Fractured Breaths

by Zoey Derrick

  Liam’s breathing changes behind me. I turn to him. “You didn’t know that, did you?”

  “I knew he was killed, that’s…that’s how I knew to go looking for you and when I couldn’t find you, I figured Ricci had gotten his claws in you.”

  “You can say that again. The only reason I know is because they made me watch them torture and kill my father. His death came only after he divulged the names of the cops he was working with.”

  “That was a bad year for the NYPD. They lost four more officers after your father’s death. They could never tie them to Ricci,” Liam says looking between Bryan and me.

  “Did you ever tell anyone this?” Bryan asks, bringing me back around to face him.

  “Which part?”

  “Any of it?” Bryan asks.

  “I used my father’s death as leverage to get my Becca identity. I needed a change and to do that I had to ditch the other name. I told them who killed my father and led them to something they didn’t even know they were missing,” I explain.

  “Are you talking about the box, the one they found in the subway?” Liam asks.

  “How’d you know about that?” I ask him.

  “It’s a long story, but the short of it is that McMurray – I think that was his name – made no secret of the fact he’d ‘figured out something no one else could’.” Liam rolls his eyes. “More or less, he took credit for it.”

  “Whatever,” I grumble.

  “What was in the box? And how did you know about it?” Bryan looks at me for a response.

  I look to Liam for guidance on whether I should share or not. He gives me a slight nod. “It was the black book of women. It had detailed accounts of all the women trafficked into the US from all over the world. It contained passports, photos, birth certificates, their new identities and then whether they were alive, incarcerated or dead,” I tell them both.

  “They used the information contained within to further their case against Ricci and those who ran the trafficking side of the business. They also used it to solve missing persons cases going back more than forty years. Law enforcement was finally able to give more than four hundred families the closure they needed,” Liam adds.

  “Jesus Christ,” Bryan spats. “How in the hell did you know about that box?”

  “That’s another long story, but the bottom line is I spent way too much time coherent around my captors. I never drank, did drugs, hell, I barely took Tylenol while I was in their possession. I didn’t need anything clouding my judgement.” A shiver creeps up my spine and I shudder at the memories of being in that house. “Living in that hell hole was bad enough; I didn’t need to wake up not remembering what happened the night before. Because of that, I overheard a lot. Mostly between Fat Tony and his idiot goons. Sometimes Ricci himself, though that was a rare occurrence. I was a good girl. I did what I was told, never gave the guys trouble and I earned their leniency. I was a free-roaming prisoner.”

  Without realizing I’m doing it, my hand runs along the back of my neck as I feel the scars that are there. I remember the days of being tracked like an animal.

  “You alright?” Bryan asks.

  “Huh? Yeah.” I look at him.

  “You got kind of pale on me.”

  I frown. “Sorry. I...” I lift my hair off my neck and turn around, showing him the scars. Liam grumbles something under his breath about humans not being animals. I give him a small smile as Bryan looks at my neck.

  “What happened there?”

  I snort, “Each night I was chosen, I would be escorted, usually by two different men, to wherever it was I was supposed to go for the evening. Then, most nights when it was over, I would get picked up at the same location. As time went on and I proved my loyalty to Tony and Ricci, I was given leniency to return to the house on my own.”

  “Why didn’t you run?” Bryan asks.

  I drop my hair. “Those scars are why. I was tagged.” I turn back around to face them. “If we got picked up by the cops, which happened often enough, and we didn’t return home, they’d know where we were. It took me a long time to figure out how they knew where we were. I always figured someone inside the police department contacted someone who called someone, so on and so forth. While that may have been the case, the chips were a surefire way to make certain they knew where we were at all times.”

  Bryan’s eyes take on a heated look as anger coats his features and Liam is cursing left and right behind me. “Look you two, it’s in the past. I can’t fucking change it and neither can you.”

  “It doesn’t mean I don’t fucking feel guilty for not getting you out of there faster,” Liam barks.

  “Liam, stop. You did what you could. You had a cover to maintain, I understand that now. But what I don’t understand is why, if you were an undercover agent, I never saw you again,” I shout. “You promised me you’d protect me and then I was interrogated for days on end with no sight of you. How do I know you’re not still working for Ricci?”

  I step away from both of them.

  Bryan goes to say something but Liam cuts him off and speaks.

  “Do you remember the day of the raid on the house?”

  “Vividly,” I snap.

  “What you may or may not know is there were nine other raids happening in the city at that exact same time. It was a total sting operation. Between the FBI, CIA, ATF, and NYPD, we took down Ricci’s entire organization that day. After the tactical part of the raid was over, I left. I had to in order for the techs to get in there and comb the place for any information they could find. I was sent to another building, another raid.” Liam moves around the counter toward me. He stops a few feet in front of me. “That raid was organized based on misinformation. We were under the impression it was a drug warehouse. A simple in and out.” Anger builds in his face as he continues his story. “We were very wrong. Instead of a warehouse full of drugs, we found a building full of weapons- everything from guns, to missiles, to rockets, explosives, to you fucking name it. If it was shot or launched, it was in this warehouse. It was also one of Ricci’s most protected buildings. This meant we charged in and we were in for the fight of our lives.”

  Tears begin to streak down Liam’s cheeks, but he continues, “We lost a total of eleven officers that day. Eight of them in that warehouse alone.” He leans down and lifts his pant leg.

  Slowly I’m able to make out what I’m looking at. Liam has a prosthetic leg. “Oh god,” I sob.

  “I wasn’t there for you because I was in the hospital.”

  “I had no idea,” I breathe.

  He gives me a sad smile as he drops his pant leg back down. “Not many people do, lass. Just you, Bryan and my old partner. I’m sure there are more. But I was one of twenty-two injuries in that building. By the time I was well enough, you’d already been shipped off to California. Due to my undercover gig, I was not privy to your name or your location.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  What next?

  BRYAN

  “I’ll be honest, I knew it was bad, but…” I say aloud before thinking about what I’m saying.

  “I’m sorry, I just needed you to know.”

  “Oh, it doesn’t change anything,” I reassure her because it’s the truth. I do my best to show how sincere my words are and say, “What happened to you is something that should never happen to anyone, and I cannot express to you just how sorry I am that it happened to you. But, it’s in the past, Livia, just as you said. There is nothing you, Liam, or I can do to change it.”

  “I have demons, Bryan. Very deep, dark demons.”

  I snort humorlessly, “I would be more concerned if you didn’t have them.”

  “Have you ever sought out counseling?” Liam asks Livia.

  “No,” she states very matter of fact. “Until this year, I’ve avoided talking to anyone about my past. But somewhere in the middle of an outlet store in Phoenix I realized I needed to stop running from my past.”

  “An outlet store?” I ques
tion.

  She laughs a little. “Ireland,” she says by way of explanation and I raise an eyebrow, prompting her to continue. She swallows before answering me, “I don’t let myself get attached to anyone, except for Ireland, so when she and Dyson were in the process of trying to figure their shit out I became a bit of a bitch. I was being catty and stupid. I felt like I was losing my best friend.” She folds her arms over her chest and asks, “Can I have some more wine?”

  “Of course,” Liam answers and steps behind the island to retrieve the bottle.

  “I would have never guessed,” she says shyly as she watches him walk.

  “If it wouldn’t have explained where I was, then I probably wouldn’t have shown you either. The only reason Bryan knows is because I met him in a bar and my limp was much more pronounced back then. I don’t make a habit of telling people, so I’ve worked very hard to cover it up as best I can,” he tells her and it’s true.

  “It shows.” She smiles at him as he hands her another glass of wine. She takes it and swallows half of it down before setting the glass back down on the island.

  “She cornered me in the dressing room over why I don’t really show emotion and why I can’t be more open with her. I saw the hurt in her eyes when she understood I wouldn’t be sharing anything. It bothered me.” She chuckles, “It was just a few days before you came into CatTails. The irony is I was already making changes in my life.”

  “How so?” I ask.

  “Around the time Ireland and I were getting ready to move in with each other, I’d decided it would be easier for me to give up stripping so I wouldn’t have to explain to her where I was all hours of the night. But then,” Sadness moves over her features, “her mom died unexpectedly.” She wipes a tear from her cheek. “She was so torn up. I didn’t know what to do and it started bringing back memories of the past that I had long forgotten, or thought I had. Then after she got home from Missouri, she found Dyson. Her life changed and she started opening up to me. I realized there was so much more to life than stripping in a dingy club and whoring myself out. I shut down my website, but it didn’t stop my usual tricks at the bar.” She looks at Liam very pointedly.

  “What’s that all about?” I ask.

  Liam looks at me and inquires, “Do you remember that night we went to Blu, after the strip club?”

  “Yes,” I say hesitantly.

  “Well, I followed her out of the bar. She was with someone, and I was curious what she was up to and while I couldn’t hear too much of their conversation, I caught on to what she was doing. I waited outside the guy’s house and followed her to where I thought was home, but it turned out she was staying in the same hotel as you were. It wasn’t my proudest moment,” he says sheepishly.

  “No, it wasn’t,” Livia adds. “But it made me wake up and realize I needed to get my shit together. I needed to come clean with my best friend and most importantly, I needed to open myself up more.”

  “And did you?”

  She looks at me. “Did I…?”

  “Come clean to your friend?”

  She nods her head. “Yes, I did. It wasn’t pretty, but I did. I hurt her. She was so mad at me, but the twist to it was the fact that she was mad at me for stripping and prostituting myself because she knew I was so much better than that and she’s right.”

  “Yes, you are,” Liam and I say in unison.

  “So, what now?” Livia asks before turning to me. She ignores Liam and she says to me, “I drove all this way for the chance to apologize to you for running out on you that night.”

  I shake my head back and forth. “You have nothing to apologize for, Livia.”

  “But I do. I wanted what happened that night to be special, to be different, and it was so much better than I could have imagined. I panicked.”

  “I didn’t treat you very fairly that night. I got angry because I didn’t want you to leave. I was afraid if you walked out that door, I’d never see you again.”

  “I’m here now.” She smiles at me. “But we still have some problems.” She turns back to Liam. “If we’re going to do this, the press is going to have a field day with my past. Becca Carpenter was a stripper and a prostitute, though never arrested as such, but she still has a record.” Her voice portrays her embarrassment. “Livia Fazio is dead. So, what do we do?”

  I look to Liam as this is his area of expertise, but I add what I find most important, “To me, she’s Livia, no matter what.”

  Liam nods his understanding. “My concern is your friends, Ireland, Dyson, and the fact that the Michaels know who you are. This wouldn’t be the first alias Cami has ever dealt with and that girl has her own skeletons in the closet, but I think we can make something work.”

  “Good,” she says then turns back to me. “Now, where were we?” She smiles an impish smile.

  I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. “Starting over.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  It’s all so new.

  LIVIA

  Bryan’s declaration brings new hope that this just might work between us. All my cards are on the table, I have very little left to hide when it comes to my past. If he’s accepting this, then we have a chance to move forward.

  The darkness settles in outside as we sit down to eat. My nerves are shot from the conversation and it’s making eating difficult. Liam’s cooking skills surprise me. He’s good at it.

  Our conversation flows effortlessly from serious to free and fun.

  Bryan reluctantly answers a phone call about two-thirds of the way through dinner that he couldn’t ignore anymore. When I asked Liam about the call, he said that its business and he explained that Bryan is adamant about leaving business at the door when it comes to meals, but it doesn’t always work out that way. No matter how hard Bryan tries to put work away during certain activities, it’s a constant reminder that his job takes precedence.

  “What do you want me to do?” Liam asks me when Bryan leaves the room.

  “About?”

  “You, your identity.”

  “I’m wondering if this is a conversation for right now. I’m getting ahead of myself assuming he wants to take our relationship public. We barely know each other,” I admit. And it’s true, we don’t know each other. However, any man who can accept me for who I am, flaws and baggage included, deserves a chance. “I’d hate to see you go through the hassle and this turn out to be nothing.”

  Liam snorts. “If you think he’s going to let you go, for-get-it,” he emphasizes. “He’s been a mess since we left Phoenix. I don’t remember the last time he slept in his own bed. He’s spent hours upon hours in that studio and tonight is the first time I’ve seen him relax in months.”

  Liam’s forthcoming attitude warms my heart. My gaze travels to the door Bryan left through and I wonder if he’s feeling what I’m feeling. Is it possible? I’ve met the man twice. The first time I danced naked for him. And I slept with him the second time. That doesn’t have to mean the attraction I felt from the moment I laid eyes on him isn’t real. I’m a firm believer that there are people who come into your life that you just know are meant for you. Ireland was the first person to be that way for me. Thinking about that now, I realize I was more ready for a relationship than I realized. The idea of a relationship sends my heart into triple time.

  “Think about that night at the party, lass. Everything that transpired before you left the bar. You might not remember it the way I do, but the two of you were inseparable. Add in the fact that you literally drove across the country for a chance to apologize. Tell me you didn’t expect this to happen?”

  I can only blink at him. He’s right, of course. I have no intention of going anywhere until Bryan tells me to get lost. “I had hope,” I state simply. “Things could have gone terribly wrong.” I take a deep breath and explain, “Honestly, had this not gone so well, I would have disappeared.”

  “Running isn’t the answer,” Liam says with sadness in his voice.

  “It
’s the only thing I know to do.”

  Liam nods in understanding. “Not anymore. I assure you, you’re safe.”

  “For now.”

  “Listen, you need to understand that the Ricci crime family is dead. Those who could possibly have had any beef against you are either dead or in jail for the rest of their lives and that’s based on what they’ve already been convicted of. That’s not counting the mounting case in the trafficking portion of the investigation. When that comes to fruition, there are going to be a lot of domestic and international arrests made. I assure you, those people are so far removed from you that you shouldn’t even consider they’d come after you. No one, and I do mean no one, knows you’re the one who lead the Bureau to the box. Trust me when I tell you that McMurray made that his personal find and he took all the credit for it.”

  “How do you know my name isn’t in some file somewhere?”

  He nods and reaches into his pocket for something, his phone. He presses a couple of buttons and then there’s ringing. It takes two before someone comes on the line. “Declan,” the voice answers.

  “Dec, it’s Liam.”

  “Hey man, what’s going on?”

  “You busy?”

  Declan snorts into the phone, “Always, but what can I do for you?”

  “McMurray…”

  “That fuck-tard, what’s he done now?”

  Liam indicates toward the phone with a smirk. “The box.”

  “Oh, for the love of, what the hell are you bringing that up for?” Declan demands and Liam smiles.

  “How’d he find it?”

  A gruff laugh comes through the phone before Declan responds. “He found it, according to him, along with other documents. But honestly, I’m pretty sure someone, somewhere, tipped him off. That man is the dullest tool in the shed.”

  “Say someone did tip him off?” I look at Liam with wide eyes. I’m not sure I want to know where he’s going with this. “Would he have documented it?”