“That isn’t going to change, okay?” Callie ducked her head to meet her eyes when Taylor looked away. “I’ve felt this way since the first time I met you, so I can promise you it isn’t going to change. But I’m not going to push you. If anything is ever going to happen between us, you need to be the one to initiate it. I will never try and get you to do something you don’t want to do. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Taylor felt herself nodding, but she searched Callie’s eyes for any sign of deceit. Since the first time they met? How could that be? She’d known Callie before she ever met Andrea, and if it was true, why hadn’t she ever said anything before?
“Let’s go,” Callie said, breaking their connection and heading for the door. Taylor had no choice but to follow, but her mind was a muddled mess.
She just hoped she’d be able to get a grip on her emotions before they got to Linda Burke’s.
* * *
They didn’t talk on the way to brunch, and Taylor spent the time trying to understand what exactly had happened. It seemed as though there was a shift in the dynamic between them, and she wondered if Callie had felt it too. Thankfully, by the time Callie parked at her mother’s apartment complex, she felt almost normal again.
“You’re late,” she heard Quinn call from the kitchen when they walked through the front door. Callie looked at her, and she seemed to be panicked.
“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you before, but no one knows I’m bringing you here,” Callie said quietly after stopping her from going any farther than the entryway. Taylor must have looked like she was going to bolt, God knows she wanted to, because Callie gripped her forearm and smiled. “It’s okay, I promise. I just didn’t think about letting them know.”
“Thanks a lot for just tossing me into the fire,” Taylor murmured just as Quinn rounded the corner. She smiled at her, but Quinn just looked confused. “Hi, Quinn.”
Quinn stared for a moment, but then looked at Callie and reached for her arm.
“We need to talk,” she said, not sounding happy.
“Your lack of manners are showing, Sis,” Callie said as she pulled her arm away.
“Maybe I should go,” Taylor said, feeling uncomfortable. She didn’t necessarily feel unwanted, but it was obvious Quinn wasn’t happy she was there.
“I’m sorry,” Quinn said, seeming to realize she’d been rude. “You’re more than welcome here, Taylor. Mom always tends to make enough food for twenty people. Grace is in the kitchen. I just need to talk to Callie for a minute.”
They walked into the living room, and Taylor didn’t even think about it—she followed them. She knew Quinn thought she’d effectively dismissed her, but she wouldn’t be so easily pushed aside.
When Quinn turned toward Callie and realized she was still there with them, she started to say something to Taylor, but Taylor put a hand up and shook her head to stop her.
“I’m pretty sure whatever it is you have to talk to her about concerns me, so no, I’m not going to join Grace and your mother in the kitchen.” She stood there waiting, arms crossed over her chest, and Callie smiled at her. It felt incredibly good to have Callie smile at her.
“Why did you let her kiss you?” Quinn asked after a beat of silence. Taylor smiled now because it seemed as though she was going to be the focus of Quinn’s attention instead of Callie.
“I kissed her, actually. Well, last night I did. The first time—”
“The first time?” Quinn asked, her face beginning to turn a lovely shade of purple. “How many times has it happened?”
“I don’t see how it’s any of your business, Quinn,” Taylor said, slowly shaking her head but remaining amazingly calm in the face of what felt like an interrogation.
“Did you fuck her too?” Quinn directed this pleasantness to Callie, whose face was steadily becoming more red by the second, but still not coming anywhere close to Quinn’s attractive purple hue.
“Quinn Burke!”
They all turned to see Linda, Quinn and Callie’s mother, standing in the entrance to the living room from the kitchen. Taylor glanced over her shoulder and was happy to see Quinn appeared properly scolded. She winked at Callie, who tried to hide her smile.
“I’m sorry, Mama,” she said, sounding like a ten-year-old girl.
“In the kitchen now,” Linda said, her voice sufficiently demanding. “All of you.”
Quinn and Callie walked by her first, and when Taylor approached her, Linda put an arm around her and hugged her.
“It’s so good to see you again, Taylor,” she said with a warm smile. “I’m just sorry it had to be on a day when the two of them are acting like children.”
“Who are you kidding, Linda?” Grace called over her shoulder. “These two always act like children. Hi, Taylor.”
“Hello,” Taylor said. “Unfortunately, I think they’re acting this way because of me.”
She took the seat at the table next to Callie, who was staring at Quinn seated on her other side. Taylor was just grateful she was sandwiched between Callie and Linda. Grace brought glasses filled with orange juice to everyone and took the seat on the other side of Quinn.
“That can’t be true,” Linda said with a pointed look at both of her daughters. “What caused you to ask such a vulgar question, Quinn?”
“My apologies,” Quinn said quietly, but it was apparent she wasn’t going to offer any further explanation.
“We kissed.” Callie looked at her, a silent apology in her eyes. Taylor reached for her hand which was resting on the table. She intertwined their fingers and squeezed gently, hopefully conveying to her it was okay.
“Oh?” Linda asked, looking pleased. Her expression turned hard when she addressed Quinn again. “And that was what prompted your wildly inappropriate question?”
“They kissed twice,” Quinn said.
“Damn it, Quinn,” Taylor said, not able to be quiet any longer. “I know you want to protect me, but I’m an adult. I’m pretty sure Callie is too.”
“That’s debatable,” Quinn interjected.
“I can take care of myself,” Taylor said.
“Of course you can, dear,” Linda said, looking at her hand still holding onto Callie’s. “And I’m sure Quinn realizes that as well.”
“I never knew you thought so little of me, Sis.” Callie looked truly hurt, and Taylor felt the desire flare in her gut to hold her. To rush to her defense. “I’m not someone she needs to be protected from.”
“I’m sorry,” Quinn said with a sigh. “I guess I’m just assuming you went back to how you lived your life before Jan.”
“Well, I haven’t,” Callie said. She looked like she was going to get up and leave, so Taylor gripped her hand a little harder to get her to stay. It seemed to work because Callie sat back in her chair and offered a small smile. She looked back at Quinn. “I want what you have.”
Taylor was taken aback at the words, but she forced herself to not show any outward signs of her surprise. She’d been close to talking herself into having a night or two of fun with Callie, but knowing she wanted more than that changed everything, didn’t it?
Chapter Twenty-one
Callie was quiet on the drive back to Taylor’s house. She was still a little pissed at Quinn for thinking Taylor needed protection from her, even though they’d come to some kind of unspoken truce on the matter. The rest of the time at her mother’s had been strained, and she knew Taylor had been almost as uncomfortable as she’d been.
She was a little overwhelmed by the depth of her feelings for Taylor, but then again, as she’d told Grace the day before, and Taylor herself that very morning, she’d been attracted to her for years. She just hadn’t been able to explore the attraction on a deeper level before now. Spending those four days with Taylor after she’d been shot had brought the realization the attraction had become more than something physical. At least it had for her.
“Callie?”
She blinked and saw she was just turning into Tayl
or’s driveway. How long had she been trying to get her attention, she wondered. It worried her to realize she didn’t remember most of the drive from her mother’s apartment.
“What?” she asked, knowing Taylor was waiting for an answer to some question she never heard. She turned the engine off and unclasped her seatbelt before recognizing her actions could be construed as her assuming she was going to be invited in.
“I asked if you were okay,” she said, placing a hand tentatively on Callie’s thigh. “Where were you just now?”
“I was right here with you.” Callie flashed her a smile, but she could tell Taylor wasn’t buying it. She really didn’t want to have this conversation right now.
“Bullshit.” Taylor pulled her hand back and looked out the window. She sighed audibly. “I was trying to ask you a question for more than a minute, and you were so lost in your own head you didn’t even react to it.”
“Look, Taylor—”
“Come inside with me,” Taylor said quietly while not turning her head from the window beside her. “We should talk about some things.”
Callie wanted to say no. She wanted it more than anything because she knew if they were sitting next to each other, talking about their feelings, she might not be able to stop herself from touching her. Kissing her. And she’d told her just a few short hours ago if anything was going to happen, it would be because Taylor wanted it.
“Please?”
Callie’s breath hitched at the plea, spoken so softly she almost didn’t hear it. Who was she kidding? She knew she would never be able to say no to Taylor. She’d do anything for her, and be happy while she was doing it because it would mean she’d be with her. Callie averted her eyes when Taylor finally turned her head to look at her.
“Please?” she said again, and Callie found herself nodding.
Once inside, Taylor grabbed a couple of beers and joined her on the couch. She sat close enough to Callie for their thighs to touch, and Callie put a hand on her leg before she could even think about what she was doing. She pulled it away quickly.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Taylor reached over and took her hand. She brought the hand up and pressed her lips to it before replacing it on her thigh. She kept her hand over it so Callie couldn’t pull it away again. “I don’t mind.”
Callie looked at her, her pulse pounding in her ears so loudly she thought she must have heard her wrong. But the way Taylor was slowly rubbing her thumb against the back of her hand affirmed she hadn’t. She swallowed hard.
“You are so beautiful,” she heard herself say, and Taylor smiled shyly before looking down at their hands. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
“Tell me what you were thinking so hard about in the car.”
“You,” she admitted, her voice barely more than a whisper.
“What about me?”
Callie let her head fall back against the couch, and Blaze chose that moment to jump up next to her. He lay with his front paws and his head in her lap. She used her free hand to scratch behind his ear as she spoke.
“I can’t talk about this right now,” she said.
“Why not?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Were you imagining me naked?”
Callie chuckled deep in her throat at the flirty tone Taylor used, but she made no move to look at her.
“No.”
“Okay, then why don’t you tell me why you ran out on your girlfriend?”
“I didn’t run out on her,” Callie said, sounding more defensive than she’d intended. “I’m pretty sure I told you she cheated on me, but she denied it. She did, however, tell me she was in love with someone else. I just left her before she had the chance to leave me.”
“Oh.”
It was understandable Taylor would be surprised by the fact she hadn’t simply grown tired of being in a relationship and ran away when it got to be too much. It was how Callie had lived her life up until the point she met Jan. Hell, relationship wasn’t even in her vocabulary before Jan. She knew in her head it was a logical conclusion, but it did little to ease the stab of pain in her heart to know Taylor thought so little of her.
“I see my reputation precedes me,” Callie said, resisting the urge to rub her chest over her heart because the pain seemed to be so damned real.
“I jumped to a conclusion I never should have jumped to, Callie.” Taylor gently gripped her chin and forced her to meet her eyes. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt, but you have to know why I leaped to that conclusion.”
“I’m sure Andrea told you many stories about me to paint me in a less than flattering light. And you should probably know, most of those stories are no doubt true.” Callie searched her eyes for some kind of understanding. “But I was younger. I wasn’t ready to settle down. I met Jan, and I thought she was the one. I wanted her to be. Hell, I uprooted my life to follow her to Atlanta. It almost killed me when she admitted her love for another woman, but it didn’t take me long to realize I loved the idea of forever more than I ever loved her.”
Taylor released her chin, but let her fingers slowly move down her neck, causing Callie to shiver. She let her gaze drop to Callie’s lips, and Callie let out a small moan.
“Jesus, Taylor,” she said. “You’re killing me here.”
Taylor said nothing, but felt the overwhelming urge to feel Callie’s body under her. Without giving any thought to what she was doing, Taylor gently pushed Blaze off Callie’s lap and then straddled her. She ran her fingers through Callie’s hair as she leaned down and pressed her lips to Callie’s.
Everything else ceased to exist when Callie’s hands went to her hips and then found their way under her shirt. Taylor moved her hips against her, slowly at first, but when Callie’s hands slid up her sides and her thumbs moved across her nipples through her bra, Taylor surged against her. Callie’s tongue demanded entry into her mouth, and she parted her lips to take it in. She tried not to let visions of Andrea enter her mind, and was surprised it wasn’t more difficult than she thought it would be.
She felt a rush of excitement when Callie reached behind her and unclasped her bra, freeing her breasts for her to take them in her hands. She broke the kiss when Callie gently pinched both of her nipples, her breath ragged.
“Is this okay?” Callie was breathing heavily too. Taylor nodded her response, but she wasn’t really sure it was okay. There was something holding her back, and when Callie found the hem of her shirt and tried to lift it over her head, Taylor didn’t raise her arms to assist. Callie pulled her head back and looked at her. “What’s wrong?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Taylor felt panic rising, wondering what the hell she was doing. She’d always thought the memory of Andrea would be what stopped her from being intimate with anyone, but it wasn’t in this case. As much as she wanted Callie, she couldn’t get past the thought that popped into her head when she tried to remove her shirt.
She’s a cop.
Taylor wouldn’t—couldn’t—give her heart away to someone who might leave for work and never make it back home. That kind of pain a second time just might kill her. She shook her head and got to her feet.
“Taylor, what’s wrong?” Callie was worried, it was written all over her face. She got to her feet and moved toward Taylor, but Taylor backed away a few steps. “Please talk to me.”
“You should go,” she said, trying not to cry. “I’m so sorry.”
Callie just stood there staring at her, obviously trying to figure out what she’d done wrong. After a few seconds, she finally walked past her and went to the door. Taylor wanted to tell her it wasn’t anything she’d done, but the words wouldn’t come. The pain she saw in Callie’s eyes when she looked back at her almost caused her knees to give out. Without saying a word, Callie walked out the door.
“Jesus, what’s wrong with me?” she asked, and Blaze whined from where he was sitting agains
t the couch. Obviously, he was wondering the same thing. She grabbed her phone and called Grace before she could even think about what she was doing.
Chapter Twenty-two
Half an hour after Callie left without even being offered an explanation as to why she’d been tossed out, Taylor opened her front door to let Grace inside. She didn’t know Grace nearly as well as she knew Quinn, but they’d spoken many times, and Taylor knew Callie had confided in Grace about what was happening between them. So if Callie trusted Grace, Taylor figured she could too. Besides, she had no desire to have this particular conversation with Quinn after Quinn’s little outburst that morning.
“I’m so sorry to have asked you over here like this,” Taylor said. She got two cups of coffee and they sat across from each other at the kitchen table.
“It’s okay,” Grace said with a smile. “What did you want to talk about?”
Where to begin? She wanted to tell her how much she wanted Callie, but given they weren’t really close, it seemed silly to do so. But Grace was close with Callie, so why not? It was times like this Taylor wished she’d kept in better contact with the people she’d known from before. But after Andrea died, all she’d wanted was for people to leave her alone. And they did. A few of the firefighters from Andrea’s squad tried in the beginning to get her to engage, but even they’d given up after a few months of Taylor’s begging them to just let her be.
“I did something really stupid,” she said, staring into her coffee cup.
“What did you do?” Grace moved to the chair closer to Taylor and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Does this involve Callie?”
“Yes. We’re getting closer, or I guess I should say we were getting closer.” Taylor sat back and looked at her. “I’m pretty sure I blew any chance I may have had with her.”
“I doubt that.” Grace smiled at her, and strangely, it made her feel better. “Callie isn’t so easily put off. What happened?”
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