The Wonder Weeks
Page 30
Harry’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“He stashes the ball and the balloon way behind something. The consequence is that he can no longer reach it.”
Luke’s mom, 66th week, or 15 months
“She throws things on the floor when you are least expecting it. She studies the effect her throwing has on the object.”
Josie’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“He likes playing with his cars. This week he tried to see how well they stack up on top of each other.”
Robin’s mom, 72nd week, or 16½ months
“When she is vacuuming with her battery powered vacuum, she prefers to go for the most impossible spots. She does those spots as if her life depended on it: under the cabinet, between the chairs and table legs, in open cupboards. She skips the easy large open spaces.”
Victoria’s mom, 61stweek, or 14 months
“Again and again she pulled open my desk drawer, so I locked it. She then tried several ways to get it open. Squatted and pulled, sat and pulled, the standing pull. It completely frustrated her.”
Laura’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
“She wanted candies that were on the fireplace mantel. I wouldn’t give them to her. She then went into pushy mode. When she wouldn’t stop, I put her in the hall to cool off. I had hoped that she would forget about the candy, but I was wrong. The minute she returned to the room, she dragged a chair from the dining room to the den. It took her 15 minutes. When the chair reached the fireplace, she asked her brother to lift up the chair. He realized that was a no go, so he laughed at her. She then gave up. Grandpa was visiting that evening and he was playing with her. He has a real sweet tooth and when he saw the candy, he just had to help himself. She got one, too. Later when I came back into the room, she walked victoriously towards me and showed me her spoils. She prevailed in the end.”
Victoria’s mom, 61stweek, or 14 months
“She was unable to get something out of the basket of magazines. When she finally managed after trying pulling and yanking five or six times, she laughed contentedly to herself. She’d never done that before.”
Emily’s mom, 68th week, or 15½ months
Becoming skillful with language
In the world of principles your toddler is continuously getting a better grasp of what the big people around him are saying to each other and to him. He is also getting better at understanding brief instructions and often carries them out with much enthusiasm. He feels like he counts for something. He also has fun pointing to parts of the body when you name them. The same goes for various things in the home, whether they are on the floor, the walls or ceiling. Many mothers think that their little one should be speaking more, given that they already know so much. But that is not the case. Only after the next leap does your toddler’s speech really take off. Your child is 21 months by then. In the world of principles most children are content with pronouncing single words, imitating animal sounds and reproducing all sorts of other noises.
Get your child to play a game of pointing and naming with you. You name something and let your child point to it, whether it is a toy, a body part or whatever. And try to see what your child thinks of a game of calling each other. It is best if your child starts by calling you. Call his name to get him to call your name. Call out his name again. For many children it gives them a sense of pride and importance that their egos count.
“He understands more and more. Unbelievable how quickly a child picks up new words. Yet he picks out only a few to use in his speech. He prefers words that begin with ‘b’ like his favorite things: ball and boy. He pronounces the words well and completely. It seems like he knows how to pronounce the words but he doesn’t have the coordination.”
Harry’s mom, 69th week, or approaching 16 months
“She points perkily to her foot, toe, eye, ear, nose, stomach, hand and hair. She also knows that you wash your hair with shampoo as well what bottle it’s in.”
Juliette’s mom, 69th week, or approaching 16 months
“She cried ‘daddy’ when her father was busy in the kitchen. The calling out automatically evolved into a language game. Taking turns, the two called out each other’s name: ‘Anna...,’ ‘Daddy...,’ ‘Anna...,’ ‘Daddy.’ Endless. Now it happens all the time if one of them goes out of the other’s sight.”
Anna’s mom, 70th week, or 16 months
Imitating others
In the world of principles your toddler will observe how adults or other children do things and what effect their actions have. “How does he do that so skillfully?” “That kid gets immediate attention from everyone if she bites grandma.” “Mom and dad regularly sit on the toilet. That must be a part of being ‘big.’” “He keeps kicking the leg of the lady from next door; she laughs so kicking must be funny.” Just for starters. He copies, imitates and tries out what he sees. The people around him are his role models. Also the behavior he sees in books and on TV gives him an inexhaustible source of ideas.
React to your tyke’s behavior. Let him know what you think of his behavior. Only in this way your toddler will learn what is right and wrong, and if he can do things better, quicker, more efficiently or nicer.
“Imitating is now his main occupation. He imitates every behavior he sees: someone stamps her feet, he stamps his feet; someone hits, he hits; someone falls, he falls; someone throws, he throws; someone bites, he bites.”
Thomas’ mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“Everything that I do, he wants to do too. Also what other kids do, he directly absorbs. Even if he sees something only once, he picks it straight up. He copies pleasant and not-so-pleasant behavior.”
Paul’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“She spends more time and is ever more attentive to books and TV. One child on TV stuck his tongue out at another and she copied him directly.”
Josie’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“She wants to brush her teeth by herself. She brushes up and down once and knocks the toothbrush on the edge of the sink – knock, knock, knock – slide the toothbrush again up and down in her mouth and knocks again – knock, knock, knock. And on she brushes. The funny thing is that she is imitating me. I knock the toothbrush on the edge of the sink, but only after I am completely finished and have rinsed my brush. I do it to shake the water off my brush.”
Victoria’s mom, 61st week, or 14 months
“Initially she would turn her vacuum on with her fingers. Then she saw that I use my foot to turn mine on. Since now she uses her foot to start hers, too.”
Victoria’s mom, 61st week, or 14 months
Replaying
In the world of principles your child replays the daily domestic business done indoors and out. He “cooks,” “shops,” “takes walks,” “says goodbye,” and “takes care of his doll children.” Naturally, he does all of this in his toddler way. Yet you start to recognize better what he is up to. Above all you see whether or not he does his best to be careful or helpful or if he is just being bossy, or if he’s sweetly sucking up. He may do that simply because he thinks that it is part of his role or because he is imitating the people around him.
Give your child the opportunity for him to settle into his role. Play with him once and a while. Your tyke then feels like he counts and that what he does is important. Many toddlers at this age are very keen for signs of appreciation. They really want to be understood.
“She ‘cooks’ for her doll. I lay out some actual food, because that’s what she wants. She puts everything in a small bowl, feeds her doll and then removes the food.”
Emily’s mom, 68th week, or 15½ months
“He bakes mud pies: scoops and scoops buckets full to dump them out again. He finds it all very interesting.”
Thomas’ mom, 66th week, or 15 months
“For the past few days he has been pouring water from one bucket into the other. This is keeping him busy. Now and again I get a request to fill up a bucket. Other
wise, he seems to have forgotten me and is consumed with his special brew.”
Steven’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“She strolled proudly upon the premises of the petting zoo behind her doll carriage. A goat blocked her way and she began an extensive discussion with the inattentive animal. Unfortunately incomprehensible. It sounded as if she was calling him to order.”
Hannah’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“He often plays ‘saying goodbye.’ He picks up a bag, walks to the door and says, ‘Bye Bye.’ He waves while doing so.”
Frankie’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“He often snuggles, kisses, comforts and caresses his dolls and bears. He also puts them to bed. Really loving.”
Luke’s mom, 66th week, or 15 months
Sometimes a child imitates being father or mother. He studies how it is to be dad or mom. When a little girl wants to be mom, the real mom is actually in the way. They then seem to be competing. Naturally, the same happens if father is home and he wants to walk in dad’s shoes. And if a little boy is playing dad, he wants to know how mom reacts to this new dad.
Grasp what your child is doing. Give him the opportunity to play his role and play along. Your little one learns much from this. He feels the need to express himself in this way and to experience how it is to be mom or dad.
“He goes and spreads out on his father’s bed and looks around as if it is his. Also, just like his father, he goes and sits in his chair to read the paper. It is important to him to do as dad does. He wants my reaction to it all as well.”
Jim’s mom, 66th week, or 15 months
“As soon as I take off my shoes, she’s in them. And then she follows up by taking a walk around in my shoes. She also regularly wants to sit in my chair. I have to vacate it for her. She starts pulling and yanking me and if I don’t concede, she throws a tantrum.”
Nina’s mom, 69th week, or approaching 16 months
Practicing with emotions
In the world of the principles, many toddlers experiment with their emotions. How does it feel if I am happy, sad, shy, angry, funny or emotional? And when I greet someone, what does my face do then? What does my body do? And how can I use those emotions if I want others to know how I feel? And how should I act if I want to have or do something badly?
“He walks around laughing very artificially like he is experimenting with how it feels to laugh. He does the same with crying.”
Bob’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“This time she greeted Grandpa very differently than she used to. Normally, she threw herself onto him putting her head on his neck and shoulder. When she had been still for a bit, the greeting had run its course and she began to play with him. But this time she stood up straight looking at him, only to launch herself onto him again. She repeated this a number of times. Then she gave him a cautious kiss and looked at him again. This, too, repeated itself a number of times. Never before had she greeted Grandpa in such a studious way. She was clearly experimenting with a greeting.”
Victoria’s mom, 61st week, or 14 months
“She wanted to read a certain book again for the eighth time and noticed that I had had enough of that. She sat there a bit with her head facing downward. Very quietly she practiced a pout. When she thought she had the right expression, she looked at me with a perfectly pouting lip and passed the book back to me.”
Josie’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
“Suddenly he’s become shy. If I brag about him for instance, he shies away almost in shame. I’ve never seen that before. Yet he’s quick to notice if I talk about him.”
Luke’s mom, 68th week, or 15½ months
Thinking ahead has begun
In the world of principles your toddler can think ahead, contemplate and make plans. He now understands that mom can and does, too. You soon notice this by the reactions from your tyke. He realizes what the consequences are from something that mom does or wants him to do. And all of a sudden he comments on something that he used to find quite normal or even liked. Remember though that he is not unruly. His development has just made a leap. It is progress!
“Now she has a hard time when I leave for work. Up until recently, she ran to the front door to give me a send-off. Now she protests and holds me back. I think this is because she now understands the effects. Sending someone off can be fun, but when mom leaves, she is gone for at least a few hours. And that’s not so nice.”
Eve’s mom, 67th week, or 15 months and a week
“Thinking ahead has started! I brush her teeth after she has had a go. That always leads to terrible shouting matches. Up until recently when she heard ‘time to brush our teeth,’ she came running. Now she throws the toothbrush in the corner when I hand it to her, because she knows what follows after the fun of doing it herself.”
Laura’s mom, 67th week, or 15 months and a week
“Sometimes she walks away having forgotten her pacifier. She then says: ‘Oh, no,’ and turns around to go get it.”
Ashley’s mom, 69th week, or approaching 16 months
“Now he remembers where he has hidden or left behind his things, even from yesterday.”
Luke’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“When he realized that he would have to get on the bike for the second time today in the freezing weather, he got really cross. He clearly recalled how cold it was and repeating the outing in such severe weather conditions didn’t sit well with him.”
James’ mom, 67th week, or 15 months and a week
“This was the first time that I was able to see that she had a clear expectation. We had finger-painted and she had decorated the mirror. While she was bathing, I snuck off to clean the mirror. I shouldn’t have done that. When she got out of the bath, she walked right to the mirror looking for her decoration. Very sad.”
Josie’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
Nagging and getting one’s way
The Drama Class
Does your little one try getting her way by screeching, rolling, stamping and throwing things? Does she lose her temper for the slightest of reasons? For example if she doesn’t get direct attention, if she’s not allowed to do something, if her play is interrupted for dinner, if her building topples over, or just out of the blue without you detecting that anything is wrong? Why does a toddler put on such an act? Because mom and the toys aren’t reacting the way she thinks they should. She is frustrated and needs to express it. She does so using the most obvious strategies: getting as angry and making the biggest fuss possible. She has yet to discover and practice more successful, quicker, sweeter strategies in order to persuade you to do what she wants, or to build a better building. Your nagging toddler is only able to make her wishes known by acting like she does. Grasp your toddler’s frustration. Let her blow off some steam if she needs to. And help her to discover that there are other and better strategies that she can use when she wants to get something done, ways that are more receptive and more successful.
“She only wants to eat if she can feed herself. A saga when we didn’t get it! Everything flew through the air.”
Juliette’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
“At the slightest little thing or if things don’t go as she has in mind, she throws herself on the floor. She lands on the back of her head with a thud, then lies on the ground stamping her feet and screaming.”
Julia’s mom, 65th week, or 14½ months
“He has an inordinate number of tantrums. He screams and throws things if he is corrected or if he ‘bites off more than he can chew’ or if his playtime is interrupted. If I distract him quickly, though, he doesn’t shed any tears. But if it takes too long then his temper turns into a sad bout of tears.”
Matt’s mom, 68th week, or 15½ months
“He’s thrown a number of temper tantrums this week. One was so bad that he went completely limp. If he doesn’t get his way, he gets really angry and
then it’s a real battle. He is really in his own world! At the moment he doesn’t listen well at all.”
James’ mom, 67th week, 15 months and a week
“She throws an increasing number of temper tantrums. Yesterday, I got her out of bed and for no reason she threw a temper tantrum. This one lasted quite a long time, complete with rolling on the floor, banging her head, kicking and pushing me away, and screeching the whole time. Nothing I tried helped, not cuddling, not distracting or stern words. After a while, I went and sat perplexed on the couch, leaned back and watched while she rolled around on the floor. Then I went into the kitchen to carve an apple. She slowly calmed down, came to the kitchen and stood next to me.”
Julia’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
He wants his say
In the world of principles your little one discovers that he counts, too, just like all the big people. He begins to speak up for himself. But sometimes it goes too far: his will is law and he will not be swayed. This happens because it is becoming ever clearer to him that he can impose his will. He counts, too! He realizes that just like mom or dad, he can decide if, when or where he does something, how he will do it and when he will finish. On top of that, he wants to put in his “two cents worth” if mom wants to do something. He wants to help decide how it is done. And if he doesn’t get his way or if it doesn’t go according to plan, he becomes angry, disappointed or sad. Show him understanding. He still has to learn that what he wants to do will not always be possible right away, and that he also has to learn to consider the wishes of others, even though he wishes to stand up and assert himself.
The gender gap
Boys express their sense of impotence and displeasure more often than girls do. This is often because parents accept this type of manifestations more easily from boys than they do from girls, so girls learn to suppress these feelings of impotence and displeasure. Consequently they may also become more easily depressed.