My Body-Mine

by Blakely Bennett

  I wanted to touch base with Chase and not leave his text unanswered, and I also wanted to check in with Janice. I hoped she and I could bridge the chasm between us and stay in touch.

  Jumping onto Facebook, I saw the green dot by Chase’s name.

  Jane: You there?

  Chase: Alive and well.

  Jane: Very glad to hear it.

  Chase: And you?

  Jane: Better than I’ve ever been.

  Chase: Oh?

  Jane: I’m moving into Parker’s house for a while.

  Chase: That’s closer to my place.

  Jane: Yes it is. 

  Chase: Need help moving?

  Jane: Nope, just have a couple of bags.

  Chase: How did last night go?

  Jane: Really well but I’d rather talk about that in person.

  Chase: Oh 

  Jane: I signed the divorce papers and left them with Luke.

  Chase: Oh 

  Jane: LOL! Yes.

  Chase: So when do I get to see you?

  Jane: Soon.

  Chase: Still hiding?

  Jane: For just a bit longer.

  Chase: You know where to find me.

  Jane: Chase?

  Chase: Yeah?

  Jane: Thank you for giving me the time I need.

  Chase: You’re worth it.

  Jane: :*

  Chase: A kiss for me?

  Jane: Many.

  Chase: Later, baby. :P

  Jane: Bye.

  I carried my bags to the door, planning to find Janice before I took off to meet Parker, but Janice found me instead.

  She wore red short-shorts and a black T-shirt, with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her face held no traces of makeup. “Are you going on a trip?” Janice asked.

  “I’m moving into Parker’s house. She’s living with her boyfriend now.”

  “Oh,” she said. Her shoulders dropped, and she plopped down on the brown leather couch. “I didn’t realize you were moving.”

  “I was just about to find you so we could talk. How are you doing?”

  “A little lost, really.”

  “I can understand that. I saw Luke yesterday.”

  “Fuck … really?” Janice’s eyes grew wide with both astonishment and concern. Was the concern for me or for herself?

  “Really, really,” I said. I sat down next to her, unsure of what I wanted to say.

  “How was that?” she asked.

  “Good and sad. It gave me the closure I needed. Do you plan to stay with Marcello?”

  “No, I think we’re both ready to part company.”

  “What will you do?”

  “I haven’t the foggiest.”

  “Did you know Luke is living in Seattle these days?”

  “I thought he was living here at the beach house.”

  “Yes, he is, but I don’t imagine he’ll be staying much longer.”

  “How is he?” Janice asked. She seemed so young and vulnerable, so very different than the woman I first met on my wedding night.

  “Lost as well. Maybe you should go see him.”

  “Uh, are you encouraging me to go to Luke? That wouldn’t bother you?”

  “I’ve asked him to sign the divorce papers and yes, I think he might need you. And maybe you need him too?”

  “I find it a little odd that you are playing matchmaker.”

  “Not as odd as I find it myself. He seems different and frankly, so do you. I want happiness for you both. Maybe I’m just being silly or a romantic, I don’t know, but when I spent time with him yesterday, I couldn’t help thinking of you.”

  “I don’t know what to say. You’ve always been so much nicer to me than I’ve been to you. I’m truly sorry I have let the men in our lives affect our friendship.”

  “Well, Janice, we had a rocky start.” I laughed.

  “Yeah, that’s true.” She smiled at me, and I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes that hadn’t been there just mere minutes ago.

  “Please stay in touch, okay?”

  “I promise.”

  We stood and embraced. Part of me felt sad to be saying yet another goodbye. At the same time I felt the excitement that came with embarking on the next chapter of the saga I called my life.

  * * * *

  Settling into Parker’s cute cottage home took very little time, and as the days passed I realized a few things from living on my own again. I had missed being the master of my own fate, but I no longer liked living alone.

  I received a call from Luke’s attorney informing me that Luke had signed the papers and would be vacating the house in a week. He asked me what I wanted done with furniture and other belongings, and I asked him to have it all removed. The next phase of my life was coming together much more quickly than I imagined, and I couldn’t wait to have the money to refurnish the beach house. My beach house.

  As soon as the call ended, I opened my laptop in search of Chase.

  Jane: Hey, you!

  I waited. Of course the one time I’m so impatient to find Chase, he’s not online.

  Jane: Helllllooooooo. Is anybody home?

  I typed in the chorus of “Under Pressure,” knowing he would understand I was finally ready to give us a chance.

  Jane: Call me when you get this!

  Practically jumping out of my skin, I settled on going for a run. I ran through the streets near Parker’s house, trying to ground and control some of the manic energy. The hot sun felt amazing accompanied by a cool winter breeze. I cut my run short, planning to stretch, shower, and drive over to Chase’s place.

  As I jogged up the path to Parker’s house, I saw a very welcome guest sitting on the front steps. Although the run had elevated my heart rate, seeing Chase waiting for me sent it soaring. He looked amazingly sexy in his worn jeans and a charcoal blue fitted long-sleeved crew neck.

  I ran the rest of the way into Chase’s arms, where he hugged me tightly. Then he spun us around, finally placing me down on my feet.

  “Are you stalking me?” I said, smiling from ear to ear.

  “Andre told me where to find you. So you’re finally done hiding?”

  “Absolutely, done, over, finito, fini!”

  “You must really mean it if you said it in three languages.”

  “I didn’t want there to be any misinterpretation.”

  “You are a funny girl!”

  “Woman, dude. Will you ever get it right?”

  “How many years do I have to try?”

  “As long as I can put up with you?” I said, bumping him with my hip, unable to keep a straight face.

  “Someone needs a tickling.”

  “Someone needs a shower first.”

  “Can I watch?”

  “I’ll think about it.” I winked and unlocked the door.

  I wanted Chase sexually in every way imaginable but not in Parker’s bed. I couldn’t see the harm of showering together, though. We took our shoes off by the door, and Chase followed me into the bathroom.

  “Care to join me?” I asked.

  “You don’t have to ask me twice,” he said as he started peeling off his clothes.

  His chest and stomach were so cut, they rippled. A smattering of sun-bleached hairs on his chest caused my hand to tremble with the desire to test their softness. As he raised his arms, I could see his lats expand out from his sides. My eyes helplessly tracked the chiseled lines that ran from his obliques into his low slung jeans. Watching him unbutton his pants caused me to groan out loud. He wore no underwear.

  “I had no idea,” I said, in awe of his muscular physique.

  His cock, shorter than either Marcello’s or Luke’s but not by much, was the thickest I had ever seen. Precum drooled out of the tip and I did what any sensible woman would do, I knelt before Chase and tasted him.

  “Yum,” I murmured, with the tip of his shaft still in my mouth. I trailed my tongue around his flared deep rim and cupped his balls in my right hand.


  “Jesus, Jane,” he hissed. “Your turn,” he said as he lifted me up to stand before him.

  I quickly shed my sports bra, tank, and running shorts.

  “Holy crap, I forgot your nipples are pierced.”

  “What do you think?” I said, swiveling my hips from side to side.

  “Fuck, you’re hot!” he said, as he stalked toward me, lifting me up onto the bathroom sink.

  He overwhelmed me with his kiss, not bothering with the buildup of smaller pecks. The heat of his desire ignited around me, burning me with lust wherever he touched. I wrapped my legs around his ass, pulling his rigid phallus against my saturated flower. I craved this man before me in every way imaginable. It felt like it would take a lifetime to quench the thirst he’d instilled in me.

  Chase twisted the hair at the base of my head, causing me to arch my neck and gaze directly into his eyes. “You are so fucking sexy, Jane. I want to learn everything about your body, drive you crazy with the most intense orgasms, and fuck you until you can’t take anymore.”

  I yearned for his cock to fill me, stretching me to fullness with its girth, but I had to tell him about Luke first.

  “I want that too, but I need to tell you something.”

  “Okaaaay,” he said, the word stretched out slowly between us. “Is this about Luke?”

  “Yes,” I said. “First let me say this: I’m in love with you. I have been for far longer than I was willing to admit. And when you told me you were upset to find yet another man in line in front of you, I completely dismissed it because it didn’t seem like the truth but—”

  “You fucked him … isn’t that what you’re trying to say.”

  “I did have sex with him that night but I—”

  “Who ended it? You or him?”

  “I did. He wanted me back and I said no.”

  Chase combed his fingers through his hair and exhaled heavily. “I need some time,” he said, pulling his jeans on.

  “Can’t we talk about this? That night with him freed me to love again, to take the risk. And I knew it was you, only you I wanted to be with. Afterwards I didn’t think of what came next for Luke and me, only how you’d feel about me spending the night with him.”

  “You mean fucking him,” he said, anger and hurt in his words.

  “Yes, but for me it was more a letting go, not only of Luke, but the past and all the shame that came with it. I’m not expecting you to appreciate it in the same way I do, but possibly to understand why I did it and what it means for us moving forward.”

  I slipped down off the sink, watching Chase tug his shirt back on.

  “When you love somebody and they choose to fuck someone else before you, it’s hard to take.”

  “I understand that, truly I do, but there were extenuating circumstances and I can’t regret it, because it freed me to love you. Wholly, fully, and completely.”

  I heard myself and realized how those words must sound to Chase—like some kind of New Age bullshit. Should I have told him at all? I knew what the encounter meant to me—simply a finale with Luke—but Chase would see it as a betrayal, pure and simple. I winced, praying that I hadn’t ruined it with him once and for all.

  “I need time,” he said, and left me standing alone, naked in Parker’s bathroom.

  I turned on the shower and cried, the tears merging with the water that cleansed me. I’d give him the time he needed, just as he had done for me. I only hoped that he’d find his way back.

  After dressing, I curled up on the bed, needing to talk to someone. Hearing Parker’s voice on the phone, I hoped I hadn’t made a mistake in reaching out to her.

  “Hi, Jane,” she said, a lilt in her voice.

  “Am I interrupting?”

  “Not at all. Andre and I just finished watching a TV show.”

  “Is he there with you?” I asked.

  “Yes … why?”

  “Can we have some privacy?”

  “Sure, I’ll go into the bedroom.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  After a few minutes she said, “Okay, so what’s up?”

  “This has to stay between you and me. I understand if you can’t do that, but I need you to assure me before I say anything else.”

  “Of course, Jane. This will stay just between us.”

  “Thank you, Parker. First off, Luke signed the divorce papers and I’m getting everything I wanted. I wanted to celebrate, which leads me to the second part.”

  “I’m so happy for you. How does it feel to be a divorcee?”

  I laughed and said, “I don’t know yet, let’s give it a few days.”

  “And the second thing?”

  “You have to promise not to get mad at me. I need you on my side.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “I’m in love with Chase.”

  “Yahooooo,” she screamed out, and I imagined her dancing around the bedroom.

  “You okay?” I heard in the background.

  “Peachy, Andre,” she said, and then I heard her cup the phone. “Can I tell him that part?”

  “Sure,” I said, rolling my eyes and shaking my head.

  “Jane’s in love with Chase.”

  “Wonderful,” he said, loud enough so I could hear him.

  “Can you close the door behind you, honey?” Parker said to Andre. “Okay, so what happened?” she said into the phone.

  “Chase came over to your place and we started getting hot and heavy—”

  “On my bed?”

  “No, I know better than that. We were in the bathroom.”

  “So what happened?”

  “Brace yourself and remember your promise.”

  “Shoot.”

  “I slept with Luke the night I saw him, and I didn’t feel right having sex with Chase without telling him the truth. He didn’t take it well.”

  “What man would?”

  “None. It’s just that it was the best thing that could have happened. I know he can’t see that, but honestly, Parker, I have no regrets. It’s almost like my heart was locked safely away where no one could hurt it anymore, but that also left me without the ability to love fully. Getting closure with Luke was the key. In the strangest turn of events, Luke came to Florida to get me back.”

  “What the fuck.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, Jane, you and I have been at odds over some of your choices but not this one. You made no promises to Chase and from what Andre has told me, you were very clear that you still needed time to sort out your life. Chase clearly has feelings for you, so I think he’ll come around. He might be reacting more to his past than you anyway.”

  “I hadn’t considered that.”

  “That’s why they pay me the big bucks and why you keep me around.”

  “Parker?”

  “Yes dear.”

  “You’re the best. One more piece of news … I get the beach house in about a week.”

  “That’s outstanding!”

  “I did tell them to get rid of all the furniture and stuff so we have shopping to do.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  “Thanks for trusting me, Jane. It means a lot to me.”

  “I love you girl, and will let you know how it goes.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Bye.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Weeks passed, and I fell into my own groove. Luke generously expedited the return of my money, allowing me to put off job hunting. I had yet to move into the beach house, still slowly furnishing the kitchen and living room, leaving the master bedroom untouched. I had yet to enter the room formerly known as Luke’s office and studio. I dragged my heels in regards to making major purchases, because in my mind I hoped Chase would be living there with me and I wanted his input.

  I stayed away from Facebook, mostly because it hurt to see the green dot by Chase’s name, knowing he was not available to me. Sandy had asked me to go dress shopping with
her, and I couldn’t wait to help her pick out the perfect wedding gown.

  Days flew by, and I taught myself more and more about creating an online presence to promote my book. I started a blog, and continued to craft the novel I planned to get published.

  I had arranged to meet Marcello at his house for lunch and to return the car. I purchased another vehicle, but instead of getting a red Honda Accord like I had before, I went with the Honda Insight hybrid. The name appealed to me, as did the frosted silver metallic with a bluish hue. I considered going with a less practical vehicle with a convertible top, but wanted the money I regained from the divorce to sustain my writing habit until I generated enough income through book sales. At least that was the dream.

  For my lunch with Marcello I dressed in a short denim skirt and a green T-shirt with the number five on it. Driving his Camry one last time, I couldn’t help but recall all that he did to help me. I worried our lunch together might be awkward, and that our easy rapport would have vanished. However, once I stepped out of the car and Marcello opened the door for me, I knew it would all be okay.

  He gathered me up in a bear hug, lifting me off my feet.

  “Damn, bella, I have missed you,” he said.

  I kissed him lightly as he lowered me to the ground. “I missed you too. It feels like months have passed.”

  “Because they have. Between my stay in New York and you moving, time waits for no man. Beautiful as always.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “Are we going to the restaurant?”

  “Yes, but first I’d love to introduce you to my mother.”

  “I’d really like that,” I said. It touched me that he still wanted me to meet her.

  Marcello led me into the kitchen where his mother sat at the small table while the cook went over the meal plan for the week. I could see Marcello in her warm dark eyes. She wore a fitted light blue dress, buttoned to the collar, with a colorful chiffon scarf draped around her shoulders. Her silver gray hair was styled in an elegant chignon.