by J J Loraine
I take the ring out of my pocket and her gasps fill the empty hall.
“Norah Simon, would you make me the happiest man on earth?”
Her eyes well up and she nods, but she can’t manage to speak. I can’t help but chuckle. I’m starting to get teary eyed myself.
“Will you marry me, baby?” I ask.
“Yes!” she squeaks out.
I grab her hand and slide the ring on her finger – it’s a perfect fit -- then I get up and kiss the woman I love.
Everything else fades away as we hold each other in our eternal embrace.
Even my recent championship doesn’t really matter. Only one thing makes me feel like a winner anymore, and that’s her.
Football God
Chapter 14
Carson
This is supposed the be the happiest moment of my life.
I did it. I got drafted by my home town team and led them to the championship in my first season. We hadn’t won the big game in decades until I came around, and now we were on top of the world... I was supposed to be on top of the world too, but I didn’t feel it.
No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get her out of my head.
After the game, my teammates took a private jet to Las Vegas; I got in my truck and drove to the small borough on the outskirts of the small city I grew up in. It’s where the college is; it’s where she is.
If I was a regular guy, I’d be in my fourth and final year of university now. I went out of state for university – I thought I’d never be forgiven for that. My home state loves football like it’s a religion, but they just didn’t have the infrastructure to support a budding superstar like me.
I left and was made into a pariah for years. My fame grew around the country as my team got national coverage, but people back home barely wanted anything to do with me. I was a traitor in their eyes. How could I leave instead of sticking around to help make the local college team better?
I tried to explain, but they wouldn’t have it. The only one who was still nice to me was my oldest friend, Sadie... but even we lost touch eventually.
I mended my relationship with my hometown this year. I brought them far greater glory in the professional sphere than I ever could have at the amateur level... now it’s time to mend my relationship with the girl I love.
I’ve regretted not confessing my feelings to her before I left town all those years ago for so long.
To be fair, it has been a sort of blessing in disguise for my career, though. The only way I could ever manage to distract myself from thoughts of her was by focusing on football.
Remember when she taught you how to swim in the reservoir that summer? Hit the gym.
How about when we used to steal beers from her older brother’s room and then go to the airport and watch planes take off while we drank? Watch film until you fall asleep.
Remember her in that purple two-piece bathing suit? Go to the park and run laps until you puke!
Sure, I have some natural talent, but my work ethic is what’s pushed me over the edge, and my work ethic is almost entirely based around her.
Tonight’s no different.
Instead of partying and celebrating, I’m on a mission. I’m not going to try and forget about her this time... this time I’m going to try and find her.
You’ll be mine Sadie Songbird, I swear it. I’m dropping everything. My year won’t be complete until I’ve made my confessions, and I finally feel strong enough to make the trip.
I’m a man now, Sadie, and I’m coming for you.
Chapter 15
Sadie
“Did you watch the game?”
I rub the sleep out of my eyes as I wander out of my bedroom.
I just shake my head.
There was no way I could have watched that game, not with Carson playing in it. I can hardly even stand to think about him, let alone seem him on some big screen TV.
I used to love football, but now I can’t seem to watch a single game without his name coming up. He’s already one of the biggest stars in the country, and he’s definitely the biggest star this town’s ever seen. It’s become almost impossible to avoid him, but I’m doing my best.
So, what did I do instead of watching the championship game tonight?
I went to bed early. Like really early. I put on my headphones, played some relaxing music to drown out any cheers, and I tried to doze off. My plan was to wake up in the morning when everyone was too burnt out to talk about the game anymore, but I just couldn’t manage it. I woke up just before midnight, fully rested and completely starving.
I walk past my roommate, Steph, and take a gander in the fridge.
It’s almost completely empty.
The two of us share our little dorm room. We alternate turns going grocery shopping. Today was Steph’s turn.
I sigh.
I NEED something to eat.
“No time for groceries today, huh?” I ask.
Steph just shrugs. She’s looking in the hallway mirror and fixing up her outfit for the night. “I guess I was just too distracted by the game. I doubt anything was even open today.”
I grunt and sit down at the rickety kitchen table. It squeaks under my weight.
Shut up, chair. I’m not that pudgy...
I have been trying to diet lately. It’s been hard, though, with all the stress from midterms and the big game...
“Are you coming out?” Steph asks without taking her eyes off the mirror.
“No,” I say swiftly.
There’s no way I can go outside now. Whether Carson won or lost, people are going to be out and talking about him like crazy. If he won, I’m going to be sad that he’s doing so well while I’m struggling so much... but if he lost and I hear someone talk shit, I’m going to have to fight a fool.
I’ll admit it, I’m a little jealous of Carson’s success. It’s selfish, I know, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t care for him more than anyone in the world. I can’t tell you how many fights I’ve nearly been in since he left.
People around here were so angry that he went to another university. They talked so much garbage, but ever since we drafted him, it’s almost heresy to say a bad word about him.
I’m sure all that will change in an instant if we lost tonight, though...
I can’t deal with that. Win or lose, I’ve got to stay in...
But I’ve also got to eat.
My stomach growls and I feel completely hollow.
How am I going to last until tomorrow?
Stupid Carson. Why’d you have to go and be my friend all those years ago?
If only I could have just told you I loved you, then you could have rejected me and I could have just hated your guts. Instead I’m stuck in this weird limbo of jealousy and longing.
“Bye!” I hear Steph yell as she heads out. I hear the front door slam and silence fills the dorm room.
I sink in my chair and wallow in my self-pity.
Eventually, through the silence, I hear the muffled roars of cheering coming from the streets below.
I guess they won.
Shit.
Chapter 16
Carson
This is going to be harder than I thought.
I idle just outside the campus border. I can’t quite see anyone yet, but I can hear them.
It sounds like a madhouse in there.
How am I going to get around? I must have one of the most recognizable faces in the country at this moment, not to mention that I went to high school with half the student population at this college.
Why didn’t I think of this obstacle beforehand?
I guess I was so focused on Sadie that I threw all logic out the window.
I need a disguise, and quick. It’s too late to turn back now. I’ve made my decision. Tonight’s the night and nothing’s going to change my mind...
But who can I trust?
I haven’t even been able to come home for the past few years; people have been so angry
at me for leaving... sure, it was a good excuse to ignore my feelings for Sophie, but it also meant cutting off ties with everyone who stayed behind.
My parents are long gone, and I don’t have any other family left. The only friends I have now are my teammates, but even they’re temporary. All it takes is one trade to break our bond.
It’s also been impossible to find a girlfriend over the past few years, not because I can’t get any female attention, but because it’s become painfully clear that all the attention I’m getting is because of my success. I can’t stand the thought of being with someone who only cares about my fame and my money. It sends chills down my spine and makes me regret not making things right with Sadie even more. I try to avoid women the best I can, but it’s almost impossible. Everyone wants a piece of me, but I just have eyes for one person... and she’s somewhere in the campus ahead.
I carefully drive down the beginning of the main street; it’s nearly empty. This part of town is where all the clothes shops are. Nothing’s open. Everybody will be further down, where the bars and restaurants are.
I keep an eye out for an open store. I figure all I really need is a big hoody and some sunglasses. Sure, I’ll look sketchy, but I don’t care; I just need to stay hidden for long enough to find Sadie.
I see my truck’s reflection in the dark storefront windows and I feel so alone.
Maybe this whole adventure was a mistake... Maybe I’m not ready to face the truth...
I take a deep breath.
No. Tonight’s the night. You’ve made a commitment to yourself; it’s time to honour it.
I finally spot an open store: Nelly’s Athletic Warehouse.
Good news: They have hoodies and sunglasses. Bad News: I’m well aware that the shop owners know who I am. One of them is always in there too, my only hope is that they decide to keep my visit to themselves...
That’s unlikely, but I have no choice. I pull up outside the shop and park my truck. I’m more nervous right now than I was before my game earlier today.
See what you do to me, Sadie?
If only she knew...
Chapter 17
Sadie
This last year has been the toughest of my life.
My parents have been sick, my brother moved all the way across the country for work, and no one around me can stop talking about Carson.
I almost liked it better when he was hated around here. At least then people tried their best not to mention him. Now, though, he’s all anyone talks about. I’d thought I was finally getting over him before we drafted his ass, but the moment I found out he was coming ‘home’, I knew my last two years in school would be hell.
Turns out I wasn’t really getting over him, I was just slowly forgetting about everything we’d gone through together. Every time I hear his name mentioned, though, I remember something about our old relationship and it makes me go crazy.
Why does everything in my life always have to be so complicated? Carson didn’t have to be the best football player this town’s ever seen, and he definitely didn’t have to be one of the best in the country, so why’d it end up that way? Why couldn’t he have just been a quiet carpenter or lumberjack or something?
It’s just my luck... and I guess his luck too.
I hope he’s happy.
I wonder if he ever still thinks about me? How would he feel if he knew my true intentions? Would he be angry if he knew I had purposely been trying to ignore him?
... It’s not like he’s ever reached out to me, though. That’s how I know we were never meant to last. Carson isn’t exactly shy. When he knows what he wants he usually goes out and gets it. So, if he wanted me, he would have taken me... he could have had me, too. All he had to do was ask.
I never got asked any questions, though, and now I never will.
My stomach rumbles as I pout in my empty little dorm room.
How can I let someone so far away dictate my life so intimately? I’m hungry. I need to eat, yet I’m not going to because of some guy who I haven’t even spoken to in years.
Yeah, you know what? Screw that!
I can’t let him control my life anymore. I’ve got to take control, and that starts tonight.
I feel a new sense of determination overcome me as I get ready to go out. I grab my biggest, most comfortable hoody and I hide under the hood. I grab my phone and my earbuds and I’m out.
Before the cheers outside can get too loud, I put on some music. Baby steps, Sadie.
If I can survive this, I can survive anything. Here’s to my first foray into the next chapter of my life; a chapter free from the past. I’m on a mission: to find food, and nothing’s getting in my way.
I’ll forget about you, one way or another, Carson Steele – tonight’s just the beginning.
Chapter 18
Carson
I got my ‘disguise’ but at what cost?
Nelly was at Nelly’s Athletic Warehouse, of course. She recognized me, obviously. All I could do was put a finger to my lips and assure her I was here for a surprise visit and that she shouldn’t spoil it. She agreed to stay quiet, but I have my doubts. She was so giddy with excitement, and I don’t remember her as being the most coy person around town.
She’d tell her husband at least.... could he keep it a secret?
I didn’t have time to stick around and find out. I got my hoodie and my sunglasses and I got out of there.
Now, where to find Sadie?
She was never the biggest football fan, but she usually watched the big games with me... would she still be watching if I wasn’t there to do it with her?
There were a few places further down the strip that I knew would still be absolutely packed from the game. I didn’t know if I wanted to risk showing up there, though. If one single person spotted me, I’d be swarmed. I really didn’t want to have to deal with any locals. They could be so fickle. If I appeared frustrated or ungrateful in anyway, I’m sure they wouldn’t hesitate to absolutely skewer me, even after I helped win them their precious championship.
The sports bars will be my last visit. If I still haven’t found Sadie by the end of the night, I’ll give up and go check for her there, but, for now, I need to start somewhere quieter.
What do I still know about her? Not much.
She almost assuredly lives on campus and in one of the dorms. Most students at this school stay in the dorms, no matter what year they’re in. It’s just the way things are out here.
The student housing will also probably be pretty quiet right now, since everyone’s out celebrating.
That will be my first move, then. I can only hope that Sadie decided to spend a quiet night inside. There are three big, main buildings. And they each have directories by the front door. Even if Sadie’s not there, I can at least find out which building she’s in. That’ll be a good start.
I drive over to the student housing section of campus and park my truck under a big oak tree on a small empty street just around the corner. I don’t doubt that some of the more hardcore fans around here will know what I drive. The leaves from the oak tree provide just enough shade to cover my truck from the light of the streetlamps. Still, if someone with too much knowledge gets too close, they’re going to figure out that it’s mine.
I need to move fast.
I pull my hoodie up and put my sunglasses on. It takes me a second to realize that I look like a burglar. Oh well. If the cops stop me, the worst that’ll happen is my cover gets blown. There isn’t a single police officer in this entire state who wouldn’t recognize me, and there are less than zero who would even think about arresting me. Some of them might even join in on the looting, if they thought that’s what I was doing.
I walk with my head down towards the first building. The street’s relatively empty. I only see one person before I enter the first dorm building; they’re wearing a baggy sweatshirt, just like me.
I wonder what they’re hiding?
Chapter 19
Sadie
I keep my head down, my hoodie pulled up, my music loud, and my eyes on the sidewalk.
There’s a Mexican place, Chacho’s, that’s usually open 24 hours. It’s on the other side of Main street though. The only way I can get there is by crossing through the busiest part of campus.
I can already feel the rumblings of the giant party ahead. The ground shakes. I start to see more and more feet out of the corner of my eyes. I’m getting close.
I take a deep breath and try to lose myself in the music I have playing on my phone. I wish I could afford noise canceling earbuds, but I’m still a broke student... maybe someday, though.
For now, all I can do is turn the volume way up. Still, the cover of my music doesn’t protect my eyesight. It isn’t long before someone drunkenly falls around me.
They’re wearing Carson’s jersey, no surprise.
The drunk frat dude pukes a little and then stands up like nothing happened. I can’t help but look up. His buddies high five him as they all chug bottles of booze and continue off down the street. They’re not the only group around. Throngs of drunken college students are stumbling up and down the street. Some of them are setting up shop on front lawns, some are heading back to Main street after a quick break. The worst off are crawling home.
I feel so out of place.
At least half of the people surrounding me are wearing Carson jerseys.
I cast my eyes back to my feet, but it’s too late. I’m already slowly being filled with wistful memories of my former best friend.