by Vi Carter
Don’t think. Don’t feel. I repeat as I step into the bedroom.
“Master Andrew requests your company.”
I move one foot in front of the other. I focus on the back of Mark’s head. His hair is peppered with gray. It’s brushed perfectly, the lines reminding me of when someone cuts a lawn in vertical lines, leaving the pattern behind. I wonder how many strokes it took to have his hair sit so perfectly.
He turns and opens a door. The first thing I see is rows and rows of books, from floor to ceiling. There must be a ladder somewhere so you could reach the top. Mark moves aside and a stunning mahogany desk dominates the top of the room. Andrew sits behind the desk, a smile in his eyes when he sees me. The wall cracks as I glance to the left, Lucas is standing with his back to me. He doesn’t move a muscle as I walk up to his father’s desk. He won’t look at me. The wall I’ve built is cracking too fast and I can’t let it shatter. Not here. Not now.
“Ella.”
“Master Andrew.” I give a small courtesy.
“I see you have learned some manners.”
His words ignite a spark inside me that I jump on. Don’t feel. Don’t think. I repeat. My eyes keep getting drawn to Lucas, but I force myself not to and just focus on Master Andrew.
The door behind us opens and bile claws its way up my throat as Henry steps into the room. He doesn’t look happy. He looks awkward in his black suit. He no longer wears glasses, his eyes land on me and he smiles. I swing around to find Andrew watching me.
“You are familiar with Henry?” He asks.
I peek at Lucas. Nothing. Henry steps to my right.
“Ella and I have met before,” Henry confirms.
Andrew cuts him a look before returning his gaze to me. “I asked you a question.”
“Yes, Master Andrew. I am familiar with Henry.”
His brows rise and he smiles. “Good, this will be a lot easier. You have been given the honor of possibly being Henry’s wife.”
He stands now as I try to swallow around a lump in my throat. He places his hands in his pockets. “To be honest-” He moves around the desk and he’s too close to me. “-I think you might be the one.” He pushes off the desk and walks over to Henry, fixing his tie like he’s a child. I glance at Henry and he is starting to hunch forward.
“Stand still.” Andrew barks and Henry’s spine follows the order. He glances at me and my stomach twists. He looks so much like them now. A younger version than Andrew, but an older one than Lucas. I glance over at Lucas, studying his side profile. A part of me wants to reach out. Maybe if I touched him he would snap out of his frozen state.
“You should congratulate Lucas on his upcoming wedding to Sandra.” Too many cracks coat my wall at Andrew’s words. I need to leave.
“Congratulations, Master Lucas,” I say and I see a slight reaction in Lucas. His jaw tightens, but I look away as my heart beats too fast in my chest. My legs grow weak as I stare into Master Andrews eyes. The devil's eyes. I want to ask him why he hates me so much. I want to shake Lucas and tell him to do something. That this couldn’t be real.
I find my body leaning towards Lucas, I need something from him. “Lucas,” I say his name with all the pain that fills me and he finally looks at me. His stare nicks my heart and penetrates right through me. I’m a stranger in his eyes.
“It’s done now. We had fun and it’s over.” His cold words have me stepping away from him. My vision wavers. I’m shaking my head. “No.”
His smile is a mirror image of his father. It’s cruel and I recognize this person. The one I first met. The one that would go to the bone just to get a kick off hurting you.
“You can have her.” His eyes have skipped over me as he speaks to Henry like I’m something that can be passed around.
I focus on the floor, my face ablaze with hot humiliation.
“You can leave now.” Andrew’s eyes are filled with victory.
His image wavers and I bow. “Thank you, Master Andrew.” I turn and don’t meet Mark’s eyes who’s ready to escort me out. I can’t breathe as I quicken my pace from the room.
That didn’t really just happen. The moment my feet touch the hall, I’m running. Running from a barrage of emotions that demand I release them.
I can’t.
I won’t.
The air outside doesn’t help my starving lungs. I run until I crumble to my knees. I want to scream. Covering my mouth with my hands, I try to control the flow of pain that oozes from me. When I feel I won’t scream, I dig my hands into the grass and let myself cry.
Voices not far away have me sniffling and coming out of the black cocoon of pain that I’m wrapped in. Through the flower beds I see George talking to a blond haired lady. Their words don’t carry this far. Both of them look up at the house and then they disappear, leaving quickly. I can hear the footfalls behind me and I know I can’t take much more.
“Ella.” Lucas’s voice has everything in me stiffening and I don’t move a muscle as his voice dismantles the wall completely.
CHAPTER THIRTY
LUCAS
“Ella.” She’s kneeling on the grass, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. I hate what I had to do to her. I needed my father to think he had won. That he had finally bent me to his will.
“I want you to go away.” Her words are controlled and that frightens me. I’m afraid to go any closer. Anyone could be watching.
“I can explain.”
She’s shaking her head. “Please, Lucas. Just leave.”
I tighten my hands into fists. The pain in her voice has me nearly undoing all my work and reaching for her. I remind myself that I’m doing this for her and in the end she will understand.
I leave her and each step I take kills me. She is hurting so bad and I had put all that pain on her.
***
Over the next few days I keep my distance. Hannah never leaves her side and her loyalty to Ella is unshakable. I admire her every time she sees me and cuts me with a look, like I’m the devil himself.
The ball has been moved to tomorrow night. My father had a matter to deal with that he wouldn’t discuss with me. I wasn’t naïve to think that I could freely move around the house without every move I made being watched. So I continue to play my part.
Henry is lying out on the rug on the floor, his chest still. I don’t move away from the stairs as I stare at him. Is he dead? I take two steps towards him and he lifts his head.
“What do you want?” He pushes himself fully up on his elbows. “Well, I do have something you want now.” His grin has me stopping.
“She’s pretty.” He teases and for a moment I’m ready to throttle him, but I refrain from acting out.
“You’re gay Henry. She’d hardly be of any interest to you,” I say with my own smirk.
He doesn’t like that at all and hunches his shoulders like a wounded animal. There is a fleeting moment that I feel so sorry for him and for the first time, I wonder why he is the way he is.
“The day you took me to the maze, why did you do it?” I’m the one feeling vulnerable now, I am talking about something that eats away at me. That can happen when your brother tries to kill you.
He shrugs. “They loved you and hated me,” he says like it is a logical solution to a problem.
“I was eight,” I remind him.
“Maybe.” He sits up now and shrugs.
“There is no maybe about it. I was eight and I was terrified.”
Henry has the audacity to laugh at me. Why did I even come here?
“You have no idea of true terror.”
His words have me looking at him again.
“They never left me alone.” His eyes are wide and he wears a far off look. I think he’s finally lost it completely.
“At me and at me and at me.” He stands now, breathing heavily. His eyes swing to me. “Don’t talk to me about fear.”
Did someone hurt him? “Who?”
He scratches his brow and hunkers. “George and
her. I think she’s back.”
Disbelief in his words has me smiling. “George hurt you?” I make sure each word is clear.
“He hates me. They all do.” Henry points at me now. “You hate me.”
Nothing he says is making sense.
“You tried to kill me, Henry,” I defend myself. “My mother is locked up because of you.”
I take a calming breath. I didn’t come here to start this. I don’t want to hurt him when he looks so wounded already.
He’s laughing maniacally and I think leaving now would be for the best.
“Locked up. They can’t keep her away from here.”
I turn back around and my heart starts to beat rapidly.
“They can’t keep her away from you.”
“What are you talking about?” Irritation ripples through me. Is he really losing it?
“It doesn’t matter, they took Declan from me. Now, I just need to keep Alex safe.”
I step into the room and stop only a foot away from Henry. “Stop talking in fucking riddles. Are you trying to tell me that George?” I point at the stairs. “As in George who works for our family, that little old man killed Declan?”
“I don’t want to answer you.” Henry starts.
I clear the distance between us and I grab him. “I’m not eight anymore. I will fucking beat it out of you. Tell me now.”
“Yes, that George.” He pulls himself out of my hold and I release him, my fingers going slack.
“He found out about me and Declan. I know to be careful around him, but he sees everything. I’m sure it was mother’s orders.” He rolls his eyes at the word mother and I’m questioning my own sanity of standing here and listening to this.
“George left that finger up here to taunt me. To let me know they would keep taking from me, because I tried to take you from them.” He looks very far off, like he’s halfway to a padded cell.
“When I was eight?” I ask and I’m aware of how gentle my voice is. I’m not buying into this madness, but a part of me sees the damage. If it’s real what he has suffered at their hands, if it’s not, then my brother needs help.
He looks at me now and rolls his eyes again before pushing his glasses up on his nose. “Are you going to keep bringing up one little mistake I made?”
“I wouldn’t call it little, Henry. You built that maze to trap me.”
He had admitted that before.
He shrugs. “I built it to trap us all.”
“What does that even mean?” My voice rises and he blinks like he sees me for the first time.
“I want you to leave now.”
He glances to his left and I follow his gaze. A gray top hat sits on the floor beside some vinyl disks.
“That’s Alex’s hat?” I say walking over to it. He races over and picks it up, not allowing me to touch it.
“Are you?” My stomach twists. He had no idea who Alex was to him. “Are you…” I can’t finish the sentence.
He shakes his head but I see it in his eyes, it’s always been there. He loves him.
“Henry…” I don’t even know how to finish my sentence. What do I say, don’t sleep with him as he’s really your half-brother?
“He’s safe,” he says it quietly while ducking his shoulders and now all I see is a very sick individual.
“Did you do something to him?”
Henry won’t meet my eye and when he does they are blurred with tears. “How do I know you aren’t working with them?”
“With who? George?”
“And mother.”
I place a hand on each of his shoulders and he hunches further, making me feel like a monster. “Henry, mother isn’t here. I think you need help.”
“You’re so blind.” He pushes away from me and irritation has me following him.
“You are working with them,” he says it like a statement as he continues to rotate Alex’s hat in his hand. He smiles at me.
“For you, Lucas, I am going to make an exception.”
Don’t hit him. He is making no sense. He is changing every few seconds and I can’t keep up with all the Henrys.
“I will try with Ella. Maybe your and Sandra’s children can play with Ella’s and mine.”
My control slips, my hands are around his throat, his face turns red.
“That’s it, Lucas. Kill me.”
I release him. “You’re rotten to the core.”
He laughs. “Yep, Mother sure made me suffer.”
“She’s not your mother. Your mother is Sorcha Newtown, who had an affair with our father. My mother is Elizabeth. But she’s not your fucking mother. So stop saying it.” My lungs burn painfully once I have all the words out. I don’t regret them. Henry is staring at me-and not with outrage-but it’s like a light bulb just went off over his head.
“That’s why she hates me.” He starts to laugh. “I’ve always wondered. I never thought you would solve the mystery.”
He’s scratching his arm as he looks far off with a smile on his face. “It all makes sense. She hated me because I was a reminder of the other woman. Was that the other finger?” He looks up now, but he’s still scratching his arm in the one spot.
“Yes,” I answer as I watch him piece this together.
He’s like a kid with a puzzle as he paces. “So she was killed for the affair. Mother’s doing…” He holds up a hand. “I mean Elizabeth’s doing?”
He’s back to scratching his arm, the skin turning red. “Yes,” I answer.
“So she must have been very angry with me and Declan.” He’s giggling now.
I want off this crazy train, he needs help. So much help.
His arm starts to bleed and he doesn’t stop digging his nails in the one spot. “They left the fingers up here to blame me for Declan’s death so they would finally get rid of me.”
Is he talking sense? I scratch my neck as I watch Henry.
“Your arm is bleeding.” I point out.
He stops digging his nails in. He looks at the blood and shakes his head. He won’t stop smiling.
“I really appreciate you telling me all this.” He’s looking at me like he genuinely is grateful.
I think of the rest and he needs to know about Alex before he does something that’s illegal.
“There's more.”
He’s nodding and giggles. “This is Christmas.”
I need to get out of here. “Sorcha isn’t just your mother, she’s Alex’s.”
His smile disappears and he hunches, backing away from me with a snarl on his face. His eyes dart to Alex’s hat and he’s shaking his head.
“Did you…” I can’t finish the sentence. Did he sleep with his half-brother, how do I say it without feeling sick.
“Get out.” His bark is fueled with rage and I want to tell him to calm down, but he’s marching towards me. I’m ready for him but he walks past me and down the stairs. I’m confused for a second. I follow him. He won’t slow down.
“Henry, what are you doing?” He doesn’t pause or answer me. He’s half jogging all the way to our father’s office. I don’t stop him as he pushes the door open. I’m about to tell him father isn’t here, but he is sitting behind his desk on the phone. His eyes snap up as we enter and he ends his call.
“You’re back?” I say the same time Henry starts.
“You should have told me about Sorcha.”
My father looks at me and I have nothing else to do but shrug. This is a train wreck and I am not driving.
“I should have, but you have a tendency to overreact.”
Henry walks in a circle. “I don’t overreact.”
“Henry.” The warning in my father’s voice has even me standing straighter.
Henry stops pacing. “She’s back, isn’t she?”
“Yes.”
“Are you talking about Mother?” I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach.
“The time I left you in charge, I got a call. She had broken out. She’s still missing.” My father
informs me.
“She wants to hurt me.” Henry’s cries are alarming, and what’s more alarming is when my father hugs him.
“There is no need to worry. Didn’t I save you the last time?”
Henry looks up at him and nods. “Yes, Father.”
My skin is crawling. My father is doing equal amounts of damage to Henry with his manipulation.
“No one needs to be alarmed, we will find her and have her back in the hospital in no time.”
Henry looks calmer for a moment. “But what about Alex? You told me I could have him.”
“I meant as a friend, Henry. You have Ella to think of now.” My father goes back to his desk.
The mention of Ella’s name has the shock evaporating.
“So I can’t have him?” Henry pouts.
“No.” He shuffles papers, before looking back up at us both. I’ve never felt more like a child.
“Now, both of you on different occasions have barged in here, with absolute disrespect and you will have to be punished for your behavior.”
He looks from Henry to me. “I’ll let you know when I decide what your punishment will be. Now leave.”
“Oh, and Henry.” We both stop even though he is only speaking to Henry. “I found Alex.”
I glance at Henry who looks sheepish and my stomach twists painfully. What had he done?
“He’s upset, but he won’t tell anyone what you did.”
“He’s upset with me?”
My father releases an exasperated breath. “You tied him up and left him in the refrigerator.”
“Only to hide him from George and … Elizabeth.”
This is all too crazy, all too much.
“There is no need. I have everything under control.” My father reassures him and Henry seems happy with that. I follow, feeling like a ghost listening in on a conversation that I shouldn’t have been privy to.
My stomach twists and I know one thing for sure. I need to get Ella out of here.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
ELLA
After Lucas tore out my heart, I can’t seem to piece myself back together. I haven’t moved from my bed. Hannah draws the curtains open, the light burns my eyes. A part of me wants to go home and tell my mother everything.