Let's Be Mature About This

by Renee LaRuse

  Once I saw him standing there my worries melted away. I can’t help but smile when I see him. Every time we’re together I have to pinch myself because I feel like it can’t be real to have this wonderful guy actually care about me as much as he does. I daydream about us being on some island in the Caribbean together, walking down the beach hand in hand, feeling really comfortable and settled down. I can’t wait to introduce him to Elizabeth or to show him off to random people on the street even! When I think about how Elise hurt him I feel the hurt for him too.

  I find that my emotions are getting wrapped up with his. Not in an unhealthy way where I’d do absolutely any crazy thing to make it better but, close enough. I’m ashamed to say that I get teary-eyed sometimes when he hugs me or when he kisses me. I feel so lucky. I think I’m in…I think I like him more than I thought was possible. I watched as Gavin glanced around my room. Then he walked over to me where I was seated in my plush chair and sat squarely on my lap.

  “You’re freakin’ heavy! Get off before you break my legs!” Laughing, Gavin got off of me and I scooted over to make room for him. He sat down in the space beside me with his back against the arm of the chair and his legs across my lap and hanging off the opposite arm of the chair. “You are a big baby, you know that?” I grumbled.

  “Yeah, but I’m your baby, right?”

  I could only smile at that. He gave me a peck on the lips and then stood from the chair to look closely at the posters on my wall. “I thought you said Lenny Kravitz is your favorite artist. Why don’t you have any pictures of him on your walls?”

  “Out of respect, I guess. That way I’ll concentrate on his music and not get obsessed about his face. I don’t know, I just don’t want to be that type of crazy fan. Now that I think about it, I don’t think it made a difference. I’m still pretty smitten by him.”

  Gavin looked around my room some more. “Your room reminds me of my own room when I was your age. I—“ Gavin was cut off by the piercing glare I was giving him. “Nevermind,” he sighed. “I’m sorry,” Gavin said with puppy dog eyes. He walked over to me, took my hands and pulled me from the chair. He hugged me and kissed me on the neck. “I can’t believe I said that, Sydney. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I made myself sound like your father or something.” He kissed me several more times on the neck and on the cheek and slowly twirled us in a circle. “I’m an idiot. You’re not going to leave me are you?” he joked. “Oh don’t leave me! Baby, baby, please!” Then somehow he pushed us both onto my bed. By that time I was giggling and not at all mad at him. Next thing you know it turned into a make-out session that got a little heavy when Gavin kind of found his way on top of me and I had to quickly draw the line. We sat up, straightened our clothes, combed our fingers through our hair, and sat cross-legged on my bed. He apologized profusely. It was quite disconcerting.

  “You know I’m sorry, right Sydney? I’m just a screw up sometimes. Give me another chance though, it won’t happen again, I promise. Just hang in there with me.”

  “Whoa! Slow down, Gavin. It’s okay. You really think that, don’t you? I mean, I know you were just kidding but, this is the third time you’ve brought it up that I might up and leave you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Is that your main insecurity, then?”

  “I guess it is.”

  “Think really hard all the way into your childhood and tell me what is the most scared you’ve ever been?”

  “Okay, Ummm, this is kind of weird but, there was this time when I was about seven or eight. It was around Christmas time because I remember the decorations were up in the mall and there were so many people there shopping. My mother and I were looking for a gift for my dad so we went into this store, I can’t remember the name of it, but we went in and somehow I got distracted by something I saw and I wandered off and got lost. By the time I realized I was lost I just kind of froze. I was so frightened. You would think I would go up to one of the sales clerks and ask for help. Or maybe I should have started crying and looking pathetic so someone would help me, but instead I just stood there. I remember thinking, How could I be so stupid? Now I’m lost and my mother is going to be pissed.” Gavin chuckled. “Eventually somebody spotted me, and my mother and I were reunited.”

  “Alright, that’s a great example of what I’m talking about. You made a mistake and immediately you called yourself stupid. So, even before that happened I think someone said something to you that made you feel like you weren’t smart.”

  Gavin shrugged. “My dad said a few things I’m sure but I can’t really remember something in particular from when I was that young.”

  I smiled at him. “That’s okay. Sorry, don’t get all worried about it. I was just curious.”

  “So, what about you? What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?”

  I laughed. “I’ve already analyzed myself just so you know. The most scared I’ve ever been was the day my dad walked out on my mother and I. They were arguing and my dad pulled out a duffel bag and started stuffing his things into it. I saw him heading for the door and I was so distraught because I didn’t want to see him go. So I threw a fit and threw my little eleven-year-old self onto his leg and tried to pry the bag out of his hand. At that point my dad grabbed my arm, hard, and pushed me away from him which resulted in me falling flat on my butt onto the floor. I remember looking up at him in horror. He just looked at me for a second and then headed out the door, not at all remorseful. And that is the story of why I am so defensive. I never know when someone might decide to turn on me.”

  “You don’t have to worry about that from me, okay?” Gavin kissed me on the temple. I closed my eyes and smiled and nodded. I wasn’t worried. He’d be there for me and I’d be there for him.

  “Gavin, how bad did the depression get? I want to know what to expect if something happens to you, so I’ll know how to handle things and take care of you.”

  “God, no, Sydney, don’t think that. I’m fine now. You don’t have to take care of me. I’d never let you do something like that.” I gave him a look that said, Are you going to answer my question or what? He let out a sigh and looked over at my bedroom window. It was around seven so it was getting dark outside. As he looked out the window he told me, “I just couldn’t get out of bed for a while, is all. Don’t worry about me, okay?” He looked back at me. “What about you? I want you to find what you’re passionate about. Don’t just become a doctor because it’s practical. What’s good for your mother is not good for you.”

  “I’m passionate about you, can’t that be enough?” I smirked. Gavin gave me a little scolding look. “Alright. Uh, I do like helping people.”

  “You should be a psychotherapist.”

  “A what?!”

  “Seriously, I think you’re really good at reading people. Like what you did earlier with me. Your very perceptive and thoughtful and funny and smart and beautiful and—“

  “Okay okay!” I grinned, “I’ll think about it.” Just then my cell phone started ringing. It was Elizabeth and I could hear Sara crying in the background. Elizabeth was stressed and Evan was at work so she was feeling overwhelmed. I finished talking with Liz and turned to Gavin. “Liz is having trouble getting Sara to bed. I need to go over there and calm both Liz and Sara down. Do you want to come with me?” Gavin nodded.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The two walked into the Roth home to hear Sara’s wails and Elizabeth’s sobs. Elizabeth stood up from the couch Sydney walked over to her. She hugged her best friend and told her it would be okay. Then she went over to the crib where Sara lay. Elizabeth, tears still running down her face, exhausted, waved a limp hand at Gavin. Gavin went over and gave Elizabeth a hug. It was all he knew to do since he had no idea how to calm the baby down.

  “I’m sorry you had to see me like this. I wish our first meeting were a little less noisy.”

  “Don’t apologize for anything. It’s great to finally meet you.” They both pulled out of the hug and sat on the couch to watch Sydn
ey.

  “Miss Sara Roth, I don’t appreciate you treating your mother this way,” Sydney said while looking down at her niece in the crib. Her chubby face was mottled and red from crying. When she heard her auntie’s stern voice her eyes opened and the volume went down a little on her cries. Gavin watched as she picked Sara up and held her in her arms. She kissed Sara all over her face. “Stop that crying,” she said softly. “You too, Liz.” Elizabeth smiled sadly. “I know, Baby Sara. You’re sad because mommy is sad and daddy is away. But being a human siren is not going to help her. Help mommy out and get some sleep.” Sydney walked over to the couch and sat beside Gavin. Gavin’s arm reflexively wrapped around her waist to pull her closer and he watched as Sara was expertly quieted down and soothed to sleep.

  Watching Sydney with her goddaughter put Gavin on Cloud 9. At that moment everything he’d been feeling and thinking clicked. He kissed Sydney lovingly on the cheek. She gave him a curious smile and got up to give Elizabeth her now sleeping baby daughter. Elizabeth smiled down at her baby and placed her gently back into her crib.

  “I love my niece,” Sydney whispered to Gavin, “but I couldn’t do what Liz does every day. I couldn’t be in her situation. Especially with Evan working so much, sometimes it’s like she’s a single mother. I just can’t take the chance to ever feel that way.” Gavin nodded. Elizabeth returned and sat with them on the couch.

  “Liz, I know it’s hard right now. However, you can’t find yourself feeling this way every night that Evan is at work because there is going to be many more of these nights.”

  “I know, Sydney. I sort of had an argument with Evan before he left for work this evening. I just want him to be a home a little more. I think Sara felt that I was upset.”

  “Oh, Liz. I think you owe Evan a big apology. It’s hard for Evan too, being away from his girls so much.”

  Elizabeth smoothed down her long wavy black hair with her hand and nodded.

  “Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on her, Sydney?” Gavin questioned.

  “No,” Sydney stated bluntly.

  “Um, Sydney, I know I’m a guy so I don’t know exactly what she’s going through as a mom, but I can’t imagine how hard it is for her right now.”

  “Of course I know how hard it is, Gavin, and it is not going to get any easier. I’m not telling Liz something she doesn’t already know or that we haven’t already discussed. I understand completely that she feels alone right now but I know Evan. He is a good husband and a good father just trying to provide for them. Still, every mother has to be able to handle it by themselves.” Sydney turned to Liz. “Right, Liz?”

  “Sydney’s right, Gavin. I need to be strong for myself and Sara.”

  Sydney gave Liz a hug. Gavin looked on feeling left out and a bit hurt. Did Sydney think he would do that; walk out on her and leave her to raise their child on her own? She was angry at him for being a guy, basically. He understood that her father hadn’t taken care of his responsibilities but it hurt to have her frustrations with deadbeat men directed at him. He couldn’t imagine doing that to her. Doesn’t she know how much he cares about her? When Sydney pulled out of the hug with Liz he was surprised to see that Sydney had tears in her eyes. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him too. He squeezed her tight as she buried her wet face into his neck.

  “I’m sorry I seemed mad at you, Gavin. Sometimes I have to be tough about things, especially since I’m a woman. Liz and I are trying to stay strong without pushing away the good men we have in our lives. I appreciate you, I really do.”

  “Shhh, it’s alright, I understand. You don’t have to take it all on your shoulders. I have perfectly good shoulders I wouldn’t mind using, okay?” Sydney looked up at him and he gave her a quick kiss. “Liz, I think when you talk to Evan he’ll tell you the same,” he smiled.

  Elizabeth took a deep breath and smiled. “So, you two have an anniversary coming up, huh? Next week will be a month. I’m so excited for you two!”

  “Time flies. I can’t believe it’s been a month already.”

  “Yeah, it has,” Gavin grinned. Sydney was sitting leaned against him with her back against his chest.

  “This is so weird for me to think that I’m with someone. But I guess that’s not new for you, Gavin. You’ve been in a long-term relationship before.”

  “Yeah, but this is so different. The sum of all of the good things I thought I felt in two years I’ve felt with you in less than a month.”

  “Awwwww! You two are so cute! We should meet up again. Maybe we could have a double date! How fun would that be!” Gavin and Sydney agreed. “Oh! I’ll need to get a babysitter.”

  “I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind spending time with her adopted granddaughter.”

  “How perfect! I’ll get a break from being Mommy and you and Gavin can see Evan. Sydney, you haven’t seen him in, like, a month so that should be cool.”

  Sydney nodded.

  * * *

  “Nice to see you Gavin. It’s been a while.”

  “Good to see you too.”

  “If you would accept any of my invitations to some of my exhibition opening parties we’d have seen each other sooner,” Jay suggested.

  “I know. You know I can’t handle that party scene anymore.”

  Jay frowned.

  “Man, I’m telling you I love this girl. I knew from the start, but when I saw her with her niece the other day, I really knew. It was a glimpse of the future, you know?”

  “Uhh, no.”

  “Jay!” Gavin laughed.

  “Sorry, but babies aren’t appealing to me. I’m happy for you though.”

  “And Jay, she wanted to know about how it was for me after Elise and all, and she told me she would be there if it ever happened again. Jay, that was my number one fear; that it would happen again.”

  “I know.”

  “I told her she wouldn’t have to do that but it made me feel so much lighter. Now I’m not afraid of it anymore because I know that, no matter what, it’ll be okay. I don’t even think I have to worry about my depression anymore because she makes me so happy. Oh, there she is!”

  “Hey, Gavin,” she beamed. Gavin stood up from the booth and hugged her. Sydney smiled and waved at Jason over Gavin’s shoulder. He gave an insincere smile back. Gavin held Sydney’s hand as she slid into the booth and then he slid in next to her.

  “So you’re the Sydney,” Jay said giving her a sharp look with his hazel eyes.

  “And you’re the Jay,” Sydney smiled coolly.

  “How old are you again?”

  Sydney could see Gavin glaring at Jay out of the corner of her eye but she kept her eyes on Jay. What Jay didn’t know was that, although she was young, she could handle herself. She wasn’t a stranger to defending herself and she wasn’t going to run away crying or look helplessly to Gavin to stand up for her. She was just about to say something snippy when she realized she didn’t need to. She wasn’t even that pissed and what good would it do? It would make Jay annoyed and hurt Gavin. She smiled a little because she was proud of herself for thinking of a better way to handle it.

  “Yes. I am the nineteen-year-old girl that Gavin won’t shut up about.” At that Jay gave her a blank look. She knew she’d hit the issue on the head. Then she saw his jaw tighten and he leaned back against his chair. For the first time Sydney noticed that Jason was actually a handsome guy. His brown hair was out in a wavy fro and his hazel eyes with his caramel skin were striking. She was sure he had the ladies lined up. From what Gavin had told her, she knew that was true, but she was also sure it was fear that was keeping him a member of the player’s club. The waitress came and they gave her the orders. “So I hear they have really good food here. I’m sure you’ve brought a few dates here yourself.”

  Jason smirked. “I sure have.”

  “One, two, three dates and their out,” Gavin said under his breath.

  “Really? Three dates is the longest you’ve seen a girl?” Sydn
ey questioned Jay.

  “No. It’s the maximum amount of money I’ll spend on one.”

  For a moment Sydney was taken aback. This jerk was Gavin’s best friend? Why was Gavin still talking to this fool?

  “So I guess it never gets challenging for you in a relationship. Can I even call them relationships?”

  “Guess not.” Jay shrugged.

  “Gavin and I have had our issues, most of them mine.” Gavin gave her a shocked look and shook his head saying ‘no’. “But we got through them and that’s what makes our relationship better. Stronger. Gavin and I have to be strong, especially because we’re an interracial couple. You understand that of course.”

  Sincerity flickered in his hazel eyes. “Yeah, I do. My mom and dad have been together for thirty-two years. I know how it is first hand.” Finally the waitress arrived with the food and they all began eating. The mood felt lighter now between the three.

  “As I was saying Jay, good relationships have their challenges. For example, you and Gavin have been friends for a long time. You don’t always agree and you’ve had your challenges. You stuck by him through his depression.” Jay nodded. “Getting past that initial fear and being there for him through it all wasn’t for nothing.”

  “You’re right,” Jay said. He looked at Gavin thoughtfully. “We’ll always be best friends, man. Even when you grow up and I’m still juvenile and jealous.”

  “I knew you loved me!” Gavin smiled

  “No sir!”

  Gavin frowned. “Well, at least Sydney loves me.”

  “Whoa there tiger!” Sydney joked. Gavin gave them both a fake hurt look.

  “Man, he’s so needy isn’t he?” Jason complained.

  “I know!” Sydney agreed. “And so anal retentive! Always primping and fixing and combing his luxurious locks!”

  Jason did a goofy impression of Gavin looking in a mirror and running his hand through his hair like a Greaser. Jason pretended to see a hair out of place. “Cazzo!” he cursed and smacked the imaginary hair down. Sydney burst out laughing.