Becoming Tess

by H K Thompson

  “Of course, I need your agreement to attend the meeting and make a report in person.”

  He paused for a moment, turned to face her and still standing said:

  “Yes, of course you should. I’ll speak to Mona and have your item put on the agenda.” Dismissively he added: “Thank you.”

  He walked to the door and opened it for Evelyn to leave. She stood and walked out of the Director’s office.

  *

  The intervening two or three days had been strangely relaxing for Tess. Her habitual background tension had subsided and she realised that she’d been carrying a burden of anxiety and defensiveness in her body but now that had dissipated. She could not have known this before, she realised, because she had thought that the tension and discomfort were her natural state. It came as a slow-acting surprise that this was not so. The insights and revelations of the past few days had opened her up to a new and different state of being, one that she could never have imagined before. And then, by mid-week, she was beginning to feel a scarcely perceptible wave of sadness wash over her as the day progressed. She stayed doggedly with the feeling, knowing somehow that it was not the return of her depression but a purer, simpler sensation that sometimes brought tears to her eyes, sometimes making her take deep breaths, exhaled as quiet sighs that left her feeling cleansed.

  She knew instinctively that what was happening to her in the aftermath of the sessions was good, a positive development that took her forward towards the future. She had decided to focus her attention and her energy onto this new way of being, to divert her will power from propping up everything that belonged to the past, into creating something new. She did her best to reinforce everything new and hopeful in her day. And she had begun to wonder whether her work with Evelyn was coming to an end and whether, now that the truth about Stephen and Rachel had emerged, she would have to face her release from Wellbridge House. When she had thought this thought she found that she was not afraid of it, instead she saw it as a natural progression towards her new life.

  Because of this, Tess went to her next session with mixed emotions and, somewhere in the back of her mind, a slight feeling of foreboding that she didn’t want to look at too closely. She had been notified that on the following Monday she would meet with Inspector Ann McKenzie to look at photographs and she attributed her feeling of foreboding to that prospect. She now had to face the consequences of her innocent admission in her statement. In some ways she was glad that this was the case. Even with the risks involved she would, eventually, be drawing a line under her long relationship with her brother and helping to bring his killers to account. She still found her filial loyalty and connection with him irrational but she had come to an accommodation with that some time ago, developing an ability to accept the things she couldn’t change.

  As she entered the therapy room she found herself, as she habitually did, looking for Evelyn in her chair. She took her seat and this time looked directly at Evelyn, as if she were expecting something from her, for her to say something to her rather than waiting for her to make a start. Her intuition was answered as Evelyn spoke slowly:

  “Tess, today I have an agenda again. I’ll be attending the Board meeting next week and I would like to be able to report to the members the new information about the death of Rachel. The information has a direct bearing on your residence here. I’m sure you realise that. And now it’s clear that Stephen was murdered by persons so far unknown or unidentified, you’re no longer a suspect for his death. Your sentence will now be reviewed in the light of the new information. In order to disclose the information about Rachel’s death to the Director and the Board, ethically I must have your permission.” She stopped and waited.

  “If I say yes how much longer do I have here, do you think?”

  “I don’t know. But I think we should try and complete whatever we have to do and I’ll ask for that to be taken into consideration. Nothing will happen overnight.”

  Tess thought for some moments. She said:

  “Once I’ve got used to the idea, yes. I have to look at mug shots on Monday. I’m sure you know that. I’m not looking forward to it because I’m frightened of what it might mean, that I’ll have to go to court and be seen by the men responsible for my brother’s murder. That scares me. I try not to think about it because I may not be able to identify them. But if I’m able to then I’m going to need some help. They could come for me any time they want if I leave here. I don’t like that idea. Quite honestly, when I think about it it’s terrifying.”

  “The police will be aware of that and that must be discussed with them. Look, I know that Stephen’s killers are a major issue for you at the moment, given what you’re about to do on Monday. But what I’d like to know is whether you feel ready to complete the work we’ve done together here. I know you can’t separate these things out and in some ways I shouldn’t be asking you to answer this question. But I don’t want everything to revolve around these men and what they may or may not do. Do you feel that our work is nearing completion and that you feel confident enough to move out of this secure environment and make a life for yourself?”

  Again she paused, this time for several minutes, taking in the complexity of what Evelyn had said.

  “Yes I do. I wouldn’t have believed what I’m capable of and the experience here has helped me to grow and find my voice. Literally. I’m grateful for that. And to you. And I give my permission for you to tell the Board. There’s no point in putting it off. The sooner it happens the sooner I’ll know what the future holds and that’s what’s important to me now. Not knowing makes me feel anxious and I don’t want to do anything that makes me feel anxious ever again.”

  They both sat in silence for several minutes. Then Tess said:

  “I know we’ve only been here for less than half an hour but I think I’d like to end here. I feel as if I’d like to digest for myself what we’ve just discussed and the implications of it. I’d like to stop now.”

  Chapter 26

  Sir Alex Tomkins welcomed Evelyn Doyle to the Board meeting. Evelyn had been forced to reschedule two sessions at the unit to accommodate her attendance. Rescheduling was never something that she took lightly. She had spent a good part of her weekend preoccupied by the report she was to make, and she had taken the unusual step of calling off a date with her husband, Paul, on the Saturday evening. She was not in the mood for the cinema. Whether it was the prospect of crossing swords with Peter Archer again, or of having to make a report in a formal situation, or some other reason that had put her into a mood of mild depression, she didn’t know. All she knew was that, as the weekend progressed, she found herself thinking more and more about the probability of Tess being discharged and leaving Wellbridge House. She felt uncomfortable about this and she also knew that she was afraid of what might happen to her if she had to deal with a court case. If she succeeded in identifying the men responsible for the death of her brother then a prosecution would almost certainly follow and Tess would be exposed to the danger of being a witness to a killing like Stephen’s.

  Several times she checked and cautioned herself against crossing bridges before she came to them, only to find that a few minutes later she would be doing the same thing again. By Sunday afternoon she realised that she was tying herself in knots, being bad company for Paul and she finally, on impulse, invited him out for a long walk with tea at The Fensham Tea Room. After a muddy and freezing walk, they adjourned to the tea room and spent over an hour in conversation in front of the fire. For the first time that weekend Evelyn relaxed, forgot about the report she had written on Friday for distribution by email to the Board, and began to retrieve her relationship from distance and withdrawal.

  She enjoyed Paul’s company and missed his kind of nurturing. On Sunday night she slept deeply and well and by Monday morning had finally fought off her preoccupations. She found her equilibrium again, enough to trust that, one way or another, everything would work out. Over breakfast she spent some time thinkin
g about her verbal report which, with the benefit of her new-found equilibrium, suddenly seemed straightforward. There was, in fact, very little to say. All she had to do was to report the facts and make her recommendations. In the car on the way to the unit she listened to Radio 4 and, over the voice of John Humphrys, reconnected to the patients she was seeing that morning.

  By lunchtime, her afternoon sessions rescheduled, she spent an hour in the staff dining room having lunch and reading the paper. After the experience of her weekend she decided that the time had come to let go and trust that she knew what she was going to say.

  When Sir Alex opened the door of the boardroom and ushered her in she felt she was amongst friends. In turn the Board members smiled and greeted her. Once seated, Sir Alex gave a succinct preamble, that new information had come to light and that the sentence given to Tess Dawson was to be reviewed. Mrs Doyle had come today to report on the new information which would be discussed by the members. “We already have Evelyn’s emailed report,” he said, “and Evelyn will speak to it and answer any questions which may aid the Board in making its recommendation to the Home Office.” He invited Evelyn to take the floor. She looked around the table and began:

  “I’ve worked with Tess Dawson now for over six months and in that time she’s taken enormous strides in her therapy. As you’ll all remember, she was mute when she arrived here. I regard her mutism now as firstly the aftermath of trauma and as her way of taking stock of what had happened in West Wales during a violent encounter with her brother, Stephen; secondly, as a consequence of what had happened to her when her baby, Rachel, died at twelve weeks of age some seven years prior to the events in Wales. She had never come to terms with the loss nor, it seems to me, had she grieved. She had been retraumatised by the act of exhuming Rachel.

  With regard to the former, she came under suspicion of being involved in her brother’s death but the police have now counted her out as a suspect. There’s no doubt that she was involved in an act of violence against Stephen Dawson but I am certain that the violence was self-defence on Tess’s part. She admits to giving him a blow to the head with a poker but he, in fact, died from a broken neck deliberately and expertly inflicted by a person as yet unknown. As we meet here Tess is helping Inspector Ann McKenzie with her enquiries, which may result in the identification of the men who killed her brother. She witnessed his beating prior to his murder.

  The second issue that has come to light during her sessions with me is with regard to her baby, Rachel. It was never clear how Rachel died due to the desiccated condition of her body after Tess had interred her in the old cellar fireplace at the cottage where she lived. After seven years, at which time she gave up the body at her local police station, the cause of death could not be accurately enough determined to charge Tess with causing the death. Her behaviour immediately after the death – concealing the body and failing to report the death – led to a great deal of justified suspicion and that, combined with her mutism, gave the court little leeway and she was convicted on those two counts.

  As you know, prison was not regarded as a useful option for her. She was clearly in crisis and it was thought that Wellbridge House would help her to find her voice again and that eventually she might give an account of what had happened to her daughter. And that’s what has happened. Tess has disclosed to me, and I have her consent in disclosing to you, that Rachel tragically died a natural death, probably through what is termed cot death.

  After getting to know her I have every reason to believe that this is the truth and that, in the light of this new information, I think she is approaching the point where she can be considered for release and begin to resume a normal life in the outside world. My only concern is with regard to the possibility that she may be able to identify the men responsible for the murder of Stephen. She saw the perpetrators and if she does identify them then potentially she is going to be exposed to the kind of violence that is their stock-in-trade. I think, in ordinary circumstances, Tess would be capable of resuming life beyond these walls but this additional factors make me consider the worst-case scenario and what could happen to her. I think she should go straight into a witness protection programme as soon as she’s released. So my recommendation comes with a major condition: Tess should be released but into a witness protection programme.”

  Evelyn paused, glad that her deposition was complete and ready for the ensuing discussion.

  “Thank you very much, Evelyn,” Sir Alex replied on behalf of the Board. “You’ve been very clear and succinct. Peter, do you have anything to add from your perspective?” He half-turned to face Peter Archer, inviting him to add his thoughts and analysis.

  “Yes, well…” he began, “I appreciate having an up-to-date report on Tess Dawson. I’m pleased that we’re moving towards some resolution in this difficult case. As you know, I never thought she should be here in the first place.”

  The Board seemed to wince with discomfort in unison at Peter Archer’s characteristic churlishness. In their collective response, a sigh here, a shuffle there, a wave of irritation, frustration and disappointment rippled round the group and came to rest with Sir Alex. He could no longer contain his own frustration with the Director.

  “Really, Peter. You do yourself no favours behaving in this way.”

  He was telling off a minion in the Ministry, chiding a junior for pettiness and childishness. There was no mistaking this direct, simple put-down, conveyed in a tone of voice and a chiding demeanour. Peter Archer blushed like a teenager, duly admonished by the intervention. He was silent, his mouth slightly open, stopped in his tracks by a single, brief blow. The Board as one turned to face Sir Alex in both admiration and relief. Evelyn felt the muscles in her shoulders slacken as she took in a deep, even breath, held it and then exhaled in a luxurious release of all her dealings in the past with this man. He was deflated. Evelyn experienced a renewed conviction that his day had nearly gone. She made a wager with herself that he would be gone by summer, and then reconnected to the silent transactions buzzing around the circle. Simon Cooper spoke next.

  “Thank you for your report, Evelyn. You’ve made your points with clarity. There’s always been a doubt surrounding Tess Dawson and now, as far as I can see, that doubt has been removed. And it’s worth saying at this point, Peter, that you know as well as I that Evelyn could not disclose anything to the Board or to you until she had sufficient confidence in the information herself, and until she had permission from the patient. She came to us as soon as she had both and, I believe, she kept you as fully informed as she could in the process. She couldn’t and shouldn’t have done any more.”

  Peter Archer sat tight lipped then replied: “Yes, of course.”

  He said no more, occupied within himself with the business of regrouping and finding his balance. His stomach was churning, rumbling and gurgling. He felt humiliated. He sat still and stiff, waiting for the next intervention. The Board was now mobilised for another come-uppance. Angela Norman spoke next. She had been watching Peter Archer and could see the turmoil that had overtaken him. She was kind but, like everyone else, had a store of frustration that had come to fruition in the past half hour. She was doubly annoyed that the Director appeared to have learnt nothing from the last meeting. She said, controlled:

  “I’m so glad that this might mean that Tess Dawson can be released. I’m equally glad for her that it seems she didn’t kill her child. If what she’s told you is true, and I personally have no doubt that it is,” she continued, turning to Evelyn, “then we can also reassess her mutism and pay some attention to the fact that she must have been devastated by the loss of her baby and that no one really took that into account. That’s very sad, I think. And it must have been very hard for her. That makes this a very tragic case. And I can’t imagine what this occurrence in Wales must have been like for her and what she may now have to face if she’s released. I so agree with your recommendation and this must be taken up with the police as soon as possible.”

>   Hazel Simmonds joined the conversation.

  “I agree with what’s been said so far. Just one point. Miss Dawson still has a sentence for concealing a body and failing to report a death that was given by the Court. Are we assuming that that sentence will have been served since she came here and that, if she’s completely cleared of any suspicion of killing her child, she will have served enough of the sentence for those two offences to be eligible for release?”

  “Now, I discussed this with Peter before the meeting because the same point occurred to both of us and to Evelyn,” Sir Alex replied. “It’s really quite simple. She was only convicted of those two offences but there was the additional issue of the child. She was sent to Wellbridge House to both serve her sentence for concealment and failure to report a death and for psychiatric treatment for an indeterminate time, but not exceeding three years. In the light of this new information she will be deemed to have served her sentence for the two more minor offences.

  We think that a disclosure made in a therapy session is a convincing disclosure in this case, as there is no evidence that she actually killed the child. Tess Dawson is not regarded as manipulative, she has no symptoms of being a borderline personality, I’m told. It will be up to Peter, with Evelyn’s help, to make his report to the Ministry making these points. That should not take too long. But there is the matter of a possible court case concerning the death of Stephen Dawson where Tess might have to appear as a witness. We’ll know more about that when this meeting ends and Miss Dawson has completed her identification process with Inspector McKenzie. What remains for us to decide is whether we’re adopting Evelyn’s recommendation. Could we decide on that, please?”