by J J Loraine
Chills run down my spine as I remember a fateful afternoon we shared after our first day of high school.
“Want to come over?” Carson asks me.
We’re walking down the steps of our new high school. I open a side door and a warm breeze meets us. It’s lush and green outside, but I only have eyes for him.
His question catches me by surprise. “What? Don’t you have practice?”
Carson sighs and purses his lips. I know that look. He’s conflicted.
“I don’t think I’m going to play...” he almost whispers.
“What!?” I gasp. “You haven’t even started yet. I thought all you wanted to do was play football!”
“I do... I did... I don’t know. I’m not sure what I want to do.”
I’m confused. This is so unlike Carson. He’s usually so sure of himself. He’s wanted to play high school football ever since I can remember. What changed?
“I’ll come over if you want... but I think you should at least go check practice out. If you miss the first one, they might never let you on the team!”
Carson looks down at his feet.
“What’s the matter?” I ask him.
“It’s... the coach is one my teachers... he seems really mean. I don’t want to be yelled at anymore.”
I suddenly understand. Carson is fiercely independent. He’s played sports before, but he’s always been so good that the coaches just let him do whatever he wants. He must be worried that this coach will give him shit... and he already gets enough shit at home.
“I’m sure he won’t be so mean when he gets to know you... and he definitely won’t be mean when he sees how good you are!” I pause to think what I can do. “What if I come watch practice? We don’t have any homework yet and it’s such a nice day. I don’t mind. If that coach gives you shit then he’ll have to deal with me!” I puff out my chest and point a stern finger into the air.
That lightens the mood. Carson can’t help but laugh.
“He’s really big...” he chuckles.
“I’m sure we could take him, together,” I assure him.
I see the heaviness on his shoulders lift. He doesn’t look so afraid anymore.
“Yeah, OK,” he says. “I’ll go, but only if you watch”
I pat him on the back and we head off to the football field, ready to conquer the world...
I snap back to reality. It’s chilly enough out that I can almost see my breath. The sidewalk’s stained with everything and anything a college kid could throw at it. Up ahead I see the precipice of Main street. Partiers line the road like a seawall. The ocean of people around me steadily rises as I move forward.
I take a deep breath and dive in.
Chapter 20
Carson
Sadie lives on the 10th floor of the 3rd last building on the student housing strip.
I try buzzing up to her, but there’s no answer. Dejected, I wander back outside. I can hear the faint rumblings of the distant party a few blocks away.
I truly expected Sadie to be home. She was never a big party girl, and I can’t imagine she’d have suddenly fallen in love with football after our ‘separation’... but where could she be?
Maybe she’s just sleeping?
I mull that thought over. How would I wake her up? I don’t have her number and I can’t get inside her building. The streets are empty, but even if someone came by, there’s no way they’d let me in looking like I do right now. It’s still too early to blow my cover, too.
I scan the street and try to think. Sadie was always better at these gestures than I was. She’d always find a way to sneak out of class or her room when we were younger. There was never I time were I truly felt lonely, because I always knew that if I called her, she’d find a way to get to me.
Well, now it’s my turn.
My eyes land on the garden on the far side of the building. Hmm.
I look up and try to gauge which window might be hers. 10th floor, right?
I bend down in the garden and grab some pebbles. They’re not big enough to do any real damage, but they are big enough to throw. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s throwing.
I count the windows until I get to the 10th one up. The light’s off. I gently toss a pebble up at it. I hit the glass, right in the centre, and it makes a little tapping sound. I hold my breath.
Nothing happens. No one stirs inside.
Probably wasn’t loud enough...
I pick a bigger pebble and throw it a little harder. It hits the centre of the window and a louder tap rings out into the night. I wait... but nothing happens. Maybe she’s not home... or maybe I have the wrong room. Every single window surrounding the dark one is on, though. I wait a little while longer and I see the silhouettes of the people inside. None of them are Sadie. I can tell. I know that woman’s body shape. Her curves are unmistakable, even just the outlines. I’ve seen recent pictures of her online... she hasn’t lost her thickness either. Thank goodness.
I decide to give the dark window one last chance. I find a decent sized pebble and I wind up a little more than I should have. I almost immediately regret the strength I put into the throw. I’m still sore from the big game and not as in control of my functions as I’m used to being.
The pebble smacks against the window... and shatters it!
I jump back as glass rains down from the tenth floor of the dorm building.
Shit. Fuck.
I see the silhouettes in the surrounding windows stand to attention. They make their way to check out the commotion. I can’t be caught. Not yet.
I bolt away from the scene of the crime. I’m sore, but my legs are in the best shape of their life. I feel like I’m running faster than I did in my game.
Hold on, Sadie, I’m coming!
Chapter 21
Sadie
I’m nearly on the edge of a panic attack when I finally push my way through the last wall of people.
I stumble out onto the other side of Main street breathing like I just finished a marathon. The back of my throat burns. It’s been a while since I felt so claustrophobic.
Luckily, the streets ahead are already nearly empty. There are no dorms to go back to on this side of Main street. Most of the restaurants are further down. The little Mexican place, Chacho’s, I’m heading to is a hole in the wall type, just off the corner of Faculty Row.
I shuffle into the cool emptiness ahead with a sigh of relief. No one except a few local students will come this way tonight. The only good thing in this direction is Chacho’s, and most people are getting their fill back on Main street.
I pick up my speed on the empty roadway. I know I’ll have to go back through that chaos on my way back, and I just want to get this all over with as quickly as possible.
The real question becomes whether or not I should eat at Chacho’s or just grab my food and eat in the quiet safety of my room. That decision is made quickly enough for me, as I enter the restaurant.
It’s quiet, but there are a few groups of dinners. Amongst the group on the far wall is a person I quickly recognize... Lacey Truant. That bitch.
Lacey’s grew up in this town too. Her dad coaches our university’s football team.
Lacey and I didn’t have that much trouble with each other growing up, but once Carson left, things went to shit real fast.
You see, Lacey’s one of those typical girls. Naturally skinny and just conventionally attractive enough to get a big head about it. She’d give out her little quips to less traditionally shaped girls like me once in a while, but mostly, she had her own posse that she stuck with.
I never really liked her, but I didn’t hate her either, and I think she generally had the same attitude towards me... and then Carson committed to another school.
Carson’s decision effected many people in many different ways. Lacey’s dad musts have felt particularly slighted, though. How could this once-in-a-lifetime player, who grew up in his own backyard get away? Who was to blame?
&n
bsp; I have feeling that in the Truant household, my name came up more than once as an acceptable scapegoat. How do I know this? Why, because sweet, pretty Lacey told me.
From the moment Carson left, I was in her line of fire.
I didn’t understand why at first, but I quickly got my answer. After one particularly harsh, bitchy lashing, I called her out.
Why me? Why now?
“Because you forced Carson away! He just wanted to get away from you!”
That really struck a chord.
What the hell...
Sure, that thought had crossed my mind before, but I was holding it all together by assuring myself that I was just being paranoid. Carson and I were friends... why would he want to get away from me?
But when I heard Lacey vocalize it, I knew it wasn’t just in my imagination. Other people thought the same thing.
That was crushing. I never did anything to hurt Carson, and now I was going to be punished for his absence. How unfair.
I won’t lie, part of the reason I lost touch with Carson in the first place was because I was mad at him for putting me in such a situation. Why did he get to go and have all the glory while I stayed behind and took the beating for his decisions?
I still cared for him, but I reached out and responded less and less, almost as a subconscious way of punishing him for his decision.
I was so immature... I still am so immature.
I keep my hoodie on my eyes down as I shuffle towards the front counter at Chacho’s. The last thing I want is for Lacey to see me.
I just need to get my food and get out of here.
Chapter 22
Carson
Where could Sadie be?
Maybe she’s just waiting out the chaos of this celebration somewhere quiet... but where?
Are the libraries open? Maybe she’s at a friend house?
Hmm.
I turn down a side street and slow down. I hear the rumbling of the party on Main street shaking the air not so far off in the distance. Main street isn’t the only thing rumbling, though. I place a hand on my stomach. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was...
Maybe Sadie’s waiting this all out at a restaurant! She does love her food after all...
Which restaurant, though?
There are a few pizza places on this side of Main street, but they’re all family owned and I don’t remember them ever being open this late. The only places that would still be open at this hour are on Main street itself... well, except for Chacho’s. Chacho’s is always open.
Chacho’s will also probably be quiet. No one goes on that side of Main street on a night like this... well, no one except maybe some local students.
I feel my spirits pick up.
Sadie might actually be there...
Then my heart drops...
I’d have to cross Main street to go check.
My best option would be to walk up the side streets until I get far enough to cross and emptier part of Main street. The problem with that, though, is how long it would take. I won’t be able to walk parallel with Main street for more than a couple of blocks. Instead, I’d have to essentially came back the way I drove in, and that might take an hour on foot.
I don’t feel like I have that kind of time.
I consider driving, but I don’t want to go back to my truck just yet. If anyone saw me break that window, then there’s surely going to be an APB out on me. I can’t risk being discovered without at least knowing for sure where Sadie is...
I’m going to have to go through that crowd...
I hear the din of roars emanating in the distance and I shudder.
I feel panicked just thinking about the possibility of being recognized in midst of all those people. If that happens, then I’m fucked. I’ll be trapped, with nowhere to go. How will I find Sadie if I have to spend the rest of the night dealing with everyone in town?
I try to stop and think about what to do next, but the longer I think about it, the more certain I become: it’s the only way.
I HAVE to go through Main street, and now!
I walk as far along the side streets as I can, and when I get to the point where I have to turn towards the approaching celebration, I take a deep breath, tie my hoodie up tight, and dive in.
Chapter 23
Sadie
I wait nervously for my food.
I have my back turned to Lacey’s table the entire time. They’re not being particularly loud, but they’re clearly hammered. I don’t want to hear what a hammered Lacey has to say to me.
I’ve been trying not to draw attention to myself, but I probably look like a creep with my hood up and my back turned to everyone. I even whispered my name to the cashier when she asked who my order was for.
I keep my earbuds in but have my music turned down low so I can hear when my order is called out. I’m standing right by where they hand out the food, so the server won’t have to yell out my name.
I’m getting more and more nervous as I wait. I hoped that maybe Lacey and her posse would leave before I did, but they don’t seem to be going anywhere. In fact, while I’m waiting, one of them gets up and orders some more food.
Shit.
I keep my back turned, but she waits right behind me... and then to my horror, I hear a familiar voice approaching.
Lacey has come up to the counter to wait with her friend.
Shit. Shit.
“Ugh, the food’s so good here,” I hear the friend say.
“Oh yeah... not quite as tasty as a certain someone, though,” Lacey giggles.
I feel my brow furrow.
There’s no way...
“Oh you,” fans the friend. “I can’t believe you went to high school with him. You’re so lucky. What I’d give just to be able to see him up close...”
“I’m going to do more than just look...” purrs Lacey. “I would have had my chance with him back in high school, if only he wasn’t friends with that bitch...”
Right at that exact moment, a server steps up to the counter.
“SADIE!” she yells out at the top of her lungs. “ORDER FOR SADIE!”
I feel like dying. Oh, what horrific timing. I flinch at the awkwardness of the moment.
I keep my back turned to the two girls behind me. There are plenty of Sadies out there, maybe they still don’t know...
I hear Lacey gasp.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I hold my breath and quickly turn around. I don’t even look at her; I just grab my order from the server and whip back around. I keep my eyes lowered as I awkwardly shuffle towards the door like I’m trying to escape a sinking car.
Before I can get too far, though, I hear Lacey’s last drunken lash... “That’s right, run away...”
Her friend laughs and tears start to well up in my eyes. I push out of front door and start to run as soon as I’m clear of the restaurants light.
I feel like crying. So much for being over Carson and the feelings he evokes, good or bad.
So much for a quiet night.
Chapter 24
Carson
I’m about halfway through the crowded street when I hear someone yell my name.
“Carson!” someone just ahead of me shouts.
I freeze.
“Odelle!” someone else yells.
I furrow my brow in confusion. Odelle is one of my receivers. I threw him a big touchdown earlier. He made an amazing catch.
I make sure my sunglasses are on tight and I take a quick glance upwards. I’m absolutely swarmed by people, but up ahead there’s a little bit of room, and two drunk friends are throwing a football back and forth.
One of them tosses the pigskin and yells out my name again; the other catches the ball and yells out my receiver’s name.
I sigh a breath of relief. I’m still safe. They don’t know I’m here. I lower my head and start pushing forward again. I can hardly believe I haven’t been spotted yet. Even with my disguise, I’m one of the tallest people for blocks around. W
hen I looked up just now, I could see over the entire crowd in front of me.
I thank God for booze as I near the other side of the street. Everyone must just be too drunk to take a second look at the tall guy in the hoodie and shades.
I bump against shoulders and backs until I’m finally out on the other side. I breathe a sigh of relief and make my move for the quiet darkness of the side street ahead. Just as I make my first step, though, a football bounces up to my feet.
Shit.
“Hey, man. Can you toss the rock this way!” I hear one of those drunken guys call.
I try my best not to make a scene. I bend down, palm the ball and quickly underhand throw it in the guy’s direction, then I keep walking. I have my eyes down the entire time, but, as I finally hit the comforting darkness of the other side of the street, I swear I hear one of the drunken guys gasp. “Wow, what a throw...” he says. “That guy kind of looks like Carson Steele...” says the other.
As soon as I slip into the shadows of the side street, I take off running.
It’s funny, I thought I was done with all this sprinting when my game ended earlier, but my two most desperate runs of the night have all come afterwards, back in my home town. I knew I might be running to Sophie, but I never guessed I’d have to do so much running away from everyone else.
I guess, in a way, I’m still running from this place, along with all the memories I left it with. I didn’t think it would take such a literal form tonight, though.
I’m even starting to pant a little as I see the light of Chacho’s in the distance.
It’s still open... I still have a chance!
Chapter 25
Sadie
My breaths are short and my chest is heavy as I post up against a nearby storefront.