by Amy Field
What about Matt? Would he hate her for it?
What did it matter?
At the look of confliction on her face, Ryan took her hand.
“You don’t have to answer me now, take your time. I promise to accept you and your baby. I don’t care if he is someone else’s. The baby is another person so don’t shoot me down.” His eyes pleaded for the chance and she was melting.
Maria couldn’t deny that she liked him too but she couldn’t say yes.
“Okay,” she said softly.
Ryan smiled and hugged her softly. Maria’s hands were around him and she closed her eyes. For now, she would enjoy this feeling.
She wasn’t going to back down.
Chapter Six
She was in her bed when the pains came.
She was sitting up working on a presentation for work. She had started working from home and she was doing her best. Ryan had told her not to work too hard but she didn’t listen to him which he always sighed over. He was always at her place and he left late at night, making sure that she had eaten. It was one of the things that she loved about him. He was a caregiver and he didn’t try to hide it. He made sure that she was alright at all times but he wasn’t pressuring her in any way. If she voiced her troubles, he listened to her.
Yes, he did have the bad habit of being stubborn but it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Maria was saving the file when a jolt went through her and she doubled over. She knew immediately what it was, her due date had passed three days before. Immediately she reached for her cell and called Ryan.
He picked up on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Ryan, My contractions started,” she said through gritted teeth.
“I’ll be right there.”
A few minutes later, she heard the door and somehow managed to open it. Ryan was completely professional as he came in and helped her leave. It had to be his doctor training but it was in the car that she saw his demeanor crack. She cried out in pain and he reached for her hand, holding it tight as she cried out.
The drive was mercifully small and he almost carried her inside. The hospital staff was helpful, the nurses wheeling her to the maternity room. She didn’t let go of Ryan’s hand once and he went with her. He was by her bedside as she cried out during her contractions, soothing her and counting the seconds between the contractions. Through her pain, she was grateful that he was there. He helped a lot and she wanted to thank him but the pain was a pressing matter.
Two hours after the pains began, her water broke. Ryan was confused when she told him that her water had broken.
“That’s too early.” he frowned.
Regardless he went over to get a nurse who wheeled her into the delivery room. This time Ryan tried to stay behind but she wouldn’t let him.
“Ryan, I need you!” she shouted out, mid contractions and he was by her side immediately.
The curtain was drawn and he was beside her as the contractions ripped through her. She screamed out many times and the whole process was a haze but finally she felt the being that had inhabited her body for nine months leave her and she fell back, exhausted.
It was a second later when she was aware that there was no crying. The baby wasn’t crying. Before she could process it, Ryan had already taken the lifeless baby from the other doctor. It was his face that made it real, Ryan was crying as if it was his baby and the baby was lost forever.
Maria sniffed and tears dropped down her cheeks.
“No…please! Ryan don’t tell me!” she begged.
“I am sorry Miss Adams but the baby…” the delivery doctor was speaking but she didn’t hear a word. She was looking at Ryan who looked devastated but her pain was much greater. She couldn’t lose the baby, it was everything she had.
At that moment, it seemed as if her thoughts had transferred to him and Ryan looked down at the baby. He gently pried the baby’s mouth open and began to blow air inside.
“Dr. Stressor, the baby is gone,” the delivery doctor was saying but Ryan didn’t listen.
He continued but when there was no effect, he did something that made everyone gasp, he held the baby upside down. Maria was going to shout at him when something white oozed out of the baby’s mouth, forming a puddle on the ground.
Like a miracle, a cry rang out and Maria couldn’t believe it until the baby was handed to her. Her baby was alive! Ryan had somehow brought her baby back.
The baby boy cried vigorously at his mother, almost angrily but she knew it was because he was hungry. He couldn’t know that he had just been brought back from the dead. That was something only she and Ryan and all the people in the room knew.
Ryan was beside her and he was stroking the baby’s head.
“Thank you Ryan,” she whispered. “For everything,”
“It was my pleasure,” he whispered back.
“I want you to be here, with us. For everything that is to come,” she said.
Ryan was taken aback but it had never been clearer in her mind. She wanted Ryan to be there, he was the person she wanted. He deserved to be there. He had earned it and she needed him. It had taken some time for her to understand but now she knew that she couldn’t live without him.
Maria smiled at him once and then fell back, her eyes closing.
Two months later…
The baby’s cries echoed throughout the apartment and the two people in the bed turned over.
“It’s your turn.” Maria groaned.
Ryan obediently got up and went to tend to the baby in the next room. Maria didn’t fall asleep, she turned over and stared at the wall, thinking of how perfect her life was. It was everything she had hoped for and more. They had taken slow steps in their relationship but it had reached the point where they were both comfortable with each other and didn’t need to be careful around each other. Maria trusted Ryan completely and they had all but moved in. Ryan stayed over sometimes and he helped take care of Steven. Ryan was infinitely fond of Steven and it warmed Maria’s heart to see that. He was the father figure that Steven needed.
One thing that worried her about their relationship was that while she was committed to the relationship, some of her resentment still lingered and she was scared that she would be unable to let Ryan in. Ryan hadn’t said anything about it and he took care of her, she loved being with him but she didn’t know if she was in love with or not.
It was terrifying.
There was something else that was bothering her and it was the issue of telling Matt.
After she had told her parents that she would tell Matt after the baby’s birth, they had let it go but they pestered her about it immediately afterwards. The gift they sent for Steven had a card reminding her to honor her promise but the thought put a sour taste in her mouth. There was no way she was going to tell Matt. Her baby was her own.
Ryan didn’t take her side, he had urged her to tell Matt to as to avoid any conflicts in the future but that was the only thing they had a fight on. Ryan agreed to let it go and they hadn’t talked about it. Since then, she had allowed herself to fall into this idyllic lifestyle with him. She had gone back to work and they had made their schedule work. He took care of Steven when she was late in coming home and she usually went to visit him in the hospital. They made it work.
Ryan came back to the room and got into bed. He wrapped his hands around her, pulling her close.
“He was hungry, I put him to sleep,” he muttered in her ear and went off to sleep.
It was one of the things about him that surprised her. His ability to fall asleep at any time. Maria smiled and fell asleep as well, hoping that every day could be like this for the rest of her life.
“How is my godson?” Jaime cooed.
Maria had to laugh as she watched her best friend take care of her baby. Steven giggled as Jaime held him afloat and Jaime took the bottle from Maria to feed him. Ryan had gone to the hospital and it was one of her free days. Jaime had been a constant presence since Ste
ven was born. She approved of Ryan and had even commented on how much Steven looked like Maria. Like her parents, she had urged her to talk to Matt but she hadn’t mentioned it recently.
“You act like you don’t see him every day.” Maria said.
“I didn’t see him yesterday.”
Steven was eagerly drinking his milk which delighted Jaime. As she held Steven in her arms, she turned to Maria.
“Motherhood suits you,” she said.
“I guess it does. I have never been this happy before,” Maria admitted.
“I don’t doubt it, you are positively glowing,” Jaime grinned. “I think Ryan is a good influence on you,”
“He is,” Maria smiled.
“I told you that he was good,” Jaime said, satisfied about her hunch. “I like him much better.”
Maria could see Matt’s flaws as they were no longer together but she couldn’t forget that she had loved him once upon a time. She hadn’t compared Ryan to Matt but Jaime’s words made her think about it for a second. She didn’t want to delve too much into it so she pushed it away, taking Steven back from Jaime and helping him burp.
“I could have done that.” Jaime pouted.
She shrugged and rocked Steven, whose eyes began to close.
“How’s work going?” Jaime asked.
“It’s good. Everything is good.”
“I don’t mean to hurt you but are you over Matt?”
Maria took a long time before answering.
“I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I am being unfair on Ryan but I also can't let him go. I don’t know what to feel really.”
“I am sure you’ll solve it. It’s not easy,” Jaime said wisely.
“Says the person who has never been in a relationship,” Maria teased.
Jaime scowled playfully but Steven had fallen asleep so Maria took him to his cot and lay him down. She went back to Jaime where the two of them relaxed on the couch, chatting and catching up on old shows. It was something that reminded her of the days before when they used to spend ages together and she was nostalgic.
It didn’t last long as the doorbell rang. Maria went to open the door but there was no one there. There was a stack of letters on the ground and she shook her head in exasperation. Her mail man had the habit of leaving the mail there if she was late in opening the door. She picked up the letters and was surprised to see that one of them was heavy. She didn’t have to turn it over to know what it was.
Maria froze completely and as if she was in a trance, she opened it and stared at the invitation. Her hands began to shake, the card slipping from her fingers as the name of the bride and groom ran through her mind.
“What’s wrong?” Jaime had come to see her and Maria couldn’t say anything.
Jaime saw the card lying on the ground and picked it up, cursing when she saw the names.
Maria was lost in her thoughts. The sentence repeated in her mind.
Matt Denver and Celia Adams humbly welcome you to attend their wedding….
Chapter Six
“You can’t be serious.” Ryan said in disbelief.
“I want to go.”
“You want to go to the wedding of your ex-fiancé, who left you standing at the altar?”
“It’s my sister’s wedding too,” Maria defended weakly.
Ryan looked at her exasperated and sat down on the bed. Maria leaned against the wall, grateful that Steven was sleeping. She wouldn’t have wanted to wake him and let him hear the fight they were having. Maria knew she was crazy for wanting to go to the wedding but after the pain had passed, she understood that it was something she had to do. She couldn’t not go.
There were questions in her mind, things that she wanted answered and they were the only ones with the answers. She knew that Ryan didn’t approve but she wanted him to be there so that she could have the moral support that she needed.
“Maria, are you sure about this?” he asked helplessly.
She nodded, knowing that she was asking a lot of him but she knew she had to do this, no matter what.
The wedding hall had to be in San Francisco.
Maria had to take some time off work but she knew it was worth it. Her parents had asked her to leave Steven with them but she was adamant that Steven remain with her. She wanted Matt to see his baby. Now, standing in front of the wedding, she was nervous. She didn’t know what she had been thinking or if it had been the right thing to do. She didn’t want to ruin Celia’s wedding.
It was strange that this thought had come to her because Celia hadn’t thought twice about ruining hers but Maria wasn’t truly angry at her sister. A few months ago she had been but Ryan had changed everything for her and she felt guilty for dragging him here with her.
He had his arms around her and he was well dressed like her, in a black tux while she wore a blue dress. She had taken care of her appearance to make sure that she looked the same.
Steven was dozing off peacefully in her arms and she envied him, he was oblivious to how the world was like and what kind of person his father was.
“I wish your parents hadn’t sent that invitation,” Ryan said.
Maria wished the same thing. She could have gone on without knowing that her sister was getting married to her ex-fiancé. She knew why her parents had done it, to spur her to tell them about Steven but she didn’t like the cheap trick they had pulled. Jaime had been appalled but she looked towards the greater good when it came to matters like this. She thought that it would all work out in the end, something Maria wasn’t too sure of.
They had been standing in front of the hall for ten minutes and while Ryan was patient, Maria knew she should wait any longer. So she headed for the entrance and was ushered in when she showed the card. Her parents had opted out of the wedding, out of deference for her. Maria didn’t know whether to thank them or berate them for missing Celia’s wedding.
The hall reminded her of her own and Maria knew if she had come alone, she would have been overwhelmed. Ryan’s support was important and he never let go of her as they found their seats. There were a lot of people that she recognized but they didn’t look twice at her. Celia had fallen in the same trap that she had but she had a feeling that Celia was more assertive than her so she knew how to handle Matt. Her sister had always had that quality.
There was still some time left until the wedding started and Maria started to wonder why she had come. Had she come to simply see the wedding? She had told herself that it was to see the bride and groom and demand an explanation but when exactly would she do that? After the wedding or before it? Should she try to enter their dressing rooms? No that was rude but what did that matter?
“You can go,” Ryan said softly.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Ryan said and added, “I know why you are here. You are here to get rid of your complicated feelings.”
“Ryan…”
“Maria, I am not blind. I know you are conflicted about me.” He smiled wryly.
“I don’t blame you for it but I want you to know that I love you Maria. I don’t know when I fell in love with you but I did and I can’t undo that. I am not telling you to pressure you but after you have your talk with them, I want an answer. I want to know if there is space for me in your life or if I should disappear.”
Maria was speechless and her heart hurt but she knew he was speaking the truth. He was right, he wasn’t the second wheel. He was a human being as well and his feelings mattered. She stood up, with Steven in her arms and left him there.
She knew where the dressing room would be so she went towards it, ignoring the bridesmaids that saw her and began to whisper. She recognized them as a few of her sister’s friends who she had seen all her life. She wanted to visit her sister first but then she changed her mind and went towards the groom’s dressing room.
She didn’t have to say anything to the people and she walked straight in. He was standing there, checking himself in the mirror. He saw her reflected in the
mirror and turned around with a look of shock on his face.
“What are you doing here?” he asked her.
“I came to attend your wedding, the one I was supposed to have with you.”
“Look Maria, if you want an apology…”
“I want to know why you did it and to show you this.” She held up her baby and his eyes widened.
“Is that mine?” Matt whispered.
She nodded and Steven stirred. Matt approached and touched the baby but then drew back.
“What did you want me to say?” he asked her helplessly. “That I’ll take you back?”
“Of course not!” Maria hadn’t meant to sound so venomous but she did. It had been an automated response.
“Then what?”
“Why did you do this? Why at our wedding?”
“I thought I could forget Celia, I didn’t want her to break us but I understood that she was the one. The one I wanted to be with.”
“And me?” she asked.
“Maria I loved you once but it’s always been her.”
Maria didn’t say anything. She was numb at the confession.
Matt hesitated before he spoke again.
“Ever since that day, Celia has been conflicted. She didn’t want to get married but I convinced her. Maria, please don’t say anything hurt her. I love her.”
Maria took a step backward.
“I am not making any promises.”
She turned on her heel and left the room, her steps increasing as she almost ran to Celia’s room. She didn’t know how to feel about his admission but she knew that he was telling the truth. He really loved Celia. It didn’t hurt as she thought it would have but there was still something she had to know.
She got into the bride’s room easily. Celia was checking herself in the mirror like Matt but when the door opened, she turned to it and gasped out loud. Celia looked beautiful with her white dress and hair tucked into her veil. She noticed the baby first and then Maria. Tears filled her eyes.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I came to your wedding, you should be happy.” Maria couldn’t hide her contempt.