by Amy Field
“There all done,” her mother gushed as she smoothed the last wrinkles out of the bed she had just made for her daughter.
“Your clothes are still in the closet as you left them and I will put out clean towels and soap in the bathroom for you to fresh up,” she advised her. “When you’re finished, you can come down and have supper with us. We’re having meatloaf, your favorite,” she continued.
“Thank you mama,” Ruth replied in a quiet voice.
Her mother gave her another warm smile before exiting and giving her privacy. Ruth used the time to acquaint herself with her old room. Indeed nothing much had been changed. The navy blue curtains that were hung from ceiling to floor were currently pulled back from the single window in her room that gave her a perfect view of the sky that was now streaked with orange and purple heralding the approach of evening. Her unsprayed chest was situated on the left side of the opened window while her armoire stood on the other side. Her bed was in the middle of the room and a simple desk and chair was on one side.
She gingerly made her way over to the table and sat in the hard high backed chair as she ran her hands over the smooth surface. Reaching forward she removed a pen from the handcrafted stationery holder before she pulled open the table drawer to remove her aged diary. She ran her hands over the not so new cover with ink and tea stains, then pushed her hand even further into the caverns of the drawer to pull out the key that was taped to the top.
Ruth inserted the key into the small key hole to release the secrets she had written on their pages. She skimmed through the pages until she came to her very last entry – it was made the day before she left.
Dear diary,
I know papa doesn’t agree with me leaving on my rumspringa but I feel like if I don’t go I will never get to truly experience life outside of this mundane community. I want to see the bright lights and the fairs with the great wheels that Maggie told me about. I want to wear the clothes that everyone outside of our community wears and I want to be able to style my hair and wear makeup and jewelry.
I still don’t understand why it is such a crime to get and use the things that would make our lives easier but while I am here I will abide by the rules.
I already told papa that I would go and I know I have probably hurt his feelings. I know it will hurt him even more as I don’t plan on coming back to this town. There is just too much out there that I want to experience and I doubt a mere six months or a year will be enough.
I just hope with time that they will come to understand my decision.
Ruth closed the diary with tears in her eyes. She wished she hadn’t been so eager to leave the community. If she had known what awaited her then probably she wouldn’t have gone in the first place. Nothing she did while out in the English world could be taken back – there was no do over. All she had to look forward to now was moving on with her life and that included committing to the church.
Rising from her seat, Ruth made her way through the door and crossed the hall to the bathroom directly in front of her room. After her shower, she wrapped herself in the robe that hung from the nail on the door and went back to her room to choose her outfit. She removed a navy blue straight tunic and an apron and laid them carefully on the bed. She then reached for the brush on the chest before sitting on her bed to brush her loose curls into submission. Securing it in a bun at the nape of her neck, she proceeded to get dressed. As she was about to step through her room door she remembered her head was not covered and crossed to where her chest of drawers was to look for a prayer kapp. Locating a white one, she secured it over her hair before progressing as before.
“Ahh, you look so beautiful,” her mother who was at the foot of the stairs, gushed as she made her way down.
Ruth found herself blushing at the compliment. It however was out of embarrassment as her mind flashed back to the last person that had complimented her and the disastrous consequences that had ensued. She hung her head as she felt her eyes begin to cloud over from the memory.
“Come let’s go present you to the rest of the family,” her mother said eagerly, missing the change in her daughter’s mood. Hooking her hand in the crook of Ruth’s, she began to pull her towards the dining room.
She was surprised to see that it was more than her immediate family present at the table. Her father’s sister and her aunt, Aunt Peggy and her husband Paul were at the table along with her twin cousins Abigail and Adam.
“There she is,” her father called out with pride in his voice. He stood and came to greet her with a kiss to her forehead. “You’re aunt and cousins wanted to welcome you back so they will be having supper with us,” he informed her.
Just then, Aunt Peggy rose from her seat and came to her with her pudgy arms outstretched.
“It is good to have you back Ruth,” she said as she constricted the air entering Ruth’s airwaves by her tight hold.
Then came Abigail and Adam, who told her how happy they were to have her back. They had grown so much over the last three years that Ruth could do no more than marvel at their maturity.
As soon as everyone was seated at the table, grace was recited and the main course served. Everyone complimented Martha, stating how good the meatloaf tasted. This caused her mother to blush with pleasure.
“So what was it like to be in the English world for so long, Ruth?” Adam asked as he fed himself another serving of the meatloaf.
Ruth’s fork stilled in the air at the abruptness of the question posed to her. Her chest again tightened and it became troublesome to inhale or exhale. Her palms became sweaty and her heart beat erratically. She had hoped no one would ask her about her experiences outside of the community. Such talk was usually deemed an intrusion into the sacredness of their detachment from the outside world.
“Adam, we are at the dinner table such talk is not permitted, you know that,” Aunt Peggy intervened giving her son a stern look as his father sat by her side with an equally stern look if not scarier. She knew it wouldn’t end well for her cousin and she felt sorry that she would be the cause of his discipline.
Adam hung his head in shame as Aunt Peggy turned an apologetic smile on Ruth who gave her a brief smile before returning her attention to her food.
After the meal, the extended family left as she retired to the living room with her parents and siblings. Her two sisters spoke animatedly about school and all they had learned and she listened keenly as everyone tried to bring her up to speed with what had taken place in her absence. She learnt that quite a number of her friends were now married and some were even expecting. She was happy for them but it also caused a wave of melancholy to sweep over her as she remembered her loss.
Jeremiah at fifteen was currently working with their father at the tanning shop where they made and repaired shoes and other leather items. She learnt from her father that business had been slow but that they were still able to make ends meet. She wished there was something she could do to help out.
“I want us to meet with Pastor Yoder, so that we can begin the process of having you commit to the church,” Josef informed his daughter who nodded her agreement.
“Remember we have service this Sunday by their home. That’s as good a time as any don’t you think?” her mother asked him.
“I suppose,” he agreed.
“But I wanted to go fishing with David after fellowship,” he informed Martha.
“I’m sure he’ll understand if you don’t make it.”
Josef rubbed his bearded chin in consideration before he nodded his head in agreement.
“You’re right, I’m sure he will,” he replied with a bright smile.
Martha returned the smile before she rose to clean up the tea things. Ruth arose from her seat and attempted to help her, but she waved her hand refusing the help.
“I can manage, Ruth,” she assured her daughter. “Tomorrow you can help with the house chores and cooking, but today I just want you to relax.”
Ruth gave her mother another gratefu
l smile before settling in the armchair once more.
For the remainder of the evening the family sat in the living room singing hymns from their book of songs and everyone recited a verse from the bible. Josef then expounded on a particular bible chapter then they prayed. Everyone then retired to their own quarters.
Ruth went to her room to prepare for bed. The journey back to Lancaster had been long and tedious. It had taken a toll on her body and all she wanted to do was to get a good night’s sleep.
After removing her clothes to don the plain cotton nightie, she removed her kapp and loosed her hair from the tight bun. She then pulled back the plain comforter and got into the bed. As soon as she closed her eyes, she fell into a dreamless sleep.
Ruth awoke to someone calling out her name. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she turned to see her sister standing by the open door.
“Mama told me to come get you,” the little girl said.
Ruth nodded her head in acknowledgement.
“I’ll be there in a minute, Elsa,” she answered her as she pulled back the covers.
Her sister gave smiled in response before closing the door and trudging down the hall.
Ruth swung her feet over the side of the bed as she rested her hands on the cot to support her frame. Looking over at the clock above her door she realized that it was a little past six.
She forgot that in this house everyone was up by 5:30 and set to start their chores by six. She guessed being away so long and not having any real obligations where time was concerned, she had grown accustomed to waking up any time she chose.
Now she would have to reacquaint herself with the early rising. She quickly made her way to the bathroom and took a quick shower. She then put on yet another plain blue dress with a white apron before pulling her hair back and adding the kapp. She didn’t have the time to detangle it.
When she made it downstairs, her mother was already by the stove making what looked like pancake batter.
“Good morning, mama,” she greeted.
Her mother looked over her shoulder throwing her a small smile before going back to the task at hand.
“Good morning dear. How did you sleep?” she asked.
“I slept well,” Ruth answered. “I’m sorry I didn’t get up earlier. I guess I was really tired,” she apologized for her lateness.
“It’s alright dear,” her mother replied giving her an understanding smile. “You must be tired after your trip back here.”
Ruth returned her mother’s smile feeling at ease.
“What should I do?” she asked waiting on her mother’s instructions.
“Ohm,” her mother started in thinking. “Amy is out by the barn milking the cow and Elsa is collecting the eggs,” she continued listing off the current chores to see if there was anything left for her to do.
Turning to Ruth, she said, “You can help me make breakfast.”
“It would be my pleasure mama,” she said eagerly.
“Good!” Her mother sounded pleased. “You can put on the pot for the tea and the skillet for the pancakes."
All her mother asked she did it quickly. When Elsa brought in the eggs, she made the omelets. She was happy to feel useful; God knows she hadn’t felt this way for a few months now. It also helped to keep her mind off of New York, and the pain she felt.
After helping her mother serve breakfast, the family sat together and enjoyed the meal. Her father and siblings complimented her for helping out and that made her feel even happier to be back at home.
When her father and brother left for the day, she helped the girls get ready for school. She then volunteered to walk the mile long journey to the school house with them. Her mother agreed and gave her money to pick up some items by the market on her way back home.
As soon as they left the house, the girls bombarded Ruth with questions.
“What was it like living in the English world Ruth?” Amy asked.
“Did you drive in those little vehicles without the horse?” Elsa’s question followed immediately after.
“What do they eat?”
And so the questions continued neither deciding to let up and give her a chance to actually answer.
Ruth laughed. She wasn’t at all put off by their questions and the way they were asking the questions without an answer was quite funny.
“Girls,” Ruth finally called out, holding up her hand for them to stop. “How can I answer you if you ask so many questions at once?” she asked.
“We’re sorry Ruth,” Amy apologized on their behalf.
“It’s okay,” Ruth replied with a smile. “Now, who wants to go first?” she asked with a twinkle in her eye, letting them know she wasn’t at all offended by their questions.
“You go first,” Amy said to her sister.
Elsa turned eager blue eyes towards her sister waiting for permission.
Ruth only had to incline her head in acknowledgement for her to fire off the first question.
“What was it like, being away in the English world?” she asked.
“Well,” Ruth started as they steadily made their way towards the school.
“It’s a lot different from here,” she confessed. “For instance, they don’t have dirt paths like these,” she said gesturing to the narrow roadway that was pure earth. “It is completely tarred over like the roads at the end of town and the sides of the road are paved too.”
“I heard they don’t use kerosene lamps like we do,” Amy piped in.
“That’s true,” Ruth agreed. “They use electricity to power their lights even on the roads and the many gadgets they have,” she revealed.
“What are gadgets?” Elsa asked with a perplexed look.
Ruth smiled at the little girl’s innocence. It was truly a joy to witness such purity as was found in her sisters. At age eleven and eight, they weren’t faced with the dilemma of going out into the outside world or simply choosing to stay in the community. As a result their innocence was untainted. Suddenly she wished she were a child again. Then she wouldn’t be so full of sin and corruption. As she stared at her sisters who eagerly looked up at her, she felt guilty. In a way she was tainting their childhood, their innocence by her recounts of the outside.
“Maybe another time,” she said.
Disappointment showed on their faces.
“We’re almost by the school now,” she said as an excuse. “We’ll continue this some other time okay?” she promised.
At this the girls’ perked up once more as they eagerly accepted her promise.
When they finally made it to the school house, Ruth received a hug from each of her sisters before they ran off to mingle with the other students already there.
“Are my eyes deceiving me?” came a familiar voice from behind her.
Immediately she whirled to see if it was who she thought it was.
“Ruth?” the person asked, as her eyes grew wide with surprise.
At the look of shock on her long time friend’s face a smile broke out on hers.
“It’s me Miriam, in the flesh,” she confirmed.
Immediately the woman embraced her and Ruth hugged her back eagerly.
When the two parted, they could do nothing but giggle uncontrollably.
“I’m so glad you’re back, I’ve missed you Ruth,” Miriam said with feeling.
“I’m sorry I left,” Ruth replied just as heartfelt.
“What are you doing here?” she asked wondering if Miriam had taken a student to class as well.
“I’m the teacher here,” Miriam said with a proud smile. “At least until I marry,” she added.
Ruth’s eyes went wide with surprise and excitement.
“You’re getting married? To who?” she asked inquisitively.
“To Jacob; you remember him right?”
At the mention of Jacob, a scrawny looking boy with a mop of red curls and a smatter of freckles across his nose and cheeks came to mind.
“Freckle face Jacob?” she asked, calli
ng him by the nickname they had given him back then.
“Yes,” Miriam confirmed. “But don’t let him hear you call him that,” she cautioned. “He’s changed a lot since the last time you saw him,” she further explained.
“I’m sorry,” Ruth apologized. “It is a force of habit.”
Miriam gave her a knowing smile.
“I’m happy for you though Miriam, truly I am,” Ruth said.
Again Miriam embraced her.
“And I’m happy you’re back,” she replied happily.
“We must catch up but for now I have some young ones waiting for me to impart knowledge to them,” she said.
“I understand; we’ll catch up,” Ruth replied.
They embraced for the third time before parting ways.
Instead of heading home Ruth took the path that led to the market. A few members of the community that welcomed her back greeted her but others stood afar off staring at her in what she could only term as disdain. She felt uncomfortable and decided not to tarry after making her purchases.
When she returned home, she helped her mother with the washing and tending of their small garden before resting for a few hours. In the late afternoon, Elsa and Amy were dropped off by a neighborly couple whose two daughters were their friends. In the evening, Ruth assisted her mother in the preparation of dinner. Her father and Jamie came home just before dinner was ready. After washing up they came back to the kitchen, as the places were set.
“How was your day dear?” Ruth’s mother asked her father after he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.
“Oh, the usual,” he replied with a shrug. “But I won’t complain; God has been good."
“God be praised,” her mother replied with reverence.
“I saw Pastor Graber today,” he said, after taking his place at the head of the table.
“Oh?” her mother replied in interest.
“He said he would be delighted to have a session with Ruth before the baptism." He looked at Ruth.