by Amy Field
“She is losing consciousness!”
“We have to hurry!”
Maria didn’t hear anything else after that. Her world collapsed into darkness.
It was cold.
Maria couldn’t stop thinking about how cold it was. She wished that it would become warmer or that someone would give her a blanket but when she tried to find a blanket, there was none near her. It was then she realized that she could move and so she opened her eyes.
The hospital ceiling was bland and colorless. Her first sight was towards her stomach and she saw to her relief that her bump was still there. Her baby was okay. That’s when she focused on her surroundings. It was silent, except for the beeping of the monitors but she was suddenly aware that there was someone beside her. She turned her head and saw, to her shock that it was Ryan and he was seated by her bedside, his hair in disarray with a wry look on his face.
“Hi,” he said quietly.
“Hello.”
Her voice was hoarse and her lips parched. “Could you…?”
As if he knew that she was asking for water, he poured her a glass and handed it to her. She tried to take it but her fingers wouldn’t obey her so he held the glass up to her lips, raising her head slightly. She gulped rapidly and he put her back down.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice clearer.
“You were in a bad state apparently,” Ryan said.
“Why are you here?” she asked.
“I was making rounds when I saw you in the emergency room. They had you there for a few hours before wheeling you into a private room.”
She suspected that he had a hand in that but she didn’t bring it to light.
“It doesn’t explain what you are doing here.”
“I was surprised to see you here and…” he looked at her belly.
Maria had forgotten that he didn’t know that she was pregnant. She rubbed her belly and saw that there was a flash of disappointment in his eyes.
“I am guessing it’s almost due,” Ryan said.
Maria nodded.
“I talked to the doctor who examined you, he said that it probably happened due to stress and that you should be careful. He said it’s a miracle the child is alive, you bled a lot.”
“My baby is strong,” Maria said softly.
“Where’s the baby’s dad?” Ryan asked casually.
Maria hesitated. She didn’t know what to tell him. Should she tell him the truth or lie? What would be the right thing to do? She made her decision in a second.
“The baby doesn’t have a dad.”
“I don’t understand. Is he….?”
“No, He isn’t dead. He left me. He was cheating on me with my sister,” she hadn’t meant to say that last line but it had come out. She didn’t know why she had but she felt lighter when she said it.
Ryan’s mouth dropped open but he closed his mouth int a thin line.
“I am sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter, it happened a long time ago.”
“So you are alone?”
“I do my best and this happened.”
“It’s not your fault.” Ryan reached for her hand.
Maria slightly moved her hand and he stopped before drawing back. For a few seconds, he said nothing. Maria didn’t feel any awkwardness and she appreciated the silence. But unfortunately it didn’t last long. The door opened and two people walked in.
Maria stared at them in shock and blurted, “What are you doing here?”
“Is that any way to talk to your parents?”
Her mother, Edith, glared at her. She had the same hair as Maria and looked as pretty as her in a mature way. Her father, Harold, was bald and had a potbelly but he was glaring at her as well. Maria didn’t know how they knew she was here but she knew that she didn’t have any way to escape. That was when she looked past them and saw Jaime. She was sheepish as she looked at Maria.
“They needed to know,” Jaime defended herself.
Maria couldn’t even glare at her and say that she was wrong. She had been avoiding them for so long and this was the time. Her parents had the same reaction when they saw her stomach and they both gasped at the same time.
“Maria, why didn’t you tell us? What happened? We only knew that you broke up with Matt but why? We asked Celia but she didn’t tell us anything.”
Maria gulped and she didn’t say anything at first. Ryan looked around awkwardly and stood up.
“I should go,” Ryan said.
“You can stay. I think they need to hear what I have to say.”
Maria looked at her parents and her heart began to beat, speeding up and she couldn’t find the words to speak. She knew that she had to say but she couldn’t say it. But then she remembered her baby and she took courage from the baby.
“Mom Dad, this is what happened….”
Chapter Five
It took her a week to leave the hospital.
Ryan was there to help her. He was helping her into his car. Maria had declined the offer but he had insisted and she couldn’t refuse him any further. He helped her into the car and after he got in, he strapped the seat belt for her.
“You didn’t have to do that," Maria protested.
“It was my pleasure.” He looked at her with his liquid eyes.
Maria couldn’t say anything. She was too flushed and nervous, she didn’t know what to say. Ryan had been a big help for her, he had done everything for her and visited her every single day. He was nice and polite, always remaining in his boundaries but he never did anything to indicate any romantic interest.
Maria didn’t know how to feel about him but he made her feel calm and protected. For the first time in a while, she didn’t think about Matt. She was completely content being alone and she owed it all to Ryan. But it didn’t mean she didn’t think about Matt anymore, there were sometimes that he entered her mind but it wasn’t as hurtful as before.
She told him her address and he drove her there, chatting about random things.
“Have you talked to your office?”
“I did, they told me to start my maternity leave from now onwards,” Maria said.
“You should, you have to take care of yourself. You know what the doctor said,” Ryan berated.
“I know but there are only three weeks left until my due date.”
“I hope Jaime will take care of you,”
Maria looked at him, wondering if that meant that he wasn’t going to be around anymore but as if he detected her gaze, he turned and met her eyes.
“I am usually busy at the hospital.”
“Thank you for your help Ryan.”
“You don’t need to thank me. I am not doing it unselfishly.”
The words made her catch her breath but she didn’t say anything about it. She didn’t want to acknowledge it. She was scared that acknowledging it would mean that she owed him something and she didn’t want it to.
“Forget I mentioned it,” he said finally.
Maria didn’t say anything after that but she was worried about it for the rest of the ride. Did he expect something from her, was she supposed to do something? Say something? She didn’t know and she was too scared to actually pursue it.
Ryan showed no indication of saying anything but even she felt that he wanted to say something. It didn’t matter, she would get through it somehow. So far, she was sure he was only with her because he felt pity for her but the thought gave her pain and that made her thoughts even more complicated than before.
What exactly did she feel for Ryan?
She knew it was too early to think of that, they had known each other properly for only one week but she still remembered how her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. She recalled all of the things he had done for her in the last few days. How he had helped her, bringing food for her, making sure she ate and making her laugh by telling her jokes about the patient. Something she hadn’t done in a while.
When had she last laughed?
Ryan had s
topped the car and she opened her seatbelt.
“I’ll see you soon,” he promised. “Don’t have the baby until then.”
His words were like a father’s but in his eyes, she saw the hint of affection for her baby which surprised her. Was he the type of person to like children?
Maria only nodded and left, waving at him as he drove off.
She was thoughtful when she got into her life but she wasn’t prepared for what was waiting for her when she walked into her apartment. Her parents were seated on the couch and they looked concerned as she walked in. Jaime was with them and Maria couldn’t look at her. She hadn’t quite forgiven Jaime for what she had done but she didn’t blame her either. She hadn’t wanted to tell her parents but after she had, they hadn’t said anything. They had merely looked shocked when she said it.
Maria knew they never thought that Celia would do such a thing which was what surprised her the most. Her sister, Celia, the one who had taken such good care of her when she was a kid had betrayed her in the worst way possible. She didn’t think that she could say anything about it. It was something unimaginable and it was the same for her parents as well.
Maria knew they had talked to Celia but they hadn’t told her what Celia had said and she could see from the look in their eyes that today was the day that they were going to say something and she prepared herself for it.
“What is it?”
“Maria, how do you feel?” her mother asked carefully.
“Well enough to hear what you want to say,” Maria almost snapped.
Her mother twitched but didn’t say anything about her retort. Maria regretted it immediately, she had wild mood swings sometimes but it wasn’t something she should inflict on her mother. Her mother had moved past it so she couldn’t even say sorry.
“We talked to Celia,” her father said and looked at her mother. “You were right.”
“I know,” Maria managed to say.
Her heart was close to breaking and she was resisting the urge to cry. She knew this but she didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want it to be confirmed but it had been and she didn’t know what to do about it. It hurt her deeply and not even the thought of her baby or Ryan could fix it.
“What did she say?”
“She is with Matt right now,” her mother said after a long pause. “They are together in San Francisco.”
Maria almost collapsed but it was a good thing she was sitting on a sofa. She didn’t want to worry them but even she felt the impact of the words. They were together, living together probably like he had done with her. How could they do that? Maria had asked herself that question a dozen times but today was first time that she was retreating back to her closing point.
That was when her cell beeped.
Maria picked it up and it said,
I’ll be coming tomorrow, we’ll catch some dinner?
There was light at the end of the tunnel.
“I am fine,” she said finally. “I hope they are happy together.”
“Aren’t you going to tell them about the baby?” her mother asked.
“No, they don’t need to know.” Maria said harshly.
“Maria, they need to know, this isn’t a small secret that you can hide,” her father said.
“They can know after the baby is born, until then I am not meeting them at all.” Maria said firmly.
Her parents looked at each other helplessly but didn’t say anything at her obvious anger. They didn’t want to aggravate her further and so they got up.
“We’ll be going back home but please tell us if anything happens. Maria it wasn’t your fault so I hope you don’t think it was.” Her mother said quietly.
The two of them hugged her and Maria cried. They continued to hug for a while and then her parents kissed her, leaving.
“They took it well,” Jaime commented.
Maria had forgotten that she was there and now she glared at Jaime.
“I still haven’t forgiven you,” Maria said.
“I had no choice. Maria, as your emergency contact, you know how panicked I was when they called me and told me you were in the hospital? I thought you were going to lose the baby or something worse!” Jaime said.
“I am sorry, Jaime, but I would have preferred to not tell them.”
“I know but it’s better that you did. I can’t believe your sister is shameless enough to go on a relationship with Matt. That is so callous and selfish of her.”
“As long as she is happy,” Maria said too casually.
“You are not that good Maria. Don’t hide it. Tell me the truth.”
“It’s better to let it go, I don’t want this to affect the baby,” Maria said.
“Fine,” Jaime said. She got a sly look in her eyes, “What about that doctor?”
“What doctor?” Maria said nonchalantly.
“The handsome doctor.”
“Ryan?”
“Did he ask you out?”
Maria shook her head and Jaime groaned.
“He totally has the hots for you,” Jaime said.
“Don’t say it like that,” Maria blushed.
“He likes you! That’s the truth and I think you should go for it.”
“I am pregnant, I don’t think he is that open minded.”
“That’s a stupid excuse and you know it,” Jaime said bluntly.
Maria stood up and headed for the kitchen. The baby kicked then and she wondered if the baby was agreeing with Jaime or her.
“Maria you shouldn’t push away any opportunity that comes your way. If he likes you, go for it.”
“Don’t be silly. As a matter of fact, I am seeing him tomorrow.” Maria said.
“Dress nice.” Jaime said.
Maria laughed and decided that she would have to disagree with everything Jaime had said. She had no intention to lead him on or do anything stupid. But somehow she felt the excitement grow inside of her, it had been a while she had been out for dinner.
She couldn’t wait.
The date was something Maria hadn’t expected. She couldn’t deny it, it had been a date from him picking her up and paying for dinner.
He was dressed casually and she had put on the only dress that fit her. Even then, she felt wide as she opened the door to let him in but he said that she looked pretty. He didn’t bring flowers but he did make sure to ask her to take her jacket, in case it got cold.
Maria didn’t remember the last time someone had asked her to do that and it brought up her thought of Ryan. He was a good guy, he thought a lot about her health but she still wasn’t sure if it was because he actually loved her or if it was because he was just that way.
He took her to a nearby restaurant where he helped her order and made sure she ate everything. He chatted about other things and it got a bit more personal.
“How long have you been in the hospital?” she asked.
“About five years. I am thirty one.”
“Do you like your job?”
He nodded. “I do and that’s a surprise.”
“Why is that?”
“I didn’t always want to be a doctor, I had a rough childhood. My parents were rich and they let me do whatever I wanted which was the worst thing they could have done. I wasn’t a good kid most of the time and I dealt in things that I hate to think about but it did happen and I can’t change it.”
Maria noticed that he used parents in past tense and his next words confirmed it.
“When they died, I didn’t know what to do. They had left everything but I realized how solitary my life was and I wanted to make sure that it meant something. I was nineteen then so I worked my butt off to make sure I got into med school. I didn’t stop from them and kept going onwards with everything. I wasn’t going to give up and I am glad I am in this position.”
“That’s intense. I didn’t have the same story, you met my parents. I guess the only bad thing that ever happened to me was Matt and Celia.”
“It completely blindsided you
didn’t it?” he said sympathetically.
“It did, I never expected Celia to do such a thing but I guess you don’t know people as you thought you did. They didn’t care about my feelings.”
“Have you told them?”
She shook her head.
“It’s your business,” Ryan said and she appreciated it. He wasn’t telling her to do what everyone was telling her to do which was something she could respect. They moved onto other topics but she felt a connection with him, stronger than before. She imagined that nineteen year old, filled with passion, the passion that had led him to become a doctor and she admired it. This showed that he was someone who was stubborn but hardworking.
Someone completely different from Matt.
Matt had always been lax about his job, he had always criticized the actors and she understood how overbearing he was in comparison to Ryan. Ryan seemed like a better person and Maria was glad, that though they weren’t dating, that they had met each other. She would have regretted it if she hadn’t met him and she wondered what it would have been like if she had met him before she met Matt, would she have gone for him?
She knew the thought was baseless. But it turned out to not be that when he drove her home.
When he pulled up in front of her house, she started getting out the car when he reached for her hand.
“Wait, I need to get something off my chest.”
Maria waited and he took a deep breath.
“Maria, I liked you from the moment I saw you. I know that’s a strange thing to say but you were in my head for a few days and since then, I couldn’t get you out. When I saw you again, I was too scared to ask your number and I regretted it. But by luck, I saw you for a third time and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. The week I spent with you showed me that you are caring and you have a heart of gold. I know that you have pain inside of you that you haven’t gotten rid of but Maria, I really do like you and I want to date you.”
Maria was overwhelmed by his confession and the serious look in his eyes. He was completely serious and she didn’t know what to do. Her feelings didn’t tell her to say no but she didn’t know if she could say yes either. Would it be fair? Could she move on while having Matt’s baby?