Taking it slow with her is important to me. I don’t want to fuck this up. And when we do decide to sleep together, I want her to know it’s not about getting laid. I want so much more than that with her.
More dates. More Saturdays at her house. More late-night text convos. More everything.
With Gin, it’s always been more.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Gin
Two months later
The bleachers at the Roper High School stadium are packed full of people. I had no idea it would be this loud. Either the crowd is hollering, the band is playing, or the cheerleaders are yelling. And everyone is dressed in red—some people even have their faces painted red and their hair is the shade of a fire engine. For once, my red hair fits in.
It’s like the entire town is here, everyone wanting to cheer Roper on to a state championship. It didn’t matter that the game was more than an hour from Roper—school buses were loaded up with people of all ages for the trip. And the bus windows were filled with red “Go Roper” signs, of course.
This is everything I’ve always hated about Roper. The near-worship of the football program. It’s put on a pedestal by most everyone in this town like nothing else.
But this time…I kind of don’t hate it. I kind of love it.
I’m wearing one of Chase’s jerseys, which he insisted on. Since it’s December and it’s freezing, I’m wearing a black thermal shirt beneath the jersey and a red stocking cap.
Lauren is on one side of me, and Raj is on the other. Beside him is Michelle, sitting extra close to Raj. I’ve never been to a football game before. I vowed I’d never go to one. But when Chase asked me to be here for the final game of his final high school football season, I said yes.
When he throws a perfect pass to Anderson for Roper’s second touchdown of the game, I jump out of my seat with everyone else, screaming with excitement.
Lauren stays seated. It was all I could do to get her to wear a red hoodie to the game.
“Gin, I’m the antithesis of school spirit,” she said in a deadpan voice. “Before you started dating the golden boy, you were too.”
“I know. I get it, I really do. But will you please just do it—for me?”
She rolled her eyes and called me a few names as she put on the sweatshirt.
“You want me to put your hair up in a ponytail with a giant red ribbon, too?” she asked, heavy on the sarcasm. “Maybe we both should just wear cheerleading skirts.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” I said, nodding.
“Fuck you.”
What can I say? I love Lauren, rough edges and all. She’s accepted that I’m with Chase pretty decently, considering. For the first couple weeks, she was extra chilly, but seeing how happy he makes me warmed her up eventually.
She still drops the occasional off-color joke about jocks, but he doesn’t mind. And when he kisses me in front of her, she tells us we’re more sickening than a powerful strain of Ebola, but that’s just part of her charm.
“I’m freezing my tits off,” she says to me in a rare quiet-ish moment of the game.
“Want me to go get a coat and gloves from my mom?” I ask her.
“I’ll go.”
We came to the game with Mom and Michael. Michael drove us all in his big SUV. Mom insisted they sit with the other parents, while we sat in the student section. I wasn’t loving that idea, but then I saw that the student section was in front, where I could get a good view of the game.
Brittany Dively is leading the cheerleaders in a cheer on the track in front of our team’s stands. Her hair is up in a ponytail with a giant bow, like Lauren was teasing me about earlier. As I watch Brittany, I think about how different I’ve always felt from her. She’s blond and very outgoing. I swear she’s in a good mood every moment of every day.
Where will life take her after this year? Will she go to a big college and be one of thousands trying to find their way? Maybe she’ll stay in Roper, where she’ll always be a former cheerleader, watching from the stands as younger girls bounce and yell on the sidelines.
I feel commonality with her for the first time. After we graduate, we’re all headed into unknowns. We may have goals and dreams, but none of us knows for sure if we’ll reach them. Life could throw any of us a curveball.
“Gin.” Michelle leans across Raj to pass me a paper cup. “Hot chocolate.”
“Thanks.”
She smiles at Raj, who puts his arm around her. The two of them have been so good for each other. He adores her, and she trusts him. I don’t know how serious they are, and I hope neither of them ends up brokenhearted, because they’re both good people. But nothing is ever guaranteed.
It’s halftime, and I watch as Chase pulls off his helmet on the sideline. A puff of air forms in front of his face as he exhales in the cold night air. He takes a sip of water from a paper cup someone hands him and then looks up into the stands.
He’s looking for me. My heart pounds as I watch his eyes roam the crowd, trying to spot me. A few months ago, I would have thought this was impossible—even more unlikely than me going to a football game.
His gaze lands on me, and a smile spreads across his face. I grin and blush, because I can’t help it when he looks at me that way. There are 1,913 people here tonight—according to the announcer, anyway—but the warmth on Chase’s face makes me feel like the only one.
We’ve been doing a lot more than kissing recently. When we’re tucked under a blanket on the couch at my house watching movies on Saturday nights, our hands roam and things usually turn heated. There was one time when Chase’s shoulder was sore from a game and I didn’t want to touch him there, no matter how much he told me it was okay, and things stayed PG that week.
Other weeks, though…we spend hours making out, discovering what touches make the other’s breath catch. When Chase kisses the side of my neck, I melt. If I gently run my nails along his spine, he shudders.
The intimacy between us is like nothing I’ve ever felt. I didn’t know a simple touch could set me off in so many ways. Chase whispers in my ear how much he loves it too, telling me no one has ever gotten to know his body like I am, and that he’s never been closer to anyone.
Could sex be more intoxicating than this? Could anything?
Chase’s coach yells out something, and he looks away, breaking the spell between us. He leads his team into the locker room, and I sigh softly, sipping my hot chocolate.
“You two are sweeter than cotton candy,” Lauren grumbles as she sits down beside me. “I get a fucking cavity every time I look at you eye-fucking each other.”
I look over at her and laugh. She’s now wearing a gray parka, and her hair is tucked into a knitted stocking hat that says, “Go Roper” and has a big, fuzzy red ball on top.
“Yeah, so funny,” she says. “Laugh it up. This is all Mama Fielding brought. She cleaned out the sporting goods store. Roper scarves, gloves, and hats for all.”
I love that my mom is here, and that she’s seeing Michael. I’ve always wanted her to have more than her books when I go away to college. This is the first time she’s been part of the Roper crowd too, and I think she’s liking it.
“We need a picture,” I tell Lauren.
“Eat shit.”
“Seriously. One picture. Come on.”
She rolls her eyes but goes along, letting me take one of the two of us and another of us with Raj and Michelle. She even smiles…kind of.
My mom stops by our seats with hot dogs, nachos, and more hot chocolate for all of us. We eat and put blankets on our laps, warming up a little before halftime is over.
When Chase leads the team back onto the field and we’re all standing and cheering, I see a few snowflakes through the bright stadium lights.
It’s December, after all. My nose feels like it’s Roper-red as the game starts back up, but I’m having the best time.
Roper hasn’t lost a game since the Mercer one. Still, this season won’t be an undefeated one.
Chase said he thinks the loss has made the fans and support feel more vital. The stands have been packed past capacity since, people cheering until they’re hoarse.
My voice will probably be weak after this game. The team we’re playing is good, and it’s not an easy win, but finally, a 27-21 victory ends the season.
There’s red and white confetti everywhere. Bullhorns are sounding. People are crying. I lose track of everyone who grabs me for a hug.
I scan the field, trying to find Chase. The players are in a big pile on the field, but I spot Chase when he crawls out, laughing and pumping his fist.
It means everything to be here right now. Happy tears shine in my eyes as I look at Chase, who finally knows he’s leading his team in the right direction. This win was important to him—proof that they could come back and not just be as good as before, but in some ways, better.
He looks up at me, and I morph into a mushy girlfriend, smiling and blowing him a kiss. When he gestures with his arm, waving for me to come to him, I look around me and shake my head.
I can’t go down there. Everyone would see me. It’s only players and coaches on the field.
He nods and gestures again. I shake my head again.
I’m expecting him to give up, but instead, he shrugs and starts walking toward me.
“Oh, hell,” Lauren says under her breath. “This is about to be some ‘you complete me’ bullshit.”
Chase jogs across the track and pulls himself up and over the metal rail in front of the bleachers. Everyone cheers as he jogs my way, a huge grin on his sweaty face.
My tears spill over when he reaches me and sweeps me into his arms. I wrap my arms around him as best I can with the shoulder pads, and he swings me around just like he did the night of the play.
He kisses me, and I cup his cheek in my hand. The crowd is still in full celebration mode. A few seconds later, his sisters both run up, and he sets me back on the ground, putting an arm around each of the girls and picking them up next.
They’re so proud of him. Everyone is. In these stands, there are no colors or classes dividing anyone. Young, old, rich, poor—none of that matters tonight. We’re all Roper fans.
I see it so clearly in that moment. Roper’s football program means so much to so many because it gives them something to believe in. Something to be proud of.
And right now, I couldn’t be prouder of our team myself. Not just Chase, but all of them. The players who are left are finding a new way forward, without sex as a reward they’re entitled to.
They deserve a chance to win at it. And if they do, they’ll never have a bigger fan than me.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chase
Five months later
“Ginger Noelle Fielding.”
I stand up and cheer for Gin as she walks across the stage to get her diploma. Once she has it in hand, she moves her tassel to the side, finds me in the crowd of graduating seniors, and smiles.
We made it. Not that there was any doubt that we’d graduate, but the year started out rockier than planned. I never thought I’d graduate from high school with a serious girlfriend I plan to stay with, but it’s Gin, so there’s no other way it could’ve gone.
We’ve been together for seven months now, and I can’t imagine a life without her. Going to different colleges will be a challenge, but we’re determined to make it work.
When it’s time for the students in my row of chairs to stand and line up by the stage, I look through the crowd in the bleachers for my family. I can’t find them—the place is packed.
They’re out there somewhere, though. My mom’s been crying over this day for the past week. Cassie and Alyssa brought extra tissues for her. Cassie’s already started packing her stuff to move into my bedroom, because when I leave for college next month, she and Alyssa will finally have their own rooms.
I get to the front of the line, and when one of the school board members says, “Chase Paul Matthews,” there are hoots and hollers from the crowd. I take my diploma, move my tassel, and walk back to my seat, the finality of it hitting me.
In a month, I’m leaving Roper. I have to be at Penn State two months before classes start because I’ve got football camp. I would’ve loved an entire summer with Gin before school starts, but we’re getting a month, which is something.
Julia’s taking both of us on a three-week trip to Europe in a few days as a graduation gift. Michael’s coming too. I was so shocked by her generosity when she told us that I couldn’t even reply for a minute.
I spend more time at Gin’s house than my own, and her mom is amazing. She makes dinner for us if we’re there, unless it’s Saturday. That’s still our night to cook. I’m gonna miss her and Michael when I leave.
After every graduate’s name is called, we all throw our hats in the air in celebration. We’re no longer high school students. The first thing I do is find Gin, who puts her arms around me in a tight hug.
“You’re officially dating a college guy,” I say, kissing her neck, then her cheek, then her lips.
“Lucky me,” she says in my ear.
“Love you.” I close my eyes and take in the faint coconut smell of her hair.
“Love you back.” She cups my cheek.
Julia and Michael find us at the same time my family does. My dad gives Gin and Julia the cool greeting he always does—he blames Gin for the changes in me this year and thinks Julia is a snotty rich person.
I can’t wait to get the hell away from him. My mom gave him an ultimatum a couple months ago—quit drinking, or she’ll leave him. He’s been sober so far—I think—but I don’t have faith it’ll last.
My dad is who he is, and he won’t change. He’s selfish and mean. I didn’t even want him here today, but my mom said it’s important to her, so I gave in.
We all pose for photos, and then Mom and Julia need to go so they can get ready for the graduation parties they’re hosting. Mine will be another thing I do for my mom’s sake. I don’t want to sit around with extended family and friends from our neighborhood making small talk.
“Great speech,” I tell Raj.
“Thanks.”
He’s our class valedictorian, and I know how hard he worked to earn it. He’s been stressed the entire semester about his math grades. Even though he never says it, I sense that Raj feels a responsibility to honor his late parents in everything he does. Same with his adoptive ones. He’s going to be premed at Washington University, and then he wants to go to medical school to become a surgeon.
Lauren is going to community college and working. Michelle’s going to University of Missouri to study journalism. I never would have gotten to know any of them if not for Gin, and I consider all of them friends now. Even though Lauren still scowls at me, Gin assures me she and I are good. Lauren scowls at pretty much everyone.
“You guys can come by my party if you want,” Raj offers.
Gin looks up at me before answering. “We might later. We’re doing Chase’s first and then mine.”
“What other parties are you guys going to tonight?” Michelle asks.
I wrap an arm around Gin and pull her against my side. “We don’t know yet.”
We do know, but that’s something we decided to keep to ourselves. Gin and I aren’t going to any other parties tonight. We’re driving to St. Louis, where we got a hotel room for the night.
After seven months of heavy make-out sessions, we’ve decided we’re ready for more. Tonight we’ll have sex for the first time, and I think I’m more nervous than Gin is.
I know it’ll be different with Gin. Everything is. But I want to make sure she knows it’s different. And with it being her first time, I want it to be perfect.
I want her to be mine in every way. She can set me on fire with just a look. Make me hard with whispered promises. Even her laugh turns me on.
The hottest thing about Gin is that the sexy part of her is just for me. She doesn’t flaunt it. Hell, other people have no idea how hot she rea
lly is. It’s not the way her ass looks in jeans that makes me crazy, but the things we share that no one else knows about. The parts of her I’m the only man to ever see and touch.
I can’t give her that part of myself. I’ve been with a lot of girls before her. But she’s the only one I’ve ever loved.
It won’t be easy to stay together while living states apart. She was hesitant to even try a long-distance relationship at first. But I told her it was that or I’d become a New York City bum just to be near her.
I was only half joking. I don’t want to start over in college, free to sleep with women with no strings. I can’t possibly give up my best friend, the first person I want to tell everything.
We’ll figure it out. If this year has taught me anything, it’s that having someone in my life whose happiness means more to me that my own drives me to be better.
It’s ironic that the first girl to tell me no ended up becoming the only woman I want. Or maybe it’s not. Gin isn’t willing to settle, and I love that about her. It’s probably got something to do with seeing my mom settle for so long.
I hope like hell she’ll leave my dad, but I know I can’t force her to.
Gin and I pose and smile for more photos, most with people who aren’t close friends. Some are with my teammates. Most of those friendships never recovered from the Sweet Sixteen fallout, but a few did.
“I’m starving,” Gin says on the walk back to her car.
“We’re eating as soon as we get there. My mom went a little overboard with the food.”
She smiles. “Overboard sounds perfect.”
I watch as she takes off her graduation cap and shakes out her fiery red hair. I’m already thinking about getting my hands in it tonight. I’ll have to stop myself from getting rough with her, though my desire is pent-up to a point I feel shaky sometimes.
There’ll be time for that. I’ve never been with anyone enough times to know them inside out. I want that with Gin. After seven months, I already know quite a lot about her.
Her inner thighs are ticklish. She loves having her neck kissed, especially on the sides. Her nipples are so sensitive I can get her close to coming just by playing with them.
Sweet Sixteen Page 17