by Amy Field
“Oh, that’s wonderful news!” her mother exclaimed clapping her hands in excitement.
Turning his attention to Ruth, Josef continued, “He said whenever you’re ready you can visit him by his home.”
“Thank you papa,” Ruth replied with a smile. “I think I will pay him a visit tomorrow.”
“Good,” Josef replied in a satisfied tone.
“So I guess I don’t have to cancel that fishing trip with David,” he continued.
“I guess you don’t,” her mother replied with a slight shake of her head.
Her father turned a bright smile in her direction and Ruth witnessed her mother blush as her cheeks became a shade pinker and her lips slightly curved upwards before she turned her face.
Who was this David person that her father kept talking about? Ruth wondered. She didn’t recall her father having much of an acquaintance with anyone while she was here and yet now he was talking eagerly about fishing with his friend.
After serving the dishes, Ruth and her mother sat at their places as her father said grace. Like the night before, after they ate, they retired to the living room to sing songs from the hymnal. They each recited a bible verse and her father did a short sermon. Tonight Ruth was called upon to pray openly.
She panicked.
What could she say to God? Would he even listen to her prayer knowing what she had done? She felt inadequate and as no words came from her lips her father fixed her with a pointed stare.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
“No papa,” she replied. “I’ve just been out of practice,” she lied.
“Prayer is not something that is practiced Ruth; it’s something that comes from your heart,” Josef replied.
“Now go ahead and pray from your heart,” he commanded before bowing his head once more.
“Dear God,” she started but she couldn’t go any further. Not when her guilt was pressing so heavily on her and made it hard for her to breathe.
She knew her father was probably disappointed in her but she just couldn’t utter anything past that.
“Dear God, we thank you for life and for blessing us. Thank you for all that we have received from your hand and I pray that you will continue to bless us. Amen,” her father finished the prayer.
“I’m sorry,” she started to say but her father held up his hand to stop her.
“It’s alright,” he assured her. “You’ve been away for a long time but you will get there in time.”
She held down her head, the weight of his words a looping guilty tape reel.
She had been away for too long. And as a result she was tainted so badly she didn’t know if there was any recovery from it.
Maybe she shouldn’t commit to the church, she thought as she lay in bed staring at the ceiling above her bed. She thought coming back would lessen the guilt she experienced, but it felt as if it had been multiplied a hundred-fold. What would she say when asked to confess her sins before the church? How would they react if she ever voiced what she had done?
She fell asleep restlessly, after beating up on herself for more than an hour.
When she awoke, it was still dark outside but she was restless. She looked to see that it was just 5:00 am, which meant she had half an hour to spare. Casting off her nightgown, she donned the plain dress and apron. Once again she simply put her hair in a bun at the nape of her neck and put on the prayer kapp.
Ruth ventured outside towards the barn and spent the next half an hour milking the cow before she reached for the basket in the corner and felt for the eggs hidden by the hay on the barn floor. She then returned to the house to make breakfast.
“Ruth?” came her mother’s confused voice from behind her.
“Good morning mama,” she said over her shoulder, a smile plastered on her face.
“What are you doing up so early; are you okay?” her mother asked as she came to stand beside her. Her eyes stared at Ruth, assessing her.
Ruth felt uncomfortable. It felt like her mother was peering into her soul searching out her secrets.
“I felt like making breakfast as a surprise for you,” she said.
“What’s wrong, Ruth?” her mother asked in a serious, concerned voice. “I know when something is wrong with you,” she continued before Ruth could deny the claim. “Ever since you were a little girl if something wasn’t right you would find everything to do to keep yourself busy.”
“I don’t know, I guess I’m just feeling a bit restless. I feel like an outsider; like I’ve been away in the world too long and I am trying real hard to fit in again,” she confessed, as she hung her head in defeat.
Although that wasn’t entirely the reason she was feeling down, she hoped it was enough to keep her mother from asking too many questions.
“Look at me,” her mother commanded holding her head in her hands so that she was facing her.
“You are right where you belong,” she said firmly. “God helped you to make the right decision to come back. Whatever you did out there doesn’t matter; he has already forgiven you.”
At this Ruth flung herself into her mother’s arms as the tears rolled unbidden down her cheeks.
“Oh my sweet, sweet child, it’s fine,” her mother said softly, while rubbing small soothing circles on her back.
“Whatever it is that is bothering you, just pray about it, God will answer,” she spoke assuringly.
“Does He forgive every sin?” Ruth asked against her mother's chest.
“Of course he does; you just have to be honest with him,” her mother replied. “If you don’t want to confess it during your conversion it is perfectly alright; once God knows your heart,” she continued to say.
When Ruth detached herself from her mother, she felt much lighter than she had since coming back home.
In the afternoon she visited the pastor who set her committal ceremony for the following Sunday.
David looked down at his eighteen month old daughter covered in what appeared to be the porridge he had set before her. He had only been gone for a minute to turn off the heat in the next room and when he came back little Hope was smiling at him, with the empty bowl in her hands.
Sighing, he reached for her and pulled her from the high chair. The little girl giggled as he dodged her chubby fingers that reached for his beard. He couldn’t bring himself to shave it even though he had been a widower for more than a year. It, and Hope were the only testaments that he had that he had been married and was happy.
Looking at the clock, he wondered where his niece was. He didn’t have time to stay with Hope this morning, as he had to oversee a big shipment from his factory. Even as he struggled to clean little Hope while she giggled and flayed her arms, he wondered what he would do when Liza left to go stay with her new husband’s relatives in Ohio. He would practically be left stranded. She had been kind enough to offer her help while he was away at work but now she would be going and he would have to consider an alternative.
“Papa, clean,” Hope squealed in her baby voice, pointing to the new dress he had put on.
David couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips as he looked down at her. Her green eyes were the exact replicas of her mother’s and though it couldn’t be seen now, he knew that she was going to resemble her mother.
“Yes you are,” he replied to her declaration.
The little girl turned happy eyes back at him as she extended her hands towards him.
“Up papa, up,” she commanded.
David laughed at the little girl’s bossiness.
“Yes ma’am,” he replied before sweeping her into his arms.
She released a peal of laughter when he began throwing her into the air before catching her in his arms. As he continued to have fun with his daughter, there was a knock at the front door. Walking out of the little girl’s room with her neatly tucked at his side he went and opened the door.
“Good morning uncle. I’m sorry I’m late but mama wasn’t feeling feel and papa already
left for the fields,” the girl said before him rushed out.
“It’s alright Liza, I understand,” he assured her. “But I have to leave now,” he continued.
At this Liza turned her attention to Hope with a broad smile on her face.
“Hey little Hopey Dopey,” she cooed.
Immediately Hope strained towards Liza and David readily released her into his niece’s care.
“I’ll see you later,” he said before adding a kiss to his daughter’s forehead and heading for the door. Going to the barn, he hitched up his stallion to the buggy before heading towards town where his furniture business was located.
When he got there his second in command had already let in the workers who were carefully packing the items into the waiting truck. His business had grown quite admirably considering that he started it from the little shed at the back of his house. Now he was a well-known furniture dealer, selling furniture not only to the locals but he was now a key distributor in Amish furniture to the wider public.
“I’m guessing Hope kept you up?” John asked with a twinkle in his eyes as soon as David plopped down in the chair by his desk.
“My niece was late,” he explained.
“Oh,” John replied simply. “Have you thought about what you will do when she leaves?” he asked in a serious tone.
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” David sighed. “I was thinking about leaving her with my sister but she is too ill to be chasing after a toddler and most of the females are too young, or they're married.”
John patted his back sympathetically.
“I hope it works out for you my friend,” he said genuinely before moving off.
For the rest of the day, David did inventory while monitoring the work of his employees. When it was time to go home, he was bone tired.
Luckily the following morning was service so he didn’t have to think much about repeating the routine. Tomorrow would be a day of meditation on the word and rest. It was also a plus that he would be going fishing in the evening with Josef. Hope would be spending the day with Liza.
Ever since the day Josef witnessed his breakdown by the pond after his wife’s death, the two had become close friends as Josef encouraged him that it was God’s will to take Sarah but that he had to continue to live, especially now that he had a little one to take care of.
The two now had a fishing date every other week. It felt good to get away and clear his mind and just enjoy the peace and tranquility that fishing brought him.
After paying Liza for the week, he went to take a shower while she waited for her husband to come for her. Hope was already asleep which he was glad for. When he was finished he came back downstairs just as there was a knock at the door. After exchanging pleasantries with Liza’s husband the two were off leaving David to get his supper.
After supper he had a short devotion before checking on his little girl and then headed for his own bedroom.
The next morning he had the task of preparing Hope for Service. After a messy feeding that saw him getting clumps of the thick oatmeal in his beard instead of inside her mouth, he gave her a bath. He then proceeded to look for something for her to wear. Luckily Liza had placed the little girl’s outfit neatly on the little dressing table for him to see. Otherwise, he would be looking through the drawers aimlessly not being able to decipher what would be proper. Again he thought about how much he would miss Liza when she left.
He wasn’t able to get her to sit one place while he prepared himself so he placed her in the high chair praying that she wouldn’t be able to climb out.
He made a quick dash for his room thankful that he had thought to shower before getting her ready. He was happy to see that she remained in the seat he when he came back out.
“Papa up,” she requested when she saw him.
Honoring her request he lifted her out of the high chair while reaching for the child friendly seat he had made to use when she travelled with him.
He then proceeded outside to the buggy that was parked by the side.
After placing the bag in the back he put Hope to sit in his seat to secure her seat. He then placed her in it stretching the leather strap across her torso and fastening it on the other side, to keep her in place. He then went for the horse and made quick work of harnessing him to the buggy. They were off shortly after that.
He directed the horse towards the pastor’s house where the service would be kept. Not many persons were outside when he arrived and he greeted those he saw graciously. They eagerly returned his greetings with a few of the older women who were widowers themselves inching even closer to play with Hope. He allowed it because at a time like this, he figured it would be appropriate to find a suitable mother for Hope.
Soon however the bell that called service into session was rang and David along with the others made their way inside.
He chose to sit at the back just as the singing began. He joined in but had difficulty focusing as Hope kept fussing when he prevented her from drawing his beard.
He could see Josef up front his head bobbing in time with the rhythm of the song. Josef’s son was beside him while his wife and daughter’s sat on the opposite side of the aisle. There was a female sitting with them but he couldn’t quite make out her face. He only got a glimpse of her side view when she turned to smile at one of the little girls. In any case, he could say he wasn’t familiar with her.
After singing the pastor preached a sermon about the prodigal son before informing the congregation that a lost sheep had returned to the fold and would be committing herself to the church.
“Please accept Ruth Graber, daughter of Josef and Martha Graber who has returned to God’s will,” he commanded. He then gestured for the female in the front to stand for all to see her.
Slowly she got to her feet and turned to face the congregation.
So this was the daughter Josef had told him left more than three years ago?
He could tell that she was nervous by the way she wrung her hands together while her wide blue eyes flitted from one side of the room to the next.
“Go on dear,” the pastor urged her to say something even as she stood there with her full pink lips opening and closing.
Something stirred in David and it wasn’t out of concern. It felt more like an interest. A wave of guilt came over him and immediately he averted his eyes as he willed his thoughts to come under subjection.
“Hello everyone,” she started in a soft silvery voice. “I guess most of you know who I am but for those who don’t, I’m Ruth. I would like to commit my life to the church; to keep its ordinances and uphold its standards. I now confess that I was a sinner and have begged the forgiveness of our Lord God,” she said before taking her seat.
A chorus of “Amen,” erupted through the barn and he saw the girl’s mother place a comforting hand over her shoulder.
“Thank you Ruth. You are welcome to become a member of the church,” the pastor commended. He then informed the gathering that her committal service would be the following Sunday.
David racked his brain trying to remember the girl who had just risen to speak but nothing came to mind. He had been a part of the community for nearly half his life and he still wasn’t familiar with everyone there so it was possible he didn’t really know her.
As soon as service ended persons stayed back to fellowship and eat. A few of the women joined the pastor’s wife in preparing the meal while the others mingled and chatted.
“David, it’s so good to see you,” Josef spoke as he drew near. Reaching for the man’s extended hand; David shook it while balancing Hope on his hip with the next.
“I see you’re not travelling light today,” Joseph said, taking in Hope at his side.
“Not today my friend,” David replied with a short laugh.
“No fishing trip then?” Josef asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, I am still game for that. My niece will be taking Hope for the rest of the evening,” he explained.
; At this Josef’s eyes lit up with excitement.
“Great because we have a lot to catch up on,” he said.
“Indeed we do,” David confirmed, and then added, “Including the fact that your daughter is home and you didn’t mention it."
“She’s been back only a week,” Josef replied. “I haven’t seen you a week now,” he further excused.
“No matter,” David replied.
Just then his niece showed up and reached for Hope.
“I will see you later,” Josef told him, walking off after Liza greeted him.
Later that afternoon the two men met for fishing. It was a secluded area that was rarely used by anyone else. This made it a suitable area to sit in silence as they waited for the fish to bite. Their moments of silence were usually interrupted by sporadic conversation before they reverted back to not speaking.
As the two sat comfortably on the grass by the bank of the river, they each threw out their lines and waited.
David was the first to catch a fish and Josef followed in short order.
“How’s business?” Josef asked David as he swung his line back into the water.
“Business is good,” he answered. “The orders keep coming in. I did two shipments this week alone,” he continued beaming.
“You?” he asked Josef.
After some time Josef answered. “Business isn’t as it used to be but I’m thankful.”
“That’s true,” David acquiesced. “If you ever need any help don’t hesitate to ask me though,” he offered.
“It won’t come to that,” Josef affirmed, being the proud man that he was.
David didn’t comment further.
“How’s little Hope?” Josef restarted the conversation. “She looks bigger every time I see her.”
“Hope is great,” he replied. “I can’t imagine my life without her, especially now that…”
David trailed off not able to complete the sentence. Josef however knew what he was about to say and he gave him a light pat on the back.
“Praise God for leaving you this precious gift,” he implored David.
“I am grateful,” he countered. “I just wish she was here to share in the joy. I’m not bitter anymore but it still hurts sometimes when I think about her,” he confessed.