Foolish Hearts

by Emma Mills

  I pull my phone out of my pocket eventually to use the flashlight. But as soon as I click it on, I see texts from my mom and four missed calls.

  I pause, opening the texts first:

  Juju’s in labor.

  I blink.

  Going to Indy.

  Daddy’s coming too.

  Will call with more news.

  “Claude?”

  It’s too early.

  I read the words again:

  Juju’s in labor.

  “What is it?” Gideon’s stopped off to the right of the path, looking my way.

  “My sister’s having her baby,” I say, and Gideon’s expression brightens, but I shake my head, my heart pounding. “Too early, it’s too early.” She’s only thirty weeks. I know because my mom has enthusiastically noted it on our kitchen calendar for every month—JULIA AT SIXTEEN WEEKS!

  TWENTY-FOUR WEEKS!!

  JUJU AT TWENTY-EIGHT!!!!!

  He frowns. “Maybe … maybe it’s a false alarm?”

  I dial my mom.

  * * *

  It’s for real.

  I’ll keep you updated, Mom said on the phone. I’ll tell you as soon as we know something.

  Gideon offers to drive me home. As we’re getting into his car, my phone rings. Alex.

  “I’m on my way home,” I say.

  “Okay.” A pause. “Good.”

  We hang up, and all I can think of are the babies at Roosevelt-Hart, the ones that are so tiny they look like nothing more than a bundle of blankets. I didn’t know human beings could ever be that small, could ever be so fragile.

  It’s quiet on the ride until I can’t take the quiet anymore.

  “My mom made all these hats,” I say. “Baby hats.”

  “Yeah?” Gideon replies.

  “Yeah.”

  I twist my fingers together in my lap, and I try to focus on anything other than my mom picking out the patterns and comparing yarns, rubbing different skeins against the inside of her wrist in the aisle of a craft store to see what was the softest. The last one she finished was yellow with a little orange flap across the forehead like a duck’s bill, and when we showed it to her on Skype Julia said it was “fricking adorable, Mom, but seriously, the kid only has one head.”

  “And it will always be warm,” Mom replied.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see Gideon glance over at me. And then he looks straight ahead again, but he rests one hand on the console between our seats, palm up. Like an invitation. Like I could take it if I wanted.

  I don’t hesitate.

  And it’s quiet again until I realize how tight I’m holding on. I ease up but don’t let go. “Sorry.”

  He shakes his head. “Vic used to hold my hand when she was little, like when she would get shots and stuff? She has this crazy iron grip. When she got her ears pierced in fifth grade, I thought she broke my finger. So I’m used to it. I don’t … I don’t mind.”

  When we pull up to my house, I have to let go of Gideon’s hand. I swallow and look out the window, and that’s when I see someone is sitting on our front stoop.

  Zoe.

  She has her arms wrapped around her knees, her hands pulled into the sleeves of her sweatshirt.

  I get out of the car before Gideon’s barely even stopped it, cross the lawn, and hug her hard.

  She hugs back.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Alex texted me.”

  “Where is he?”

  “Inside. It was weird so I thought I’d wait out here.”

  “Zoe—”

  “Is that the space prince?”

  I let go of Zoe and turn. Gideon is hovering awkwardly by the car.

  I grab Zoe’s hand and lead her over. “This is Gideon.” I gesture to Zoe. “This is Zoe, she’s my best friend.”

  “Nice to meet you,” she says.

  “You too,” he replies, and then it’s quiet.

  “Well, I should—” Gideon starts, just as Zoe says:

  “You should—”

  “Sorry?”

  “Stay,” Zoe says. “You should stay.”

  “I…” Gideon looks torn. “I have to get back for dress rehearsal.”

  I clap a hand to my head. “Rehearsal. Fuck. I didn’t tell Del—”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her,” Gideon says and then pauses. “I could … I could stay, though,” he says, looking hesitant. “If you want.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You have to do the show.”

  “I could come back after. I could … bring food.”

  Don’t worry about it is what I should say. We’ll be fine. Instead I nod. “Yes. Yeah. Okay.”

  “Okay.” He nods too. “I’ll be back.” And then it’s silent for a moment.

  Until Zoe says “Drive safe” next to me, too loud, and I almost jump.

  “Did you forget I was here?” she says as we watch Gideon pull away from the curb. She pokes me. “Don’t lie. You did. You totally did. You were lost in the space prince’s majestic eyes.”

  “I was not.”

  “We should’ve tried to make him laugh, I want to hear that weird chuckle.”

  “Zoe, geez.” I smile, but it turns into a grimace, and she pulls me into another hug. “I’m scared,” I mumble into her shoulder.

  “Me too.”

  “But I’m glad you’re here.”

  Her grip on my back tightens slightly. “Me too.”

  fifty

  “I would’ve picked you up,” Alex says when we get inside.

  “Have you heard anything new?” I reply, even though I know he probably hasn’t. He shakes his head, and it’s quiet for a moment, me and Zoe in the doorway to the living room, Alex on the couch with his phone at his side. If it’s good news, my mom might call either of us. But if it’s bad news, she’ll definitely call him.

  He has his computer open on his lap. He inherited Julia’s when she finished college. It’s seen better days, like mine, but it still runs Battle Quest, and that’s what matters. “I think I found it,” he says after a moment, eyes dropping to the screen. “The gateway to the Lord of Wizard.”

  “What?”

  “I ran a quest for a druid who gave me a scrying stone. But not the normal kind, like the mages get? I only noticed after I was reading up online—and that map you found in the Blaze? The one I asked for a while back?” I nod. “I put them together, and it lit up this portal in the outer rim. I think … I think it might be it. It’s not a dungeon we’ve ever played before, it’s not something anyone’s mentioned from the last patch.”

  “Should we go?” Zoe says, her eyes on me. She hasn’t looked Alex’s way once. I wonder briefly if this is how it’s going to be from here on out between the three of us. Stiff and awkward and so unlike it was before.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “Maybe we should wait for Julia.”

  Alex considers it for a moment. “We’ll just go check it out. We can come back with her and Mark when they … if they want to play again.”

  There is nothing else to do but wait for news, to sit and ruminate about baby hats.

  So we go.

  Zoe and I get our laptops, and then Viola, Korbinian, and Alex’s character, Eustace Everfire, are trekking across the Blaze.

  I was just here, moving through this very same part of the country, with Iris and Gideon. Seeing Alphoneus Centurion. It seems like ages ago.

  We follow Alex’s charmed map to the outer rim, and it takes us to a large rock formation. As we get closer, I can see the outline of a door within it, emitting a weak glow.

  Korbinian walks right up to it, presses one gloved hand to the door, and attempts to open it. Nothing happens.

  “There’s an inscription,” Zoe says.

  I toggle the view so I can see closer.

  Traveler, to enter—the cardinal touches, the stallion gambols.

  It’s quiet for a bit as we think, Viola, Korbinian, and Eustace standing motionless, the small strip of light aro
und the door pulsing faintly.

  Suddenly Zoe breathes in sharply. On-screen, Korbinian moves, touching a finger to the door—top, bottom, and each side. Korbinian steps back, and four symbols alight on the door, one in each spot that Korbinian touched.

  “Cardinal directions,” Zoe says. “North, south, east, west.”

  We wait.

  “What about the stallion?” Alex says.

  “Gambol means like, to jump around,” I say. “To prance.” I flash on Iris suddenly: That was an SAT word. She and Gideon aren’t nearly experienced enough with Battle Quest to make it in a boss battle like the one potentially waiting for us behind this door. But part of me wishes they were here with us too. Gideon would have avatar Gideon Prewitt twirling, jumping around, doing the—

  “Horsenfeld shuffle,” I say.

  “What?”

  “Stallion gambol. Do the Horsenfeld shuffle.”

  I start Viola off dancing. Eustace and Korbinian join in, and suddenly the door glows bright white and swings open to reveal a dark tunnel.

  “Yes!”

  We head inside. The door slams behind us. It’s pitch black.

  Suddenly, a booming voice echoes through the tunnel.

  > Lord of Wizard: Travelers, are you prepared?

  > Lord of Wizard: To battle the Lord of Wizard, to accept your fate?

  > Lord of Wizard: Are you prepared to sacrifice your soul to the island forever, should you fail?

  “Sorry, what now?” Zoe says.

  “Where is he?” On screen, Eustace Everfire lights up an orb that fills the tunnel with faint light. We’re alone. But the Lord of Wizard continues to speak.

  >Lord of Wizard: Will you meet your end head-on?

  “What does that even mean?” I say. Is that why no one’s talked about this battle? Because if you fail, you have to start over? I look over at Alex. “He can’t actually kill our characters, right?”

  “If you die against the Lord of Wizard, you die in real life,” Alex murmurs, and Zoe huffs a laugh.

  “I’m serious,” I say. “What does that mean? Sacrifice our souls to the island?” I’ve spent too long building up Viola’s stats, running her through the different classes, to give her up now.

  “Let’s find out,” Alex says.

  >Lord of Wizard: Do you accept?

  We all click yes.

  * * *

  It’s not long before we’re running from an army of the undead.

  They started popping up in twos and threes, and at first it was manageable. We’d slay a few and move forward, farther and farther through the winding tunnels.

  But soon they come in larger numbers, slowing us down, and then there are too many to reasonably fight off without the risk of dying, so we start to run. The tunnels narrow and widen and narrow again.

  Zoe is in the lead. “I think I see a light up ahead.” Korbinian quickens, Viola and Eustace right behind, advancing on what appears to be an opening, lit beyond by the dancing orange glow of torchlight. I cast a quick look back and see that the undead hordes trailing us have thickened immensely.

  We’re almost there—they’re gaining on us—we throw ourselves through the opening—

  A door swings shut behind us. Torches lining the walls flare brighter, illuminating the single cloaked figure in the middle of the room.

  His back is turned to us, but I know it’s him.

  >Lord of Wizard: Here, travelers, will you meet your doom.

  He turns to us, nothing but darkness beneath the hood of his cloak, except for the gleam of a smile.

  A number of the undead detach from the walls of the chamber and surround the Lord of Wizard, forming a protective barrier around him. In order to get to him, we’ll have to go through them.

  There are just three of us—with Julia and Mark, maybe, playing healer and doing combat, too, we might make a dent, but as it is, it’s just Zoe healing, Alex tanking, and me doing damage, trying to strike where I can while Alex draws the attention of the undead soldiers.

  Finally we break through the horde and get to the Wizard himself. But as we approach him, the Wizard claps his staff against the ground once, twice, three times, and begins to grow.

  And grow. And grow.

  “Not fair!” Zoe says. “He was normal-sized before!”

  >Lord of Wizard: Do you have faith in your abilities, travelers?

  >Lord of Wizard: Are you prepared to die by your own sword?

  The Wizard brings his staff to the ground again, and a burst of electricity sweeps from its base. We barely jump back in time, and as it is, Korbinian is licked by a tail of lightning, and his health bar drops in half.

  Alex and I both launch a series of attacks against the Wizard, Alex pulling back when he can, trying to draw the Wizard’s attention away from us, but the ring of undead soldiers around him has replenished, and they start to attack as well. The Wizard himself seems to be surrounded by a shield—any magic I send his way rebounds off him.

  It’s quiet among us, just the clicking of our keys as we fight—on-screen, explosions and bursts of lightning and the Lord of Wizard’s laugh, rising above it all.

  >Lord of Wizard: Are you ready to accept defeat?

  “I have an idea,” Alex says, and suddenly Eustace Everfire glows purple.

  “What are you doing? What is that?”

  “A new spell.”

  Eustace Everfire’s health bar begins draining rapidly as he absorbs attacks from the surrounding monsters.

  “It’s like a switch,” Alex says. “You just have to wait to flip it.”

  “Alex, you’re gonna—”

  “Keep fighting,” he says, and glances over at me. “You got this.”

  “If you’re out, you’re out, you might not come back.”

  “You got this,” he says again.

  “Zoe, stop him.”

  “Keep going!” she says. “One more push.”

  Eustace is absorbing the Wizard’s attacks now, his entire body pulsing.

  >The Lord of Wizard: BOW BEFORE ME.

  Eustace suddenly glows white and lets out one giant surge of magic aimed at the Wizard. The shield falls momentarily.

  “Do it,” Alex says. “Now!” Eustace falls to the ground in a crumpled heap, the health bar above his head at just above zero.

  I don’t have a moment to waste. I launch a series of attacks. Zoe heals me, adding to the attack when she can.

  Together, we fight, giving it everything we’ve got. The Lord of Wizard’s energy finally, finally drains.

  >QUEST COMPLETED.

  “Yes!” Alex yells. “Fuck yes!”

  “We did it,” Zoe says, and it’s almost a question. “We did it!”

  We cheer. We yell. We jump around.

  Until Alex’s phone chimes.

  Still in labor. Probably a few more hours.

  And we all sink back down onto the couch.

  fifty-one

  We decide to put off exploring the Island of Souls until we can come back and repeat the battle with Julia and Mark. Instead we watch TV. At least, we’re all acting like we’re watching TV, but to me, it barely registers.

  Eventually, there’s a knock at the front door.

  Gideon is standing on the porch, holding a stack of pizza boxes.

  “Sorry,” he says when I open the door. “I should’ve called. Is everything—do you want—”

  Yes. The pizzas and also him.

  “Come in,” I say.

  He hesitates. “I brought Iris,” he says. “And I usually drive Noah home, so he’s here, too. I could, uh, I could just leave the food, or I could drop them off and then come back if you want—”

  “Everyone can come in. You and them and the pizzas and you.”

  His lips quirk, an almost-smile. He waves to the car, and Noah and Iris get out.

  Iris has her arms folded, head down. She stops inside the door, even as Noah and Gideon go ahead.

  “It’s me from before,” I hear Gideon say inside. “And
this is Noah Edelman. He’s one of the best people I know.”

  “How’s your sister?” Iris says, studiously examining the doorframe.

  “Still in labor. No news yet.”

  She nods. “I can … call a ride. I just wanted to see if you were okay. If you needed anything. And … I wanted to say I’m sorry.” She meets my gaze. “I know that you didn’t tell Del. Paige talked to me. And even if she hadn’t, I know you wouldn’t, I know that. I just…” She shakes her head. “It’s kind of like, my mom, she had this dog when I was little, this really ugly Affenpinscher? She had gotten him before I was born. And he was old, and if you came up behind him and he didn’t hear you, he would just snap at you, it didn’t matter who it was, he just … reacted, and sometimes, I just … react. I’m not like you and Paige; when it comes to people, the only thing I’m good at is saying shitty things to them, and I … I’m sorry.”

  She straightens up. “Anyway, I hope your sister’s okay, and I hope the baby is okay. Just … let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

  She turns to go.

  “Wait. Do you want pizza?”

  “Like … to take with me?”

  “Like, to eat here, with us.”

  Iris blinks. “You forgive me?”

  “Of course.”

  “Just like that?” she says. “It’s that easy?”

  “Sometimes. Sometimes not.”

  “But this time?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “It’s that easy.”

  * * *

  We spread the pizzas out on the table in the living room, and I go into the kitchen for plates. Gideon and Noah follow me in.

  “There are drinks in the fridge,” I say, and then stop with one hand on the cabinet door and check my phone again. Nothing.

  Noah goes into the fridge, but Gideon just leans against the counter next to me as I start pulling some dishes down from the cabinet.

  “I was born six weeks early, you know,” he says quietly.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” Noah says. “And just look at him.” He closes the fridge. “Seriously, look at him.” Gideon straightens up and begins doing a model walk across the room and into the hall, swinging his arms, fingers extended, kicking out each foot with his head held high.

  “Look at those legs,” Noah says. “Look at that bone structure. Look at those eyes, you could get fucking lost in them.”