To Win Her Back

by Mackenzie Crowne

  “Stay, V.” He nipped at her earlobe, then soothed the sting with his tongue.

  She wanted to. Wanted to so badly she ached. “Sam.”

  “Take a chance on that new beginning Lucy mentioned.” Running his palm down the length of her spine, he molded her butt with his palm. Squeezing gently, he pressed her closer, then groaned. He tucked his face into her neck, his heavy breaths warming her skin. “Trust me, Red, and stay.”

  Trust me.

  The reminder of the price he put on that new beginning doused the red-hot flames of desire burning her to the core. She briefly dropped her forehead to his shoulder. “You don’t play fair.”

  “I play to win.”

  It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to push off his chest. She stared into his eyes, smoldering with blue fire, and nearly gave in. Dragging her gaze clear of his, she disentangled herself from his arms and climbed to her feet.

  He sat up, his gaze following her as she crossed the room to gather her purse and coat. “But this. You and me. It’s not a game.” He waited until she’d turned to look at him, then stood and stalked forward until he stood in front of her. “Not to me. I’m putting my trust in the hope it isn’t to you, either.”

  She stiffened, his verbal jab slicing at her heart. Holding his hopeful gaze wasn’t easy, but she refused to look away. “It isn’t, Sam. You have every reason to doubt me, but I don’t play games.”

  He blinked, then stared at her. “Then stay. See this through, and put us both out of our misery.”

  Despondency dragged at her, and she shook her head. “What you’re asking of me is…impossible.”

  Denial flashed in his eyes, but his hands were gentle as he took her coat and helped her don it. “Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough.” Dropping an arm around her shoulders, he walked her into the foyer and stopped at the door, then turned her to face him. “Whether you had come running straight back to me fifteen years ago, or shown up on my doorstep years later as you have, we would have ended up right where we are at this moment. With me wanting you so fucking bad I hurt.”

  Tears welled in her eyes, and she shook her head. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you again. I couldn’t live with that.” Sighing, she dragged her coat closed. “Maybe it would be best if we just left each other alone.”

  His nostrils flared on a humorless laugh. “I wish it were that easy. Although I’d convinced myself I was over you, it’s obvious I was fooling myself. The truth is, I never could resist you. That hasn’t changed.” He cupped her cheek in his palm. “Up until four months ago, I might have been satisfied with I’m sorry I hurt you and taken what you offered no questions asked, but yours is no longer the only heart to claim mine. You were right when you said I needed Lucy. I do, but I need you, too.”

  He dropped his forehead to V’s. “Family is a concept Lucy has never really known. I won’t short-change her by building our life together in half measures. I can’t do that to her, and I won’t do it to myself. We, both of us, want you in that life but, if we’re going to work, it has to be all or nothing.”

  Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he straightened and opened the door. “Sleep well, baby.”

  Chapter 20

  Early the next morning, Sam parked his rental car in the complex parking lot and switched off the ignition. Lifting his hips, he dug his buzzing cell phone from his back pocket. V’s name appeared on the screen. He clamped the fingers of his free hand around the steering wheel as the rush of blood quickened in his body.

  Her comment about them leaving each other alone had kept him awake a good portion of the night. She hadn’t repeated the suggestion, but then, he hadn’t given her the chance. Shit, he’d all but proposed and…nothing.

  He was probably pushing her too hard. Hell, of course he was, but he was only human. The way she responded to his every touch was burning him alive. If she didn’t talk soon, and put him out of his misery, he was going to combust—if he didn’t blow a nut first.

  Sucking air through his teeth, he thumbed the screen to answer and spoke as calmly as his wildly thumping heart would allow. “Good morning, Red.”

  “Sam, I was hoping to catch you before you headed to the complex.”

  No friendly greeting and her voice was pure business, holding no resemblance to the soft tones of the woman he’d held in his arms less than twelve hours ago. Not a good sign. His stomach muscles knotted.

  She was going to bail, and he hadn’t a clue how to convince her not to.

  He eyed the high glass walls of the building in front of him. “Too late. I’m in the parking lot. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong, exactly, but I think we should talk about last night.”

  He dropped his head against the rest and squeezed the bridge of his nose with forefinger and thumb. “Running away wasn’t the answer last time. It’s not this time, either.”

  She hesitated, and he held on to the small chance he’d misread the reason for her call. When she finally responded, her voice was calm and even. “I’m not running. I’m not going anywhere, but I can’t give you what you want.” Another pause. “Prolonging this…this thing between us, isn’t going to change that.”

  “This thing?” Frustration whipped at him like a lash and his laugh was harsh. “It’s called love, V, and no one ever said it was easy.” He dropped his hand to his thigh. “Not to me, anyway.”

  The silence stretched and, with it, his patience. Telling her he loved her over the phone was a lame-ass move, but from the moment she’d walked back into his life, he’d lost all sense of what was normal and what was bat-shit crazy. He was losing his fucking mind.

  He sighed. “No response to me admitting I’m still in love with you?”

  “Sam.”

  The way she breathed his name stirred the embers of his frustration into a flame of anger. “You say you can’t give me what I want, but you’re wrong. I want you. You, Red, and so does Lucy.”

  Professionalism leaked away under hurt. “You’re making this more difficult than it has to be.”

  “I’m making this difficult?” His gut clenched and the anger flared over all she was willing to throw away. Again. He curled his fingers into a fist. “The other night at the hotel, you said you’d left behind the best thing that ever happened to you because you were a coward. How is what you’re doing now any different?”

  She remained silent. He ground his molars so hard, he was surprised his jaw didn’t crack under the pressure. “What? No snappy comeback from the hard-as-nails agent?” His laugh was a wry cough. “Oh, right. The agent isn’t the one speaking, is she? She doesn’t back down from anything, no matter how difficult. It’s the woman who doesn’t have the guts to trust that I love her. That I’d stand beside her, no matter what. It’s the woman who doesn’t have the courage or the conviction to believe the love I have for her is stronger than any dark secret she’s hiding.”

  The sound of her hitched breathing pierced the red haze of his anger. He dragged in a ragged breath. “Shit. V—”

  “I can’t do this.” Her thready voice was a dagger slice to his gut. “Please, tell Lucy I’m sorry.”

  The call went dead. He tossed the phone onto the dash. Slumping back, he dragged a palm over his mouth and jaw. “Way to go, asshole.”

  Jesus, he’d made her cry.

  No way in hell was he going to lose her again. He couldn’t. But berating her wasn’t the answer.

  He wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel. What the fuck was she hiding that would make her give up what she clearly wanted? Even his mention of Lucy hadn’t been enough to make her stop and reconsider.

  Think, Sam. Think.

  He eyed the nearly empty parking lot. He’d come in early, wanting to refresh himself on the playbook before meeting the team on the field. He checked his watch. Practice wouldn’t begin for more than an hour. He sat forward and grabbed his phone from the corner of the dash. Barlow was a
n hour behind, but Anita was an early riser. She answered on the third ring.

  “Hello, Anita. It’s Sam.”

  “Sam.” Pleasure permeated her greeting. “This is a surprise. How are you? And Lucy? How is she handling the move?”

  “We’re good. Both of us. Settling in.” He shifted in his seat. “I need to ask you a few questions.”

  “About?”

  His chest rose on a heavy breath. “V.”

  “Of course. How are things going with the two of you?”

  He scraped his palm over the back of his neck. “Not as well as I’d hoped when we left Barlow.”

  “I’m sorry, Sam. I’d hoped the two of you could reconcile.”

  “So did I. I still do, but I’ve done a piss-poor job of convincing her to talk to me so far.” And after that pissed-off performance a few minutes ago, you’ll be lucky if she ever speaks to you again.

  Anita’s sigh was heavy. “I’ll wish you good luck, but I’m not sure it’ll do a lot of good. I talk to her at least once a month and don’t feel as if I know her at all.”

  “She doesn’t ever tell you what she’s thinking or what she wants out of life?”

  “Not really.” A short laugh sounded in his ear. “There was a time she told me everything. Now she talks to me like I’m a casual acquaintance instead of the mother who dried her tears and tucked her into bed. She tells me what she thinks I want to hear, but she doesn’t say a lot. The truth is, she hasn’t shared her heart with me in a long time.”

  Sam stared blindly at the glass walls of the complex. “She did with me, or at least it felt that way back then.”

  Anita’s voice softened. “She was different with you, Sam. More like the magpie she was as a toddler. When she was little, she told me everything.” She laughed softly. “Most of the time, I couldn’t get her to shut up, but then her father left us, and….”

  “And what?” he probed as she trailed off into silence.

  A long pause, then, “And everything changed. I did the best I could when Edward left, but life was tough for a while. Things improved when I was offered the job out at the Double J, but V never quite bounced back to the happy child she’d been.

  “She never acted out the way some kids do when their life falls apart, but she started keeping her thoughts to herself. She was, I don’t know, less animated. Quiet. Introspective. Well, you know how she is. As stubborn as the day is long and completely confident in her ability to handle everything on her own.”

  Anita’s tone took on an undercurrent of guilt and pain. “When she told me she was following you to Florida, I told her she was making a mistake. I’m sorry, Sam. I know there was love between the two of you, but you were both so young. Too young to handle the disappointment of your injury, obviously.”

  Sam didn’t think it was that simple. “You mentioned her father. She’s never spoken to me about him. Were they close?”

  Anita’s voice lost some of its softness, going flat. “Very. They did everything together. If he was leaving the house, she wanted to be with him. He called her his little kitten.”

  Sam drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Did she ever get in touch with him after he left?”

  “Not that I know of, but I don’t think so. She never talked about him and never forgave him for leaving. When he died, his lawyer contacted her to tell her Edward had named her the beneficiary of an insurance policy he’d bought years ago. He left her five hundred thousand.” Anita sighed. “That was one of the few times she came back to Barlow. She said she didn’t want anything to do with his money and signed every penny of it over to me.”

  They spoke for a few minutes more but, other than learning her father’s abandonment had caused a major shift in V’s life, his call to Anita was a complete bust. She certainly hadn’t told him anything that shed any light on the problem at hand.

  Frustration burned in Sam’s gut as he climbed from the car and spent the first day of his dream job feeling like shit. He’d hurt V, and that was the last thing he’d wanted to do. Although every instinct screamed at him to go to her and tell her he was sorry, he hesitated. She’d made it clear she didn’t want to see him. He’d give her the space she’d asked for, but there was no way in hell he was giving up on her. Not this time.

  * * * *

  V stood at her office window, her eyes following Sam as he moved up and down the sideline on the field below. The stadium teemed with activity as the facility staff prepared for Sunday’s home game, and the players ran through their last practice of the week. It had been less than five days and she missed Sam horribly.

  He’d called her a coward, and he was right. He’d also said he loved her. The admission haunted her, but continuing on as they had been wouldn’t be fair to him. Despite wanting to with all her heart, she couldn’t give him what he asked for, and spending time with him and Lucy when nothing could come of it was as painful as it was a joy for her. She consoled herself with the knowledge that she’d made the right choice when she insisted they call a halt to their hopeless relationship.

  He hadn’t been happy, but he’d respected her wishes. After standing at his side at the press conference Monday morning, which had gone exactly as Caroline predicted, V had kept her distance. So had he.

  According to Caroline, the moving van had arrived late Monday afternoon with Sam and Lucy’s things, including Daisy. With as many hours as he’d spent at the complex, familiarizing himself with the Marauders’ system and players, V couldn’t imagine he’d gotten a lot done at the house. She huffed a wry breath and turned from the window, reminding herself Sam and Lucy’s home, their life, wasn’t her concern.

  The furor over Jaffrey’s claims had fizzled after Caroline’s presser, leaving V to focus on her job. She’d declined Gracie and Jake’s invitation to spend New Year’s Eve at the farm, claiming the trip to Barlow had put her behind. Gracie didn’t buy the excuse, but she didn’t force the issue. V rang in the new year alone in her condo, planning the victory celebrations should the Marauders do what most of the experts expected and claim yet another conference championship and Super Bowl.

  With less than forty-eight hours till kick-off, the city pulsed with anticipation for Sunday’s home game. V, however, was exhausted. Despite the early hour, she slid open her desk drawer to retrieve her purse. She shrugged into her coat and headed toward the elevator, looking forward to a glass of wine and an over-the-counter sleep aid.

  Her cell phone buzzed as she pressed the down button. Pulling the device from the pocket of her purse, she checked the screen. Her heart did a little flip in her chest. Though she hadn’t spoken to Sam’s daughter since their pizza celebration, she’d heard through Caroline that Lucy had been accepted at the Romanov Academy. She had started classes on Wednesday. It had been hell resisting the urge to call and congratulate her, but a clean break would be easier on all of them.

  V couldn’t ignore the girl’s call, however. Pleasurable anticipation warmed her chest and a helpless smile tugged at her lips as she swiped her thumb over the screen to answer. “Hello, Lucy.”

  “V?”

  Lucy’s whispered greeting sent V’s pulse skittering. This was New York, after all, and Lucy was new to the city. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  “I’m okay, but can you come over?”

  Relief washed through V, making her leg muscles weak. She slumped against the elevator’s frame. “Over where? Where are you?”

  “I’m at our house. I just got back from school and checked the mail.” A slight pause. When Lucy spoke again, her voice was breathless. “The DNA results are here.”

  The double doors whooshed open. V jerked straight, but stood rooted to the spot. “Oh, sweetie.”

  “Please, don’t say no. I haven’t opened them yet. I can’t.”

  V entered the elevator, but instead of the street-level button, she cued the one that would take her to field. “I’m just leaving the complex. Sam’s down on the field w
ith the team—”

  “Please, can you come by yourself? I don’t want him here when I look. Just in case, you know?”

  Empathy squeezed her heart, but going around Sam with Lucy would violate the line V herself had drawn. “I’ll come if you want me to, but not without telling Sam first.” Silence met her comment. “Lucy?”

  “Okay.”

  The tears in her voice ripped at V. “I’ll try and make him understand.”

  “I know. Thank you.”

  The doors opened and V stepped into the utilitarian hallway leading to the field. “I’ll be there as quickly as I can, okay? Just breathe.”

  A strangled laugh came through the earpiece. “I’m trying, but hurry. My hands are shaking and I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest.”

  V couldn’t help her smile. “Breathe deep then,” she instructed and disconnected the call.

  She pushed through the doors leading outside. The early January sunlight hit her eyes. Lifting her hand, she shielded them and scanned the arena for Sam. She spotted Tuck, CC’s husband and the team’s first-string wide receiver, standing in front of a sideline bench where Sam sat. Tuck nodded at whatever Sam said and turned to lope onto the field.

  Like wide-shouldered bookends, Wyatt Hunter and Gabe Tillman, the team’s huge center, sat on each side of Sam. He dragged a finger across the screen of the tablet he held. Wyatt and Gabe leaned close and bent their heads to study whatever Sam was showing them.

  Hurrying across the outer walkway, she smiled a greeting to several of the coaches and a couple players. As she approached the bench, Wyatt rose to his feet and tugged on his helmet. He turned his head and spotted her, and his teeth flashed in a grin. “Hiya, beautiful. If you’re looking for me, you just made my day.”

  Sam lifted his gaze to hers. A moment passed, then two. His blue eyes, lightened by the sunlight, swept over her face like a soft caress, and he dipped his chin in a silent greeting. Her pulse took off like a greyhound after the rabbit.