“I don’t believe it. You could have had a long engagement. Hell, you don’t have to get married at all, but to break up with you. It just doesn’t make sense. Let me talk to her.”
“No.”
“Why not? You two belong together.”
“It was my fault, Maggie. You don’t have to say anything to her, because it’s my fault.”
“What the hell did you do?”
He thought about lying to her, but he couldn’t bring himself to. “I’ve been offered a job with a defense contractor overseas to train a private security force.”
Maggie sat very still for a few moments and he was positive she was going to cry, but she surprised him by lifting her hand and punching him in the arm. “You’re a selfish asshole. You fix this.” She stood up. “I need you here. And our parents need you here, and the woman who loves you despite you being a morose son of a bitch needs you here. Life has been better for everyone since Daisy came into yours so stop your bullshit and fix this.”
“I’m screwed up, Maggie. War screwed me up.” He looked up at her. “I’m not sure I’ll be a good husband. I’m not sure I can be a father.”
“But you love them, right?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then you’ll try. You haven’t had to try hard at anything, Clayton. School came easy to you, sports came easy to you, leading came easy to you. But now there’s Daisy and she’s a person with feelings and I know you want her to be happy but you have to make an effort to make her so. You have to try. You have to work at it and yourself. Being in love is not easy. Being married to someone is hard, but it’s worth it and you have to try your damn hardest at it. So you’ll get help. And you won’t quit and you’ll try some more, because your life will be more screwed up if you don’t.”
“Maggie! Clayton!” They heard a big booming voice call to them and they turned around to see that a very tan Ambrose had returned from his long vacation. “My two favorite almost children.”
Clayton stood up. “Welcome home, sir.”
“It’s good to be home, isn’t it? Come with me, my boy. We have some talking to do.”
Chapter 16
“Mama, did you pack the sunscreen?”
“Yes, Cookie. I did.”
“And my notebook?”
“It’s here.”
“And two pairs of sneakers?”
“Aubrey.” Daisy had taken the piece of paper that Aubrey was looking at. “I’ve got everything. I’ve been doing this mother thing for a little while now. I think I know how to pack for my kid.”
“I was just making sure.” Aubrey had made a list. A seven-year-old had made a list of all the things that she needed to pack. She was more organized than Daisy. “You’ve been a little distracted lately.”
Distracted? The kid sounded like a woman five times her age.
“I’m fine, doll face.” She looked at her packed Mustang and mentally double checked the list Aubrey had made. “I’ve just never sent my baby off to camp before and it’s been on my mind.”
“It’s because Clayton is working late and you miss him.”
“Yes, I do miss him,” she said honestly. She hadn’t seen Clayton since he had spent the night last week. He lay beside her in bed holding her close, stroking the hair out of her face, kissing her softly. But not once did he say what she wanted to hear. He never said I love you. Or that he wanted to stay. He never said he would try to have a life here.
And that was a shame, because she knew she could make him happy. She knew they could have a good life together. She could see him being a good father. She could see him being her husband. He wasn’t Danny. Even though the men had the bond of service, she knew Clay wasn’t him.
It didn’t make a difference that this had all happened too fast, or they had started out in a crazy way. She wanted forever with him, but he didn’t want to give it to her. So she would have to go on. Move on. Find someone else to love.
“You want me to stay home with you, Mama?” Aubrey asked. “I don’t want you to be sad while I’m gone.”
“You’re the greatest kid.” She lifted her into her arms. “I don’t deserve you.”
“I was your present, because you were good.”
“My favorite thing.” She kissed her cheeks a dozen times and placed her back on the ground before she got weepy again.
Clayton’s truck pulled into the driveway then. Daisy’s heart leapt, but then it fell again. It had been five days since she had last seen or talked to him and she didn’t want to see him today, not when she was sending her baby away to camp for two weeks. She hoped he was just going to walk away and go inside of his house, but he pulled a small duffel bag out of his car and walked over to them.
He lifted Aubrey into his arms and kissed her forehead. “Hey, kid. I missed you.”
“You’re coming, right? You came back to take me to camp?”
“Aubrey…” Daisy started. She hadn’t told her about the breakup, but she didn’t want to upset her before she left. She was excited to go, but Daisy knew Aubrey might get a little home sick and she didn’t want the sad news putting a damper on what already might be tough for her.
“Of course I’m coming.” He set her down, still not looking at Daisy. “I got you a little something for camp.” He pulled out a picture of them. Of all of them. His mother had taken it at the lake on the Fourth of July. She had nearly forgotten that picture had been taken. They looked like a family. Aubrey in her lap, Clayton’s arm wrapped around them both. She had felt like they were a family. The engagement felt real. His love for her felt real.
It was one of the happiest days of her life.
She looked up at him and he stepped forward, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “I missed you too,” he said into her mouth. She wanted to melt into him, because she missed his kiss that much, but she couldn’t because she was pretty sure he had just said he was coming with them to drop her off to camp.
“You’re coming with us?” she asked, keeping her voice light. She didn’t want to have it out with him in front of Aubrey.
“Of course. Aubrey asked me to and I can’t miss the opportunity to spend more time with my girls.”
She leaned close to him, placing her lips on his ear. She almost got caught up in how good he smelled, like spicy aftershave and clean soap. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I told you. I coming with you to take Aubrey to camp. She told me you don’t like to drive a long way by yourself.”
“I wanted him to come with us, Mama. I told him you wanted him to come too,” Aubrey said.
She looked at her daughter who was still gazing at the picture that Clayton had given her. She knew she couldn’t tell him no. She couldn’t let Aubrey down. She was going to have to tell her the truth when she got back from camp.
*
It had been a six hour drive to the part of Maine that Aubrey’s camp was in, but Clayton was glad he went because he didn’t like the idea of Daisy driving home alone. She had been emotional ever since they had stepped foot on the grounds of the camp. She was holding it together, but he could see all over her face how hard this was for her.
They had been shown around the camp, where she would sleep, where she would eat, who her counselors were. Aubrey seemed nervous, but excited. Her best friend was there and they would be in the same cabin. She would be fine. He had no doubt she would be. But he would miss her. He had missed her this past week. More than he thought he would.
“I think it’s time for us to go now,” he told Aubrey after they had done the full tour. She nodded and rested her head on his side as she wrapped her arms around him.
“Take care of Mama, okay?”
He wanted to. He wanted to take care of Daisy more than anything, but Maggie was right. He had been afraid to try and fail at something. Daisy was too important. He didn’t want to risk failing at a life with her. “Okay.” He lifted her into his arms and hugged her tightly. “I love you, Aubrey.”
“I love yo
u too.”
It felt good to say it and better to hear it. It had been a very long time since he had said those words to anyone. They had been hard for him to say. Even though he felt them, he couldn’t get them out.
It was odd that it took a child to make him feel comfortable enough to say them. “I think you’ll have an awesome time, but if you ever get really homesick call us and we’ll come to get you.”
“Okay.”
She held her arms out to Daisy who took her and squeezed her. She was holding it together, but he could tell she was on the edge of breaking down. “Have fun, Cookie. And don’t forget to call me once in a while. Make a whole bunch of new friends and write about what you do in your notebook so you won’t forget.”
“I will, Mama. I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.” She set her down. “Have a blast.”
With one last wave Aubrey walked away with her counselor. Clayton watched Daisy watch her until she disappeared from sight, her heart in her eyes. That was part of the reason why he loved her. She loved completely and totally and never tried to hide it. He took her hand, and gently led her back towards the car. He didn’t say anything to her, just took in their surroundings. Camp Candlewood was green and lush with rolling hills and a large lake that had docks full of rowboats and fishing gear.
“She was right to pick this place. It’s beautiful,” he said when they got to the car.
“Yeah.” Her mouth started to tremble a bit and he pulled her close, holding her tightly against him.
“It’s okay, baby. You can cry now.”
It was like she needed permission to break. He was glad he had ignored the pointed looks that she had given him, and the questions about his presence there. He was glad he could be there for Daisy. To hold her. To comfort her. To be around her. “She’ll be fine.” He smoothed his hand down her loose hair. “We’ll come get her if she’s not.”
“I don’t know why I’m taking this so hard. I know she’ll be fine. It’s me. She’s my family. She’s all I have left in this world.”
“That’s not true,” he said. Daisy needs a family. Her own family. Not just so she could love, but so she could receive love. She needed people to depend on. She didn’t have that growing up. She didn’t have that in her marriage. He wanted her to have that now.
“I have Loretta, but she’s Danny’s mother. She’s not tied to me. Aubrey’s my kid. I just want to be close to her in a way I never was with my mother.”
“You are.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks. “She adores you. You’re a great mom.”
“Thank you.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “Here I am crying all over you again. I’m surprised you haven’t left me on the side of the road.”
“I kind of like it when you cry all over me. It reminds me of the first time I kissed you.”
“Why are you here, Clay?”
“Because Aubrey asked me to come. And because I miss you.”
*
She didn’t know what to say to him. She had been uncomfortable with the idea of him coming with them at first, but she was glad he did. She didn’t have to pay attention to the road. She didn’t have to worry about getting lost, or coming home alone late at night to an empty house. She could let some of that burden go and it was nice just to talk to her kid and look out the window and relax as much as she could on the long ride.
But now Aubrey was gone, off having fun with other campers and she was left alone with Clay, the man she hadn’t seen in five days, the man she broke up with because he didn’t want what she wanted.
It would be one thing if she was mad at him, if she hated him and couldn’t stand the sight of him, but she didn’t. He was so beautiful he hurt her eyes. Clean shaven and tanned he somehow looked healthier today than he had the whole time she had known him. “It’s getting late. Maybe we should head back now.” She stepped away from him, from his comfortable embrace, away from his clean smell, away from the urge she had to seal her lips to his and not let up until she was breathless.
She got in the passenger seat of her car and shut her eyes as she slumped back in her seat. It would be too easy to turn to Clay now. Now that Aubrey was gone and the house was empty for two weeks and she was feeling vulnerable. It would be easy to turn to him, and make love to him, and put off the inevitable. Put off the pain that would come with him leaving the country. It would be easy, just for a little while, for her to forget about the worry she would feel knowing he was someplace that he might never find peace and risking his life on a daily basis.
But she was stronger than that. She had been through it all. Losing her parents. Her sister. Danny. She had been through hell. She could get through this. She could end this on her terms. He got inside the car and started it. Soon they were on the road. There was no music on, no noise, just the sound of her thoughts rattling in her head.
It was going to be an incredibly long drive.
“I want to get ice cream,” he said a few minutes later and she opened her eyes to find him pulling off the road into the small parking lot of an ice cream stand. It was painted bright green and pink and it had a cow wearing sunglasses on the roof, seeming to scream for people to stop in.
She didn’t want ice cream. She didn’t feel like eating anything, but she couldn’t tell him no. He had driven her all this way. He had been sweet to Aubrey. She had been too much of a mess to pay much attention when it happened, but she was positive that he had told Aubrey that he loved her.
Not an I-love-you-too, but an I-love-you.
We’ll come get you.
We’ll come get her, he said. We, like they were still together. Like they were both her parents. Like they were a family.
He got out of the car and she was tempted to stay in, just to get a little space from him so she could think without his presence clogging her mind. But he came around to her side. Opening the door. Helping her out. Being the gentlemen he always was.
He held her hand as they walked up to the stand, his fingers locked with hers, just like they were still together, just like he was planning never to leave. “Share something with me,” he said looking down at her.
She nodded, for some reason feeling her heart beat a little faster.
“There’s roasted fig and ginger. We could try that. We could try something new, but sometimes you just want something familiar and homey feeling. Something that you can always depend on tasting good no matter what.”
“Vanilla ice cream with hot fudge and a cherry on top,” she said when they got up to the counter.
“In a waffle cone bowl,” he added. “With two spoons.”
He led them to a picnic table that was a little further away from the others, but it had a perfect view of the mountains and trees around them. There was a breeze blowing and the sun was beating down pleasantly warm on her back. It was a perfect summer day. She would always think of him when she thought of perfect summer days. He would be the reason it was her favorite time of year.
“I’ve never been to Maine before,” he said looking at the view. “I hear it’s nice. Especially the southern coast where all the beach towns are.”
“I’ve never been either.”
“I booked a room at a place right on the ocean about two hours from here. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a real vacation before. Not since I was a kid at least. I’m kind of excited about getting away. I’ve been all over the world, but I haven’t even see much of my home country. I would like to see more of it.”
Before I go, she was waiting to hear him say, but he didn’t. “When are you going to the coast?”
“Today.” He dug his spoon into the ice cream. “There’s a lobster shack, I want to go to.”
“But Clayton…”
“My father asked us if we would like to go to South Carolina with him. He rented a big house. Maggie and Alex are going. Even my mother and Gordon will be there. I said yes. I’m trying harder with them. You’re right. I was being an asshole. Turning away people who love m
e.”
“Yes.” She felt completely breathless. “They do. But Clayton you said us. You didn’t tell them we were broken up?”
“I didn’t. Because we’re not.”
“But we are.” She shook her head. “I was there.”
He nodded. “I’m in love with you. Did you know that?”
“Yes,” she whispered, feeling like crying again. “But it’s nice to hear it. I like hearing you say that.”
“I’ll say it again. I love you. I’m in love with you. I feel incomplete without you.”
“Oh.” Her heart flipped over in her chest. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I need to.”
“But it hurts me, because I know that you’re just going to leave.”
“I won’t.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “I won’t leave you. Not if I can help it. I’ve signed the papers. I own Sanna and Son now.”
“What?” She sat there kind of stunned, not sure what to say or think or do.
“I’ve been stuck, Daisy. Stuck mad at my parents. Stuck thinking I couldn’t be happy. Stuck thinking I couldn’t find my place in the world outside the army. And then you came along and knocked me over. You made me happy. I don’t even remember being happy before, but then you came and I feel again. I feel full again when for so long I’ve felt nothing but empty. And then I got stuck again, thinking I was going to be a bad husband, a bad father. I got stuck thinking I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me because I needed you so much.”
“You don’t need me. What are you talking about?”
“I do. I do need you. Some days I felt like I couldn’t breathe without seeing your face and hearing your voice. But then I realized that you need me too. You need me to love you and to be there for you. You need me to cry on and give you babies and love Aubrey.”
“And get rid of bats,” she said as the tears streamed down her face.
“Yeah,” he grinned. “I’m your bat guy. I want to be your husband, Daisy. I love you. Even before I really knew you, I loved you.”
A Curvy Girl for the Cadet: A Perfect Fit Novella Page 18