Riding Blind

by J. L. Sheppard

  He held up the DVD. “You gonna make me wait all night for you to take this?”

  God, he was beautiful, so rugged and handsome with those thick, arched brows, stubble-covered, squared jaw, and unique eyes.

  “Em?”

  She needed to focus, concentrate. Maybe Em shouldn’t believe him. He never said anything he didn’t mean though. Yes, he cheated and broke her, but he never said they were exclusive, never said he loved her. He bought a new bed, one he hadn’t fucked taps on, but maybe he hadn’t had sex with Lilliam there, or maybe he and Lilliam had been more than just meaningless sex.

  She believed him, and the fact she did made her feel like shit for assuming the worst earlier and snapping at him.

  His eyes hardened to slits. “Fuck it.” He turned and stormed off, but before he walked out of her room, he set the DVD on the armoire.

  Insane that it made her feel bad for letting him go thinking she didn’t believe him. After all he’d done to her, she didn’t owe him anything, and still, guilt choked her.

  Chapter Twelve

  Fuck it.

  Fuck her.

  Ripper knew it was a long shot, knew it’d be useless, but he did it anyway.

  He spent hours erasing that video from their system. Ripper didn’t know the first thing about computers. Strike did. Since he refused to let Strike know exactly what he wanted deleted or let him do it himself, he demanded Strike teach him how to erase a video, and it took too long. All the surveillance videos were automatically recorded onto DVDs and kept in Prez’s office. After finally deleting it from the computer, Ripper took the only copy and gave it to her. He explained himself, how he hadn’t meant to record them, how he never wanted anyone, except maybe himself and her, though he didn’t say that, to watch that video. She just stood there with her beautiful face and that long blonde hair wearing his tee looking at him not saying a goddamned thing.

  Now, he was just pissed. He missed lunch because he chose to have her instead. Then he’d been too busy to think about food, picking up Bree while having a panic attack knowing he had to find a way to delete the video from their system. By the time he learned how to delete it, it’d been past dinner. He was starved, and he missed spending the afternoon and evening with Bree. What the hell did he get out of going through all that trouble—nothing. She didn’t believe him. She probably thought he had another copy of that video. Granted, had he been thinking clearly, he would’ve made a copy. Not to share, never that, but so he could watch it over and over again. God knew he’d probably never get that lucky again. Like the first and last time, he hadn’t savored it, her. He should’ve taken his time, should’ve made it last longer, much longer.

  The realization made him angrier, so revved he wasn’t even hungry anymore, just livid. No way in hell he’d get to sleep. Closing his eyes, he released a breath and came to the conclusion a ride wouldn’t help cool his temper, only running for miles would. That sucked, big time. The last several days, he’d barely slept. After he tucked Bree in every night, he ran from bar to bar trying to find that bitch Lilliam. All to no avail.

  He ripped off his cut and shirt then removed his boots and jeans and donned a pair of athletic shorts and sneakers. With the run on his mind, he pulled the door open and froze.

  Em stood there, arms wrapped around her mid-section, still beautiful, still wearing his tee and looking as surprised as he to find her there.

  “I…um…” She looked to her right then met his gaze. “Can we talk?”

  He looked to his left. Hash and some tap stood ten feet from them making out hot and heavy. The tap nearly naked already, skin-tight shirt, revealing her stomach, skirt hiked up around her waist, Hash gripping her bare ass. Hadn’t he just reamed him about this shit?

  Ripper whistled loud. When Hash met his stare, Ripper glared. He didn’t have to say a word. Hash opened his door and tugged them inside.

  Ripper sliced his gaze back to Em. “What?”

  He hadn’t meant to bark, but seeing Hash getting lucky put him in a shittier mood because Hash was getting some, and he wasn’t, because Hash could fuck whoever he wanted, and he couldn’t. He wanted Em. No one would do but her, and he couldn’t have her.

  “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Talk.”

  She looked at his chest quickly, almost like she’d been trying to hide it, but he caught it, and it made him ecstatic. He bit his lip to hold back a smile.

  She met his eyes. “I believe you.”

  Still thinking about her checking him out, he didn’t quite catch that. “Say again?”

  “I believe you, and I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions and snapped at you, and thank you for giving me the video.”

  Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, he grabbed her arm, led her into his room, shut the door, and faced her. “You believe me?”

  “Yes.”

  He quirked a brow. “Yeah?”

  She sighed. “Yes.”

  “About what?”

  “About the video.”

  “What about it?”

  “I believe you didn’t mean to get us on camera. I believe you never meant to use it against me.”

  He couldn’t bite back his smile then. If she believed him, then maybe anything was possible. Maybe she liked what they’d done. Maybe she wanted him again. He should take the chance.

  He took a step toward her. She took one back. He took another, and she did the same. He didn’t stop though. She didn’t either, not until the back of her legs hit the bed, and she fell on her butt.

  He knelt, eye level to her. “Would you lie to me, Em?”

  She shook her head.

  He cocked his. “No?”

  “No.”

  He drew closer, lips an inch from hers. “So I can ask you whatever I want, and you won’t lie?”

  Her eyes widened. “Not—”

  “Did you like what we did, Em?”

  Her breath hitched. She put her hands on the bed behind her and leaned away. Positioning himself between her legs, he snaked an arm around her waist, shoved her up, and held her still. Her hands went to his bare chest. That close, her hands on him and feeling her warmth…amazing. She liked it too. Her face flushed even as her breaths became shallower.

  “Do you want to do it again, Em?”

  Her nails bit into his skin. “I…Bryce…”

  He rubbed his nose against her cheek then trailed it toward the base of her neck. “You want me, Em?” Moving back up to her ear, he flicked his tongue out licking her lobe.

  Her whole body shuddered, legs closing against him instinctively. “Bryce…”

  “Gotta answer me, Em.”

  “Please…”

  “Gotta answer me.”

  He kissed under her ear softly then tasted her and refused to stop. She arched her back as her legs wrapped around him.

  “You want me, Em?”

  “Always.”

  Always?

  Fuck.

  Always?

  He reared back, locking gazes with her. She blanched and pushed at his chest. She could do that all she wanted, but she’d get nowhere because he was a lot stronger and no way in hell he’d let her go.

  “Please…” She sounded panicked.

  “Always what?”

  “Stop… Please.” She pushed harder.

  “Always. What?”

  “Stop—”

  “Tell. Me.”

  Her eyes grew wide. Then they watered, so he did something he used to when she got stubborn. He bargained.

  “Tell me, and I’ll let you go. I promise.”

  She fought back the tears, but still, two fell out of her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks.

  Hating the tears, he shut his eyes. “You always what?”

  “I—”

  He cracked his eyes open and met hers.

  “I always want you.” Her voice shook like it hurt her to admit it, like she didn’t want to.

  Too late though. She had, and he heard every word. I
t left him wondering what she wanted him for? To fuck? To mess with? For keeps? No, not for keeps, she didn’t love him, not anymore.

  Since he had to keep his word, he had to let her go. He didn’t want to though, and he was a selfish bastard, so he tried to find a way to break his promise. Coming up empty, he had no choice. “I don’t want to let you go, Em, but if you want me to let you go, I will.”

  She didn’t say a word, didn’t push him away either, so he lay on the bed and tugged her against him. Clutching her to him with the scent of her perfume taunting him, he decided he’d have her. Whatever part of her she’d give, he wanted because he loved her. He never stopped.

  Chapter Thirteen

  A couple of weeks ago, Emelia admitted something she never should’ve—that she wanted him, always. Since then, she hadn’t spent a single night without him. After he tucked Bree in, after Bree fell asleep, he made his move. Because she’d admitted what she had to her first boyfriend, first lover, the father of her child, the man she never stopped loving, she couldn’t find it in her to pull away and refuse his advances, which meant they’d had sex, a lot.

  The first time she gave in again, just the day after she admitted she wanted him, always. She felt guilty about it, knowing nothing would come of it, knowing she made a complicated situation worse, knowing, in the end, the person who’d suffer the most was Bree. And so, after she gave in, she tried to leave, but Bryce stopped her.

  Snaking an arm around her waist, he hauled her toward him until her back hit the expanse of his chest. He then buried his face in her neck. “Get cleaned up, Em, then come right back. We aren’t done.”

  She thought about walking out for about two seconds. Then he pressed a kiss to her temple. Sweet, and also something he used to do before. A warmth spread through her chest. She released a heavy sigh. Her stupid, weak, and pathetic heart for a moment hoped maybe she was more than just sex to him. That thought shattered when her conscience reminded her he’d cheated and broken her, so that heat she felt spread through her faded fast. She realized belatedly—very belatedly—that she had to clean up, and that wasn’t good. It was bad news. He hadn’t used a condom. In fact, the three times they’d been together, he hadn’t used a condom. More bad news. Bryce was a biker and bikers slept around, but aside from that, when they’d been together, he hadn’t been faithful. She was not delusional to think Bryce abstained since she left.

  “You didn’t wear a condom?”

  He released her allowing her to turn and face him. “I didn’t.”

  Heat crawled up her cheeks. Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. Aggravation, anger, annoyance, and fear… “Why—”

  “I’m clean. I got tested after that first time.”

  He got tested after that first time with her? Why? Because he knew he’d have her again and again? Because he wanted to look out for her? Because, what? Did it matter? He got tested. He was clean, meaning she was too. Some of the tension lining her shoulders melted.

  “I can take you to get tested—”

  She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head. “There’s no need. I haven’t been with anyone…but you.”

  His eyes widened then narrowed. “You’re fuckin’ kidding me?”

  Another admission she regretted the moment she said it. Already she’d handed him too much. Not that it mattered, he didn’t believe her. That was heartbreaking because he knew her, knew she wasn’t like him. Besides, she loved him and never stopped, so sleeping with anyone else had been out of the question.

  She swallowed then lifted her chin. “I have no reason to lie. If you need a reason to believe me, then I’ll explain. I was alone in a new city and pregnant. I had to find a job and a place to live. Then I had a baby. I didn’t have time to date.” She turned, straightened, and stood.

  He grasped her hand, tugged her back onto the mattress, and leaned into her ear to whisper, “I believe you.”

  I believe you. Exactly the words she said to him the night before.

  Just then, she wished her chest hadn’t tightened like it did, wished he hadn’t believed her. If he hadn’t, she could hate him and walk away.

  He ran his nose along the length of her collar bone. It took a moment to remember what they’d been talking about.

  She pulled away, got her thoughts in order, and met his gaze. “Bryce.”

  His brows creased.

  She steeled herself to say what she had to. “I’m not on birth control.”

  He took this news so easily she convinced herself he hadn’t heard her. After a moment, she repeated it. “Did you hear me? I’m not on birth control.”

  He smiled. “Yeah, babe. I heard you.”

  “The last time…I was on the pill, and I ended up pregnant.” Her stomach rolled. She ignored it and went on. “We’ve had sex three times without a condom. I could be pregnant right now, Bryce. I-I…” Oh, shit. “I could be pregnant, again.” By the time she finished, she sounded borderline hysterical because saying it aloud made it real, and that terrified her.

  He chuckled. It wasn’t funny, not even a little bit, and the fact he thought it so made her feel like she was in an alternate universe.

  He cupped her cheek then trailed his hand backward, his fingers threading through her hair until they reached the base of her neck. “It’s gonna be fine, Em.”

  No, it wouldn’t. Bringing another life into the world, another life tied to him wouldn’t help. They weren’t together. As it was, she stood to get hurt again because he’d break her, again. She wanted Bree to have a whole mom. She’d want another baby to have a whole mom too.

  Her breaths coming out quickly, she managed to whisper, “What?”

  “It’s gonna be fine.”

  Her eyes widened, her voice high-pitched when she shrieked, “Have you lost your mind?”

  He quirked a brow. “Naw, Em.”

  She didn’t say anything, but she did stare at him wide-eyed. Thankfully, he took that as the need to explain.

  “We made a beautiful, smart girl the first time. I’m sure the second time ‘round will be the same.”

  Her jaw dropped. “You have. You have lost your mind.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. Yes, laughed, a real laugh, and like everything about him, it was gorgeous.

  Lost in the sound, in the fact he laughed with her, it took her a while to say, “I can’t believe… I just—”

  “It wasn’t planned, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t going to deal with it. This time, we will deal with it, not just you. You aren’t running again, Em, ’cause this time, you run, I’ll chase you, and I’ll find you and bring you and Bree and anyone else right back,” he said this softly, calmly.

  A vast change. A few weeks ago, he would’ve gotten furious, snapped, and said something hurtful. Despite this, she knew he meant every word.

  “Get me?”

  That he’d chase her shouldn’t make her feel good. For some reason, it did. Disturbing, and for good reason. It wasn’t a normal reaction. He hadn’t said he loved her, hadn’t told her they’d be exclusive, hadn’t even told her he wanted her. He wanted what was half his—his kids.

  He drew closer, grazing his lips against hers, making her breath hitch. With his hand at the back of her neck, he squeezed her gently. “Tell me you understand.”

  She swallowed. “I understand.”

  He kissed her. Every thought, every worry faded. They went for round two.

  Every night since then, they had sex usually more than once. Every night after they had sex, multiple times, tired and worn out, she fell asleep in his arms. Every morning, she woke around six, left quietly, and headed into her room to wake Bree for school. No one, she knew, had seen her.

  The sex was amazing as it’d always been, and as the days slid by, she noticed something—a bigger change in him. It didn’t happen overnight, but with the more and more she gave herself to him. He wasn’t angry at all anymore. In fact, over the last several weeks, she couldn’t recall seeing him upset or
annoyed. Before he’d only smiled and laughed with Bree, but now, he did it more so and randomly. Most shocking was that at night with her, he smiled, laughed, and teased her. Like before…

  There were smaller changes too. He hardly took Bree out for long periods of time, almost like he was letting her spend more time with Bree. And on occasion when he took Bree out, he made sure to tell her not just where he planned to take Bree but when they’d be back. He also often thanked her for cooking and cleaning.

  Still, none of this meant they were in a relationship. Though she doubted he slept around since he spent his nights with her and his days at the garage or with Bree, she couldn’t be sure. Nights, they spoke easily and often, and he couldn’t keep his hands off her. She fell asleep in his arms and woke in them. But things changed during the day and in front of others. They spoke sparingly; he didn’t touch her, hold her hand, pull her into a hug, or kiss her. Showing affection was something he did often when they’d been together because he wanted everyone to know she belonged to him.

  So despite the earth-shattering sex, the change in him, and the way he treated her, she knew they weren’t in a relationship. He was using her for sex. She had no doubts eventually they’d end, and she’d be further broken. Yet even knowing this, she couldn’t stop giving into him. A part of her didn’t want to. Because she loved him, definitely, but because those years without him, she’d missed him so much, and now, she had a part of him back. But most importantly, every night, she felt loved, utterly and completely and by him. He took her fast and hard, but he also took her slow and savored her. They didn’t just have sex, but they talked and laughed and cuddled.

  “Em?”

  She straightened and met Cuss’s sapphire gaze.

  “Parts delivery’s here. Can you come out and double check it?”

  “Sure.” She stood.

  Still getting familiar with most of the parts, she had to ask Cuss about a few of them. Distracted mid-way, Bree rushed her. She instinctively looked up and saw Bryce walking inside the garage, looking hot per usual, wearing a pair of jeans and tee with the garage’s logo that fit his chiseled frame perfectly, not to mention he had overgrown stubble covering his chin and cheeks and eyes that beautiful-strange color. Though they were sleeping together, and he treated her far better than he had in the past, he never looked her way randomly. This didn’t stop her from glancing at him often, and she’d done this since the day he’d moved them in.