Their Double Baby Gift

by Louisa Heaton

  ‘You’re a romantic, Dr Bailey!’

  She smiled at him, before her gaze returned to the couple in front of them. ‘And a dreamer. But don’t we all hope and dream for happiness in some way?’

  Matt didn’t answer. He stared at her profile—at the way her nose turned up slightly at the end, the fullness of her smiling lips, the gentle way one brown tress of her hair had escaped its messy bun and rested upon her shoulder. It looked soft and silky, and it seemed wrong to him that someone as sweet and lovely as her should be alone when clearly she had so much love to give.

  He concentrated for a moment on his notes. Blood pressure. Respirations. Pulse. Patient. But his mind wouldn’t stay focused. It was as if there was a small cyclone of thoughts whizzing around in there, picking up the leaves of his thoughts and tossing them into the mix—Jen, Brooke, Jen, Brooke.

  Lily.

  Yes. His daughter had to be his priority. Worrying about Brooke’s love-life was not his responsibility. Nothing to do with him. She was his friend, but that was all she would ever be. He couldn’t allow himself to think any more of her than that.

  But if that was the case then why was the thought of her the only thing he could concentrate on?

  * * *

  Patricia recovered well, and after a few days spent in the hospital was returned to Castle House residential care, with Arthur still at her side.

  Matt had watched them go, envious and yet also happy for Arthur and his wife. They still had precious days together, despite the Alzheimer’s. Patricia was still there. Arthur could hear her voice. See her. Touch her.

  It was a gift. And having met the two of them was giving him a new outlook on life. Yes, he still missed Jen. He always would—no doubt about it. But he had to be thankful for the short time they’d had together, and more than anything he had to be thankful for Lily and his friends and colleagues.

  They were still here. They were here to talk to and spend time with. There was no point in locking himself away just because he felt alone. He had a duty to enjoy life. He’d promised Jen that he would. He’d promised to honour Jen’s wish to help Brooke and Morgan. He was still living.

  His wife, who had embraced life and fun and happiness, would not have wanted to think of him pining away for her. She would have wanted him to be out and about, showing their daughter the wonders of the world. Proving to her that the world was a beautiful place and that she was loved and cherished. Lily was the centre of his universe and he owed her that.

  So he tried not to feel guilty each time he smiled, or laughed, or forgot about his grief. He tried not to dwell on it. Sometimes that was difficult. Especially late at night when he was alone and it would make him feel bad.

  Keeping busy helped. When Lily was in bed, he’d start on his DIY projects. He’d finally got around to fixing that wonky kitchen cupboard, finally shaved a few millimetres off the bottom of the lounge door, replaced the broken tiles in the bathroom and repainted the main bedroom. He’d taught himself how to cook some recipes he’d never tried before, and given himself permission to relax and read all those books he’d never got around to.

  At work he was trying to be more available for those people around him. He sat with them in the staffroom more, rather than returning to his office alone, he joined in with staff sweepstakes and signed up to do quiz nights and charity runs. He knew that everyone had noticed the change in him and it had made him smile inside.

  After much thought, he’d finally removed his wedding ring. It now sat on his bedside table, where he could look at it each night and remember the day it had first been put on his finger.

  And yet throughout it all he still sometimes felt a little lonely. Despite being surrounded by smiling faces, by people who knew him and cared for him. He still felt alone.

  Brooke in particular, kept asking him if he was all right.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘Because usually when I say I’m fine, it means something else. Like, Please leave me alone. I’m pretending to be okay.’

  He smiled at her. ‘I really am okay. I’m...embracing all that life has to offer.’

  ‘Are you?’ She looked at him, assessing him, and he grew hot under her gaze.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You’re still coming to the fireworks night this weekend?’

  A pause. Then, ‘Yes.’

  ‘You don’t sound that thrilled about it.’

  ‘Dr Bailey, I am most definitely looking forward to coming with you and the lovely Morgan to the fireworks display. Lily will love it.’

  She narrowed her eyes at him, her eyebrows wiggling, and it made him laugh.

  Brooke smiled. ‘That’s better.’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘You laughing. You look better that way.’

  ‘How do I look when I’m not laughing?’

  She paused to consider her answer. ‘Thoughtful. Brooding...’

  He noticed her blush, which she quickly tried to cover up by taking a sip of tea from an oversized mug. What else had she been about to say?

  It was probably best to spare her blushes and change the subject. ‘How’s Morgan getting on? Still teething?’

  She nodded quickly, grateful for the change of topic. ‘Yes, but she’s not as grouchy about it now. The teething gel has been helping.’

  ‘Lily got a tooth through just last night. She was so much happier when it was over. I got some sleep, anyway.’

  Brooke smiled, but he realised it wasn’t one of her usual smiles. It didn’t light up her eyes the way it usually did. In fact she still looked a little perturbed by whatever she’d been thinking about when she’d mentioned how he was looking.

  Odd...

  Was she looking guilty? It was kind of reassuring to know he wasn’t the only one who succumbed to guilt occasionally. But why would she feel guilty about him?

  Unless...

  Oh...

  Eager to make her feel more comfortable, he got up. ‘Well, I must get a move on. There are plenty of patients in the waiting room.’

  She downed the rest of her tea and stood up, too. Just as eager, it seemed, to get past this little awkward moment as he was. ‘Yes. My patient should be back from X-ray by now.’

  ‘Anything interesting?’

  ‘Just a query fracture of a metatarsal. He accidentally kicked a metal post.’

  ‘Right. Okay. Well, I’ll see you later, Dr Bailey.’

  ‘Yes.’

  She looked at him a little uncertainly and the only thing he could think of to do was give her a brief nod before he walked away. His heart was pounding, though, and his mouth was dry. But now he was away from her he could breathe.

  Just what was that all about?

  A simple conversation. Completely innocent. And then...something.

  Determined to ignore it—perhaps he’d imagined something that hadn’t actually been there?—he scooped up the next triage file and went to call his patient. Patients were good. Patients were intriguing. You could get lost in their problems as you diagnosed them.

  And they’ll damn well help stop me obsessing about Brooke!

  * * *

  Brooke stared at the X-ray on her computer screen, absently biting at her thumbnail. Her patient was lucky. There was no fracture anywhere to be seen. The kick had obviously just caused a soft tissue injury and that was responsible for the bruising and swelling. He’d just need rest, painkillers, and to put his foot up when he could.

  If only she could diagnose herself as easily.

  Something weird had just happened with Matt. Something odd. They’d been talking about whether they really felt fine, and she’d mentioned that he usually looked thoughtful, and brooding. And then...

  She gr
imaced. Sexy. She thought he looked sexy! And as she’d realised that thought her body had leapt into overdrive. Her heart had begun to pound, she’d blushed like a teenager talking to her crush and her body had begun to tingle in all sorts of places! The kind of places that she hadn’t used since giving birth to Morgan. And realising that, becoming aware of all that, had made her feel incredibly...what? Mad? Guilty? Aroused?

  How could she be aroused by him? He was Jen’s husband! He was totally off the market and not available, and quite frankly ought to have Do Not Touch signs draped around his neck, but...

  Brooke groaned out loud.

  ‘Something wrong?’ Kelly peered at her from across the desktop.

  Yes. She was wrong. She couldn’t feel that way about him. Not him! What kind of friend did that make her?

  ‘Everything,’ she said.

  ‘Oh, dear. Come on, spill—tell me all the grisly details.’

  She looked at Kelly. She was another good friend. Married. Happily. Was Brooke going to end up fancying her husband, too?

  ‘I hate myself.’

  Kelly laughed. ‘Oh, right. It’s one of those days. I’ve got chocolate, if you need it. Whatever it is shall pass, don’t you worry.’

  ‘You promise?’

  ‘Absolutely. Whatever it is will go away. Just like magic.’

  Brooke wasn’t too sure if that was true. Because now she’d admitted her thoughts to herself it was as if her mind was scrolling through all her previous interactions with Matt and she could see the subtle flirting that had been going on the whole time. Well, maybe not flirting, but she could sense in herself all those moments that she’d really looked at him and felt something.

  So would it pass? Or was it something that had been inside her ever since she and Matt had met in the hospital crèche? Had it been bubbling away inside of her imperceptibly, the pressure slowly rising, until now she’d become aware of the heat?

  Because it certainly felt as if she had a furnace inside her right now, and it was making her feel dreadful. Because what about Jen? Her memory? Lily? Morgan? She and Matt were parents. They both had their priorities, they both had excellent reasons for staying away from each other, and yet...

  I’ve invited him out. To a fireworks night. I should never have done that! And he doesn’t want to go. I can tell that he doesn’t. He’s just trying to be nice and...

  Brooke knew what she had to do. Standing up abruptly, making her chair skid away from her slightly, she turned to Kelly. ‘Where’s Major Galloway?’

  ‘Minors, I think.’

  ‘Right.’

  She went off to find him. Her chin jutting out with determination, her mind set on what she had to do to put this right. To end this nonsense here and now so that she and Matt could go back to being just colleagues.

  As she passed the curtained cubicles she could hear his voice talking to a patient about what caused gout, and his dulcet tones, dark and soft, sent shivers down her spine. Good shivers. The kind that—

  She opened the curtain slightly and popped her head in. ‘Sorry to interrupt you, Major, but might I have a quick word with you when you’re finished here?’

  He turned to her, smiling. A smile that lit up her heart and confused her all the more.

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  She closed the curtain and stood there, her eyes closed tightly, as she concentrated on her breathing. This was getting ridiculous. He was just a friend. Just. A. Friend.

  She set off to see her patient with the damaged foot to give him the good news. He seemed mightily relieved not to have broken anything, but she sent him home with some crutches and instructions to stay off the foot for about a week. As she typed her patient notes into the computer she sensed rather than saw Matt arrive beside her.

  ‘What’s up?’

  Her fingers froze over the keyboard as she sucked up a rallying breath. ‘Bonfire Night.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘You don’t want to go. I know you don’t. So I’m letting you off the hook. You don’t have to go with me. I’ll be perfectly all right on my own with Morgan.’

  He looked at her askance. ‘Are you okay?’

  She nodded quickly, smiling. ‘I’m fine!’

  Matt raised an eyebrow. ‘Ah, yes—the I’m fine response.’

  Then he laid a hand on her shoulder—supposedly in a friendly gesture, but to her it was something else. Something that was doing weird and wonderful tricks with her insides.

  ‘I want to go with you. It’ll be...good for me. Honestly. And I want Lily to enjoy it. Is that okay?’

  He’s touching me. His hand is just millimetres away from my skin...

  She couldn’t tear her eyes away from her paperwork. Afraid that if she looked into his eyes right now she’d be at risk of losing any last crumb of self-control she had. There were fireworks going off inside her, never mind at any display. Her skin felt as if it was sizzling. Sizzling! How had that happened? Why was it happening? And how the hell could she get herself out of this predicament?

  I’m just going to have to keep my distance. Go with him to the display and make sure I keep a buggy’s distance between us at all times. Oh, and not look at him. Because if he smiles at me then I’m done for.

  ‘Okay,’ she croaked.

  He let go of her and returned to his patient, and she was finally able to breathe once more.

  CHAPTER SIX

  HE SHOULD NEVER have touched her like that. He’d suspected that maybe she was feeling a little attracted to him and he to her, but then it had gone out of his mind as he’d talked to his patient about uric acid and crystals and—

  He’d reached for her to show her that it meant a lot to him that she should ask him to come to the fireworks display. Not just him, but Lily too. And yet the second he’d laid his hand on her he’d realised—too late—just what touching her was doing to him!

  He’d let go as quickly as he could. Had turned away so he could gather himself and get his racing heart under control.

  Bonfire Night for him wasn’t just about sharing an evening with her. About watching a firework display in the sky. He was trying to get over something. To face up to his fears. To expose himself to something that he just knew was going to be difficult.

  He didn’t want to be afraid any more.

  Bonfire Night was harmless. He kept trying to reason with himself. Nothing dangerous in it at all. Harmless rockets and cheap thrills, that was all. A few loud noises. Surely he could cope with that?

  But now there was the other danger. Spending time with Brooke. Standing by her side, huddled close to her in the cold night, both of them staring up at the sky. She would be smiling and pointing things out to Morgan and he would be...

  Matt sighed. He’d promised Jen’s memory that he would show Lily the world. That he would not hide her from it. That they would continue to survive without her. That they would not pine, would not spend their life grieving. That they would join in, partake, engage. That he would be there for Brooke and Morgan the way Jen could not.

  But there had to be a line. A line he would not cross no matter how she made him feel.

  Lily was his world. He could not confuse her like that. Not that she understood, at this age, that she didn’t have a mother.

  But he did. He knew. And he wasn’t looking for a replacement. He never would. It was just going to be Lily and him. And friends. Brooke would be a good friend, but nothing more.

  He didn’t want to admit that he felt disappointment at the thought. That he even felt a little sad. Brooke made his heart race. Her smile lit up his world and he felt good spending time with her. She made him feel safe and warm. She was easy to be with and he loved the way she laughed. It was infectious.

  But it was scary how she made him question
himself. His principles. His moral duty to uphold the memory of his wife and be respectful of how recently he’d lost her. Not even a year had passed yet!

  Here he was, spending time with a wonderful woman, enjoying her company, feeling his heart racing madly, unable to pull his gaze away from her. And it was making him disturbed and afraid and guilty in equal measures.

  Was it wrong? To be this close to her?

  Whatever the answer was, it would have to wait. The fireworks display was tonight and he would be meeting Brooke there at six. The show started at six-thirty, which was perfect, because by the time it was over they wouldn’t be too late putting the babies down for their bedtimes.

  Lily’s schedule was very important to him. She didn’t have too many certainties in this world, but she did have a bedtime, and set naptimes and set feeds. Imposing a solid structure on her had helped him in those painful early days when he’d still been struggling with the loss of his wife. The hours of the day all checked off in a reassuring routine.

  For now he was sitting on the floor with her, watching her play with soft, squishy bricks, babbling away as streams of saliva fell down her chin onto the bib that seemed permanently attached recently.

  ‘We’re going to see some fireworks tonight, Lily. Big, pretty lights and things that go bang. You’ll like that. Yes, you will. Daddy won’t, but you will. And you’ll keep me strong, won’t you? You always have.’

  Lily looked up at him and smiled, a bubble forming at the corner of her mouth as she threw one block down on the floor. It bounced and rolled to him.

  He picked it up and rolled it back, causing Lily to squeal with joy.

  Such simple things. It didn’t take much to make her happy. She was such an easy-going baby. Jen would have been so proud of her, their sweet little girl.

  ‘I think I might put earplugs in—what do you think? Will that help?’

  Lily offered him another brick.

  ‘Too big, honey.’ He smiled at her and took the brick and, delighted, tried to clap her hands together, slightly missing.

  He envied the easy joy of babies. They didn’t seem to need much. They didn’t seem to have cares or worries. They didn’t know great pain or suffering. It was a pity that they all couldn’t live in such simple terms.