Until We Reach Home

by Lynn Austin

  "Aunt Hilma is lying to me!"

  Elfin dropped the curtain and gripped the ladder to keep from falling. It took her a moment to untangle herself and climb down so she could listen to Sofia's story. It didn't help that Sofia could barely speak through her tears.

  "Inge said that a man came to the boardinghouse the other day and ... and he was speaking another language and... and so I just know it was Ludwig-but Aunt Hilma sent him away!"

  "Did Inge describe the man to you?"

  "She didn't see him. But who else could it be?"

  "Did you ask Aunt Hilma about him?"

  "Inge didn't want me to. She didn't want to get into trouble for telling me behind Hilma's back. But the more I thought about it after I left, the angrier I got. Please come with me, Elfin. We have to go over there and confront Aunt Hilma right now!"

  "We can't do that," Elin told her. "We don't know for certain that it was your friend she turned away. We can't accuse Hilma if we don't know the truth."

  "Besides, you said yourself that Inge would get into trouble," Kirsten added.

  "For all we know," Elfin said, "the man could have been looking for a room to rent and didn't speak Swedish."

  They managed to calm Sofia down and dry her tears. But as Kirsten gathered up the drapes to carry down to the washhouse, she paused on her way out the door and said, "Don't believe everything your friend on Ellis Island promised you, Sofia. Don't let him break your heart. There are plenty of other men in America."

  "I don't want anyone else!" She began crying all over again.

  Elfin rubbed her shoulder to soothe her. "Kirsten is only trying to protect you because she had her heart broken."

  "Ludwig won't break my heart. He'll find me. I know he will!"

  At last Sofia blew her nose and dried her eyes. "Are you all right now?" Elfin asked. Sofia nodded and pulled a letter from her pocket.

  "I forgot. This came for you. It's from that man in Wisconsin."

  "Wait," Elin said. "Where are you going?"

  "To the ballroom."

  Elfin decided to let Sofia go. It wasn't up to her to fix everything. She could hear the faint strains of music from Mrs. Anderson's Gramophone as she sat down to read the letter.

  Dear Elfin,

  You asked me in your last letter to call you by your given name, so I will honor your wishes. I hope you will also call me Gunnar from now on. I wanted to let you know that the money you've been sending each week has been arriving safely. My friends are not so angry anymore now that they know you intend to pay us back. They are planning to look for wives again and might take a trip to Chicago or Minneapolis when they have some free time. Our little community celebrated Midsummer's Eve, and it was obvious to everyone that we needed more girls to make the wreaths and to decorate the maypole, but we had a nice time just the same.

  Summer is now well upon us, and this is a very busy time of year on our farm. You told me you grew up on a farm in Sweden, so I am sure you know how much work there is to do. Here in America my farm is much bigger and much more prosperous than the farms in Sweden were. My crops seem to grow all by themselves, and the soil is very rich and not as rocky as back home. I do miss eating fresh fish, though, because our home in Sweden was close to the sea. But there is a small lake near my farm, and I can catch my own fish to eat whenever I have time. What I need is someone to cook the fish afterward. I am not such a good cook and seem to burn everything.

  The oats and potato crops are coming along very nicely, and our corn is more than afoot tall already. We are hoping that the weather stays nice so we can finish harvesting the hay. I think we will have a good crop of apples this year, too. One of our cows whose name is Maisie gives me the hardest time, though. She keeps getting out of the pasture somehow, and is always heading down the road to my neighbor's farm. Maybe she likes him better than me, I don't know, but I waste a lot of time chasing after her, let me tell you. None of us can figure out how she is getting loose.

  I enjoy my work very much. I love being outside all day, feeling the warm sun on my face. Farming is hard work, but the rewards are so nice. I can drink fresh milk and eat cheese that came from my own cows and vegetables from my own garden. God provides plenty of rain and sunshine, and so life is good. Time passes quickly in the summer with so much work to do, so the evenings are not as lonely as in the wintertime. Did I tell you that we have built a small church for our village? We will have our own pastor here very soon.

  I lived in Chicago for a few months when we first arrived in America, and I know what you mean about the busy streets and all the noise. I didn't like city life at all. I recall how terrible it smelled, too. But I enjoyed reading your letter very much and hearing all about the huge house you and your sisters are cleaning. I cannot imagine a house with that many rooms. Do you ever get lost in it?

  I was sorry to hear that the elderly woman you work for isn't feeling well. I'm not saying that because I'm worried about not being paid if she dies, but because you seem to be growing fond of her. You also said that you wouldn't have a home to live in after she is gone. In your next letter, you will have to tell me about the big dinner party she gave for Midsummer's Eve. I especially want to hear about all the food everyone ate.

  That's all for now. I am at the bottom of the page again. Maybe I will buy longer paper when I'm in town so I can write longer letters. I hope you have time to write to me soon.

  Your friend,

  Gunnar

  As she read his letter, Elfin was surprised to find she felt homesick for the farm she had left behind in Sweden. She missed being close to the land and watching things grow and could easily understand why Gunnar loved his work so much. Given the choice, she would much rather live on a farm than here in the city. But as with so many other things in her life, Elfin didn't have a choice.

  By the time she finished reading the letter, Kirsten had returned from the washhouse. "We got a letter from Wisconsin today," she told her. "Do you want to read it?"

  "No thanks. He's your friend. He's writing to you." Kirsten had brought a pail of vinegar solution and a pile of newspapers back with her to wash the windows.

  "The only reason I'm writing to him is because you and Sofia didn't want to," Elfin said. "I feel sorry for him and the other men, don't you?"

  "Not really. We're paying their money back."

  "Even so, they were counting on us going up there, so I know they were disappointed. The least we could do is correspond with them." Elfin picked up an empty ash bucket and knelt down to shovel the debris out of the ceramic tile stove. The soot made her sneeze.

  "Was Sofia mad at me for what I said about having her heart broken?" Kirsten asked after a moment.

  "You made her feel bad. Why do you have to say things like that? You never used to be so meanspirited, Kirsten. You were always so cheerful back home. What happened?"

  "Things are different here in America. Why shouldn't I be different, too?"

  Elfin stood and went over to Kirsten's side. "Please tell me what's wrong. I can see that something is bothering you, and-"

  "Something's bothering me, all right-you are! Why can't you leave me alone?"

  "Because I'm worried about you. You used to be so full of life, and you would turn everything into an adventure. I used to envy you, running through the woods without a care in the world, seeing elves and fairies and gnomes behind every tree. You were always laughing, Kirsten. Even on the voyage to America you were the adventurous one, making friends with those cousins-giving me fits! Now you barely leave our room on your day off."

  "That's because there's no place to go."

  "Why don't you take English classes like Sofia is doing?"

  "Why don't you?" The crumpled newspaper squeaked against the glass as Kirsten scrubbed the windowpane. Elfin took it from her hand to force her to stop.

  "Listen. We're sisters. All we have is each other. Why won't you talk to me? We used to be able to talk about everything."

  "Oh really? I'm sur
e there are things you've never told me." The accusing look Kirsten gave Elfin sent chills through her. Kirsten couldn't know about Uncle Sven, could she?

  "Please, let's not fight."

  "Then quit bothering me!"

  "Shh... I don't want Mrs. Anderson to hear us."

  "I'm done here." Kirsten gathered up the crumpled papers and left the room. In the silence she left behind, Elfin heard the scrape and thump of Mrs. Anderson's cane as she paced in her bedroom across the hall. The Gramophone music had stopped. Elfin took a few moments to calm down after arguing with Kirsten, then walked across the hall and tapped on Mrs. Anderson's door.

  "Who is it?" she barked.

  "It's Elfin, ma'am. May I come in?"

  "I suppose so, if you must."

  Elfin knew just by looking at her that Mrs. Anderson wasn't well. She did her best to hide it, but Elfin could see by the way she pressed her lips together that she was in pain. Her breathing sounded labored, as if she had been running up and down the stairs instead of simply pacing.

  "Shall I send for the doctor?"

  "No. And stop pestering me about it. When I want a doctor I'll call for one." Mrs. Anderson's cat sat on a chair beneath the window, watching as she hobbled back and forth across the room.

  "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

  "Sit down and talk to me. Conversation helps distract me."

  "Very well." Elin sat. She had no idea what to talk about. It was difficult to converse on command.

  "You can start by telling me what's going on with you and your sisters. I hear the arguments, you know." She waved her hand in irritation. "No, don't start apologizing. That's not the point. But you came in here that first day like you were joined at the hip, and now I can see that you're at odds with each other."

  "It's mostly Kirsten. She has been very depressed lately and won't talk about the reason why. She says there's nothing wrong-"

  "But you don't believe her?"

  "No. And the other day a man came to see her, and she wouldn't say why or tell us a thing about him. He's someone you know. He came to your dinner party. I think his name is Lindgren or Lindblad ..."

  "You mean Knute Lindquist?"

  "Maybe that was it. He works for your newspaper."

  "Not my newspaper, my son's. But you don't need to worry about Knute's character. He is an outstanding young man."

  "I'm worried about my sister. Kirsten was in love with a man from our village back home. She won't talk about him, but Sofia said he broke her heart. Now she's meeting with this man who she barely knows, and ... and I would hate to have her heart broken a second time."

  "Knute Lindquist's wife died two years ago. He has been despondent ever since. Perhaps that's how they found each other, since your sister seems the same way, pining for that young man in Sweden."

  "Is that a good idea? If they're both grieving and are both in love with someone else-is that any way to begin a relationship, do you think?"

  "What does it matter what I think? What business is it of mine or yours what they do?"

  Her words brought Elin up short, reminding her once again that she couldn't fix everything. "But she's my sister. I care about what happens to her. I'm just afraid that she will be hurt even more than she has been."

  "You're very suspicious of people, aren't you? Why is that?"

  Elfin didn't reply.

  "See? You have secrets," Mrs. Anderson said, pointing her cane at Elfin. "So why can't your sister have them?" She pinned Elfin with her eyes for a moment before resuming her pacing. "Knute is a good man, but I doubt very much if he intends anything more than friendship with your sister. He may never get over his wife's death. But the depth of his grief should tell you a lot about his good character and his capacity to love."

  "But what does he want with Kirsten if he isn't looking for a wife?"

  "What business is it of yours? Will arguing about it help Kirsten? Leave her alone. She is the one who has to live with her decisions, not you."

  "I feel responsible for her. I-"

  "Listen to me, Elfin." She stopped pacing again. "Even parents aren't responsible for their children's decisions after a certain age, much less sisters. Believe me, I begged my nitwitted son not to marry that woman. Did he listen? No. Now he's living with his mistake. And what can I do about it? Nothing. That's part of being an adult-living with your mistakes."

  "I would hate for either of my sisters to mess up their lives. I'm worried about Sofia, too. She's pining for a stranger she met on Ellis Island, a man she barely knows. We have a brand-new start here in America. We've left the past behind-"

  "Have you, though?" Mrs. Anderson stood in front of the bedroom window gazing out, her back turned to Elfin. "I believed that I was leaving the past behind, too, when I came to America. But only the scenery changed. I was the same person inside. I have secrets in my past, so I know how heavily they weigh you down, how they corrupt your judgment and erode your character."

  She slowly turned to face Elfin again. "Your sister Sofia talked to me about forgiveness the other night. I think you should talk to her, too, Elfin. So should Kirsten. Don't be a fool like I was and hold your secrets inside all your life. I know firsthand how much power they have to destroy you. Don't wait until you're an old woman like me before you ask for forgiveness."

  Elfin stared silently at the floor. She didn't see how sharing the truth about Uncle Sven could possibly do her or her sisters any good. A moment later, Mrs. Anderson began walking again. Her cat jumped down from the chair to pace loyally beside her. She bent to stroke his head.

  "Promise me you'll take care of Tomte when I'm gone," she said softly.

  "If you're not well, I wish you would let me call for the doctor."

  Mrs. Anderson gave her a venomous look. "You were here the day I fired my last nurse, weren't you?"

  "Yes, ma'am. But-"

  "Then let that be a lesson to you. Now kindly go downstairs and fetch today's mail for me. I believe the mailman has just arrived."

  Elfin returned with one letter, breathless from running up and down the steep stairs. "Shall I go back to my cleaning now?" she asked as she handed the letter to Mrs. Anderson.

  "No. Sit down while I read this. It's from Bettina." Mrs. Anderson sat down, as well, frowning and pursing her lips as she read the brief note. "Well. It seems she is determined to evict me from my home. She wants me to know that she will be bringing another buyer here to look the place over." She stuffed the note back into the envelope.

  "When?"

  "Tomorrow. And there's nothing I can do about it. My son owns the house, Bettina was kind enough to remind me. He has every right to sell it."

  "We haven't finished cleaning all of the rooms yet. And the ballroom is still-"

  "It doesn't matter. I appreciate what you girls tried to do the last time, but I think it's finally time for me to go. I can't navigate those stairs much longer."

  "We can move a bed down to the morning room for you, if you'd like."

  "We'll see. You may return to your work now, Elfin."

  Bettina Anderson arrived the following afternoon an hour before the buyer was due to arrive. She made Elfin walk through the house with her, inspecting it to make sure that everything was in order.

  "I don't want any of your nonsense this time," she told all three sisters. "You stay in the bedroom with Mother," she ordered Elin, "and you two stay in the kitchen. If you try to sabotage anything, I will see that you are severely punished. What's more, you'll never work as maids in this community again."

  Elfin played song after song on the Gramophone for Mrs. Anderson as the strangers toured her house. Afterward, Bettina knocked on the bedroom door. "The people liked it," she announced, her face stretched in a grin. "They've agreed to buy it."

  "When?" Mrs. Anderson asked.

  "It will take a few weeks for all of the papers to be drawn up and signed. But I will send the movers over right away for you and your things."

  "Oh, no you w
on't. I'm staying right here until the deed is signed. I'm not leaving one day sooner than I have to. These girls will stay here, too."

  "Good. They can finish all the work that needs to be done. There are still half a dozen rooms to clean, not to mention the entire third floor."

  "I would have liked to waltz in my ballroom one last time," Mrs. Anderson said wistfully.

  Bettina made a face. "Don't be absurd. Have you been up there? It's a mess."

  "What will become of all my things? The furniture, the dishes ... ?"

  "You won't need any of them once you move in with us."

  "What if I want my own things?"

  "Be reasonable, Mother Anderson. There's no room in our home for all this stuff. Most of it is so old-fashioned.... I don't understand why you'd want any of it when you can have brand-new furnishings."

  "But what will become of my things?"

  "I really don't know. That's up to Gustav. He'll sell them at an auction, I suppose."

  "And what about Tomte?"

  "I've told you before, Mother Anderson, I won't have that animal in my house."

  "And I've told you before, I won't go anyplace where Tomte isn't welcome."

  "Well, then ... I don't know what else to say. I have to go, now. God dag."

  Mrs. Anderson seemed dispirited after Bettina left, her usual spit and fire quenched. She wandered slowly from room to room with her cane, leaning on Elin's arm, surveying all of her possessions as if trying to figure out what to do with them.

  "There was a time when I wanted this home and all these lavish things more than anything else in the world," she said. "They seemed so important to me. But now I know better. It's not the house that matters, it's the love that's inside it. A shack in the woods will be a home if you have someone to love." She turned to look up at Elfin. "That's why you girls will never be homeless. You'll always have each other. I envy you for that."

  Mrs. Anderson's son, Gustav, arrived later that evening. Elfin was reading aloud to her when Kirsten escorted him up to the bedroom. She and Elfin both started to leave, but Mrs. Anderson stopped them.

  "No, you girls stay for just a minute. What brings you here, Gustav? You only come to see me when you want something."