How to Outfox Your Friends When You Don't Have a Clue

by Jess Keating

  His eyes softened. “You found Liv though?”

  I nodded glumly as he came over to give me a hug. Sniffling into his shoulder, I probably got mucky tears and goobers all over him. But Kev didn’t move. He did reach for a tissue for me though, so obviously I was a complete phlegm monster.

  “Thirteen sucks,” I said. “Every time I think I have something figured out, it’s like the whole world flips upside down again and I’m stuck trying to juggle in zero gravity.”

  Kev nodded appreciatively. “Nice one!” He beamed. “Maybe you have missed me. What do you want to do about your project?”

  I hung my head lower, scratching under my cast the best I could. “There’s nothing to do. I know Mr. Nicholson will hear me out, and he’ll let me present it to him. But you know what he’s like about late stuff and his policy on docking grades. I kind of feel like I need something extra now to make up for ditching. It was so good, you know?”

  “You could give him a two-part project,” he suggested. “Even though you won’t win the free pass, I bet you won’t lose points for it.”

  I looked up at him. “What, like tonight? There’s no way!”

  The dimple appeared on his cheek. “That doesn’t sound like the Ana I know,” he teased.

  I grinned for the first time in what felt like ages. “What? Am I supposed to magically create something razzle-dazzly to distract him from the fact I wasn’t even there tonight?”

  He nodded. “That’s one idea, for sure.” He took my hand, lacing his fingers awkwardly through my ragged cast. “But there’s got to be something else. Something that will go perfectly with your documentary.”

  I let my eyes nearly droop closed as I watched Kevin’s fingers slowly drumming on my cast. Dr. Carriso’s loopy writing stared back at me.

  “Proud to be the first friend to sign your cast!”

  Then something hit me. And this time it wasn’t how much being thirteen felt like being stuck in a giant vat of monkey poop. I didn’t need to make another project. I already had the perfect addition to my documentary.

  “Kev,” I said, pulling myself taller, “you’re a genius!”

  His eyes lit up with surprise. “I am?”

  I beamed at him. For a moment, it crossed my mind that we were in the girls’ bathroom, and this probably wasn’t the most romantic spot in the world. But Kev’s idea—or maybe it was my idea that he helped me find—swept over me with such an impact, I couldn’t help myself.

  I kissed him.

  Yes!

  I know!

  I was snotty faced with a cast on my wrist, and the girls’ bathroom wasn’t the most exciting first kiss story, but it was now my first kiss story, because I downright planted one on Kevin without even thinking.

  After all this time, wondering, hoping, planning, wishing for this moment, I couldn’t believe how fast my lips were able to find his. I didn’t think about how to kiss him or where I should lean my head or how to avoid giving him a nosebleed (like last time—no need to replay that little trauma bomb) or what my breath smelled like or whether or not my eyes were red and my nose was runny or even about kiss pacts.

  Instead, I was just kissing him.

  And you know what?

  It.

  Was.

  Awesome.

  “Whoa,” Kev said when I pulled away. If there’s one thing I know now about kissing is that while you’re in the moment, you can feel totally cool and not embarrassed at all. But the minute you leave that moment, it becomes Awkward City all over again. What’s up with that?

  “Um…” I blinked at him, half enjoying the dazed look on his face and half-terrified that I looked as goofy as he did. Considering the swirly-whirly butterflies in my stomach, my odds were not looking good.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  “No!” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize for that. That was…”

  I grinned at him, probably looking like a full-on psychotic person.

  “Right?!” I giggled, then commanded myself to pull my goofball self back together. “I wanted to thank you. For helping me come up with the perfect idea.”

  He tilted his head. “What’s your big idea then?”

  I rubbed my hands together like a scheming housefly. “I’ll tell you once we get out of here. Sorry our first kiss was in the girls’ bathroom,” I added, standing up. “I mean, of all the places where I’d imagined our first kiss happening—not that I was just sitting around imagining it because that would be a little crazy—but, um. You know.” I was babbling now, and the feeling was returning to my toes again. “I just think it’s kind of funny, you being in here…” I giggled.

  “Uh…Ana?” Kevin said, holding the door open for us to leave.

  “Yuh-huh?” Clearly I was still in a daze over our kiss, no matter how über-chill I was trying to be.

  He pointed at the sign on the door, where the little stick man without a skirt on was staring back at me.

  Wait.

  “Yep.” Kevin grinned, taking my hand. “This is the boys’ bathroom.”

  Epilogue

  Five Influences in My Life—A Media Project by: Ana Wright (Version 2.0)

  Dear Mr. Nicholson,

  I know we were supposed to write a big report to include with our project, so thank you for the chance to give you this for extra credit. You see, I felt terrible I had to miss out on our project night because I had this totally awesome project prepared. It’s a documentary, and I followed people around with a real video camera. I spent hours editing the footage, so you could learn all about them and also all about me. I even got help from my grandpa’s girlfriend, Sugar, who it turns out is an amazing filmmaker and my soon-to-be grandmother. (But that’s a story for another day!) Anyway. In a dramatic turn of events (those are important in documentaries too), I couldn’t actually do the presentation. I know how serious you take your deadlines, so I wanted to show you that I’m serious too. I mean, yes it’s sort of late. But it’s also TWO projects in one! The second half of my project is not a documentary, and there’s no fancy musical introduction, but I think you’ll be able to learn a lot about who and what influences me this way too.

  So along with my documentary, please accept this cast. Technically, it’s still on my arm, but I’ve taken good photos of it from all sorts of angles so you can see every single signature and message. When my six weeks are up, I’ll make sure you get the real deal. I hope this means you won’t dock me points!

  As you’ll see by what they’ve written, each of my friends is so different. Some of them are supersmart, and some are shy basket cases. Some skip school (but know better), and one’s even a giant princess who happens to love sharks. But despite how different they are, they are all great friends to me.

  Actually, maybe they’re great friends to me because of how different they are. I need all of them because they bring out different parts of myself too. And I may not be the best at being great friends back to them yet, but I am trying. All you can do is your best, right? The strong survive, and I know that these friendships will too. Even if it takes a little work sometimes.

  Real friends are worth it.

  Thanks,

  Ana Wright :)

  PS

  Oh, and in case you’re wondering who drew the comic of the giant lizard destroying the school, it was Daz. Feel free to ignore that.

  Ms. Jane Wright’s Pineapple Cookies (Top Secret!)

  Okay, so these are pretty much the only things Mom can make without making the whole kitchen smell like burning—trust me, they are amazing! I’ve seen Dad eat entire batches of them in an hour!

  What You’ll Need:

  -6 tablespoons of room temperature butter

  -6 tablespoons of applesauce

  -1 cup of sugar (plus extra for sprinkling!)

  -2 eggs

  -1 1/4 c
ups of canned pineapple (don’t drain it!)

  -3 cups of flour (regular white flour or whole wheat)

  -1 teaspoon of salt

  -1/2 teaspoon of baking soda

  -1 teaspoon of cinnamon (plus extra for sprinkling!)

  -1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg

  What to Do:

  1. Start by preheating your oven to 375°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. (Remember, parchment paper is not the same as wax paper! You don’t want to smoke up the kitchen!)

  2. Mix up the butter, applesauce, sugar, and eggs in a big bowl. Add in your pineapple now. You can use a hand mixer, or you can do it by hand.

  3. In a separate bowl, mix up the flour, salt, baking soda, and spices.

  4. Mix the wet stuff with the dry ingredients, and make sure it’s well combined. It will look sort of gloopy and sticky, but that’s okay.

  5. Use two spoons to make golf ball–sized cookie balls on your baking sheet. They will spread and puff up in the oven, so leave about 2 inches between them.

  6. Sprinkle a little (or a lot!) of leftover cinnamon and sugar over the top of the cookies.

  7. Bake them for 10–15 minutes. They will be light brown on the bottom when they’re ready.

  8. You know the rest—eat them up! Mom always tells me to wait and let them cool before I eat them, but who are we kidding here? Warm cookies are the best.

  Acknowledgments

  I am one lucky writer to have so many amazing people to thank! As always, Kathleen Rushall, you deserve a mountain of gratitude. You’re the best agent a writer could ask for and an incredible friend. I love making books with you!

  To Aubrey Poole, my brilliant editor! And to superstars Kathryn Lynch, Katherine Prosswimmer, Elizabeth Boyer, Elissa Erwin, Sandra Ogle, Alex Yeadon, and the rest of the wonderful team at Sourcebooks. You have all taught me so much, and I feel lucky every day to work with you. And thank you to Fernanda Viveiros, for working so hard to get Ana’s adventures out in the world!

  To the kidlit community, the Nerdy Book Club (hey, Nerdcampers!), and my ridiculously wonderful friends! And a shout-out to all of the teachers and educators, working so tirelessly and passionately to promote literacy and find the perfect book for every reader. You are all heroes to me and we owe you the world!

  To my parents and family for all the love and support. To Justin, for putting up with revision-brain and providing endless hugs, pizza, and laughs as needed.

  And of course, to my awesome readers! When writing a book about friendship, it’s hard not to reflect on how lucky you are to have your own set of friends. Thank you all for being such great friends to this series, and for including Ana in your reading lives. Your emails, tweets, and messages make me smile every day! Happy reading!

  See how it all began in

  How to Outrun a Crocodile When Your Shoes Are Untied

  By Jess Keating

  “Male peacocks use their huge, ornamented tail to attract female attention. Flashy male displays are a common way to successfully obtain a mate.”

  —Animal Wisdom

  Mondays are a lot like lions hiding in the tall grass. They are always ready to pounce. And if you’re going to school without your best friend, Mondays can be just as dangerous. Ever since Liv moved away, I felt like I was walking around with a giant target on my back. I had to pretend like nothing had changed.

  But everything had changed.

  I kept my head down as I walked to my locker before the bell rang. The halls of our school were buzzing with activity. Summer was almost here, and you could tell it was starting to get to everyone. Even the teachers would stare out the window, like they were looking at a giant slice of pie they wanted to scarf down.

  Posters for the end-of-school dance (which they called the “School End Dance”—geniuses) were suspended from the ceilings and people were getting extra touchy-feely all over each other. What is it about upcoming dances and skirt weather that makes girls all eye-batty and guys more rowdy than usual? I mean, it’s even on a Monday. Who has a dance on a Monday?

  Middle school, that’s who.

  I shoved my backpack into my locker and dug around for a binder. Our final tests were coming up, and my May calendar stared me in the face on my locker door, with each test day marked with a sticker. My math test was the worst of all, looming on my calendar like a giant black hole instead of the cute little unicorn sticker Liv had given me. What if I didn’t even pass? I could be stuck in the bottom end of junior high forever. All of the buildup made little flutters of anxiety buzz around in my stomach.

  A palm tree sticker on my calendar reminded me about my English assignment. Mrs. Roca has this tradition where she makes us each stand up in front of the room and ramble on for exactly two minutes about a topic that she pulls from a hat. Seriously, she even has this moldy-looking top hat specifically for these little torture sessions. We aren’t allowed to say “um” or we lose points. My topic is Harry Houdini, and after coming up with a zillion excuses for the past month on why I wasn’t ready, my big day was coming this week.

  The only magical guy named Harry that I know anything about had a lightning bolt scar on his forehead, so there is no way I’ve got two minutes’ worth. But mostly, the thought of standing at the front of the room while everybody secretly hopes for me to throw up like I did in fifth grade during group debates was almost enough to make me, well…throw up again. All those eyes just…staring at me.

  “Um, can I get into here…?” A low voice interrupted my locker scan. A familiar knocking began in my chest. It was Zack. The Zack.

  CREATURE FILE

  SPECIES NAME: Zackardia Perfecticus

  KINGDOM: Junior High

  PHYLUM: Tennis Gods; Dimpled Carnivora (LOOK AT HIS DIMPLES!)—targeted crush of Sneerer Clan Apex: Ashley

  WEIGHT: Just. Right.

  NATURAL HABITAT: Unclear; species has never been seen outside of school habitat. Always has tennis ball in hand, so can probably be found at tennis courts.

  FEEDS ON: Sports, video games, and Thursday ravioli at the caf.

  LIFE SPAN: Not long enough.

  HANDLING TECHNIQUE: I wish.

  *NOTE* ZACKARDIA PERFECTICUS IS KNOWN TO APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE. ENSURE PROPER HYGIENE AND HAIR CARE TO MINIMIZE EMBARRASSMENT FROM RANDOM ENCOUNTERS. ALSO, LIP GLOSS.

  “Hey!” I cleared my throat. Did I just yell that? “Hey, Zack. Nice weather we’re having, hmm?”

  I actually said that. I wanted to tear out my vocal chords with a pen. I stepped aside so he could get into his locker, which was serendipitously placed beside mine.

  I couldn’t decide whether it was good or bad luck yet.

  Given the last thirty seconds, bad.

  Zack was the type of guy that should come with a warning label: Do not look at if you are operating heavy machinery, walking, or trying not to make a complete fool of yourself. Once, Liv caught me doodling a cartoon of Zack looking up at me on a balcony, Romeo and Juliet style. I even drew him holding flowers. That’s how pathetically sad and insane it makes me having Zack pop up at a moment’s notice.

  Not only was he seriously the cutest guy in school, Zack was also a tennis star. Girls who couldn’t even spell tennis showed up to his games. He also had the ability to make me stutter, a development I’ve noticed since the summer sun had given his hair a decidedly beachy look.

  Mmm.

  He slid a textbook into his locker with a thud, jerking me from my little daydream. Apparently if Zack is around, I have the attention span of a gnat. I stood there gaping at him, digging around in my head for the perfect, witty thing to say.

  “Uh…” was all I came up with.

  That’s when I heard a high-pitched voice coming from down the hall. I wished for the hundredth time that I was invisible as I peeked past Zack.

  The Sneerers.

  Three girls swaye
d their hips as they walked in their usual line formation. They each had on black skirts with a loose tank top clinging at their hips, each in a different color. I don’t know how they managed it, but they always seemed to walk like there was a soundtrack playing for them—only they were the only ones who could hear it.

  “Hey, Zack.” Ashley gave a flirty wave as she approached us. I ducked my head behind my locker door, hoping they wouldn’t notice me.

  Ashley, Brooke, and Rayna were the worst part of my day. Every day. You know how some girls you’re friends with earlier in school, say, first grade, but then something happens and they start hating on you for no reason?

  Yeah. Ashley is nothing like that. We’ve never been friends. She’s always hated me, and she loves to feel like she’s super mature. She even wears a matching set of earrings and a necklace, which (as she told us a bazillion times) her mother got her when she got her first bra. Because of this (the attitude, the pearl earrings, and the solid B cup), I’ve always avoided her like a school-borne plague. Tweedledee and Tweedledum stick with her like those little scavenger fish around a shark, eager to get a bite of popularity from her. Actually, Ashley would make a pretty good shark because she’s even on the swim team with Rayna. I can’t imagine anyone that would voluntarily put on a Speedo under those nasty lights, but they seem to have some sort of supergene that makes their blond hair not turn green with all that chlorine. Brooke moved here a year or so ago, so she’s currently the lowest rank on Team Sneerer.

  CREATURE FILE

  SPECIES NAME: Ashleydae Reignus

  KINGDOM: Junior High