by Amy Field
“How are you two doing?” Matt asked.
“Great, is your schmoozing over?” Jaime asked testily.
Matt glared at her but Maria jumped in to smooth everything over.
“It’s alright, work is work,” Maria said hastily.
“Have you seen my parents?” Matt asked.
“I haven’t, should I have?
“You should see if they are comfortable.”
Without another word, Matt had disappeared, leaving behind the two of them. Maria was used to it but Jaime looked annoyed.
“Are you marrying a person or an escort?”
“Don’t be harsh, Jaime,” Maria reprimanded.
Jaime shook her but didn’t say anything. Maria stared on at the crowd, feeling lost for the first time throughout the evening. She hadn’t expected her rehearsal dinner to be like this. Of course she hadn’t been expecting everything to be perfect but the best way to describe her feeling was to say that she was lonely. She didn’t think it would be like this.
Maria hadn’t seen her sister and she wondered where she had gotten to. Her parents couldn’t make the wedding but her sister had come up. At the thought of her sister, Maria saw her walking towards her.
Celia, with her long dark hair and long lashes, was making her way through the crowd with grace and lightness. She had an inner dignity that Maria didn’t possess and had always aspired to. She was three years older than Maria and wasn’t married.
When Maria had told her she was going to get married, Celia had cried and promised to make it. They had always been close to one another and Maria loved her sister with all her heart.
“This is something,” Celia said. “I am hungry.”
“It’s a rehearsal dinner, the eating comes later,” Jaime joked.
“Have you talked to mom and dad?” Celia asked.
Maria shook her head. “I’ll talk to them tomorrow. I wish they could have come.”
“Dad broke his leg so you know they couldn’t have. It was unfortunate really.”
“I am really glad you took time off of work for this,” Maria said to Celia.
Celia smiled. She owned her own clothing store and was almost always busy. Maria had to beg her to come to the wedding but it was worth it. This wedding was going to be perfect.
Now if only her soon to be husband didn’t abandon her, everything would be all right.
Suddenly a silence settled into the hall and Maria stood up. It took her a second to hear the clinking of the glass.
“Everyone,” Matt’s voice echoed. “I have to say something.”
Small murmurs broke out. Everyone waited to in anticipation to hear what he was about to say.
“I know there’s a lot of people here and I am grateful for that but today, I felt as if I was ignoring my bride. Maria could you come here?”
As Maria watched a path opened up for her through the crowd and at the center of the hall, Matt was waiting for her, holding a microphone. She stood up amid all the gazes and took slow steps towards him, trying not to panic. Maria didn’t like being the center of attention so this was nerve-wracking for her.
Finally she reached Matt and he wrapped his hand around her waist, pulling her closer.
“Don’t be shy Maria, these are all our friends!”
All your friends, Maria thought in her mind and was surprised by the thought. She wasn’t usually uncharitable but she realized that she resented that so many of the guests were strangers for her. She didn’t want her wedding to be filled with strangers but it was for Matt so she would smile and keep her mouth shut about it.
“Tomorrow we are both going to be bound together as husband and wife, I can hardly wait for it. Maria, my darling, I love you and I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”
Maria forgot her initial resentment and tears sprang to her eyes. Here was Matt proclaiming his love for her and she was acting like a child. That wouldn’t do. She hugged him back and rested her head on his shoulder, reveling in the claps that followed. This was everything she could have hoped for and more. She would enjoy this day and remember it after they got married as the day before the best day of her life.
Maria felt like a fool.
She was stupid for having had such unrealistic hopes from the wedding. It served her right to have everything collapse around her. She deserved it.
“Maria,” Jaime’s’s voice was careful and slightly scared.
Maria didn’t say anything, she was still lost in the memories of what she had seen.
“You haven’t talked in an hour, Maria you have to speak. What did you see?”
Maria looked at Jaime with dead eyes. Everyone had left and Jaime had stayed behind. She was still in her bridesmaid dress, a red dress with ruffles at the bottom.
“I saw…” Maria couldn’t go on and Jaime could see that.
She reached for Maria, pulling her up gently and wrapped her hand around her shoulders.
“Let’s get you home,” Jaime said soothingly.
“No!” Maria said vehemently. “Anywhere but that place.”
“We’ll go to my place then.”
Jaime led her out of the dressing room and Maria saw that the hallway was empty.
“Where is everyone?”
“I sent them away,” Jaime said shortly.
Maria had never been gladder to have her as a friend. Jaime took her outside, to her car where she hooked the seat belt for Maria. Maria stared out, through the window, trying to stop the flow of images that had burned into her brain.
She had never thought Celia would betray her like this.
It’s bad luck to see the groom before the wedding.
Maria had a physical reaction when those words went through her mind. Now they had a different meaning, Celia had uttered those words with a purpose. She wanted to get her out of the way.
Her own sister had been having an affair with her fiancé. Maria couldn’t believe it. She tried to prove herself wrong but she had seen it with her own eyes.
“I can’t go through with it,”
“Matt, we can’t…you are supposed to love Maria.”
“Celia, you are the one I love.”
They were kissing in her mind and Maria wanted to die. She had been so blind. All those trips that Matt took, on the pretense of work, the missed calls…everything. She should have understood that there was something wrong but she as blind. She could only see him and the glamorous life that he offered her. She could only understand that she loved him and that was enough for her.
She didn’t see what lurked beneath the covers.
“He was cheating on me…with Celia,” she whispered.
Jaime jolted, her hands tightening on the steering wheel.
“Impossible, you have to be kidding.”
“I saw them together. You know I went to see him, to ask about the seating arrangements and I heard them talking.”
“Talking about what?”
“They were talking about running away together, he was going to jilt me at the altar.” She choked on her words, trying to comprehend it.
Her fiancé and her sister. It was surreal thinking about it.
“I can’t believe it. I know I didn’t like him but to think he would do something so heinous, I can’t wrap my head around it,”
Maria nodded absently, she wanted to say something but it felt like she was trapped inside her mind, like a spectator watching a show without trying to do anything to change the outcome of a situation. Jaime drove on and Maria was barely aware of when they reached Jaime’s apartment. She didn’t notice the stares she got or hear the whispers.
It was only inside of Jaime’s apartment that Maria was able to breath. She caught sight of herself, reflected from Jaime’s glass cabinets and her chest tightened. She was still inside the dress that she had bought, had spent so much money on.
“Maria…”
Maria didn’t respond, she walked straight into Jaime’s bedroom and stood in front of Jaime’s tall mirror.
She saw her dark hair hair, done up in a French twist, her eyes done up with blue eye shadow which made her eyes pop. Her face was deadly pale, more pale than usual and she felt sick. Slowly, she slipped off the dress and bunched it up, throwing it to the wall with force that she didn’t know she had. Her legs gave away and she fell into a kneeling position in front of the mirror.
It was only then Maria began to cry in earnest.
Chapter Two
“Did you eat anything last night?”
Maria stopped in the middle of stirring her bowl of cereal, something she had been doing for five minutes and looked at Jaime’s concerned face.
Jaime was dressed for work and she had an empty cup of coffee in front of her. Maria looked at her with lifeless eyes and shook her head.
“I was feeling sick,” Maria muttered.
“That’s the third time this week. Don’t you think you should get that checked out?”
“I am fine,” Maria said quietly. “I am just tired.”
“Maria, you should do something. I know you have time off work but…”
Maria didn’t want to think about her vacation. It had been three weeks since the wedding, she had originally taken this vacation for her honeymoon, an event that was supposed to last for six weeks but that hadn’t happened. The tickets were with Matt and she suspected that he had gone with Celia. The thought was like a knife piercing her heart.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Alright but please, Maria, go to the doctor. You look terrible. I am leaving.”
Maria didn’t move until Jaime left the apartment, then she picked up her cereal bowl and poured the contents down the drain. Her stomach was queasy and Maria kept her eyes on the milk that swirled around the drain before disappearing.
She ran the tap water to get rid of the remnants and drifted towards the sofa, where she curled up on the couch. Sometimes Jaime came back home to see her on the couch, not having moved from the position. Maria was aware that she was making things harder for Jaime but she couldn’t help it. The sadness that surrounded her was a like a wall around her heart, refusing to let anyone in, even her best friend which was terrible of her. Maria didn’t want to be like this but she was trapped.
Today, however, Jaime’s words stuck to her. She was right, Maria hadn’t been feeling well. She had thrown up most of what she had eaten in the last few days and it made Maria wonder if her sadness was turning into physical symptoms. Maria doubted it.
She drummed her belly with her fingers and sighed deeply. The days that passed after the wedding, she had thought, hoped, that Matt would realize that he was making a mistake by not being with her. That, somehow, he would call her and tell her that she was the one for him.
Stupid dreams that wouldn’t go away.
Maria felt pathetic.
Maria turned on the TV, hoping something would distract her. None of the channels caught her attention and she kept on flipping the channels. She gave up after and left it on the news channel. However when it was time for the commercial break, she saw that they were advertising the drama that Matt was producing. She almost threw the remote but settled on turning the TV off, her heart pounding wildly, spreading the hurt through her body. Maria wished she could forget it like it was a dream, she didn’t want to think about but it wouldn’t leave her mind.
Why was it so hard to forget?
From Jaime’s spare bedroom, she heard her cell ring but made no attempt to go answer it. She knew who it was, it was her parents. They had been calling constantly after the wedding. Maria knew Celia had told them about the wedding but she was sure that Celia hadn’t told them about her hand in it. How would her parents react if they knew what Celia had done? They would be speechless but she had no wish to be the one to tell them that.
She wanted to drown in her own unhappiness.
She thought about the wedding gifts, they were waiting for her, unpicked from the shop that they had registered on. During the time, they had chosen such expensive gifts, giddy with happiness. Maria never wanted to see those gifts ever again.
As she thought that, she suddenly felt queasy and ran to the bathroom, dry heaving over the sink. Her head began to spin and she took long, deep breaths. Maybe Jaime was right, a trip to the doctor might be what’s best for her. There were few times in Maria’s life that she had to resort to visiting a doctor. There was one time when she had broken her leg and had gone to get that set but that had been when she was twelve years old, more than fourteen years ago.
Maria didn’t know any doctors in the city and she didn’t want to dig around the phone book for someone random. It was best to wait for Jaime.
In a way, Maria was relieved about her sickness. It gave her something to focus on, instead of blanking out for ages. She had done enough of that in the weeks that had followed the wedding and she had hated it. She hated feeling helpless and this sickness would get her out of it, Maria was sure of it.
Suddenly, anger seemed to grasp her. She was filled with rage, at Matt and Celia. They had gone onto their life together and left her as the fool. She wouldn’t let them win. After she got better, she was going to go back to work and move on with her life. It wouldn’t be any of their business and maybe someday, she would find someone better than Matt but for now, she would concentrate on herself.
Maria could hardly wait for Jaime to get home, Jaime would come a couple of hours later but it was something to look forward to and she felt the first sign of hope blossoming in her chest.
The waiting room was soothing in a way.
There were a lot of people around her but she loved the noise they provided. There were different types of people here, some with casts, some with face masks and others who looked like they had come for a normal checkout. Maria breathed in the smell of antiseptic and relaxed in her seat. Jaime had offered to come with her but she had work to get to.
Maria didn’t insist, she was better off alone.
It took her a few seconds to understand that the nurse was calling her but Maria got up and walked over to her.
“Miss Adams? Please go to room 204,” The nurse said briskly.
Maria nodded and picked up her file. She headed for the room and sat down on the bed inside. It was a standard examining room, Maria had thought that Jaime would make the appointment in a doctor’s office so she was surprised to see the examining room around her. Had something gone wrong? Maybe they had sent her to the wrong room?
Maria shook off the feeling and remained seated. She was getting worked up for nothing. Since she was alone, she reevaluated her situation. Her stomach was queasy and tiredness settled into her bones. She yawned involuntarily, her sleep cycle had become messed up. She had never had issues with sleep before. This was a first for her.
She was only beginning to relax when the door opened and the doctor walked in. she looked at him and found it hard to speak for a few seconds.
He didn’t look like a doctor. He had the youthful air about him which didn’t suit the profession. His eyes caught her attention first, they were liquid brown and warm. His face was handsome and tanned, as if he had just returned from vacation. He was taller than her and the only indication that he was the doctor was the white coat that he wore and the stethoscope around his neck. She spotted his name tag on his coat pocket but didn’t see his name.
“Please remain seated.” He told her. He had a deep voice.
Maria didn’t move from her position and he brought his stethoscope to his ears, picking up the end and placing it on her chest. He listened to her heartbeat for a few seconds, an action which puzzled her. Did they usually check the heartbeat first for a routine checkup?
She had no idea but she decided to go with the flow. He brought up a sphygmomanometer and wrapped it around her upper right arm. As he got close, Maria found that her heart skipped a beat. She didn’t know why that had happened but she pretended not to be affected. It was nothing, the doctor was very handsome and she was a woman after all. No doubt, she
would be affected by the presence of him.
She didn’t want to dwell too much on it, thoughts of Matt had begun to infiltrate her mind and she wished that this would end soon so that she could go home.
“When did you notice the boils appear?” the doctor’s question brought her out of her reverie.
“Boils?”
“The boils on your thighs. Isn’t that your affliction?” the doctor said.
“What? I don’t have…” Maria began to say but he wasn’t listening.
“The nurse should have told you to change, I’ll go get a gown for you.” He said and left.
Maria was trying to gather her thoughts when he came back with the gown. He held it out for her.
“Please change, I’ll wait outside,”
“I think you are mistaken about something!” Maria blurted. “I don’t have any boils.”
“Did you lie? Is this a drug thing?” his eyes had turned cold.
Maria flushed with anger. What was wrong with this man? Why wasn’t he listening to her?
“No it’s not! I came for a routine checkup!” she almost shouted.
“Routine checkup?” The doctor looked genuinely confused.
Maria couldn’t take it anymore. The anger that was swirling inside of her had reached frightening proportions and she didn’t care anymore. She threw the gown at the doctor and ran outside, to the nurse’s station.
“I think you assigned me to the wrong room,” Maria said breathless.
The nurse looked surprised at her disheveled appearance.
“Your name is Mrs. Ramon right?”
“No, it’s Maria Adams.”
“Oh my! I am sorry, I must have gotten confused!” the nurse said.
She apologized profusely as she handed Maria the correct file but Maria was still suffering through the remnants of her anger so she couldn’t respond to it. She went to the correct room where there was an older doctor waiting for her. By then, her anger had dissipated and she was feeling more charitable towards the young doctor she had shouted her. Maybe it had been a mistake on his part as well.
The doctor asked her standard questions which Maria answered and she saw something light up in the doctor’s eyes. The doctor didn’t voice his thoughts and asked her to get a blood test done. Maria took the slip of paper and left the room. She almost expected to see that doctor outside but he wasn’t there. She got all the tests done and went home, all the while thinking of the young doctor.