Taylor told her everything, and with every word she spoke, she felt like a weight was being lifted from her shoulders. When she was done, she sat and waited for the words of wisdom she was hoping to get from Grace.
“Okay, wow,” she said after what seemed like hours, but in reality had been only a couple of minutes. “She probably assumes you made her leave because of Andrea.”
“I know. I should have told her it wasn’t about her, but I was afraid of saying something to make the situation worse.”
“Well, you told her your hesitation about getting involved with someone in a high-risk profession, so I’m sure she’ll understand when you explain it,” Grace said, but this wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear.
Taylor wasn’t even sure what exactly she’d been looking for when she called Grace. She supposed when it came right down to it, she’d simply wanted someone to listen, to tell her everything was going to be fine. But no one could possibly know that. She took a sip of her coffee to try to hide her emotions.
“There is a part of me that does think I’m betraying Andrea,” she said quietly.
“I think it’s probably a normal feeling, given there hasn’t been anyone since her.” Grace took her hand and held it. “But sometimes the heart wants something the brain doesn’t think it should have. Logically, you know you aren’t betraying her, but in your heart it feels like you are. Have you stopped to think perhaps Callie feels the same way? You were her best friend’s wife. She might feel as though she’s betraying Andrea too.”
Taylor looked at her in amazement. This was something she hadn’t considered before, but it made perfect sense. She felt an optimism that quickly vanished when she remembered her real reason for telling Callie to leave.
“I don’t think I can get past her job.”
“You can if you truly have feelings for her.” Grace looked at her, obviously waiting for her to say something, but she couldn’t. “Do you love her?”
Taylor balked at the question. Love? She knew she cared very much for Callie, and if she were honest, she’d felt this way for quite some time, especially in the months since she’d come back from Atlanta. But love? “I lost the love of my life, Grace. I always assumed we’d grow old together. It was that once in a lifetime kind of love, and I’m not sure I’m capable of loving anyone again.”
“Of course you are, sweetie,” Grace said with a small smile. “Who says it can’t happen twice in a lifetime? I can’t even imagine losing Quinn, but if something did happen to her, I know she wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my life alone. And honestly, I don’t think I could. If I found anyone who made me feel that way again, I’d like to believe I’d be willing to give it a chance. And I really don’t think the person’s job would even be a consideration. Well, unless she was a criminal, I guess.”
Grace laughed, and Taylor couldn’t help but laugh along with her. She had an infectious laugh. Just like Quinn.
And just like Callie.
“Does Quinn have any idea how lucky she is to have you?”
“Oh, trust me, I make it a point to remind her every day.” Grace winked and sipped her coffee. “Just talk to Callie, okay? She’s an amazing woman. And I’ll guarantee she’ll understand your hesitation. All you have to do is give her a chance.”
Taylor was surprised she actually did feel better after talking to Grace. As soon as she’d left, she tried to call Callie, but she was kicked right to voice mail. She left a message, simply asking her to call her back.
By the time she left to go to the bar, she still hadn’t heard from her. She couldn’t really blame her though. She’d offered no explanation when she told her to go. Callie was hurt, and it was her fault, which caused a strange ache in her chest. Once she got to the bar, and into her office, she decided to try a text.
Please call me. Let me explain.
After waiting a few minutes, and getting no response, she shoved the phone into her pocket and headed out to the bar to relieve Quinn.
“Hey, boss,” Quinn said from where she was leaning against the bar near the cash register.
“You can go on home,” Taylor told her as she counted the money in the register. It was dead. There probably wasn’t even any reason to stay open. It was Christmas break at the college, and there were less people in the bar now than there had been Thanksgiving weekend. “I’m pretty sure I can handle it on my own.”
“No can do.” Quinn was shaking her head when Taylor looked at her, and she was smiling. “I talked with Camille, and we decided, at least for a while, you aren’t going to be here alone. Your stalker was here earlier asking about you.”
“Stalker? I’d hardly call her a stalker,” Taylor said, feeling pretty damn good that her employees—her friends—cared about her so much. But she was also irritated they’d decided this without her knowledge. “And I really don’t think I need a babysitter.”
“Not a babysitter. Think of it more like a bodyguard. I always wanted to be a bodyguard.”
“Really?” Taylor quirked an eyebrow at her and knew she sounded skeptical at Quinn’s admission.
“I always dreamed about being a Secret Service agent.” Quinn smiled, and after a moment she shrugged. “I never did anything to try and make it happen, but I always dreamed about it.”
“Go home,” Taylor said. “I’m sure Grace is waiting for you.”
“I talked to her about all of this, and she agrees with us.”
“And you didn’t think to consult me on your little plan?”
Taylor felt a modicum of satisfaction when she saw Quinn’s cheeks redden slightly.
“I’m sorry,” Quinn said, looking down at her feet. “If it makes you feel any better, Callie thinks it’s a good idea too.”
“When did you talk to Callie about it?” Taylor hoped she didn’t sound too interested. There was no need for Quinn to know her feelings. Especially if Callie wasn’t going to return her calls. Of course, she knew Grace would probably tell her about their talk anyway.
“About an hour ago. And listen, I’m sorry about this morning. Your private life is none of my business. If you and Callie are seeing each other, then great. I want you both to be happy, okay?”
Taylor nodded, but really only heard some of what Quinn said. She tuned out after hearing she’d talked to Callie an hour ago. When Callie hadn’t returned her call, she’d tried convincing herself the battery in her phone had died, or maybe she’d left the phone in her car when she got home. Obviously, that hadn’t been the case. Apparently, it was only her Callie didn’t want to speak to.
“We don’t both need to be here,” she said.
“I’m not asking you to pay me for the time. I’ll sit at the bar and drink water all night. I just don’t think you need to be here alone as long as this woman is going to be hanging around. I have a bad feeling about her.”
“Fine,” Taylor waved a hand at her and turned to walk back to her office. She pulled her phone out before sitting at her desk, but she knew Callie hadn’t called. She decided to try one more time to call, and if she didn’t answer or return the call, she wouldn’t bother her again.
Just as she was about to place the call, the phone vibrated in her hand. She looked at the display. Callie. She took a deep breath and tried to settle her nerves before swiping the screen to accept the call.
“Hi, Callie,” she said.
“Hey.” Callie didn’t sound thrilled to be talking to her, but Taylor chose to ignore it for the time being. She knew Callie had every reason to be put off. “I got your message. You wanted to talk?”
“I wanted to explain what happened.”
“You don’t need to explain.” She still sounded irritated, but her voice had softened a bit. Taylor took it as a good sign. “It’s because of Andrea.”
“No, Callie, it didn’t have anything to do with her, which surprises me, to be perfectly honest.”
“Then what?”
Taylor hesitated, but realized there was no reason not to tell her th
e truth. Complete honesty was something she’d demanded from Andrea, and she wouldn’t give Callie any less.
“Your job.”
“That isn’t going to change, Taylor,” she said with a sigh. “It’s a part of who I am. Actually, it’s a pretty big part of who I am.”
“I know, and I’m trying to get past it,” Taylor said. The office door opened, and she looked up to see Quinn entering. She held up a hand as she spoke into the phone. “Can you just try and be patient with me? Please?”
“I’ll try,” Callie said.
“Thank you.” Taylor felt lighter than she had when Callie left her house earlier in the afternoon. They ended the call, and she looked at Quinn. “What is it?”
“Sharon’s here again.” Quinn was on edge, Taylor could tell because of the way the muscles in her jaw clenched. She indicated the phone Taylor still held in her hand. “Was that Callie?”
“Yes, Quinn, it was.” She really didn’t want to get into this with Quinn. “But it really isn’t any of your business.”
“I know,” Quinn said, seeming to relax as she offered a small smile. “I just thought maybe you should call her back and let her know about your stalker.”
“She’s not a stalker.”
“Not yet.”
“Get back to work.” Taylor waved her away but remained in her chair for a few moments after she’d gone. There was no way she was going to let this woman intimidate her. It would be nice if she’d get the hint though, and maybe move on. Was that too much to ask?
Chapter Twenty-three
“How’s Callie doing?” Taylor’s mother asked as they sat in the living room Christmas Eve watching the annual showing of It’s a Wonderful Life. They watched it every year, and Taylor was sure she could probably recite the film word for word.
“She’s fine,” Taylor said. She was thankful this was the first time since she’d arrived at her parents’ house either of them had mentioned Callie.
“Why didn’t you bring her with you?” her father asked.
“Seriously, Dad?” Taylor sighed. “I told you we aren’t seeing each other. What do I have to do to convince you?”
“It would probably help if you didn’t seem so preoccupied since you arrived yesterday,” her mother said. “Has something happened between the two of you?”
Taylor simply stared at her mother with her mouth hanging open. How the hell did she do that? She almost wished she’d had kids just so she could figure out how this mother’s intuition thing worked. It was scary sometimes.
“Dear,” her mother said to her father. “Why don’t you go make some popcorn or something?”
“Just tell me to get lost for a few minutes.” He chuckled as he got to his feet. “Because I know that’s what you’re really saying.”
He placed a hand on Taylor’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze as he walked past her on his way to the kitchen. When he was gone, Taylor turned her attention to her mother.
“Nothing happened between us,” she lied. Her mother simply smiled and tilted her head to one side, a sure sign she wasn’t buying what Taylor was trying to sell her.
“You can’t lie to me, Taylor,” she said, amusement in her tone of voice. “Talk to me.”
“We kissed a couple of times,” Taylor admitted, much to her horror. She couldn’t seem to keep any secrets from her mother.
“Are you dating?”
“No.”
“Sleeping together?”
“Jesus, Mom,” she said, looking away from her when she felt her cheeks flush. “No, we aren’t sleeping together.”
“Why not?”
Could this get any more embarrassing? She’d never been comfortable talking to her parents about sex, but that never stopped them from asking far too personal questions about her sex life. Her phone started vibrating, and she picked it up to see Callie’s name displayed. Perfect timing. Maybe her mother would forget what they were talking about by the time she was done on the phone. Cheeks burning, she stood and went to the guest bedroom so she could talk to her in private.
“Hello,” she said.
“Merry Christmas,” Callie said.
“Christmas isn’t until tomorrow.” Taylor smiled. It was good to hear her voice, and she didn’t want to think about the reasons why.
“Merry Christmas Eve then,” Callie said, and she chuckled. There was a pause, and Callie sighed. “I miss you.”
“You’re crazy,” Taylor said. “You just saw me the night before last.”
“I miss seeing you outside the bar.”
“Oh.” What could she possibly say in response to that? She closed her eyes and tried unsuccessfully to slow her racing heart, but the sound of Callie’s voice always did funny things to her insides. Pleasant things.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called.”
“It’s fine, Callie. I’m happy you called,” Taylor said, not wanting to hang up yet. “I miss you, too.”
“Really?” Callie asked, sounding a little more upbeat. “Crap…hold on a second.”
Taylor waited as Callie talked to someone in the background. How was it possible for just Callie’s voice to send a jolt of electricity through her? What the hell was going on with her?
“Sorry about that,” Callie said, sounding as though she were smiling. “Meg’s kids want me to play Santa Claus.”
“Tonight?” Taylor asked. “Wait, aren’t they all grown?”
“Yeah, but until earlier this year, they didn’t even know Quinn and I existed,” Callie said. “And the Santa thing is a family tradition. Everyone gets one present on Christmas Eve. Everything else waits until morning.”
“That sounds nice.”
“I should probably go,” Callie said, sounding reluctant. “Tell your parents I said Merry Christmas.”
“You do the same with your family.”
“Good-bye, Taylor.” Callie didn’t wait for her to say good-bye, and the phone went dead in her hand.
It broke her heart to know Callie’s sister, Meg, had kept her kids away from their two aunts, simply because they were lesbians. At least they were all getting to know each other now. Taylor found herself wondering if she’d had siblings, would they have been okay with her being gay, or would they have shunned her like Meg and their oldest sister, Beth, had? Maybe she was lucky she was an only child.
She sat on her bed for a moment, wishing she were back in Brockport, celebrating Christmas with Callie. But that was silly, wasn’t it? She always spent holidays with her parents. She shook her head and made her way back to the living room.
“Sorry,” she said as she resumed her seat on the couch, hoping against hope their earlier conversation had been shelved for the time being.
“Was it Callie?” her mother asked.
“Yes, she said to tell you merry Christmas.” Taylor smiled.
“Should I leave the room again?” her father asked.
“Yes,” said her mother.
He sighed and went back to the kitchen, and her mother got up to move closer to her on the couch. She took Taylor’s hand and held it as she spoke.
“You like her,” she said. A statement, not a question. “At Thanksgiving, you said you weren’t sure you did.”
Taylor started to respond she still wasn’t sure of it, but she knew it would be a lie. She didn’t know when, or how, it had happened, but yes, she did like Callie. She finally nodded and met her mother’s eyes.
“Oh, honey, I know you must be conflicted about this,” her mother said as she gathered her into a hug. “You haven’t allowed yourself to care about anyone in such a long time. I’m sure Andrea would approve of you falling in love with her best friend.”
“Falling in love?” Taylor said, pulling away from her. “Are you crazy? Who said anything about love? I just now admitted I might like her.”
“It’s obvious you care a great deal about her. And I know you’re probably scared, but, honey, you need to allow yourself to feel again.”
“I do
feel.” She looked at her hands and wondered again what was happening to her. “Callie makes me feel.”
“Then just let it happen,” her mother said. “I know you have reservations about her job, but is it a good reason to deny yourself happiness?”
“I wouldn’t survive another loss like that,” Taylor said, finally putting into words her deepest fear. At least to her parents. She’d talked around the subject for years, but never came right out with it.
“If you think I didn’t worry about your father every time he left the house for work, then you’re the one who’s crazy,” her mother said, smiling affectionately. “But I love him, and his job was a big part of who he was, and who he is now. He wouldn’t be the same person without it. And if Callie wasn’t with the police department, she probably wouldn’t be the same person either. Sometimes you just have to take a chance.”
“I don’t think I can,” Taylor said, her throat tight. Fear was a powerful motivator, and she didn’t think she’d be able to do it day in and day out again.
“You’re stronger than you think, Taylor,” she said, hugging her again. “Don’t lose out on something that could be spectacular simply because something might happen to her. She could walk out the door right now and get hit by a bus. Nobody knows what the future holds, but if you don’t take a chance, you aren’t really living.”
* * *
Callie jumped when she felt a hand on her back, and she turned to see Meg smiling at her. Quinn and Grace had just left, Meg’s husband and kids had gone back to their hotel, and she was getting ready to head home as well. They’d all be back bright and early for breakfast in the morning.
“I thought you left with your family,” Callie said. “Where’s Mom?”
“She’s watching TV in the living room,” Meg answered. She motioned toward the kitchen table and went to sit. “Talk to me for a few minutes.”
“What’s up?” Callie asked as she joined her.
“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Meg said with a smile. “I’ve noticed you seemed to be preoccupied all evening. Is something wrong?”
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