by Vi Carter
“Lucas.” My name on her lips has my cock twitching. She sounds tortured.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this. How would all this end? Ella stares up into my eyes.
“I didn’t write that note.” I knew who did, but that wouldn’t change this situation. It was foolish of me to think that Sandra wouldn’t remove my note. I didn’t think she would deceive Ella by writing her own.
“I’m sorry.” My heart means it and Ella’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“I wish I could change things.” There, I said it out loud. Ella drops her eyes, cutting me off from her soul. It’s an instant loss that I refuse to accept. I tip her head back by holding her chin.
“Say something.” Where is that fire?
“I want you to leave.” She blinks and a tear falls.
Her words are like a lash to my back. I tighten my hold on her chin. She flinches and I want to take back control. She can’t tell me to leave. She can’t want me to leave, but she does.
“I told you, I didn’t write that note,” I repeat and when Ella stands taller and pulls her chin from my hand, I know I’ve lost this battle.
“I believe you. But it doesn’t change anything.”
I don’t reach for her again. Maybe it is better this way. We will both get hurt. She already has penetrated my skin and slid so silently into my bloodstream. I hadn’t noticed until today how much I wanted her. How easily I could enjoy her company.
She swallows as she stares up at me. Her wide green eyes are still brimming with pain. Pain I have caused. My father had humiliated her and I had sat stiff and shut off all my emotions. I couldn’t interject, if he knew how I felt about her, what would he do? I couldn’t have Ella hurt. So I needed to make the pain a bit less for her.
I close the distance and place a kiss on her forehead. I linger longer than I should. It’s on my lips to apologize again, but I don’t. I don’t look at her as I leave her room.
George is at the bottom of the stairs and I hesitate. “Your father wants you to return.” George’s eyes hold pity.
“Thank you, George.” Once again he looks surprised at my manners. Before I enter the room his old hand touches my shoulder. He doesn’t say anything and when I look at him, he releases me and walks away.
The room is erupting in giggles as I join my father. He gives me a moment’s attention. I can’t read the look, so I sit down and try to shut down everything. I can feel Hannah’s eyes heavy on me, so I look at her and give her the briefest nod. She bites her lip as she sees it.
After that, I keep my feelings in check. Laugh when I should smile and lie about growing up in a happy household.
When my father calls it a night, we both give each lady a kiss on the cheek. Sandra is the last. No doubt she did that on purpose. She curtsies while smiling up at my father who takes her hand and kisses it. She turns to me and it might be small, it might not matter, but I refuse to kiss her.
“Goodnight Miss Crowley.”
Her smile falls, but she replaces it quickly. “Master Lucas.” I turned away from her before I hurt her. When the door closes, it’s me and my father.
“That went well.” He starts with and I just want him to say what he needs to about Ella so I can leave.
“Goodnight son.” I raise my head to look at my father. His smile is cruel as he holds the door handle.
“Sleep well.” He closes the door leaving me alone with a new fear. Is he going to hurt Ella? Why didn’t he mention it?
This made no sense.
A knock on the door has me looking up. George is there and I’m holding my breath, I don’t know why.
“A phone call, Master Lucas.”
“Take a message.” I know being gruff with George isn’t right, but I’m filling up with an uneasy feeling.
“I did offer to take a message, but it’s from Yellow Grange Laboratory. They said they would only talk to you.”
I run a hand across my face. “Of course, I’ll take it in the study.”
I try to push my troubles aside as I sit down in my office chair. Picking up the phone, I take the information that surprises me.
“The interesting part was the finger was embalmed, preserving it all these years.”
Thirty years ago, the finger is thirty years old.
“We do have a match. A Sorcha Newtown.” The name meant nothing to me.
“Anything else?”
“It is her wedding finger.”
I didn’t know what any of this meant, but it gave me somewhere to start digging for an answer. I needed to find out who Sorcha Newtown was.
I end the call with instructions on delivering the finger back to me. I repeat my earlier warning about not telling anyone, but it would buy me some time. No doubt my father would be informed. Fear made them responsive to him. After placing the receiver in its holder, I think about my father’s earlier response to Ella, or his lack of one.
A part of me wants to have her sent home so she will be safe, but the more selfish part of me wants to keep her here.
I would have Mark watch over her when I couldn’t. Keeping my distance would be the right thing to do for both me and Ella. I just didn’t think I was that strong.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ELLA
Lucas has invaded every space inside me. I still feel the burn of his kiss on my forehead. It was heavy with goodbye. It was heavy with his apology. It was heavy with regret.
I swallow around the lump in my throat. Too much swirls around me. Sucking in my lip, I bite it hard and try to stop the tears that want to flow. I don’t know how long I stand like that in a tornado of humiliation, fear and longing when the door opens.
Hannah’s there and it’s like the wind stops howling and there is this eerie silence that she breaks, when she rushes to me with tears brimming in her eyes.
“Oh Ella.” I’m in her arms and I can’t stop it, I can’t control the tears that rip free from me. I cry for the girl who was sold a fairy-tale, I cry for the child that danced on her bed in a small yellow dress thinking she was just like Bella, I cry for today. I cry for now. I cry for wanting him.
“It’s okay.” Hannah runs her hands up and down my back. I step away from her and try to stop the flow of tears, but looking into Hannah’s eyes is like looking into flames that ignite my pain.
“I’ve dreamt of this my whole life.” I tell her and she’s nodding, I know she would have dreamed about it too, but I just need to get it out of me. I need to make sense of my pain.
“I’m here. I made it.” My throat burns as a fresh wash of tears erupt. I can’t even finish my sentence or train of thought, but Hannah stands patiently.
I shrug while tapping my chest. “I just feel it in here.” I had no other way to explain how this all felt.
“You’ll be okay.” Hannah brushes hair back from my face, her smile wide and sad. “You’re the strongest of them all.”
I half laugh, half cry at her words before sniffling. “I don’t feel very strong.”
“You are.” She reassures me.
“I know you must have dreamt of this moment too. I wasn’t being insensitive.”
Her eyes grow lighter as she shakes her head. “I didn’t ever believe I would be picked from seven other girls. So I’ve already applied for college.”
That surprises me so much. “Why would you not be picked?”
I thought she was the most beautiful of us all.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I just didn’t think I would, so I’m okay with it.”
I wish I was like her. I wish I hadn’t set my whole life on this, but from as far back as I can remember, everything I did was about this moment. It was all building up to it.
“College sounds nice. I think I’ll have to apply.” I can’t stop the quiver in my voice.
Hannah shocks me by laughing. “No, you won’t.” Her laugh melts into a smile. “You will marry Lucas.”
She has no idea of what she is saying.
The door opens and m
y heart thunders. Jessie steps in, looking unsure. “Is it okay to come in?”
I swallow down my upset and smile at her. “Of course.”
She closes the door behind her and she gives me a brief hug, but it means so much to me. Having Hannah and Jessie will ease the ache I’m feeling.
The girls are good to me. Over the next few days they try to keep me occupied. We spend the time watching too many criminal investigation programs. On one of the episodes, it’s about a staged suicide. I shift uncomfortably. I hate the feelings it drags up in me, ones that I never really faced before.
“I’m going for a walk.” I get off the couch and Hannah stands too, stretching. She’s been stuck to me since the whole Lucas thing happened. I hadn’t seen him in days, he had just disappeared. I have found myself looking around me as I walk through the house to see if I can see him, but each time I only come eye to eye with Mark who is starting to creep me out.
“I’m coming too.”
I wave her off. “Stay and watch your program. I promise I won’t be long.” I just want the time to myself. Jessie pulls Hannah back down on the couch.
“She’s fine,” she tells her and I leave the girls watching TV.
It’s cool outside and immediately I regret not wearing something warmer. My long skirt and light shirt were fine in the house, but outside a wind that carried a coldness blew.
Inhaling the fresh air, I try to empty my mind like pebbles. Leaving each one in the flower beds as I pass. As I mentally do this, I collect an actual flower in its place. It’s therapeutic.
I want to find that happiness I always felt with life. The wonder, the mystery. The possibilities, to me, were always endless. Like an adventure was just around the corner, one that would shape me into a strong person.
I never expected this place. I never expected Alex to leave me that first day. I drop a mental pebble and pick a flower. It’s a yellow buttercup that I choose, the color vibrant and fresh. My hands tighten and I try not to crush the flower as I think of my punishment for speaking to Alex. It also makes me think of the handshake that I had endured with Lucas. I frown when I think of every insult, every hurtful tactic of his, yet I saw past all that to the man behind the mask as such. The man who seared me with a kiss. I’d never felt so off balance with someone before. Like the ground was shifting under my feet. I look up as I pass several flowerbeds.
I stop to try to sort it out. I just felt lost. I had no idea what was going to happen or where this would all end.
I walk as far as the maze but don’t enter it. I don’t want to be in Henry’s company again. The thoughts of him makes me wrap my arms around my waist and return to the house.
I arrive just as supper is being served. We have all fallen into a routine over the last couple of days. It’s like since Lucas disappeared we have just all learned to fill our days.
The soup warms me and I’m aware of how quiet Hannah is. “What’s wrong?” I ask her and she looks at Jessie.
“Jessie.” I raise a brow knowing whatever it is, Jessie will spit it out. Hannah had a tendency to go around things. She’s just trying to spare my feelings, I remind myself.
“The dates started the other day.” I try not to react. My stomach hollows and the soup hits the pit of it heavily.
I bob my head while Hannah chews on her lip. “We all knew they were happening.”
I want to ask who went and where did they go. I can’t eat. Placing my spoon in my bowl, I butter a small roll to give myself something to do.
“Bernie and Mary had their dates,” Hannah whispers to me. The other girls were so loud that they couldn’t hear us.
“Where did they go?” When I ask, Jessie and Hannah smile.
“What?” I question.
Hannah tries to look innocent. “I just thought you didn’t care.”
“I don’t.”
Jessie snickers.
I force a spoon of soup into my mouth and decide I should forget about it. It didn’t matter.
“Both of their dates were in the garden.”
I incline my head while taking another spoon of soup. I know Jessie is still smiling so I refuse to look at her.
“They said he was charming.”
I can’t stop myself from looking at Jessie and she burst out laughing.
“Stop teasing.” Hannah warns and the tension in my body has me stiffening.
“I’m only messing,” Jessie says.
I need to relax. They were so good to me the last few days. “I know. I’m too uptight,” I say with a smile.
“Yeah, I do think you need to loosen up a bit.” Sandra’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard.
“Private conversation.” Hannah informs her and I grin. Hannah is always nice, so to see her with a raised brow and attitude is funny.
“I just think Ella needs to lighten up. No one died.” I glance at Sandra with her smug smile. Does she know? Was that a direct jab at me? My heart pounds wildly. She couldn’t know. Unless Lucas somehow knows and told her. My hands grow slick with sweat.
I force a wobbly smile. “You’re right, Sandra. No one has died, yet.”
Mary and Bernie sit on either side of her and inhale deeply. Like what I said was scandalous.
“Did you just threaten me?” Sandra doesn’t sound put out, in fact she sounds smug.
“I don’t want to report you to Master Andrew. I’m sure threatening my life would have you sent home. I mean Vicky was sent home over a slap and since I’m the favorite and about to have a ring on my finger.” She spreads her fingers and looks at her imaginary ring.
I feel sick.
“Maybe it’s time you went home so we don’t all have to look at your pitiful face.” Flicking her long blond hair across her shoulder, she glares at me.
I can feel Hannah lean forward, but I put my hand on her arm to stop her.
“Report me,” I say and Sandra’s glare dissolves and now she just looks unsure. I push out my chair and stand.
“I will.” Sandra bites back, her temper flaring.
“Do that,” I say with a smile.
Her cheeks glow. “I will.” She shouts.
My smile widens. “Good. I don’t want to be here.” I turn on my heel and not for the first time find someone watching me, only this time it's Master Andrew. It’s my turn to have my cheeks blaze with color. He’s walking towards the table and honestly there is a large chance that I’m going home so I continue to leave the room. I don’t look at Lucas’s father as I pass him, I’m ready and waiting for him to stop me but he doesn’t. My pace slows and I glance over my shoulder at his receding back.
“Could I have a word Master Andrew?” I can hear Sandra say.
“In a moment.” He corrects her.
I’m out the door with a pounding heart and sweaty palms.
Why didn’t he say anything about what he overheard? Was there a chance he hadn’t heard us fighting?
Did it really matter?
I go to my room and consider packing so I’m ready. But I’m not ready. Instead, I take a shower and change into my nightdress. I’m pacing, staring at my door but no one enters. No one comes to send me home and that in itself is far more disturbing.
I’m waiting and waiting for what I’m not sure, but I finally get into bed and close my eyes.
Sleep is hard to find, but it finally finds me and sends me down a dark path. One filled with memories of my father. Against my will, he haunts me with his songs and smiles. I can see the vodka bottle lying on the wooden floor. His feet floating in the air. Hands cover my eyes and I’m surrounded by my mother’s perfume and tears.
I wake with a pounding heart. I’m not overwhelmed with sadness, but I was only six when my dad died.
I was only six when he took his life.
I was only six when I found him hanging from the fan ceiling.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ELLA
Pushing back the quilts, I hope to also push aside the doom I’m feeling as I step out onto lush
carpet. I focus on the feel of it under my feet and the feel of the soft sheets under my palms. I focus on the here and now.
Glancing around my room it’s as messy as my mind so I start to clean. I clean until the sun breaks through the crack in my curtains. I do as my mother had always told me. You must touch each item in a room to effectively have the room cleaned. So that’s what I do. Every item, every garment moves through my hands. I focus on textures, colors and the smell. Once I have that done, I take a shower and get dressed for the day.
I’m sitting on the side of my bed ready for breakfast. The door creaks open and I’m expecting Jessie and Hannah since I didn’t see them after my fight with Sandra.
Blood pools into my shoes as Master Andrew steps into my room, with a crooked smile on his face he gently closes the door behind him. I swallow as I focus on his leather gloved hands.
My mind flashes to all the murders we saw on the criminal show. I shush the over dramatic voice in my head and get off my bed.
“You are a very hard woman to get by herself.” His words are delivered with a smile that chases a shiver down my spine. “Your friends are very loyal.” He continues as he steps into the room and looks around him. “I had to send them all for breakfast early, along with Mark who seems to be hovering over you.”
That snippet of information surprises me, but I don’t allow him to see it. I hope I have my emotions hidden.
“You didn’t know you were being watched?” He sounds amused.
I mentally kick myself. I was so easy to read. I need to focus on the floor or something so he can’t see my eyes.
“No,” I answer him as he stands staring at me. The depths of blackness in his eyes are endless.
Lucas’s father removes his gloves and my shoulders loosen. “We have rules in my home. We have rules in my community.” His smile sends another shiver racing down my spine. I tighten my hands in front of me.
“Why do you think we have rules, Ella?”
I hate my name on his lips. I can see the intimidating part of Lucas in this man, but that is as far as the similarities go.