Until We Reach Home

by Lynn Austin

  No, Kirsten would now carry the burden of Elin's secret along with the weight of her own. And one thing was certain: She could never ask Elfin to go back to Sweden. Or Sofia, either. But what if Kirsten returned home to marry Tor, and Sofia insisted on going with her? Sofia had no place to live in Sweden except with Uncle Sven.

  Kirsten groaned at the complexity of her dilemma. She needed to go home and marry Tor; Elin and Sofia needed to stay here. But what if Tor's father still refused to allow them to marry? Then what? She couldn't possibly stand up to Tor's father on her own. She had been counting on Uncle Sven to support her and to insist that Tor do the right thing. But now she wanted nothing to do with her uncle.

  The only solution that she could see was for Tor to break away from his father and come to America to marry her. She needed to write a letter and explain her circumstances to him. He needed to come over right away. Maybe by now he had missed her so much that he was sorry he had let her go. Once Tor learned about the baby, he would surely do the right thing. She was almost certain of it.

  Kirsten needed to find the translator and tell her what she had decided. She knew it was wrong to lie, just as it had been wrong to read Elin's diary and to have a baby with Tor. She would compound her sins by lying to the immigration officials, but she was desperate. Somehow she had to untangle the mess she had created. She would try to keep her story as close to the truth as possible.

  "I know what I want you to tell the immigration officials," Kirsten said when she found Mrs. Bjork downstairs, outside the Registry Room. "Tell them ... I-I do have a husband. His name is Tor Magnusson. Tell the officials that we were secretly married in Sweden and that Tor is planning to come to Chicago as soon as he can. We couldn't afford both of our fares, so I came with my sisters. That way my uncle in America would pay for mine. As soon as Tor earns enough money, he's going to come over, too, and then we'll be together."

  "Do you have a copy of the marriage certificate? The officials might want to see it."

  "Tor has it with him. In Sweden."

  The woman didn't look at Kirsten, as if unwilling to see the lies written all over her face. "I'll tell the officials about your husband, Miss ... I mean. . ." She paused, looking embarrassed.

  "It's Magnusson. Mrs. Tor Magnusson."

  "The fact that you and your sisters have tickets to Chicago and a sponsor waiting for you should help matters. I'll see what I can do."

  Kirsten had committed herself to that decision. Once the immigration officials allowed her into the country, she would have no way to return to Sweden. But what if she stayed here and Tor didn't come? The baby would have no father. She and the child would both be outcasts. Surely Tor wouldn't want that to happen.

  "Stay well," Mrs. Bjork said as she turned to go. "I trust that you and your husband will raise your baby to be a fine American."

  Mrs. Bjork's words surprised Kirsten. Her baby would be American, not Swedish.

  She had not only chosen her own future but her child's, as well.

  "Thank you," she murmured. "We will-God willing."

  ~2Offer 7wen y

  SOFIA SAT ON THE GROUND at Ludwig's feet, listening to him play his violin. Ever since Ludwig had learned that he would be deported, he had expressed his sorrow through his violin, pouring his very soul into each mournful song. Sofia had never realized that tragedy could produce such beauty nor that music had such healing power. She listened to each piece with her eyes closed, allowing the sound to envelop her. But when Ludwig finished and she opened her eyes, she saw Kirsten come out of the building.

  "Oh no," she murmured. "Here comes my sister." She and Ludwig had grown accustomed to talking out loud in their own languages, even though they couldn't understand each other. She watched Kirsten scan the hundreds of faces in the crowd, looking all around for Sofia.

  "Is it wrong to be sorry that my sister is back?" she asked. "I mean, I'm glad that she and Elin are getting well, but that means I will have to leave you." She sighed and rose to her feet to beckon to Kirsten. Ludwig rose from the bench as Kirsten approached and bowed slightly in greeting.

  "Kirsten, this is my new friend, Ludwig Schneider. Ludwig ... my sister Kirsten." She pulled the stick-figure drawing from her Bible and pointed to one of the figures, then to her sister.

  "What's this picture for?" Kirsten asked, snatching it from her hand. "And what are all these numbers?"

  "Ludwig doesn't understand Swedish. I drew the picture to try to explain my family to him."

  "Nice of you to cross me off," Kirsten said with a frown.

  "You were in the hospital. I was trying to explain to him that you and Elin were gone and I was all alone."

  "Sofia! Why would you tell a stranger that you were all alone? Didn't Elfin teach you anything?"

  "Ludwig wouldn't hurt a soul. He plays the violin and-"

  "Yes, so I see. Hey, when is lunch served? I'm starving."

  Sofia looked up at the sun. "In a few more minutes. Would you mind if Ludwig ate with us? He's been here for a while and he's very helpful in the dining hall. The biggest meal is always served at the noon hour, and most of these other people have never learned any table manners."

  "I don't know, Sofia. I don't think it's wise to get too friendly with strangers."

  "Well, you've certainly changed your attitude! You sound just like Elfin. What about those Swedish men you spent all your time with on the boat?"

  "It so happens that I have changed my mind. I saw another side of those fellows that I didn't like at all. And you might see a different side of this man, too, if you spent enough time with him. People aren't always what they seem."

  "And sometimes they are exactly as they seem. Ludwig has helped me more than any other person ever has. I can't explain it to you, but I was alone and scared and he became my friend. He showed me God's promises in the Bible." Sofia waved the paper with the drawings and Bible verses in front of Kirsten. "That's what these numbers are, Kirsten. They're Bible verses."

  "That doesn't mean you should-"

  "Don't tell me what to do. I'm going to continue to eat my meals with him and listen to him practice his violin, and you can join us-or not."

  Kirsten stared at her for a long moment as if sizing her up. "You've changed, Sofia."

  "Well, maybe it was time I did."

  Sofia did exactly as she pleased. She continued to eat her meals with Ludwig and spent the afternoon and evening hours with him, even though Kirsten stayed close to her side most of the time. When they were in the women's dormitory that night getting ready for bed, Kirsten turned to Sofia and said, "You're falling in love with that man, aren't you."

  Sofia's heart began to race. She stared at her sister with her mouth open, unable to reply. It had never occurred to her that she was in love with Ludwig until Kirsten said the word-but she knew in an instant that she was right. She couldn't reply.

  "I saw the way you look at him," Kirsten continued. "And the way he looks at you."

  Again, Sofia knew exactly what Kirsten meant. She had seen the soft, tender look in Ludwig's eyes whenever he gazed at her. "It's because we can't speak to each other with words," she said. "All we have is our eyes."

  "How did it happen, Sofia?"

  "I-I don't know. . . ." She leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling weak-kneed, wishing she had a chair. "We've been together since my first day on this island. Ludwig is so kind and gentle, and when he plays his violin for me. . ." She couldn't finish. She had no words to describe how she felt about him. The word love seemed inadequate.

  "Oh, Sofia," Kirsten said softly. "What are you going to do?"

  "Well . . . I mean ... I'm sure we'll see each other again when we get off this island and-"

  She stopped. Ludwig wasn't getting off this island. He was being sent back to Germany. He had threatened to swim across the river rather than go back, but how could he swim that far? How could anyone?

  To Sofia's surprise, Kirsten's eyes filled with tears. She quickly pulled Sofia into
her arms as if she didn't want her to see them. "I should have warned you not to fall in love, Sofia. I should have told you that love always ends in heartbreak."

  How did Kirsten know about love and heartbreak? Had she fallen in love with one of those men on the boat? Sofia was about to ask her when she suddenly recalled a string of events back home that hadn't made sense to her at the time. She remembered how Kirsten would neglect her chores or convince Sofia to do them for her so she could spend time exploring the woods with Tor Magnusson. She remembered how Kirsten's cheeks would flush with pleasure whenever Tor walked out to their farm with a letter, how she and Tor always managed to find each other after church on Sunday. And she remembered how Kirsten had leaped off the farm wagon on their last day in the village just to bid Tor good-bye-and it had been such an odd farewell. Sofia pulled free from her sister's embrace to look at her.

  "You were in love with Tor Magnusson, weren't you?" The pain in Kirsten's eyes gave her away. "Tor must have broken your heart or you never would have left him."

  "What difference does it make?" Kirsten said, turning away. "I just don't want the same thing to happen to you. Don't believe this man's promises, Sofia, even if he says he loves you. America is a big country, and you might never see each other again."

  "Don't say that!" Sofia covered her mouth to try to hold back her tears. She couldn't bear the thought of never seeing Ludwig Schneider again.

  "Listen, Sofia. You have to face the truth. It's nice that you made a friend, but Mrs. Bjork says Elin will be getting out of the hospital soon, and we'll be leaving this island. You'll probably never see him again."

  "I know," she murmured, "I know ... But Kirsten ... is it better not to fall in love at all, or to love someone for a little while, even if you have to say good-bye?"

  "It's better not to love," she answered quickly. "Good-byes are terrible. Papa couldn't bear to say good-bye to Mama, remember? He couldn't live without her. I don't want you to go through that much pain or to feel the way I feel, loving Tor and having to leave him."

  Kirsten's admission surprised Sofia. And so did the strength of her own feelings for Ludwig Schneider.

  "It's too late, Kirsten. I already love Ludwig." She knew it was true the moment she spoke the words. And she also knew the answer to her own question. "I may never see him again, but the gifts of joy and hope that he has already given me are worth any pain that might come."

  "You say that now, but you don't know ..."

  Sofia pulled Kirsten into her arms and they held each other again. When Sofia could speak, she said, "No matter when I have to say goodbye to Ludwig, it's going to hurt. But until then, I want to be with him as much as I can. Please let me do that, Kirsten. We'll be in plain sight all the time. There's no place to go on this island to be alone. There are always thousands of people here. Besides, we can't even talk to each other properly. I just ... I just want to be with him while I can."

  Kirsten slowly shook her head. "Don't say I didn't warn you. I hope you're not sorry ..."

  "I know. I hope I'm not, either."

  For the next few days, Sofia spent every waking minute with Ludwig as she waited for Elin to get well. The days passed much too quickly, each one bittersweet. Now that Sofia knew she was in love, she suddenly understood the meaning of all the love songs she'd ever sung and all the love stories she'd ever read. She saw her love for Ludwig mirrored in his eyes and heard it in the music he played for her and felt it in his touch when he reached to caress her golden hair or brush his fingers across her cheek. As the moment when they would have to part drew closer and closer, their time together became more and more precious.

  "I have some very good news," Mrs. Bjork told Sofia and Kirsten one afternoon. "Your sister Elin is going to be discharged from the hospital tomorrow morning. I'm sure you'll be happy to get off this island and be on your way, ja?"

  Nej. Grief welled up inside Sofia at the thought of leaving Ludwig. God had answered her prayers and restored Elin's health-but that meant she and Ludwig would have to say good-bye. How would she tell him?

  "I'll be in the Registry Room tomorrow to translate for you," Mrs. Bjork promised.

  In the end, Sofia didn't have to tell Ludwig that tomorrow would be their last day together. He must have read the news in her sorrowful expression, because he pulled out the picture she had drawn on their first day together and pointed to the stick figure of Elin. She nodded. She had already erased the X she'd drawn through Kirsten's picture; now she took out the pencil and began to erase Elin's X. Her tears dropped onto the page as she worked.

  Ludwig reached for her hand to stop her, holding it tightly in his own, as if by preventing her from changing the picture he could prevent her from leaving.

  "Sofia . . ." he whispered. "Oh, Sofia . . ." He finally released her hand and pulled out his Bible, paging quickly through it to find what he wanted to say. He stopped at the Song of Songs-a book Sofia had never read before-and waited for her to find it, too. He pointed to chapter one, verse fifteen: How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!

  She looked up at him again. No one had ever told her she was beautiful before.

  He flipped ahead a few pages and pointed to chapter four, verse nine: You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart....

  Sofia laid her palm over her own heart for a moment, then rested her hand on his chest, leaving it there. She could feel the strong beat of his heart beneath his shirt. "My heart is yours, Ludwig," she murmured. "I can't bear the thought that we may never see each other again. Please tell me that we aren't saying good-bye forever. . . ." She wished she could understand what he said to her in return as he placed his hand over hers.

  Sadness permeated their final day together. Kirsten gave them the gift of privacy, and Sofia and Ludwig remained side by side until it was time to return to their own dormitories for lights-out. In the morning, Sofia and Kirsten dressed in their Sunday clothes and pinned all of their immigration tags and cards to their dresses as they prepared to meet with the American officials. Sofia knew she should be happy to leave Ellis Island and grateful that Elin was finally well, but sorrow filled her at the prospect of leaving Ludwig.

  Ludwig sat with Sofia and Kirsten at breakfast, but Sofia didn't feel like eating. Afterward, Kirsten looked at the two of them and said, "I'll go by myself to wait for Elin. We'll come and find you when she arrives."

  "Thank you," Sofia said.

  As soon as she and Ludwig were alone, her tears began to fall. She saw Ludwig's grief in his tear-filled eyes, and in the way his shoulders slumped, and in the deep sigh he uttered. He reached into Sofia's bag, which lay at her feet, and pulled out her Bible, opening it to a verse. He didn't open his own, so she knew that he must have stayed up last night searching for the right verse to leave with her. Once again, he turned to the Song of Songs. She read the words through a shimmer of tears: Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

  He took the Bible from her and gathered both of her hands in his, speaking urgently, as if begging her to understand what he was saying. When he finished speaking, he pulled his violin and bow from his bag. She thought he was going to play one final song for her, but he didn't unwrap them. Instead, he pointed to the violin, then to her as he placed the bundle in her hands.

  "No, Ludwig. You can't give this to me." She tried to hand it back, but he shook his head, holding up his hands, refusing to take it. He pointed to New York City and once again pantomimed swimming across the river. "No ... oh, please don't try to swim. You'll never make it! Nobody can swim that far. Isn't there any other way?"

  He picked up her Bible and pointed to another verse from Song of Songs: I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. He pointed to her, to himself, to the verse.

  "And you want me to keep your violin for you? Until you find me?"
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br />   He nodded as if he had understood her words and took the instrument from her. He knelt down and carefully tucked it inside Sofia's satchel, then placed his German Bible inside, as well. He was giving her his violin as a promise of his love, a promise that he would search for her and find her. Sofia wanted to believe that he would be able to swim all the way across the river, but she was filled with fear for him.

  Ludwig stood again and folded Sofia's hands inside his own, then he bowed his head to pray. She couldn't understand his prayer, but she prayed silently along with him, begging God to keep him safe and to bring them together again.

  When he finished, Ludwig exhaled as if preparing himself for the long swim. Then he pointed to her many tags and gestured as if writing something down. Of course, he wanted the name and address of Sofia's uncle in Chicago. She wrote it out for him on a piece of paper.

  Sofia still wasn't ready to say good-bye to him, but when she looked up, she saw Elin and Kirsten emerge from the building, looking all around for her. She and Ludwig were out of time. Ludwig followed her gaze and when he saw Kirsten, he suddenly reached for Sofia and folded her into his arms. He was so tall that he could rest his cheek on the top of her head. Sofia clung to him, not caring if it was proper or not, not caring who saw them. She loved this man and she didn't want to let him go.

  "Promise me that we'll see each other again," she wept. "Promise me that you won't try to swim that far, that you'll find another way...."

  "Sofia," he murmured. "Oh, Sofia. . ."

  When he finally released her, his cheeks were wet. He pushed a folded piece of paper into her hand, then turned and hurried away, as if unwilling to watch her go. Sofia didn't take her eyes off him until he disappeared into the crowd. She couldn't seem to move. She wanted to sink down on the ground and weep, but Elin and Kirsten were approaching. She pulled Elin into her arms, pretending that her tears were for her.