by Unknown
Neil taps his head with an index finger. “Burned into my memory for life. Every word.”
“Good,” Jack says.
Neil smiles. “See ya, Jack.”
“Don’t be a fuck-up,” Jack warns. “The road can only turns you into a fuck-up if you let it.”
Neil nods. “I know. Besides, I’d have to deal with Chrissie and she is way worse than you.”
Jack is laughing as he turns toward me. He rests his arms on my shoulder. “I’m going to miss you, baby girl.”
I bite my lower lip to hold back the emotion. “I know, Daddy. I’m going to miss you, too.”
His eyes fix on me, loving and intense. “Be careful. Stay smart. Things can get crazy. If it gets to be too crazy, come home.”
“I will. It’s going to be OK.”
Jack nods. “Call me every stop, and fly home once in a while.”
“I will, Daddy,” I promise.
He puts a light kiss on my forehead, and sighs. “I never expected to be sending you off on tour. I never wanted you to be near any of this. Not ever.”
I stare up at him, startled. Is that why Jack never had me travel with him? He didn’t want me near the music industry? Most days I still can’t make sense of my dad, but it’s a nice thought, much kinder than the suspicions I used to have about why Jack never took me out on tour with him. So today I’m not going to try to figure out my dad.
The entire chemistry changes with the arrival of the rest of the band, and soon the guys are like a fast-talking, loud football huddle surrounding Jack. Everyone wants to talk to him—everyone always wants to talk to Jack—but today, it makes me a smidge wistful because I want him to be only my dad. Like he was in the apartment, sitting on the floor with Neil and me. Like he is when we are at home in Santa Barbara together.
The bus driver exits the bus and I have to forcibly keep from making a face. Oh dear. He does not look at all fun, and how the heck does he fit in the driver’s seat? He must be nearly 6’5” and I’m sure 300lbs if he’s anything.
“Listen up, dipshits,” he says, silencing everyone. “I’m Markem. It’s time to load up. It’s time to go. Let’s set some ground rules since we’re going to be together for a long time. My bus, my rules. My job is to get you there on time. Your job is not to piss me off. Front of the bus: mine. Everywhere else on the bus: yours. And when I say cops, settle down, and you clean up whatever the fuck you’re doing. Violate my rules, I set you on the side of the road. I don’t give a fuck if we’re in the middle of the desert. It’s fine by me if you stay out there. It gives me one less asshole to babysit.”
My gaze moves to Neil and he just rolls his eyes, but he looks like he’s half-dying of humiliation and the other half like he wants to say something. I bite my lip not to laugh, but a chuckle escapes me anyway.
Markem looks in my direction and his eyes narrow. “Nobody told me anything about hauling a fifi. Whose fifi is she?”
This time I make a face. I can’t help it. Yuck, fifi?
Jack cuts through the guys, extending his hand toward the bus driver. “Excuse me. I’m not one of the dipshits. People usually just call me Jack. And that girl is my daughter. She is not a fifi.”
The driver’s face goes through several alterations but it settles on a stunned expression. “Jesus Christ, Jackson Parker.”
They shake hands. “No, just Jack.”
Markem’s eyes widen. “Are you shitting me? I’m hauling your daughter this tour? Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me?”
They turn in unison to face me, with Jack nodding his head. “Don’t get pissed, Markem. No one told me until today she’d be on this tour. Kind of puts us in the same boat. And if any of the dipshits step out of line with her, I would appreciate it if you would kick the shit out of them.”
God, Daddy! Can this get any more embarrassing?
“Will do, Mr. Parker,” Markem assures him. “Will do.”
Jack smiles. “Just Jack, please. I’ll feel more confident that you’ll kick the shit out of them if we’re on a first-name basis.”
Markem laughs. “Jack, then.”
Jack and Markem launch into conversation while the guys disappear into the bus.
Neil crosses the concrete and drops a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll leave you alone with Jack to finish saying goodbye.”
“Thanks, Neil.”
His gaze roams my face. “Are you OK? Not having second thoughts, are you?”
I’m having second thoughts, third, fourth…but I shake my head and smile. “No way. I want to be with you. You couldn’t leave me behind if you try.”
Once alone with my dad, I’m starting to feel internally messy. For some reason, this goodbye is particularly hard for me.
My dad gives me one last hug, and the way he is holding on to me feels almost like he doesn’t want to let me go. He’s never hugged me this way before.
I step back the minute his arms loosen. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, Chrissy. Don’t forget that.”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “I won’t.”
I start making my way up the stairs and pause to take one last look at Jack, then step into the bus to see what the heck I’ve gotten myself into. The guys have already staked their own territory and are sprawled out comfortably.
My eyes widen in surprise. Well, this isn’t as awful as I thought it would be. It’s sort of comfortable inside even if it is less luxurious than I imagined it would be. A table with chairs. Small fridge and microwave and a cooking top. Long bench seats that convert for sleeping. A shower. A toilet. Yuck, I’m going to be sharing a bathroom with five guys, six if I count the driver. Storage cabinets, a TV, a sound system, and across the back of the bus a real bed built-in.
I spot my black bag on the bed and make my way to the back of the bus. I arrange the pillows into a pile and climb up to sit there. I guess this is where I’m supposed to hang, my own private space in guy world.
In a minute the doors close, Neil breaks off from his discussion with Josh and joins me. He sits with his back against the other wall, facing me.
“I’m really glad you’re here with me,” Neil says and he looks so happy that I joined him that I can feel it in my center.
“Me too.”
“Fuck, I’m tired.” Neil sighs, leaning his head back against the wall. “Jack sure can talk. I’ve never had anyone talk at me so much before. I’m exhausted.”
I smile and pat the spot beside me. “Why don’t you lie down? Why don’t you sleep?”
He eases down beside me on his side and scooches me back into him. The ignition turns over with those loud rattling groans a diesel engine makes. There is the sensation of movement and we are leaving Seattle.
I pull back the blind and look out the back window. Jack is standing in the parking lot, watching me leave. Tears clog in my throat, because the way he is standing, the look on his face, reminds me of when I was a little girl and always had to watch him leave. Only now he watches me.
CHAPTER NINE
I tap my pen against my journal. Day one on tour. I want to write something, but it’s been pretty dull. The guys have been sleeping since we pulled out of Seattle, and for three hours we have been stuck at the border.
I pull back the shades and peek out the window. Jeez, there are a lot of cars still ahead of us waiting to enter Canada. It should have only taken us a couple of hours to get to Vancouver, but we’ve been stuck in a long line of vehicles forever.
I scribble the heading Things I hate about the road. I glare at Les Wilson and write guys who snore when they sleep. A car behind us honks, like that’s going to speed us up. Border crossings. I scrunch up my nose and try to ignore the odor. I’m not even going to try to figure out how the guys made it smell like a locker room in half a day. I hear the toilet flush. Sharing a bathroom with six guys.
The door opens and Markem’s hulking frame contorts as he works his way out of the tiny closet that’s supposed to be a lavatory.
&nb
sp; He closes the door, catches me watching him, and smiles. “You doing all right, Miss Parker?”
“I’m doing great,” I reply, fighting not to roll my eyes.
Miss Parker. Markem won’t call me Chrissie no matter how many times I ask him to do it. From the second he learned I’m Jack’s daughter, fifi went out the window and I am Miss Parker. The guys are still called dipshit, but ugh, I would almost prefer fifi because his extreme solicitous manner makes me feel like an outsider.
My gaze moves with him as he labors toward the front of the bus, making it shimmy with each step, and then he drops like a ton of bricks into the driver’s seat.
Face it, Chrissie, you are an outsider. You always have been; in high school, at Cal, and now on the road. You will forever be the girl who doesn’t fit in. Accept it, that’s who you are. The only person happy you are here is Neil.
I shove my journal back into my bag, and settle on the pillow to watch him sleep. He’s so cute when he sleeps. I feel a pleasant kind of tingle move through my body. Lightly, I kiss him. Nothing. Still sound asleep.
I close my eyes. I should probably take a nap. Our first day on the road, while a short hop on the highway, is still going to be a long day. There’s a gig tonight. Neil is performing before a twenty-thousand-seat sold-out crowd at the BC Royale Stadium—that is, if we ever make it across the border.
I fidget and stare at the ceiling. Neil’s hand is suddenly under my shirt, his fingers working their way beneath my bra.
I grab his wrist. “Stop it. Don’t start anything we can’t finish.”
He leans up on an elbow, looking down at me, his fingers fluttering across my stomach. “You played with my body while I slept. It’s only fair I get to play with yours.”
I roll my eyes. “I kissed you. Once.”
He lowers his face until his lips are in my hair near my ear. “One kiss, Chrissie, is a lot. We were interrupted last night.”
My cheeks flood with color, but I don’t stop him as his hand moves back to my breast. He brushes my nipple with his thumb. I feel myself tighten there.
“There’s no privacy.” I squirm against his touch and kisses.
The curtain is jerked closed, blocking view of the bed from the rest of the bus.
“You’re crazy, Neil. I’m not doing it in a bus with five other guys six feet away.”
Neil kisses my shoulder and then peeks up at me, determined.
“We should take advantage every time the guys are asleep on the bus. It may be the nicest place we find to have sex for the next ten months. I don’t know who we will be sharing a room with and I don’t know what kind of dives the promoter has put us in. I’m only the opening act. I’ve been on some really shitty, low-budget tours.”
My brows lift. “You’re opening for Scream on an arena tour. I thought it would be nice. You mean we may not even have our own room?”
Neil shrugs, but gives me a contrite look.
“Thanks for telling me ahead of time, Neil.”
He nips playfully on my lower lip and then I feel his fingers trying to work open the clasp of my bra. I jerk away from him and sit, arms crossed.
Neil falls back against his pillow, exhales loudly, aggravated, and runs a hand through his hair.
“Don’t be pissed at me, Chrissie. If the rooms are too awful I’ll fix it.”
I arch a brow. “Fix it, huh? How?”
“I don’t know, but I will. I promise. Don’t be pissed.”
“I’m not pissed. I just wish you’d told me we might be sharing a room.”
Neil pulls me down on top of him and holds me against his chest in spite of my protests. He starts kissing me again.
“You’re not getting any, Neil.”
His hands flatten on my butt, molding me against him. He moves against me there. His lips dance up my neck, feather light. Not fair. And even as I tell myself no way my body starts to rub against him.
The bus lurches forward and it feels like we’re driving on the open road again. Neil stops touching and kissing me, and I frown at him, wondering why he stopped after getting me willing to screw him in the bus.
He takes in a ragged breath. “Fuck, you shouldn’t have wasted time arguing with me. We’ll be in Vancouver in a half an hour. Shit.”
“You are so conceited, Neil. We don’t need more than half an hour.”
“Very funny.” He groans. “Jeez, I’ve been horny as hell since Jack interrupted us last night and I really wanted to christen the bus.”
I can feel my eyes opening to their fullest. “Oh. Christen the bus? That’s what this is about. Jeez, guys are such jerks. What, is it a competition to see who christens the bus first? What other things do you guys christen on the road?”
He looks annoyed. “Nothing. I don’t do the girls on the road. You know that, Chrissie. It’s the best way to fuck up your life.”
I ease off him and sit with my back against the far wall, facing him. I remember what Josh told me at the camp ground.
“Not ever?” I probe. “You’ve never had sex with a girl on the road?”
He’s angry that I asked. “No. We’ve always been together when I’ve been on tour. I wouldn’t cheat on you, Chrissie. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I fight not to let the hurt show on my face from the unintended punch those words carry. I cheated on him and somehow he loves me. We’re together again, but what I did still makes me feel awful. Neil has forgiven me. I need to learn to forgive myself.
I roll forward, crawl across the bed, kiss him on the cheek, and then lie against him.
“I’ll try not to be a pain,” I say.
Neil laughs. “That’s not going to work, Chrissie. You’re always a pain. And if this tour is as bad as the last one, you being a pain starts in about twenty minutes when we reach the hotel.”
I make a pout. “I won’t say a word. I won’t complain. I promise.”
Twenty minutes later, I hear the screeching of brakes against tires as the bus rolls slowly to a stop. Neil starts gathering our things.
“Have you been to Vancouver before?” he asks.
“Nope.”
He looks surprised.
“I was a little disappointed we didn’t have to use our passports,” I say, following Neil to the exit on the bus. “That we could just cross through the border. I really wanted a stamp. Yours is full of stamps. I don’t have any. It makes my passport look so pathetic.”
Neil’s brows crinkle. “You’ve never been out of the country?”
I shake my head.
“Not even Canada?” he asks.
“Nope. I’ve hardly been out of California.”
He shakes his head and goes down the steps. Once at the bottom, he turns to offer me his hand.
We walk around the bus and my eyes fix on the hotel in surprise. Well, jeez, this doesn’t look awful. A beautiful, high-rise hotel in an area of the city that looks upscale.
I give Neil a small shove. “You’re such a jerk. Why do you like to mess with me all the time?”
“I wasn’t messing with you, Chrissie.”
I can feel Josh watching us.
“Bullshit,” I counter. “All those stories about how tough it is when you are out on the road and how terrible everything is, they’re crap, aren’t they?”
“It wasn’t crap. It’s not crap.” Neil rakes his hair with his hand. “Jeez, Chrissie, can we not do this?”
“I’m just saying it wasn’t very nice of you in the bus to freak me out about how cruddy this is going to be. Sometimes when you’re messing with me, it isn’t funny.”
He leans into me, and quietly says, “I just wanted to get laid. We haven’t had sex in two days.”
I make a face at him and Josh passes by us, rolling his eyes at Neil in way that lets me know he’s heard every word of our argument and that he thinks I’m being a bitch.
I walk ahead of Neil into the hotel. At the front desk, I peek at him out of the corner of my eye. I struggle not to laugh. He has that
Chrissie is driving me nuts look. Neil is adorable when he’s aggravated.
We are quickly checked in and handed our keys.
Neil taps his knuckles on the counter to get Josh’s attention. “We’ve got sound check in two hours.”
“I’m going to hit the bar, get something to eat and drink. You coming?”
“Maybe later. But I don’t think so,” Neil says grimly.
Ah, nice touch, Neil. The Chrissie-is-giving-me-shit tone of voice.
I am silent in the elevator as we chug our way upward floor by floor.
“Would you like me to go out and get you something to eat?” he asks. “Or are you going to order room service?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Do you want to come with me for sound check?”
“I don’t know yet.”
The elevator doors open. He shakes his head, runs a hand through his hair and waits for me to follow him into the hallway.
Inside our room, I drop my bag and I hear Neil securing the safety latch of the door. I kick off my flip-flops.
“How soon do you have to leave?” I ask.
“I’ve got about ninety minutes.”
I pull off my shirt, unfasten my bra, let it fall to the floor, and then turn toward him. His expression changes as I unbutton my jeans and pull them off.
He makes a long, ragged exhale of breath, and then wags a finger at me. “God, you are a pain in the ass. You deliberately made me think the entire way up here you were pissed and we were going to the room to fight.”
Naked, I step over to him. “No, I didn’t. I let the guys think I was pissed. I hate it that they know all our shit all the time, and I didn’t want them to know we came up here to fuck.”
~~~
I’m pulled from sleep by the feel of Neil’s arms at my sides and the touch of his lips. My eyes flutter open and I find him standing beside the bed, above me, a smile in his eyes.
“I’ve got to go, Chrissie.”
I sit up and notice that he is dressed in knee-length army green shorts, flip-flops and an unspectacular t-shirt. The surfer boy from Santa Barbara, with his deep tan, the flecks of sun in his chestnut hair, and those lush emotion-bright green eyes. California Neil in Vancouver.