Animal Instinct

by Noelle N

  11

  TOUCH

  It was a huge comfort – to see Jed shift and wait for me by the back door like he knew that I was going to accompany him no matter what. I grabbed my jacket, phone, blanket and book and went along with him, watching as he scanned the surroundings with pricked ears and sharp eyes for a minute or two, before easing back and settling down beside me.

  I wanted to read, that was my original intention and I knew that it'd bring some form of normality to my life – if living with a bunch of werewolves could even be called normal, of course. But instead, I set the book aside and lay down on the blanket, so that we were just mere inches away from each other.

  "I'm scared to go to sleep," I said at last, my voice barely audible in the soft silence. Turning, I laid flat on my back and stared blankly up at the stars dusting across the sky in random patterns. "I feel like – if I just close my eyes, it'll all come rushing back."

  An involuntary chill raced down my spine and I flipped on my side, keeping one arm propped beneath my head and the other hand resting beside my cheek. Jed's eyes were bright as he watched me; spine stiff and tail whisking back and forth like he could gauge my mood and knew that I was uneasy.

  "And I know I owe you an apology," I continued, quietly. "I was wrong. I know what I saw and I believe you now. Maybe you killed that other wolf the night we met, and maybe you've – killed others. But what the men said about you that day – that wasn't you." I held my palm facing up. "Right?"

  I didn't know what I was expecting. Maybe for Jed to shift his right paw instead of his left, or just shift a little closer to me so that I could feel the warmth of his body, because even in his werewolf form he was comforting.

  But what I didn't expect was for him to lean forward, ears flattened and head tipping down, until his nose pressed against the smooth bowl of my palm. It was the first time he'd initiated contact with me, and I found myself holding my breath because the moment was far too precious to break. I felt the warm air pulse against my skin as he exhaled, and then the fleeting contact was over when he drew back quickly, propping his head on top of his paws and closing his eyes.

  Look at him, I thought to myself. Even in his current form, he's afraid of you. What makes you think he's as beastly as everyone else says he is?

  I watched him for a moment, admiring the way the moonlight reflected off the glossy black fur on his back. His body rose and fell with slow, steady breaths and I relaxed, the memories of the dungeon fading out until all I could see was him.

  We spent over an hour there, until the night's chill began to set in and I was practically hugging the blanket to my chest. As if sensing my discomfort, Jed climbed to his feet, waiting patiently as I did the same and gathered my things. We were heading down the hill together when Adrian and one of his friends crossed paths with us.

  "Alpha, Luna," Adrian greeted, with a twinkle in his eye, and his friend did the same, lowering his head in a polite gesture. But I didn't miss the fascination in his eyes as he noticed how Jed was in his werewolf form next to me. Adrian, of course, looked more than amused. "First cooking and now taking him out for a walk in the dark," he mused and shook his head in mirth. "What're you doing to our Alpha?"

  I simply grinned and followed Jed as he pointedly ignored them, heading straight back to the house. "Have a good evening, guys," I called over my shoulder and exchanged a quick wave with them, before pulling out the house keys that were tucked safely in the pocket of my jacket.

  When we were in the house, Jed headed straight up to his room, no doubt to shift back and put some clothes on. I closed the back door, latched it tightly shut and kicked off my shoes, placing them neatly on the mat by the door. Jed didn't come back down after that, but it wasn't a surprise to me because he often spent a lot of time outside, in his room or in the study. Occasionally, I'd see him leave the study with a file in his hand, a distracted look on his face as he scanned some document, only to head into the kitchen for a glass of water and then retreat back into his room. It was during those times that he seemed almost – normal, like he wasn't a Lycan but a regular guy with a job that he immersed himself in a lot.

  It was just as well. I didn't want him to know that I was planning to spend the night out here anyway. Shrugging off my jacket, I headed upstairs to freshen up and change into something more comfortable before going downstairs again, this time with a thicker blanket in tow, along with the knife that I always had with me. Lorraine had returned it after picking it up from the junction where I was captured, and I now took the knife with me wherever I went, except on those occasions that I was with Jed.

  Curling up on the couch, I grabbed the cushion and placed the case with the knife beneath it, before dragging the blanket over myself and curling up on my side. It wasn't half bad, sleeping here. The couch was so spacious that there was plenty of room to spare, and the cushions were comfortable.

  Yet I knew without a doubt that this was going to be another long night. Because when I closed my eyes, all I could see was blood.

  * * *

  It wasn't a surprise when I woke up once again with choked cry, clammy hands and a racing heart. And when I pressed my hand to the back of my cheeks, I was startled to feel tears stain my skin. I hadn't even realised that I was crying. My fingers instinctively sought for the knife which, to my relief, was still under the pillow.

  Moments later, Jed came running down the stairs, his eyes alert with lethal intent as he scanned the room, but he immediately relaxed when he saw that I was unharmed. I swallowed heavily and pushed myself up, tugging my knees to my chest.

  "Sorry," I mumbled, with a self-deprecating smile, "told you I had trouble sleeping."

  He dragged a hand through his tousled hair and nodded. It vaguely dawned on me that my nightmare must've woke him too, if the wrinkled white shirt he was wearing was any indication at all. After a few seconds of deliberation, he took a decisive step towards me, grabbing a file and pen off the counter on the way over before settling down in the armchair.

  I looked at him curiously. "You're going to stay up with me?"

  He shook his head, leaning over to pick up the blanket that I'd accidentally chucked on the floor in my sleep and handing it back to me.

  Easing back against the couch, I smiled at him. "You're going to keep me company until I fall asleep?" When he nodded, I couldn't help but feel rather concerned for him. "What about you? Don't you need to sleep?"

  He shook his head and simply waited until I lay back down on the couch and tucked the blanket around my legs.

  "Guess I don't need this then," I mused, pulling out the knife case from beneath the cushion and chucking it onto the coffee table.

  His gaze seemed to darken at the sight of that, but once assured that I was lying comfortably on the couch, he quickly picked up the file and began to peruse its contents. But now I was the one watching him, the way his eyes scanned the document within in assured efficiency or the way his long fingers curled around the edges of the file.

  Midway through, he reached for the pen on the coffee table and caught the end of the cap between his teeth, yanking it swiftly off with a sharp click before scribbling something on the document, the veins along his arm tensing with the very movement. I felt a flutter in my chest at the sight of that and wondered if he knew how every single action of his left me wired with anticipation.

  Probably not. Because he was intermittently casting watchful glances my way too, and when he looked over for about the fourteenth time and realised that I still wasn't asleep, he lowered the file.

  I blushed. "Sorry, I – " My hands made a vague gesture and I smiled at him. "Is that work you're doing?" When he nodded, I couldn't help but let my curiosity simmer to the surface, climbing back up into sitting position. "So what kind of work do you do?"

  His lips twitched in vague amusement and, to my surprise, he held out his file to me. I took it hesitantly, flipping it open and scanning the contents within.

  "These are contracts?" I trie
d at last, as I flipped through the file quickly. "Investments, new business ventures…peace contracts?" I looked up at him, but the expression on his face was unreadable, so I stared at the file in my hands, looking at Jed's minute scribble on the tabs at the side of the file. "Ganymede, Phobos, Callisto, Lysithea…these are just the names of moons, I don't understand – wait. Callisto." The name rang a bell in my memory, and I frowned. "Lorraine was asking a couple of people to head over to Callisto the other day to get a medic team. Callisto's not just the name of a moon, it's a pack, isn't it?"

  He relaxed, and I could've sworn I saw a glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes when he nodded, like he was happy that I'd drawn the inference on my own.

  "So's Phobos. Those men that barged into the café the other day said that security in Phobos wasn't as tight – that's how they got through." Realisation was swiftly dawning on me and I looked back at him. "So this is what you do? Maintain good relations and start up businesses with other packs?"

  He nodded again.

  "Wow," I breathed, a slow smile flitting across my face as I returned the file to him. "That's a lot of work. How do you even manage?"

  He shrugged good-naturedly and clutched the file tightly to his chest, his eyes bright and expectant like he was just waiting for me to ask another question.

  It didn't take long for me to come up with another one. "So Callisto is across the intersection." I drew vague gestures with my hands, charting Callisto and Titan land on an imaginary map in the air. "Then where's Phobos and the rest of the packs?"

  Jed hesitated. After a moment or two, he opened the file and flipped to a blank page on the back, before ripping it out. Then he uncapped the pen and began to trace lines across the paper. This time, I couldn't help but inch closer, pushing my blanket aside and sliding off the couch so that I was seated with my knees tucked under me on the floor, arms braced on the coffee table.

  He wrote a couple of words on each segment, and I instinctively shifted closer, angling my head so that I could get a better look. We were a hairsbreadth away from each other now, so close that I could've sworn that I felt the warmth radiating from him but I stayed there, a part of me reluctant to pull away now that I was so close.

  It wasn't until he glanced up that he finally realised how close we were. He stilled, his eyes widening unsurely for a split second, and then he was darting a quick glance down to my lips before flicking his eyes, which had now darkened to an alluring shade of forest green, back up to meet my gaze. It was almost thrilling how the atmosphere could skyrocket so quickly and it was so much like playing with fire. But I held his gaze squarely when he swallowed, the quick movement in his throat and the way his tongue swiftly darted out to wet his lips sending my stomach tightening and chest fluttering.

  Then he blinked and eased away, a self-conscious blush creeping across his cheeks as he looked back down at the map. Hardly wanting to make things awkward between us, I reached over to pick up the paper and study it.

  "Let's see," I murmured, fascinated by the way he mapped everything out so quickly, along with the names and numbers he'd listed down. This was definitely something he knew like the back of his hand. "So the numbers are the number of people in a pack? And the size of a land is not proportional to the number of werewolves in the pack?"

  He nodded when I looked up at him for confirmation.

  "Well, but Ganymede's a force to be reckoned with," I observed, noticing the huge plot of land further south, along with the numbers he'd scribbled down beside each name. "Biggest land and biggest pack."

  He reached over and I craned my neck, watching as he added several words beneath Ganymede on the map:

  Non-hostile if unthreatened. Do not engage.

  Even though I didn't understand those words entirely, it didn't matter. He'd stepped up his communication with me and just reading what he wrote was a fascination on its own. I leaned closer, tracing the words with the tip of my finger before pointing to various plots of land in consecutive order and mumbling beneath my breath, "Ganymede, then Titan, Callisto, Io, Europa."

  The lands were decreasing in size, but the numbers beneath each title caught my eye. Titan had the next biggest land, but the size of the pack was pretty average. The unexpected observation made me recall what Lorraine had told me some time back, about how the previous Alpha of Titan had lost plenty of good people in battles.

  The thought of that was depressing, but I pushed it aside for the moment and focused on the map. "Callisto has the most number of people after Ganymede, huh?"

  He nodded and leaned forward to write again. And I watched, hardly able to tear my eyes away from the map or from the swift actions of his pen across paper, as he scribbled words beneath Callisto:

  Neutral. Provides resources if necessary. Safe.

  Io was labelled as an ally, alongside several other packs within the vicinity; but Europa had an ominous do not engage sign that was applied to a good number of packs spread further down South. He didn't stop writing until he landed on a plot of land that was unmarked. He paused, glancing at me quickly before lowering his head to scratch rough strokes across the paper the word

  Prometheus

  Then he crossed it out with an X.

  "I don't understand – Prometheus no longer exists?" I stared at him in confusion, but when his gaze flickered down to my neck before he looked back at me, I suddenly realised what it was. "Oh." I felt an involuntary shiver rush down my spine as the memories came flooding back. "That was Prometheus?"

  He gaze was distant and dark when he nodded, his fingers clenched so tightly around the pen that his knuckles were almost white. After staring at him for a moment or two, I reached over and gently tugged the pen away from him. Then, well aware that he was still watching me with guarded eyes, I pulled the paper towards me and wrote a single word beneath Titan.

  Home.

  When I glanced over my shoulder at him, the coldness in his eyes had faded and his gaze on me was soft. I remembered how I'd once thought about going somewhere when all this was over. When I thought back to Jed's reaction that day in the car, I realised now that he didn't want me to leave.

  Truth be told, I didn't want to leave either.

  I leaned back against the couch and held his gaze squarely. "I'm safe here with you, right?"

  There wasn't a trace of hesitation when he nodded. I relaxed, stifling a yawn as I reached over to pick up the map again. To my surprise, Jed swiftly nicked it out of the way, the muscles of his arm stretching taut as he held it well out of my reach. I watched as he quickly scribbled something down on another blank piece of paper, before holding up to me, a glint of soft amusement in his eyes.

  "Yeah, okay," I said sheepishly when I saw the word 'sleep' stretched across the paper. Reaching for the blanket, I tugged it over my body and curled up on my side, watching Jed settle back against his chair, the planes and angles of his face illuminated by the dim light. He looked at me and I smiled. "Goodnight, Jed."

  The expression on his face softened and he wrote something quickly on the flipside of the paper before holding it up.

  Goodnight, Quinn.

  * * *

  It wasn't a good night.

  And Jed eventually came to realise how bad my nightmares were when I woke up mere hours later, a wrangled sob lodged in my throat and my frame shaking as I pulled myself upright.

  He was already on his feet, eyes wide and terrified, like just looking at me so far gone was a horror in itself to him. He seemed so lost because he didn't know how to help me, and he stretched out a tentative hand in an vague attempt to reach for me, only to snatch it back just as quickly, his jaw clenched and expression so broken that it was almost painful to see.

  "I'm okay," I whispered reassuringly, even though my words seemed more confident than I felt. I knew, at the back of my mind, that what I'd experienced was something I couldn't forget, no matter what. It was always going to haunt me, just as traumatic experiences always did. You just had to live with these fragments
of haunting memories, and try not to let them engulf you whole.

  Jed eased back a little, his eyes scanning my face rapidly before he retreated into the kitchen. When he came back out, he had a glass of water in his hand which he passed to me. I took it gratefully, feeling the cool liquid trickle down my parched throat as I drank greedily.

  "It's – nothing," I said at last, setting the glass down just as Jed sat on the coffee table in front of me, our knees mere inches away from each other. It was a cold night and his warmth was intoxicating and it was all I could do not to close the distance between us. Running a trembling hand through my hair, I smiled weakly at him. "I'll tell you about what I saw someday, I promise. I just – "

  He shook his head quickly and I knew without a doubt what he was thinking – that I didn't have to tell him until I was ready. I had no doubt that Jed, along with the rest of the pack, were all wondering what I'd seen, what had happened to Bianca, how I'd gotten the both of us out of there alive.

  But I didn't have it in me to tell them about it now. Not now, not when everything still felt so frighteningly real and I was struggling to just come to terms with what I'd seen. What I'd seen – those were the things you read about in twisted, horror stories. And when you saw them first-hand, even holding yourself together in one piece seemed difficult at times.

  Jed seemed to be aware of the thoughts that were running through my head. Not the specificities per se, but seemed aware that I looked, well, haunted. His eyes were still scanning my face with blatant worry and I noticed his fingers twitching by his sides like he was doing everything he could not to reach out to me when he so desperately wanted to.