, as is the case with wolves. Once a werewolf reaches the age of eighteen, the werewolf is able to identify its mate. Once mated, werewolves are known to be largely monogamous and the bond is for life." I paused, a faint smile flitting across my face as I glanced up at Jed. "That's a nice notion."

  His forehead creased and I knew that my remark had confused him.

  "It's just – too often, you see relationships falling apart and people falling out of love," I mused quietly, taking the corner of the page between my fingers and fiddling with it in an almost absent-minded manner. "So – this is nice, you know? Finding that one person who was meant for you because it was written in the stars. Not falling out of love for a lifetime, just falling in love deeper and deeper with that person every single day." I met his gaze, noticing the way he was looking right back at me, an intent expression on his face like he was trying to memorise every part of this conversation. I smiled and took a deep breath. "What about you? What do you want?"

  He stilled. But after a second or two, he reached over to the napkin holder at the side of the table and drew out a piece, before grabbing the pen attached to the notepad. He began to write. I was buzzing with curiosity but I held back, keeping my arms folded over the book as I watched him.

  But he suddenly looked up, posture tensed and the pen clattering down onto the table. His reaction was far swifter than anything else, but I noticed the shift in the atmosphere seconds later, even if my realisation was far later than anyone else's. Because everyone's attention was fixed on the three men who'd just stepped into the café.

  The tension in the atmosphere was so thick you could practically cut it with a knife. And Jed's posture was so stiff and alert that I almost began to feel frightened.

  "What are you doing here?" Lorraine's voice was sharp in the midst of the silence, and she braced her hands on the counter in an almost defensive manner.

  One of the men laughed. "It's a free country, honey – "

  "Not to men like you. How did you get through?"

  "Surveillance down in Phobos isn't as tight," another of the men countered, before heading towards the counter and dropping his bag down on the empty stool. "Come on, just give us some food and we'll be on our way."

  "You're hunting down our Alpha," Lorraine replied through gritted teeth. "There's no reason why we should be offering anything to you."

  There were murmurs of agreements at this. But when the same man tried to reach for Lorraine, the hostility suddenly went off the charts as some of the other customers stood up. There were angry curses and shouts and yells to, "get the hell out of here" and I glanced over at Jed.

  He looked at me and, for a moment, I swore I could see a sliver of fear in his eyes. But then he flickered his eyes towards the nearest exit and I realised that he wanted us to make a speedy escape. Without hesitating, I clutched the book tightly to my chest and stood up. Jed grabbed his jacket, tossed some bills on the table – even though we technically hadn't had our food yet – and we made a beeline for the door.

  He had just placed a hand on the glass surface of the door when a voice stopped him. "Trevino!" One of the men was looking our way, his eyes sharp and a mocking smile on his face as he surveyed us. Jed tensed, but didn't turn around. "You've got a lot of nerve to take over your pack and still come here for breakfast."

  In my peripheral vision, I noticed that several more customers had stood up, their postures all stiff like they were bracing for an inevitable fight. Even Adrian and Spike had come in through the side door, and Lance was removing his jacket, tossing it on the counter beside Lorraine. Order was hanging by a thread and everyone seemed to be waiting for someone – Jed – to make the first move.

  The mocking grin on the man's face grew when Jed remained motionless. "Does your pack – these poor, innocent people here – do they know that you killed your entire family to become Alpha of the Titans?"

  I froze.

  "Do they know that you killed women and children just to get to where you are today? Do they know the amount of blood on your hands? All those missing people – gone, dead, because of you?"

  His words sucked the oxygen right out of my lungs. My eyes flickered up to Jed but he was already looking at me, the expression on his face entirely blank and devoid of emotion. I couldn't read him at all and I suddenly felt the bile rise up in my throat.

  The man didn't miss our silent exchange. "Does that blonde slag you call your mate know what you did? What you are? Or is she just like you – "

  But the words were barely out of his mouth when he was slammed back against the nearest wall, the trays nearby clattering to the ground amidst the collision. Adrian was seething, his face contorted with barely-restrained fury as he wrapped a hand around the man's throat.

  "That's our Luna you're talking about," Adrian said, his voice deathly amidst the startled silence. "And I suggest you retract your statement if you want to make it out of here alive."

  The man spat at him. "Over my dead body."

  "That can be arranged," Adrian said coolly, looking him dead in the eye. "Now shift."

  "Get your filthy hands off me."

  "I'm not fighting you in this form. Shift."

  "Gladly." The man grinned and eased back, his muscular form folding in and a sheen of fur replacing his thick arms. Just before his face morphed into that of a wolf's, he smirked and said to Adrian, "Might want to watch your back."

  Adrian's eyes widened just as two brown wolves leapt onto him from behind. And then there was a cacophony of yells and the sound of bones cracking as Lance, Spike and several other people around simultaneously shifted. It was all a blur from there, a flurry of wolves snarling and attacking each other, until I couldn't differentiate one from the other.

  I was so caught up by the horrifying sight enfolding before my eyes that I hadn't even noticed Jed leave my side and Lorraine take his place. She slipped her arm through mine and pulled me towards the door, just as Jed himself began to shift.

  "Come on!" she yelled, above the chaos. "He's going to be fine! Don't worry about him." She dragged me some way down the pavement and placed her hands on my shoulders, scanning my face worriedly. "Luna, you're not looking too good. I need you to breathe – "

  In, out.

  I shut my eyes, trying in vain to drag the oxygen back into my lungs.

  " – just focus on me and – "

  In, out.

  The howls and growls around me was all I could register. But my mind was filled with thoughts of Jed, suspicions flooding in like a tidal wave deep enough to drown in.

  " – keep breathing, try to calm yourself – "

  In, out.

  Had Jed done it? Had he killed all those people? I had always had doubt because those words had originally came from Bianca's mouth, but this was the second time hearing it. Had Jed actually killed his family? Why would he do it? And –

  " – he'll be out before you know it, just hang in there – oh." Lorraine seemed relieved all of a sudden and turned to the right, waving frantically at someone in the distance. "Alpha, over here – "

  I quickly spun around, just in time to see Jed step out of the diner in only his jeans. There was barely a scratch on his body, but Adrian, who'd stepped out with him, was cradling a bloody arm and had more bruises than I could count. But the moment Jed's eyes locked on me, I found myself gasping for air again, my mind pounding with something very, very much like fear.

  His eyes widened and he took a step towards us, but I instinctively wrenched myself out of Lorraine's arms. "No," I gasped, holding a hand out to stop him, "no – stop – "

&nbs
p; Spike, Lance and several other people had come up behind, and they were all staring at me with matching expressions of confusion and worry. But my attention was fixed solely on Jed, the way he froze in his steps, the expression on his face stricken at my words.

  "I just – " My throat was painfully dry, and my voice barely a rasp carried by the wind, but I knew he heard it anyway. "I just have to – "

  I didn't know what I had to do.

  Falling another step back, I ran a shaky hand through my hair and swallowed. "I just have to be someplace that's not – " Gesturing vaguely to the surroundings, I took another step back, keeping my eyes on Jed. " – I'm sorry."

  He inhaled sharply and opened his mouth. And, for a moment, I could've sworn my name was almost on the tip of his tongue.

  "I'm sorry," I repeated, resolutely turning around and walking away. With each step I took, my head demanded for more distance, between us, away from him; but my heart seemed to beat painfully with feelings of the exact opposite.

  07

  QUELL

  Maybe Alice had her off-days too.

  Days where she couldn't believe what she saw, days where she doubted that Wonderland was real, days where she wondered if it was all just a figment of imagination. Maybe it was. But then there were many different ways to interpret Alice's story.

  And, maybe, it was the same for mine too.

  Just because I'd seen one side of the situation didn't mean that I had seen the bigger picture. I didn't know what to think. Maybe Jed was innocent. Maybe he wasn't. And I needed space to breathe, think and analyse – until I could figure out whether he was or wasn't.

  Squaring my shoulders resolutely, I pulled open the door of my room, letting it swing shut behind me when I stepped out. The house was dark and silent, the way it always was, with the hallways lit with dim lamps, drawing more shadows to the light.

  I made my way to the kitchen and poured a glass of water for myself, leaning against the sink and watching the moonlight stream in through the windows. Did I belong here? Or was I succumbing too easily because fate had thrown me into this place? The pull I felt towards Jed was strong, admittedly, and the chemistry between us undeniable but did that mean I had to stay with him just because we were written in the stars?

  I took a deep breath and shut my eyes.

  No. As much as I believed in fate, I also believed that we made our own choices and picked our own paths in life. Even if Jed was the right person for me, I had a choice. It was difficult to reconcile the person I thought he was from the person people said he was – but that didn't mean I wasn't going to try. And if I couldn't, then I could leave because I'd already tried my best.

  Whatever werewolf cosmic entity there was out there in the universe was just going to have to deal with that.

  A sudden sound made me open my eyes, and I eased back as I realised that Jed was heading down the stairs, again in his jacket and sweatpants. He saw me in the kitchen almost immediately, his eyes seemingly accustomed to the dark, and he stopped.

  Then the silence between us was no longer the comfortable kind I was so used to. Now, it was truly painful.

  I cleared my throat and gripped the cup tightly between my hands. "I saved you some dinner," I said quietly, jerking my head in the direction of the fridge. "Left it in there earlier."

  He didn't move. Simply kept his gaze steady on me and waited, like he knew I had something more to say.

  So I sighed and set my cup down on the sink, taking a step forward and bracing my hands against the back of a chair. "Look, I know you're not speaking and – you don't have to. But now would be a really good time to explain things to me. Or show me. What is it that I have to understand?" When he remained perfectly still, I took a deep breath. "Did you kill?"

  There was a pause. But, after what seemed like forever, he finally nodded.

  "Did you regret it?"

  He shook his head slowly.

  My shoulders slackened with something like resignation, and I dragged an unsteady hand through my hair. "Okay," I murmured, trying my best to keep my voice calm. "I'm grateful for what you did for me. Rescued me, gave me a home, a job, among many other things – " I trailed off and swallowed painfully. "But – being a good person to me doesn't mean that you're not a bad person if all the things they say are true. So which one are you? And if you're stuck somewhere in the middle – that's fine too. Just explain to me why."

  He ignored me, going around the counter and stepping into the kitchen. Reaching into the pocket of his jeans, he drew out a crumpled piece of paper and set it on the dining table. But before I could pick it up, he was already heading out of the kitchen, yanking his jacket off as he went. In the distance, I heard the back door click and I knew that he'd already shifted.

  Curiosity getting the better of me, I reached for the paper. The moment my fingers touched it, the fabric gave, and I realised that it was the napkin he'd been writing on earlier. I'd told him how I felt about the notion of mates for life.

  What about you, I had asked, what do you want?

  Unfolding the paper, I felt my chest clench at the careful looped writing in black ink across the white background. All the note read was a single word –

  You.

  * * *

  The next few days were almost painful for the both of us. Jed was constantly on my mind but it was all I wanted to do to avoid him. Instead, I spent time at the diner with Lorraine, who'd happily handed me the apron and showed me into the kitchen when I agreed to her terms of employment.

  Working at Salt & Pepper was a crazy but pleasant experience. Lorraine had joked that we'd never go out of business because werewolves were almost constantly ravenous at any hour of any day, and she was right. We never had any leftovers, and we closed up early most days because we ran out of food.

  Adrian, Spike and Lance spent hours at the diner, sometimes just sitting around and having discussions in hushed tones, other times helping in the kitchen during the rush hour, which Lorraine assured me was their usual practice.

  "Spike and Lance used to work in the city," she told me, when I asked about what they did for jobs. "It's a couple of miles east from here. Adrian dabbles in the stock market, so he can easily do his job from here. But things have been a little – rocky, ever since Jed took over as Alpha. Most of us don't venture out often."

  "It's dangerous for the rest of you too?" I hadn't considered that. I'd only imagined it was dangerous for me, but it seemed like whoever was affiliated with Jed had to keep an eye out for potential threats.

  Lorraine shrugged. "Beats having the previous Alpha in charge."

  I instantly recalled the name that Bianca had said during the court hearing. "Claudius Trevino, right?"

  Her eyes widened and she gave a quick glance around the diner before looking back at me. "Yeah. We don't talk about him much but – he wasn't a good leader. He was all about expanding the pack, expanding the boundaries, even though Titan-land is one of the biggest around here. He'd engage in battles just to fight for land, even if it was at the expense of sacrificing some of the other wolves."

  "Really?"

  She nodded. "That's why we have so much land, but there aren't many of us. There used to be more." She sounded almost wistful. "Can't say those were better days though. We never knew when we'd have to brace ourselves for an attack, or when we'd find ourselves in the face of yet another battle. So this – this is better."

  "What's better?" A familiar voice cut into our conversation and the both of us glanced up. Adrian was sauntering over, the usual sunny smile on his face as he nodded at me. "Luna," he greeted pleasantly, before reaching across the counter to help himself to a cup of coffee.

  "Our new Alpha," Lorraine said shortly, smacking his hand and forcing him to drop the pot with a muffled curse.

  "Definitely," Adrian agreed, shooting Lorraine a mock injured look and reaching for the brownie platter instead. "Jed's a good man," he added pointedly, and I knew at once that he had meant his words solely for m
e. "And I'm not just saying this because I'm his beta or best friend."

  I sighed and passed him the brownie when Lorraine tried to smack him again. He grinned and I fished out a five-dollar bill in my pocket, handing it over to her. "I know you guys think he's a good man. But I just – " need time. Need space. To make sure. I bit the words back and continued, "I'm not leaving him now, if that's what you're worried about."

  "You thought about leaving him?" Lorraine's eyebrows shot up worriedly, and even Adrian stopped chewing to stare at me in surprise. "Do you know what this does to werewolves, much less an Alpha like him?"

  I frowned. "They start – pining? I don't know."

  "Being apart from your mate – that's painful. Look, us werewolves are loyal creatures. If you have his heart, you have it for life. When a werewolf's mate dies – the loss felt is doubled. You feel the loss of a loved one with human emotion, but you also feel it from an animal's perspective."

  I glanced at Adrian and he shrugged. "Don't look at me," he mumbled, through a mouthful of cake. "I haven't found a mate nor do I care for one."

  "Luna – Quinn," Lorraine said earnestly, and I smiled in amusement when she used my name, but she seemed entirely serious. "Whatever you're feeling, he probably feels it twice as much as you do. Jed's an Alpha – if he possesses better instincts, senses or agility than the rest of us, then his mating or protective instincts will also be twice as strong. So don't discount his feelings just because other people are going around saying that he doesn't have any."

  Her words made me think. And I kept those words in mind for the rest of the day. I knew I had done the right thing by giving Jed a chance to explain. But maybe, like me, all he needed was time to figure it all out before explaining anything to me.