by Cheryl Oblon
“Perhaps the poison prevented her?” I wasn’t out of the woods yet.
“Perhaps. Perhaps she was depressed, and it compounded the poison. Your family has a history of some issues. Your mother was poisoned, but we can’t be sure that’s all that bothered her. At times like this, we must make very sure that everyone close to the crown can be trusted. Don’t you agree?” The queen stood.
“I agree that I am loyal to the queen, as my mother was. I want nothing more than to serve as Royal Seer and devote my life to my country,” I said.
“Then the condition will be no problem.” The queen clapped her hands together.
“Condition?” I asked.
Two men walked out and held my arms.
“Please, what condition?” I asked.
“Hold still or you’ll be branded a rebel,” the queen said.
A healer I didn’t know pressed a metal tube to my arm. With the push of a button, something invaded my skin. “Ouch.”
The man bowed to the queen, and everyone let go of me.
“Is it a tracking device?” I asked.
“No. You are now fitted with a contraceptive device. Since there might be some mental illness or rebellious inclinations buried within you, you will not be allowed to produce any children for now.”
“I’m sixteen. I’m not…” I wanted to crawl under a chair.
“I know. You’ve had far too much pain and too many problems in your life to find a young man yet. Wardlow’s proposal made me think. The rebels could kidnap you and rape you. Any rebel could lie and seduce you. You’re young and don’t have enough experience with men. I compliment your common sense for turning down Wardlow. If you produce a child with powers like yours and the rebels raised her to be loyal to them, we’re all in trouble. Desperate men are capable of anything. Your father should be sufficient proof of that to you.”
“My line dies with me?” I asked.
“Until I decide I can truly trust you and find a worthy husband, yes. I’m sorry, but we can’t take any chances. Now, come here.”
I approached the queen with more trepidation than my first night here.
She took my tiara from Marel and put it on my head. “You are the Royal Seer. With all the responsibility, rights, power and privileges.”
Applause rang out. I couldn’t smile. I looked at Minnette, who actually had sympathy in her eyes. Remmy stared at his boots. He was ashamed. LeFawn had tears in her eyes. I couldn’t even glance at Nemal. Had the queen found out we’d kissed and this was to let me know she didn’t approve?
“Thank you, Your Majesty. All I wanted was my life. My right to rule.” I sighed despite myself. I had to play the game.
“Yes, you may rule your estate. Go there, at times. But until the Bachal are gone and Minnette is married to a proper young man, you need to stay in the castle. You have friends here. It’s good for you. Until you are eighteen, the castle will be your home.” She hugged me.
More applause rang out. To her people, the queen looked like a kind woman taking in an orphan. I would be watched more carefully now. The rebel information I’d handed over was genuine. Maybe she thought it was an act to keep me alive.
As I stepped back and waved to the crowd, I knew things were far worse than before. She’d kept my father alive to watch him and me. If I tried to see him again, I’d probably end up dead. Still, I had a chance.
I strained to find a friendly face. Ballan was smiling up at Marel. Simma was hiding behind him. My Aunt Gurol wasn’t there, of course. I needed to speak to her, but no doubt the conversations would be monitored. I was alone, for now.
The queen held up her hand, and the crowd fell silent.
“Now, I know that the Bachal are here. We’ll have the closing celebration with them tomorrow night. A lovely ball. Lady Kimess was very helpful in resolving the treaty negotiations. So today, we will lay her mother to rest. It’s been put off for too long. She will lie in state here, where she served me, for four hours. All citizens may pass by and pay their respects. Then we will place her in her tomb and end Kimess’ grief.” The queen put a hand on my shoulder.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
It was all too much, but it was what I’d asked for.
Somehow, I’d make it through the day.
Chapter 30
Two hours into receiving all the condolences, I needed a break to eat. Food was the last thing on my mind, but Nemal was the one who insisted.
Alone in my chambers, I hugged him.
“I’m sorry. I had no idea she’d do something like that to you. Publicly, too,” he said.
“I’m not a rebel. I’m not having random sex with men. I don’t know how to prove any of that, but I’m not.” I’d had time to think. Of course, the queen had to leave doubt about my sanity in there. Everyone else would believe it because of my great aunt’s legacy. No one else knew the truth. So, the queen couldn’t look like she was forgetting about it. The rebel and sexual suspicion I couldn’t forgive.
“I know. She has to put you on probation. You’re so young. People will wonder about your father’s connection. He raised you with your mother. She might think you have friends of the family who are rebels and traitors, but you might not know who is who because you’ve known them all your life. They’ll all be interviewed. It’s a precaution.” He steered me to a seat and nudged me in.
I pointed at my arm as I sat. “This is a precaution, too?”
“She thinks of every angle.” Nemal pointed to the ceiling. “Zoma’s recorders?”
“Gone. I had to prove my loyalty somehow. I thought I did, anyway. Now she’s keeping me from having a family and from my home. I don’t understand.” I stared at the food with no interest.
“You need to eat.” He poured me some wine. “I think that thing in your arm is a way to keep you in line. As powerful and pretty as you are, plenty of men are interested in you.”
I shook my head. “Please.”
“It’s true. The king even suggested you for Faldar.” Nemal laughed.
I couldn’t help it. The very idea made me giggle. “There would be no need for the contraceptive.”
“If a man seduced you, got you pregnant…that’s a big problem. One you don’t need, now, either.”
“You think this is okay? It wasn’t voluntary. They held me and forced something into my arm. Does Minnette have one?”
He shrugged. “Yes, Minn does. LeFawn, too.”
“I can’t believe it,” I said.
“It’s safer. Minn is my sister, but I’m not stupid. It just keeps any guy from getting his hooks into you with a kid.”
He began to eat, and I followed. I needed the energy, even if I couldn’t taste a thing.
“Do you think she knows we…” I trailed off.
“Kissed? No. Minn and Remmy do. Right now, anything between us is going to look like you’re trying to officially become part of the queen’s family to prove yourself or save yourself. We need to have some distance,” he said.
“But someone sent you to get me.” I sipped my wine and wondered what my life had become.
“Yes, my mother probably thinks I’m the safest man around you now. She’s wrong. But I trust myself more than others. We’re just friends. That’s all it can be for now, or your situation gets worse.”
I slammed down my glass. “I hate how it’s the look of things, not the real thing, we have to worry about.”
He smiled. “I hate it, too, but we’re still underage, and if you get on her bad side, you might end up living with whoever Simma keeps visiting in the high tower.”
I swallowed hard. “You know about that?”
“I followed her. Someone is up there, but I got turned away. Threatened by guards. That doesn’t happen to me often.” He set his fork down hard.
“Then, your mother knows you know.” I shook my head. “We have to be careful.”
“Who is it?” he asked.
“
No. I can’t tell you. She’ll know I betrayed her confidence, and we’ll both be in trouble.” I needed him. He made me feel safe and sane, but I couldn’t have him. Even as a close friend, people would misunderstand. They’d be watching.
“Tell me,” he said.
“Forget it. It’d only put you in more danger. Please, forget about it. You’re right. We can’t be together. Around each other. Even as friends. I’m in this, whatever it is, alone. Maybe when I’ve proven myself, I’ll be able to have a family and a life. Maybe by the time I’m eighteen, I’ll get to try?”
Nemal shook his head. “Maybe. Maybe not until after your father’s execution?”
“Will he survive five years of hard labor?” I asked.
“She’s torturing you,” he said.
“Testing me. She’s testing me. If I don’t go crazy, I must be loyal and sane.” I shrugged.
“You are loyal and sane,” he said.
I focused on eating the bread. It was filling. I chewed, no more talking.
“I’m on your side. Always,” he said.
I nodded. Done with the bread, I wiped my mouth and stood. “I need to get back.”
He followed. Around other people, we were safe. He had to watch his words and how close he stood. So much time alone with him, and I’d wasted it. Now we’d have to keep our distance.
Simma stood where I had been.
“It’s a lot of people,” I said to her.
She nodded but stayed. At least, I wouldn’t have to face it all alone.
When the visitation was over, the procession began. Chanting, burning of sage, and a line of people…it was a royal funeral. Just what my mother deserved. The platform she’d rested on levitated her body up and up as we all slowly took the stairs to her tomb.
I looked over. It was a steep fall to the dungeons from there. A sober reminder. Death was always near, and one could die with honor or shame. My mother’s body was surrounded by flowers and trinkets. Nothing of value but there was feeling in them.
The attendance of the queen and all her children was an honor. I didn’t have to speak, but Simma talked about my mother fondly. Stories from before I was born. Some people might not understand why, but it meant more to me now that I knew the truth.
Once my mother was put into the stone tomb, everyone waited. I stood and looked in at her for the last time. Tears rolled down my face, but I didn’t wipe them away. I hadn’t put anything with the body today. There was only one thing worthy of her. I yanked off the purple necklace I’d taken from her and put it on the platform. It was hers. Her good name was clear, and her life too short. I needed to know she had this with her.
I closed the stone door and saw the engraved epitaph. As they sealed the door, I fought the urge to stop them. To collapse on the floor and weep. I felt an arm around my shoulders. I hugged my cousin. Julianne had stayed away during the judgment because of Ember. I hadn’t wanted her to see that. Children should be protected. Royal funerals had specific protocol so Julianne and Ember had been in their places until it had finished. Sometimes, royal rules made no sense.
“Your Majesty, I have one request, please,” I said. It was the wrong time and place, but I had to do it now.
The queen approached. “Of course, my dear.”
“I want my cousins to be free to go back to the estate. You want me to stay here, so I will. They can look after things and get back to normal. They did nothing wrong, and it’s all cleared up now.” I nodded.
“You’re very right. I’ve kept your cousins from their home, school, and work for far too long.” The queen nodded. “We’ll send them first thing in the morning. She has been receiving her wages for the lost time at work, and her job is waiting.”
Julianne curtsied deeply. “Thank you.”
“Thank you!” Ember hugged the queen’s legs.
The queen patted Ember’s head as Julianne dislodged her daughter from the monarch.
“Thank you,” I said.
“We will talk tomorrow. Marel should take you back and get you some food. Some sleep.” The queen squeezed my hand.
Marel showed up on cue and led me away. She could’ve led me off the edge of the tower to my death for all I knew. I went whichever way she steered me.
In my bedchamber, I changed while she set out food. The candle I lit in my mother’s memory brought me no comfort at all. In a nightdress, I sat and stared at the flame for a minute. Pain, punishment, and duty all blurred, but I felt nothing.
I held my hand over the flame, and the heat helped. When I couldn’t stand it, I pushed down and extinguished the flame with my palm. I bit my lip to muffle the moan. When the worst was over, I didn’t even try to mask my sigh of relief.
I walked into the main area and sat. Marel had ordered up a feast. I ate well, but she ate more.
“Things okay with you and Ballan?” I asked.
“You shouldn’t worry about that. You’ve been through so much,” she said.
I rubbed my neck. “So have you. You’re a good friend. The worst is over.”
“You’re alive. You’re great. In time, the queen will find you a husband. You’ll be old enough to marry and go home. That thing will be removed. You’ll have a family and be the best Royal Seer this country has ever had.” She beamed.
I sensed a disconnect between her words and feelings. Slipping into her mind, I felt her anxiety and fear. She was covering it with overeating. It had to do with Ballan, but there were no details, only suspicion. Maybe she was simply insecure and he seemed so sure?
“It’s okay if you want to go out with Ballan. I’ll be fine. I’m so exhausted, I’m just going to sleep.” I shrugged.
“I don’t believe you,” she said.
“Okay, I might visit with Simma and her friends.” I shrugged. “Good stories about Mother might help. I don’t need a babysitter.”
She shrugged. “He said he’s busy tonight, anyway. I want to be here for you.”
“Thank you. I’m going to lie down for a bit. Try to get a nap or put down my thoughts.” I stood and headed for the bedroom.
“I have more paper if you need it. I know how you like it. And more candles.” She pointed to the cabinet.
“Thanks.” I retrieved some spares and went into my bedroom. Locking the door behind me, I rubbed around my burnt palm. I had to write this out. There was so much swirling in my mind that I’d be numb forever if I didn’t free part of my brain.
Chapter 31
“Wake up!” Marel shook me.
“What?” I fought reality but eventually sat up in bed.
“Simma is gone. She left sometime after I went to bed. She left the gowns and shoes, and a note for you.” She handed me the piece of paper.
I unfolded the page, and Marel grabbed my hand the second my palm was visible. The air made it hurt, but it woke me up.
“What did you do?” she asked.
I switched hands. “It was just an accident. I went to put out the candle, and I was mad.”
“You have a lot of accidents with candles. I’ve seen a lot of wax burns.” She folded her arms.
“They fade. This one is a bit more, but yesterday was hard. You stress eat.” I cocked my head to one side. Two could point out flaws and coping habits. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but we could both stand to stop our bad patterns. Mine was fairly new. I’d never had stress levels like this before in my life.
She nodded. “I know. Sorry. I’ll get you something for the hand. I didn’t read the note.”
“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” I asked.
She shook her head. I couldn’t force her, but I wasn’t going to continue hurting myself. I had to get control of myself.
“Thanks.” I focused on the paper as she left.
Dear Kimess,
Thank you for letting me be a part of your mother’s funeral. I know this isn’t going to be an easy time for you, but you’re better off witho
ut me. You need to focus on yourself. Be safe. Make it to eighteen, and you’ll have more freedom. I’d love for you to come and visit if you can and want to. Please don’t worry about me. You need to take care of yourself, and I know you can.
If you need me, come by.
Simma
Marel walked in and put ointment on my hand.
“Thanks. She doesn’t say anything critical. She stayed for the funeral, and that’s all she was planning on. There are too many people here for her. I think she doesn’t want me to worry about her. One less person for me to look after.” I felt like I’d let her down. Maybe I just missed her because she was the closest person to my mother left.
“She likes being out there alone.” Marel patted my arm. “You said it was remote. She’s happier there.”
“I know, but she was a connection to my mother.” I fell back in the pillows. “A secret part of her life I wasn’t involved in. I don’t even remember Simma from when I was young. I should.”
“Maybe they kept her away so you wouldn’t read her mind. Find the truth. Seems like it was a well-kept secret. You’ll visit her. You can take a few days and see her now and then. The queen won’t mind.” Marel bandaged my hand. “Now, let’s get breakfast.”
“Wait. No.” I slid back and sat up against the pillows. “We need to talk.”
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked.
“No more than me. We both are doing something. It’s not good.” I held up my hand. “I’m doing this to feel something. Or get the pain out. I’m not sure. But it has to stop.”
She shook her head. “You’ve been going through a lot. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“I’ve made it hard on you, too. Sometimes you eat normally, and sometimes you go overboard. I put out a candle on my hand when I could find other ways to relieve that tension. We’re making bad choices.” I sighed.
Marel frowned. “What are the options? And I’m never going to be thin like you.”