Bound to You

by Vanessa Holland

  “Oh, yes, we are,” Jenna whispered and jogged up the steps, feeling lighter than she had in years.

  Brianna had been spying with the door cracked. She opened the door wide now, Ethan perched on her hip. “What did Brandon Buttface have to say?”

  “Not very much,” Jenna told her sister.

  “Good.” Bri held up the phone. “You got a text. Sam’s on his way over.”

  A sharp and sudden thrill almost tripped her up but she tried to hide it since Brianna was raising a teasing eyebrow at her. She gave Ethan a kiss on the cheek. “How was he today?”

  “Charming and handsome,” Bri said. “Just like his father.”

  Jenna couldn’t help but shake her head and smile. “You can stop that any time now. Let me change and then you can take the car or do whatever you want. You still need to look for a job.” She stopped on her way upstairs to change. “I keep forgetting. Sam wants pictures of Ethan.”

  Brianna followed her into the den. “So,” she said, “what’s going on with you two?”

  Jenna knelt down to pull out the photo albums and shoeboxes of loose photos from the cabinet beneath the bookcase. “What do you mean?”

  Bri set Ethan loose to go play. “Are y’all dating? Is he staying? What’s happening?”

  Jenna carried the albums into the solarium, following Ethan to his playroom. Bri brought the shoeboxes. Jenna sat at the table to look for the most recent photos of Ethan. She’d had a coupon and taken him in to a department store only last month for his second birthday. She had some extra wallet-sizes somewhere.

  “Still waiting,” Bri sang, pulling out a chair.

  “Still not answering,” Jen sang back.

  “Why?”

  Jenna stopped a moment to think. “Because I have no idea. We’re still adjusting. He’s only been here a few days.”

  Bri plopped down in a chair. “It seems like he’s always been here.”

  It did, once Jenna thought about it. It was beginning to feel as if Sam had never left. Even with the excitement over her promotion, she’d spent most of the day thinking about Sam, wondering if he would come over again or wait until Friday. Wondering if he would call.

  Wondering if he might kiss her again.

  He’d said it wasn’t over. And the thought of his hands on her again, his lips on hers, made her dizzy with excitement, and full of hope he wouldn’t forget his promise to at some point pick up where they’d left off in the foyer.

  She wasn’t as afraid as she’d been, just hours before, that he only wanted to use her and leave her. It occurred to her that she’d been transferring all her recent fears, of going broke, of losing the house, of Brianna losing her future, of Ethan ending up homeless, onto Sam. Now that her financial situation didn’t seem so scary, the idea of letting herself get closer to Sam didn’t seem so scary, either.

  She wanted to be around him, see his handsome face, look into those dark blue eyes, be with him, near him, and feel his heat again. She wanted more of what he’d shown her that night on his brother’s pond. Even if it never meant more than that. More than the physical. She was ready to let herself be a little more reckless. And have a little more fun.

  She watched her son alternately playing with his blocks and toy piano on the floor, softly singing a dada song. A song with words that almost sounded like ‘daddy.’

  Her only real concern was Sam’s relationship with Ethan. And there, she had to be very careful. He was proving himself slowly, sticking around, and facing his fears of committing – if not to her, then to Ethan. But would it last?

  Maybe she could try harder, do more to make him connect with Ethan and feel more like a father. And give him more reasons to commit to his son. Maybe Sam would think of staying instead of returning to his ranch.

  “What?” Bri asked, watching her.

  “He has to go back to Texas, eventually,” Jenna shared, turning to rest her arms on the back of the chair so she could watch Ethan more comfortably. “That’s where he lives. That’s where his life is.”

  “Why is that?” Bri asked. “Since his family is here?”

  “It’s a long story.” And one that made her a little sad.

  “Don’t get all blah again,” Bri said, giving Jenna a push on the arm. “You were happy before. Finally. Be happy again.”

  Jenna smiled and turned back to the photos. “I’m still happy.” She took a good look at her sister, wondering about something. “Do you remember Mom?”

  Bri jerked back in surprise. “Why?”

  “You were two when she died. I was wondering if you remember her. Not just from pictures.”

  Bri looked off and shrugged, frowning. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if what I remember is from real life or from what people told me. I guess I don’t. Why?”

  “I was just thinking of Ethan. Whether he’ll remember meeting Sam.”

  Bri stared at her, still frowning. “Probably not.”

  The doorbell rang and Bri jumped up. “He’s here!” She ran to let Sam in.

  Jenna stayed, setting aside photos she thought Sam might want, that intense jolt of excitement returning when she heard his deep voice travel through the house. Followed by that rumbling laugh she loved so much.

  She thought back to those wild, threatening Strickland men in the post office and wondered if Sam was actually related to them. If maybe sharing the same last name was only a coincidence. That had to be it. He was so different from those men.

  But then, Sam wasn’t like any man she’d ever known.

  ***

  Brianna perked the ears of the plush blue teddy bear in Sam’s arms. “That’s so cute,” she said.

  “A present from my mom.”

  Sam liked the sister - she was lively and just a little bit edgy. But she wasn’t the Morgan sister he’d come to see. He held out the bear. “Does he still play with these things?”

  “He carries his animals around sometimes, and he sleeps with some of them.” She drew her eyebrows in and forced her bottom lip out, making a face so funny he had to smile. “He’ll love it,” she decided.

  “Is she around?”

  “In the solarium with the baby.”

  He looked around, wondering where the solarium might be in this big house. “How do I get there?”

  She pointed toward the den. “You can go through there and you’ll see it. She’s happy today. But I’ll let her tell you why.”

  “No kidding,” Sam said, now intensely curious. Granted, he didn’t know much about Jenna’s life, but considering the problems he’d caused her and the financial problems he kept hearing rumors about, he couldn’t imagine why she would be happy.

  Sam found the solarium, which was really just a normal room with lots of windows – decorated like the rest of the house: white marble tile floor, big white rug, white walls, a jungle’s worth of plants, and an airy feel. The room was warm and humid.

  He found Jenna sitting on a white couch with a green flower print with Ethan on her lap. They were looking through a photo album. Sam leaned against the doorjamb to watch her in one of the magical moments when her shield was lowered. When she seemed relaxed and gentle.

  “Who’s ‘at?” Ethan asked in his sweet, musical voice, pointing to a picture.

  “You tell me,” Jenna encouraged. “You know who that is.”

  “Peppa!” he answered, giving the picture a definite poke with his finger.

  “That’s right, that’s you and Pepper. Who’s that?”

  Ethan turned wide eyes up to her face then looked at the picture again. “Baby?”

  “That’s right,” she said. “That’s you when you were a very tiny baby. See your one blond curl?”

  “Who’s ‘at?” Ethan asked, jabbing another picture.

  “That’s a tree, sweetie,” she answered, giving her son an affectionate smile, trying not to laugh.

  Sam did laugh and Jenna noticed him. He was sure her smile brightened at the sight of him.

  Ethan looked at him c
uriously, as if he couldn’t quite remember where he’d seen Sam before. Then he spotted the blue bear and came running. Sam knelt down but his son only grabbed the bear and ran to the rug where his toys were scattered about. He set the bear on top of a gadget with large colorful buttons and started bouncing the stuffed animal to a song he sang loudly and off-key.

  “He’s pretty good with those songs, isn’t he?” Sam said, feeling a swell of pride come over him.

  Jenna chuckled and shrugged as if to say, ‘Well….’ “Ethan, can you say thank you for the bear?”

  Ethan didn’t bother to look up. “Thank, thankie, thankie,” he sang as part of his song. “Bear, bear, bear.”

  “That’s a gift from my mom,” Sam told her.

  “Oh, that’s nice,” she said. “Tell her thank you.” She gestured him over, so he sat beside her on the sofa. “Speaking of Pepper, you don’t know anyone who wants a dog, do you? We have to find a new home for him.”

  He thought about the playful black Lab. “You can take him out to my dad’s place. They have a yellow Lab and a couple of Border Collies. He’ll fit right in.”

  Her eyes widened and she grabbed his arm. “Are you serious?”

  He’d have to ask his parents, but was fairly certain no one would mind. “Sure. I’ll take him out tomorrow, if you want. I feel bad for him living in that back yard, anyway.” A dog like that needed room to run.

  She let go of his arm and patted her chest. “I was so worried. I didn’t want him to end up in the shelter. But I couldn’t find anyone who wanted him.”

  He was about to ask why her dog would end up in a shelter when she handed him the photo album and wiped all other thoughts from his mind. “Ethan’s baby book.”

  Distracted and a little excited, he turned to the first page with pictures and began looking at his son’s life. Ethan as a pink, wrinkled newborn with wisps of blond hair and the one thick blond curl Jenna had mentioned. He took a good long look at a picture of Jenna holding Ethan in the hospital, looking heavier and completely exhausted, not even trying to smile. He suddenly wished he’d been there that day, to help her. To somehow make things easier for her.

  He glanced at her and she smiled, fresh and beautiful again, raising her eyebrows as if expecting him to say something.

  But he couldn’t think of what to say. He turned pages, watching his son grow in moments instead of months. He touched a lock of Ethan’s hair. His first haircut, the caption read.

  “I have something for you,” she said, getting up.

  He kept turning pages until the boy in the pictures began to look like the Ethan he knew. His son. Who was now pounding the blue bear in the face.

  She sat beside him again and waited until he’d reached the end of the book. He closed it and then turned back to the first pages where Ethan’s facts were listed. His birth date down to the minute, his birth weight, his hair and eye color. When he’d taken his first steps at ten months, and said his first word, which was Mama. He’d been born in Atlanta. Sam’s gaze landed on the genealogy lines. His mother, Jenna Harper Morgan. And Ethan’s father? The space was blank.

  Jenna held out three wallet-sized photos of Ethan, explaining them as he looked them over. Ethan at six months, one-year-old Ethan, and a recent one where he was smiling. She also handed him a small envelope with more professional pictures taken recently, with Ethan dressed up and his hair combed down. Sam preferred the candid photos.

  “Hey, thanks,” he said, meaning the photos. But he pointed to the blank line in the baby book where his name should have been.

  She went to a dainty white desk by the wall and returned with a pen. She took the book from him and wrote in his name. His full name, such as it was.

  “He was born in Atlanta?” Sam asked.

  “Well,” she said, “your name is on his birth certificate. Dad made me go down there to have him, so word wouldn’t get out.”

  Sam could only stare at her in surprise. “Your dad made you drive all the way to Georgia? When you were in labor?”

  “No. We went down there two weeks beforehand. He was mayor and people were talking. He had enemies in politics. He made me promise not to tell anyone. He wanted me to leave your name off, but I insisted.”

  Sam felt his blood pressure rise. “I’m sorry, but that really pisses me off.”

  She shook her head in agitation. “He gave me a choice to either leave your name off or go to Atlanta. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “No, it matters to me,” Sam couldn’t help but say. “What the hell was so wrong with me? Am I a leper or something?”

  “At least my father stuck by me,” she said, meeting his gaze with anger in hers. “Even though I ruined his reputation.”

  “Yeah, well,” Sam said, forcing himself to calm down. Her father was dead and she was right, it was too late to get mad about it now.

  Jenna shook her head again, blinking rapidly. “Sorry. I don’t know why I even said anything. I’ll get you a copy of the birth certificate. But I’m afraid it says Samuel Strickland. I’ll see if I can get that fixed. And if you want a DNA test,” she said, returning the book to him so he could see his name there, properly there, “that’s okay. I don’t want you to have any doubts.”

  He didn’t want to offend her – he actually had no doubts. But his rational side warned him it wouldn’t be a bad idea. Just to forever know for a fact. And to have proof for those in his family who needed proof.

  “We’ll do it this week,” she said, saving him the trouble of thinking up a response. “I insist. I just have to find out how and where to get it done.”

  “If you want,” he said.

  She took the envelope from him. “I have most of the pictures on a flash drive. I’ll make you a copy. And I need to scan these latest pictures. I never got around to it. I should do that before the garage sale.”

  She was about to stand but he caught her arm. “Your sister said you had news.” She seemed intent on proving to him that Ethan was his son, which seemed a little odd, and he now wondered if the news had anything to do with him.

  “Oh, I got a promotion today,” she said with a slight wave as if the promotion wasn’t a big deal. “Starting next Monday, I’ll be a paralegal.”

  “Well, hey,” he said, trying to sound happy for her. “That’s great.”

  She smiled at him and left to scan the pictures. He watched her walk away. She was dressed in a smart light gray pantsuit, one that showed off her incredibly perfect and tight little butt. He leaned forward until he lost her from view. He’d once held her bare butt in his hands. He heated all over thinking of that night.

  Remembering he wasn’t alone, he forced himself to calm down and watched Ethan play, the bear now forgotten over by the wall. His thoughts soon turned to Jenna’s promotion, and what that promotion meant. He should be happy for her. But it meant she had a career here, in law just as she’d always planned. She had a life here. She probably had before, he just hadn’t really thought about it.

  How could he ask her to leave, to give it all up, and move with him to Texas? He thought of Jack and cursed whatever forces seemed to be screwing with their lives. He hadn’t thought up a backup plan.

  He could only do what his dad usually suggested in situations like these. He had to roll with the punches.

  Ethan came over, handed him a wooden block, and then ran back to his play area. “Thank, thankie, thankie, block, block, block,” Sam sang to his son, who caught the joke and burst out laughing. Ethan fell onto his back and kept laughing, kicking his legs in the air.

  Surprised, Sam laughed with him. Damn, but he loved that kid. He’d never understood his brothers and Frankie when they’d talked about it. He loved his nieces and nephews, would do anything for them. But it wasn’t like this. This was unlike anything he’d ever imagined.

  He opened the photo album again. He wanted to make sure he didn’t miss any more moments, any more pictures. He had to think up a new plan.

  He went over and sat o
n the floor to play with his son, who immediately set him to work putting together a puzzle with huge pieces. “Do that,” Ethan ordered. “Do that.”

  Ethan looked so serious Sam had to smile. “You’re the boss.”

  “Boss,” Ethan agreed. Then he hopped away chattering rapidly in some leftover baby language.

  Jenna returned after a while and he got up to meet her on the couch again. She handed him a flash drive.

  She slid a little closer, so close their knees almost touched. Almost. He slid his knee over and she watched him, watched him press his knee against hers, and she didn’t slide away. But she didn’t comment.

  “I was thinking,” she said. “We need to tell Ethan you’re his father.” She glanced at her son. Her eyes were a little red and he wondered if she’d been crying. “He needs to start thinking of you that way. I hope he won’t ever remember a time when he didn’t know who you were.”

  Caught off guard, Sam worried he might be the one to cry. He’d never thought about a moment like that. A moment when Ethan would have to be told. One day soon, Ethan might actually call him Dad. Or Daddy.

  “I made him laugh,” he told her, needing a moment to get hold of himself. And he couldn’t help but brag. “I made a joke and he caught it and laughed. No, scratch that. He thought it was hilarious.”

  Jenna nodded as if impressed.

  “He’s one smart kid,” he said.

  “Yes, he is.”

  “Must get that from you.”

  She let out a little sigh. “Well, I don’t know about that.”

  He wanted to kiss her then, pull her to him and lay one on her. Then lay her back on the couch. But their son was in the room.

  “Let’s go out,” he suggested. “Let’s go celebrate.”

  “Celebrate?” she said as if surprised.

  “Your promotion. My new fatherhood.”

  “Oh.” She turned away a little, looking toward the doorway. “I can’t. Bri’s had him all day. She needs a break and she wanted to go out and look for a job this evening.”

  He hadn’t meant they should leave Ethan behind and was about to say so when Brianna suddenly hopped into the room.