Throughout his confession, he became even more frenzied, as if he was finally letting go of some deeply felt emotions. Heloise sat up even straighter with every sentence he said to her, not quite believing what she was really hearing.
“And ever since that night when I came over for dinner and we played Mille Bornes, you’ve been acting very strangely. You’re not the Heloise that attracted me. And I hate to see you like this because dammit Heloise, you are one of the smartest and most beautiful girls I have ever met and I’ve wanted to be with you ever since that party at your house when we spent so much time talking and getting to know one another. But I was too shy to ask you on a date, so I decided we should just try being friends. But I know you too much to just be a friend. I want you too much.”
His eyes fell on Heloise and instead of meeting his gaze, she stared at her hands, unsure of how to respond and trying to hold back the tears in her eyes. They were the words that she longed to hear, but now that he had actually said them, she didn’t know how to react. She didn’t want to believe that he had actually said what she thought he had said. She couldn’t. Every second that went by felt like an eternity and as she remained silent, she knew it was giving him the wrong impression about her feelings.
Kyle shook his head in disappointment and stopped looking at her, his eyes falling to his feet instead. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even said anything. I should’ve just left well enough alone.” He started moving toward the edge of the bench and motioned to pick up his backpack.
She might have let him leave the house that night when she cooked for him, but she knew she could not let him go this time without saying what she needed to say. There was no way.
“NO!”
That word escaped from her throat with a desperate raspiness that surprised her. “Kyle, please don’t go. You have no idea how much I have wanted to hear you say those words to me.” Tears began to flow out of her eyes and she did not wipe them away this time. Her defenses were breaking down and there was nothing she could do to stop them.
Kyle sat back down on the bench and moved a little closer to Heloise, his attention focused on her.
She let it all flow out. “I really really like you. And you have no idea how I have wanted to tell you my real feelings, but I have been so scared that you didn’t feel the same way. I’m not used to this. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like this for anyone in my entire life. And then you came along that night at the party and you looked just as awkward as I did at that party surrounded by all those people-”
“And I definitely was, no lie there.”
“But you seemed so similar to me, and I wanted to get to know you even more. And when you asked me to tutor you in French and we became friends, that’s all I thought you would ever want from me, but everything I found out about you made me want to know more. No one has ever shown an interest in me like this before. And I’m not used to this at all. So I could feel that you were interested in me, but I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t. No one ever comes over to me. They always go for Elodie-”
“Who is nothing but a selfish bitch. Sorry, I know she’s your sister-”
“We stopped being friends a long time ago, so don’t worry. But I’m not the one that everyone likes. And I wanted you to like me, but I didn’t want to let my feelings show. Because I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that someone so kind could actually be truly interested in me, especially as more than just a friend.”
“Well believe it, Heloise. You are so smart and beautiful and you shouldn’t need to have anyone tell you that. You’re bilingual for God’s sake! Do you know how many people I know can fluently speak another language like you can? You start speaking French and you’re immediately lost to the world. And you’re so passionate about cooking and reading, and not to mention I can’t take my eyes off of you whenever I see you. That blue striped turtleneck you wore the other day with your hair back like you usually do and your simple diamond earrings dangling from your ears? My God I couldn’t get that image out of my head. You don’t have to try to be beautiful. You just are.”
She finally lost it and started sobbing like she had done the other night in the shower. Only this time, someone was there to hold her as she cried. Kyle came over to Heloise and enveloped her in a hug and she lost herself in his arms as she rested her head against his chest.
About five minutes later, Heloise had cried herself out and she finally lifted her head from his chest. “So.... I hope you don’t think I want us to move too quickly then, but how about we.... give this a try then? You know, going out and all that.” She’d felt like a weight had been lifted from her heart.
“Definitely,” Kyle responded with a squeeze of Heloise’s hand. “Let’s give this a try. And we’ll see where we go.”
Heloise wanted to cry again in happiness, but she’d cried so much that she didn’t have any left in her. Instead she just grinned and fell back into his arms.
Chapter Nine
She walked over to the shiny red guitar sitting in the corner of the study room. There was her easel in the corner with an unfinished painting from some years ago, a desk with notebooks of ideas scattered across its surface, a bookcase and chair in an opposite corner, and then the red guitar propped up on a stand, just waiting for someone to come along and put it to good use.
Shannon used this study room when she wanted to be alone with her thoughts as she planned out another book and Elodie used to use it when she was really into painting as a middle-schooler. But that hobby had fallen by the wayside as she got into high school. Maybe someday she’d take it up again.
But for now, Elodie was concentrated on the guitar shining in the corner. Her parents had bought it for her as a birthday present two years ago and she had been playing it in secret since then. She remembered some basic music theory from music class as a child, even though she had never played an instrument before then. She supplemented her music knowledge with online tutorials and videos and within six months of first picking up the guitar as an eager fifteen-year-old, she could at least play a few chords.
If she heard a song on the radio, she would look for tablatures online to help her play and she eventually taught herself to play some of her absolute favorite songs. Her first songs were very tentative, but she was growing more confident every time she played.
Of course she had to keep this all a secret. She knew she could never tell anyone else about her love of music. Popular girls like Elodie were supposed to stand around and look pretty in the latest fashions and makeup. They didn’t sit around doing homework for hours on end and they certainly didn’t pay attention in class and learn things.
She remembered how intimidated she had felt when picking up her guitar for the first time and how heavy it felt in her hands. Now it felt light in her delicate fingers as she picked it up around the neck. Her parents had looked long and hard for this guitar, since it was a special left-handed instrument. Elodie placed the guitar strap around her and put her fingers on the fretboard to form the C chord.
She strummed a C chord and listened to the sounds reverberating in the empty study room. Way too happy. Most pop songs were written in that key and it was no wonder. No flat or sharp keys, just pure happy notes and nothing to get in their way. That chord was far too joyful for the kind of dark mood that Elodie was in.
So she moved her fingers a little and strummed. Then there came a D minor chord and its infinite sadness. Much better. That was the perfect chord for her mood. When she was in a melancholy mood, nothing sounded better than a D minor chord. It fit her mood perfectly that evening.
Earlier that day in school, she had to watch as Quentin and his girlfriend, a tasteless bag of bones named Veronica Kittrell, paraded down the hallway to the lunchroom. Elodie had started seeing them together before, after, and during school hours, so she figured that girl must have been the one he said he was interested in.
Of all the girls, he had to pick her. She wasn't even nearly a
s pretty as Elodie and never would be. For one thing, Veronica had huge cheeks and a double chin that did not do her face any favors and a large nose. Lastly, Veronica did not have nearly as good fashion sense as Elodie. She always looked like she was trying hard to be fashionable, but never could be. Veronica clearly didn't know that blue mascara was so last season or that red was the new black.
She just couldn't look at Veronica without feeling sorry for her. It wasn't Elodie's fault that she had fallen from the social graces. And it wasn't Elodie's fault that she wasn't born to be as pretty as she was. Anytime Elodie saw her, all she could look at was her nose that was big enough to land a plane on.
Veronica and Elodie used to be friends back in middle school, and in fact, she first introduced Elodie to her world of popularity. Then there began an unspoken rivalry between them. If Elodie decided to run for Student Council president, Veronica had to run against her. If Elodie wanted to try out for the lead in the school play, Veronica had to try out too. But over and over again, Elodie would win out over Veronica, much to her dismay.
The final straw came when Elodie and Veronica were on the ballot for Homecoming Queen in their sophomore year. As usual, the student body spoke and Elodie was the winner, by a mile they said. Elodie would never forget what it was like to stand up there with Veronica and the other nominees as they announced the winner at the football game. She had hoped she would win, for winning would cement her place as one of the most popular students at her school.
As Elodie's name rang out over the loudspeakers, she looked over and saw a look of utter mortification on her former friend's face as Veronica was shoved aside so that Elodie could take her rightful place on the Homecoming Queen throne in front of all their classmates and friends. Since then, Veronica made herself scarce in all the major social circles, having finally given up in defeat. Though they had been good friends for a while, Elodie wasn't touched very much by these proceedings. Elodie was clearly the more popular girl and that's just how things were supposed to go.
And now there she was, standing with the boy that Elodie had wanted so badly. He didn't even see her as she stood with her friends, but she could clearly see them. There was no mistaking his husky voice and his curly black hair. He had his arm thrown around her skinny shoulder and he leaned over to whisper something in her ear that made her guffaw.
"She's not even half as pretty as you are," Cecilia interjected.
"Clearly." Elodie scoffed. At least she was good at hiding her real feelings of sadness and disappointment. "Let's go inside. I'm tired of looking at trash."
But no matter how much she tried not to look for Quentin, it seemed like he was everywhere she looked. There was Quentin and Veronica laughing together in the lunch line, Quentin and Veronica going to the vending machines for a soda, Quentin and Veronica walking out of the cafeteria toward the senior courtyard. She couldn't escape them and the sight of them made her sick to her stomach. For the rest of the day she was in a horrible mood, though she tried her best to hide it.
"Bittersweet rice. The bitterest rice on my tongue. Bittersweet rice. How I wanted to love you. But I never got to. I never did."
D minor, A minor, G minor. A hammer-on here and a pull-off here. Over and over as she sang a possible melody, changing the rhythm slightly each time until she was satisfied with what she heard. Her eyes closed and taking in each flick of her fingers across the strings as her clear but slightly raspy voice rang out over the arpeggios.
"Watching you in my corner, your arm draped over her like a curtain. Watching you from my corner, as you walk away again and again. I could've had another you, but I don't want anyone else. No no one else but you you you. Bittersweeeeeeet rice. The bitterest rice on my tongue. Bittersweet rice. How I wanted to love you. But I never got to. No I never did. And I never will. I could've made you happy. Yeah I know I could've been so much better than her. But I guess we'll never know, will we? Bittersweeeeeeeeeet rice. Bittersweeeeeeeet rice."
She sang her notes with all the pain that she'd felt that day watching them together, wrenching her face up on certain words as she hit a high note or drawling out a syllable a certain way. It certainly wasn't a complete song yet, but it was a start.
Elodie opened a drawer in the desk and took out a red spiral notebook. She opened It to the next available page and began jotting down her song idea so that she wouldn't forget it. Unfortunately, the book was almost filled to the gills with song ideas, so there weren't very many blank pages left. There was only one page left and it was the back of the very last page in the book. Oh well, she would just have to get another book soon.
After she scribbled down the verses and chorus she'd just come up with and the corresponding chord progression, she flipped through her song notebook looking over what she'd written for the last year. She'd filled at least two notebooks already with songs, and this would be her third one overall. All throughout this book were half-written songs, others that were fully written but had never made it past the draft stage, and even more that were good enough that if Elodie wanted to, she could share them with the public. If she didn't have to keep up appearances, she certainly would.
Maybe someday. It would be nice to get even more attention.
“All right, one more run through of this new one.” She flipped to the back of the book and began playing the song again.
The evening was coming to a close as Kyle and Heloise walked home from the movie. Heloise couldn’t even remember what number of date they were on. It felt like it had been ages since that November day. Was this now their fifth date? Sixth? Tenth? She couldn’t remember. At any rate, she knew it was ending quickly now, and she hated that. It was only a twenty minute walk from downtown to their neighborhood and the town was safe enough to walk around after dark. The crisp, clean January air filled Heloise’s lungs as she took in a deep breath from laughing at one of Kyle’s jokes, this time one about something one of his new friends told him while he was playing Dungeons and Dragons with his friends last weekend.
“You know, before I met you, I’d never met anyone who did roleplaying. It actually sounds like a lot of fun,” Heloise remarked. She squeezed Kyle’s hand as she looked up at him. He’d mentioned his Friday night gaming to her many times before, and though she wasn’t really one for huge social events, a small gathering of nice people sounded like a fun way to spend an evening.
Kyle grinned widely at Heloise, looking a little surprised at Heloise’s interest. “Well if you want to come by some night and see how we play, the guys are all really nice and I think they’d like having a girl around. And we’re not all weird recluses, you know.” He punctuated that last thought with a wink.
“Yeah I guess gamers like that do have that reputation,” Heloise chuckled. She looked sideways at Kyle and finally responded, “Yeah you look pretty normal. And like you’ve shaved in the last week.”
Kyle laughed out loud.
During the rest of the walk home, Heloise and Kyle couldn’t stop talking. They talked about classes and Heloise’s college application process. She was thinking of going to VCU to study physics but she also had a few other colleges in mind, all of them in-state: University of Virginia, James Madison University, or even Old Dominion University. When they had exhausted that topic of conversation, they talked about their silly siblings (Kyle’s sister Audrey was a bubbly type like Elodie) and anything else that came to mind. In comparison to the beginning of their date, the walk home seemed to fly by and before they knew it, they were walking up the hill leading to their neighborhood.
“Well I guess we’re getting pretty close to home now,” Heloise spoke with traces of sadness in her voice. She saw her parents’ house all lit up at the end of the cul de sac, the light spilling into the street. Kyle’s house, located just one house away from them next to the Rice house, was just as lit up, and he could even see his mother putting away dishes from the huge bay window in front.
Why did the evening have to pass by so quickly? Time always seem
ed to do that when Heloise and Kyle were together. Kyle put his arm around Heloise’s shoulders and pulled her closer to him. She giggled at his gesture and smiled up at him as they walked down the street past his house towards Heloise’s home.
“Thanks for going out with me tonight,” Heloise said as they mounted the steps to her front door. She looked up at Kyle waiting for his response.
“And thanks for asking me. I like this, taking turns asking each other on dates. Next time, I’ll have to do the asking.”
Heloise chuckled. “You don’t have to.”
“No no I insist. You asked me out for this one, now I’m going to ask you out for our next date.” He looked on at her with a joyful face, his eyes brightening as he spoke those last words as if he was already planning ideas for their next date. “Let’s keep it simple and hang out at my house on Sunday afternoon?”
“Sounds good to me.” Heloise unwrapped herself from around Kyle’s arm and took his hand in hers, the two of them facing and looking at one another, wondering who should make the first move or not. It had been two months but neither of them had kissed other than light kisses on each other’s cheeks. Maybe tonight would be the night for lips?
It was not to be. They both looked at one another but neither of them made any move other than a kiss on the cheek. Tonight wouldn’t be the night.
“Bonne nuit, Heloise,” Kyle spoke, letting go of her hand. They both turned away from one another, Heloise walking toward the front door and Kyle walking down the front steps. She watched as he strode towards his house, with Kyle occasionally looking behind him to see if Heloise was still there watching him or not. She remained there until he walked into his house, and only then did she open up the front door and immediately close it behind her.
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