by Cheryl Oblon
“That’s not what I mean. This is a lot of stress, and there are better ways to cope. We just need to talk about stuff. Keep each other accountable. We’re not perfect, but I don’t want to do this again.” I looked at my hand.
“I can’t stop eating.” She shrugged. “I tried pill-only nutrition, but I couldn’t stand not eating normally. Then I go overboard.”
“I understand. I can never touch another candle. Only use artificial light, but you have to take in nutrition.” I shrugged. “All we can do is try. But we need a better way to manage this stress.”
“I can’t believe the queen did this to you.” Marel touched my arm where they’d injected the contraceptive.
“Control. But I don’t have a parent to watch me. I’m not eighteen yet. The queen can’t bother with me all the time, and she won’t let me live with Julianne. Who knows what’s next, but right now, I need tea. Big party tonight.” I smiled.
She nodded. “Light breakfast.”
“Sounds great.” I hugged her. “I have to meet with the queen before the party.”
The tiara felt heavy today. Sitting with the queen in her private quarters made it worse. I had a lot bottled up, but losing control wouldn’t help my case. I had to be mature and hope I earned more trust and freedom.
Marel’s mother showed me in, and I curtsied lower than I had before.
“Sit down,” the queen said. “I’m sure you’re angry with me.”
I sat and took a deep breath. “I’m shocked that you didn’t discuss the contraceptive injection with me beforehand. It felt like a violation. You could’ve done it privately. Julianne is a responsible mother. If you want to make her my guardian, that’s fine. I’m not having sex; I’ve been rather busy with other things.”
“I understand it was a shock, but if I appeared to give you no punishment at all, people would talk. You have to be strong enough to handle this position. I’m keeping you here to monitor you, not mother you…officially. Things turned far more parental than I’d intended. You’re LeFawn’s friend, and she asked me to look after you. My choices probably weren’t what she had in mind, but you have snuck out and taken liberties. We also must keep the secret of your great aunt,” she said.
“You’re keeping my father alive to keep me in line?” I asked.
She eyed me. “You wanted to see him die?”
“Of course not. But you’re going to kill him anyway. Why make him wait doing hard labor?” I asked.
“The rebels are a problem. We’re working on clearing them out of the castle. You know things very few people do. Simma is gone, I know. I saw that she got home safely. But you have to understand, I had to acknowledge the mental history of your great aunt. Lie or not, spell or not—”
“People would question you if you didn’t. I understand that. I’m not looking to marry right away, or have a baby, so the contraceptive isn’t necessary. I’m always around guards,” I said.
“Except when you sneak out. I trust you. I do. As much as I’d trust my own teenagers.” She shook her head. “You have visions, you have powers, but you don’t have enough experience to run off on your own.”
“Here, I have you. At my estate, I’d have Julianne. I’ll follow the rules at both places. I didn’t try to escape. I came back, and I proved my mother was sabotaged. They were trying to poison me.” I reached for my necklace, and it hit me. I’d put it with my mother.
“I know. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to see executions, but I took your work seriously. Zoma is a good friend and gifted. Marel is looking after you. This will work until you’re eighteen. Find a good husband and go back to your estate. Work here during the day. Now that the treaty is signed, things will settle down here.” She set a box on the small table.
“What is it?” I asked.
“A peace offering. I did what I had to do for the public. You gave away that necklace to have a piece of you with your mother. I thought you needed something new.”
I opened the box and found a teardrop of purple amber and one of rare pink diamond hung on a chain. “The necklace is beautiful. I can’t accept it.”
She smiled. “Don’t refuse the queen is the first rule of living in the castle.”
“Thank you.” I had someone to turn to in the castle, I hoped. I had friends, but I needed a mentor. Aunt Gurol would help, as well, but she had to stay behind closed doors.
“You’re welcome. I can’t bring back your family, but you will be a good seer,” she said.
Expensive gifts were nice, but I needed something more. “I would like to be able to see my cousins, too. To visit Simma. I’m sorry, but I have to ask for that much.”
The queen nodded. “That’s fine. I want you to rule your family, but I won’t let you run around your estate giving orders with no one there who has true authority over you.”
“Julianne is a teacher. She can be tough,” I said.
“Her husband was a traitor. I don’t believe she is, but I will not risk rebels getting to you now. I’ll be monitoring your estate’s operation and reviewing it with you. If we notice anything odd, we’ll check on Julianne in person.”
I shook my head. “She’d never steal from me. That’s her daughter’s future as well.”
“I understand, but I have to look out for you. How do you really feel about the rebels?” she asked.
If I said pure evil and I hated them, she’d never believe me. My mother had given me a good lecture about them when some men were protesting.
“From what I understand, there’s a group of serious rebels who want elections and political parties with power and terms so there would be more political money games and campaigns. Then, there are people who simply want to let men be in the line of succession.”
“That doesn’t tell me how you feel,” she said.
I nodded. “My grandmother taught me all about the wars. She had a special class with all of the history videos she was shown as a child that they wouldn’t show us because they were deemed too disturbing. She wanted me to see what war, hate, wild power grabs, and greed could do to people.”
“I always liked your grandmother.” The queen smiled slightly.
“I did, too. I think Remmy would be a great king. If Minnette were lost, I’d have no qualms about serving him. Nemal would also do well on the throne. If you’re raised right, to rule and be responsible for your people, I don’t think men are dangerous in our system.” I tried to read the queen’s mind, but I was too nervous.
“Really?” she asked.
“Yes. Being a royal for life removes the competition and greed from it. You are in this job for life and must care for all the people. Rich and poor, magical and not. I don’t support the rebels who want to change everything. I wouldn’t oppose letting men inherit in line of birth order, but I’m not pushing for it, either.” I shrugged. I might lose my neck before I got to wear the pretty necklace, but I might as well tell the truth.
“Most people would never say that to me. Never go against the tradition and status quo. Not in your shoes,” she said.
“You asked me what I thought. I’m not protesting or even attempting to change your mind. After all the extra lessons, I agree men can be more bloodthirsty or power hungry. But our system works. There will be men like the Bachal king who want to conquer. There might be women like that, too. Out to prove something. But Faldar isn’t like his father.” I smiled. “We know who will be next in line, and we can work with him.”
The queen stood, and I followed. She put the necklace on me. “Very pretty.”
“Thank you. I do have a thought or two about the Bachal before they leave.”
“Go ahead.” She sat back down, and I copied her posture.
“Well, what if they left someone behind with more power? In charge of their men or someone who can learn what we do that is right. We could teach them to grow better crops or raise better livestock,” I said.
“We’ve offered that. We can’t fo
rce them to change,” she said.
“I understand. I just thought that maybe now leaving so many men behind, they might see it differently. If we trained groups of those men to do some of those things, they could take that knowledge back. I know they’re soldiers, but they have too many men fighting and not enough growing food. We know it’s true.”
She nodded. “We do. They don’t. You think Faldar is the man to stay behind?”
“I don’t think his father would like it or allow it, but if he were interested, he could push from the other side, and we could support him. Any leader would do,” I said.
“Do you have a crush on Faldar?” she asked.
I held back my laugh so hard my throat hurt. “No. Not at all. He’s not interested in women, anyway. But he is the most interested in our crops and differences. I’m looking for allies, not a husband, I swear.”
“If you’re like your mother, with Simma, just tell me. It’s fine,” she said.
“Would that get the contraceptive out of my arm?” I asked. I just hated feeling like a piece of property that could be controlled that way.
“No, I stand by the decision. If you were raped by an enemy…I won’t make you have to deal with a baby. You’ve grown up very sheltered. Our country has low crime. If I take you on diplomatic missions, it’s more dangerous. If you slip away from the guards for a few minutes, I can’t take a chance.” She patted my hand “For your sake, it’s the right thing.”
Nodding, I smiled. “I understand. And, no, I’m not interested in women. I like men, but I’ve got a lot to learn about them.”
“You never learn. Not with the right one. Now, go and get ready for the ball. I want you to have fun. Dance with whomever you like. I’m not trying to keep you locked up,” she said.
“Thank you.” I headed for the door.
“For the record,” she said.
I turned. “Yes?”
“Remmy would be a good king. Minn will be a good queen. Luckily, for tradition, I had a girl first. Change can trigger things, other problems, which are harder to handle. It’s best to go slowly,” she said.
“Yes, Your Majesty.” I bowed and left.
Chapter 32
Outside my door, I found Remmy pacing.
“Waiting for me?” I asked.
He pulled me inside. “Where have you been?”
“Talking to your mother. She seems to like me, sometimes, and sometimes, not.” I fingered the necklace.
“They leave tonight,” he said.
“I know. I’m hoping we can find a way to keep Faldar here,” I said.
He paced around the room. “With my mother?”
“I didn’t say anything about you. Just maybe someone higher up could stay here with the troops. He’s expressed interest in how we do things. If he pushes for this, the king might let him stay.” I ordered up some water with lemon.
“You look so good. Your dad is doing hard labor, you have a thing in your arm, and two traitors died yesterday because of what you found on them. How do you do this?” He threw his hands up in the air.
“My mother died; after that, I’ve just been trying to survive. My father made his choice, and he could be dead. You really want to rehash my drama or keep your boyfriend?” I was sick of talking about me.
Remmy flung himself into a chair. “He won’t tell his father about us.”
“Wine won’t help.” I sat next to him and handed him his water.
“I know. I just can’t talk about this to anyone.” He downed the water.
“If you told your mother, you could tell everyone and talk to people about it. Maybe not specifically about Faldar, but about who you are and that you have boyfriend trouble. Go. Tell her.” I pointed to the door.
“Now? Faldar wants to stay, but if he tells his father, they’ll lock him up.” Remmy shook his head.
“We can keep Faldar. He can ask your mother for asylum.” It was a risky strategy, but I had nothing else.
“How?” he asked.
“When they relocate to their ship in orbit, they use our technology to move the whole group at once. Right?” I asked.
“Yeah. It’s easier.”
“Then we can keep him. But you have to be willing to admit this all to your mother. You have to tell her you love him. Or else she might think it’s more trouble crossing the Bachal than it’s worth.” I pointed a finger at him.
He turned and put his head in my lap. “It won’t be. That’s the part where I get mad at myself. It’s a stupid move. They will start a war or demand we return him.”
“Then take him to your mother and have a private talk. Tell her why he wants to stay. Ask for her help. Maybe she can spin it to the Bachal king as a way to expand his son’s knowledge. He can command the troops and learn about our world. Maybe trade Minnette?” I laughed.
“Don’t be mean. She almost likes you now.” He sat up. “I don’t know. If Mother is a smart queen, she won’t go for it. Not after how hard it was to get a treaty signed with them.”
I smiled. “All you can do is ask. But I’d talk to Faldar first. Take him with you.”
“Make it harder.” I felt Remmy’s dread. He was worried Faldar wouldn’t stay. Wouldn’t choose him over his family. I couldn’t blame him, but love was a risk. Remmy had to decide if Falder was worth it.
“Don’t put your neck on the line if he’s not willing to do the same with his. Two princes makes a nice romantic fairytale, but we’re trying to avoid a war.” I patted his shoulder.
“Use your powers. Will I get what I want?” Remmy asked.
“Faldar loves you. Your mother loves you. The king loves Faldar.” I shrugged. “But the politics will get touchy.”
“If we’re just going to go to war, let’s go. Everyone says it feels like they want one, so let’s start it, now. All their gay citizens might fight for us.” His shoulders straightened.
“You want to go to war?” My jaw fell, and I couldn’t find the words.
“Come on. You really think there is no good reason to go to war? Everyone was just wrong?” he asked.
“If we have to defend ourselves, of course we will. We should be building up our armies, our supplies, and our other allies, now. Yes, there are reasons to fight. Stopping genocide or enslavement of a race, religion, gender or whatever…Those are noble intentions, but the problem is you can’t change people by defeating them in a war.”
He smiled. “Yes, you can. Change the laws. Force equality.”
“You can’t change a culture. You can’t force a new religion on people and think it’ll stick. Change takes time. It takes education and support from the inside. Historically, yes, some of the wars stopped some very bad things. But the bad guys generally got off easier than they should have. The loss of life, the rebuilding, and recovery aren’t easy. I agree, the Bachal are repressive and wrong.”
“They treat women like breeding machines, and their whole job is raising kids, defending those kids and the old people, if needed, and taking care of the warriors. It’s archaic.”
“No argument there. But that’s not a good justification to start a war. Those women need to rise up. I’d support them. Better yet, I’d send aid from my estate and ask your mother to support their case. Those Bachal women should join with the gay population for total equality. If that’s your excuse for going to war, it won’t work.” I tried to calm Remmy down with logic, but he was panicking.
“Why not? We’d be heroes!”
“Heroes? After battles where we’ve killed tons of Bachal men? You really think their wives and children will flock to support Lazrel?” I asked.
He kicked the leg of my sofa. “The gays would.”
“And how many of them did we kill in these battles? Remmy, I know you’re just out of options. The war might happen, but I don’t want to start it. I want to prepare for it, now. I don’t want to see you and Faldar on opposite sides of a battle.” I hugged him.
&nbs
p; Remmy pushed me away. “I’m sorry. I can’t stand the idea of being without him.”
“I don’t have an answer for you. I wish I did.” I tried to stop him.
He left, and there was nothing else I could do. I wanted to drop the subject. He might get over Faldar with a little time. I should’ve let it go. Instead, I got off the couch and went in search of Zoma. We needed a contingency plan for tonight.
With Zoma squared away if we needed her help, I tracked down Faldar. If Remmy was a mess, Faldar’s inner dragon was loose. He snapped at underlings as they packed his gifts.
“Sorry, Your Highness. I’m interrupting.” I started to back out.
“No, stay. Remmy told me about what you went through. I’m sorry. I’m sure all the guests overstaying their welcome didn’t help.” He led me to a private sitting room.
“Thank you; it’s bad timing. No one’s fault. I’m glad we came to an agreement. You’re leaving a lot of troops here,” I said.
He poured two glasses of wine. “That is the agreement. It’s so nice here, I don’t want to leave.”
“The wine isn’t really that good,” I teased.
He smiled. “It is. Your vineyards?”
I tasted the wine. “Yes, actually. I can send a few barrels home with you. What you’ll miss most, we can’t let you take. Remmy wouldn’t be safe.”
Faldar’s face went red. “I’m very sorry you caught us. We’re not supposed to shift here.”
“I’ve never seen a shifter in animal form before. You’re my first dragon. It’s impressive and very intimidating.” I set down my wine. “If you told your father you wanted to stay, wouldn’t he think about it? You can be a dragon.”
“And you can pull my tail. Probably throw me into your dome.” He shrugged.
“True.” Sometimes I forgot my gifts could intimidate, as well. “I try not to abuse my powers. My mother taught me they weren’t for play. I practiced to strengthen them but had to know when to contain them as well. I went to school with the princes and princesses.”
“Can’t show up the queen’s kids.” Faldar laughed.