by Leigh Bale
* * *
When she heard Tanner’s soft knock on her front door, Zoë hurried to open it wide. She glanced at the clock on the wall, worried by the late hour. Worried Tanner’s truck might have broken down along the side of the road or gotten a flat tire.
Now her son was home. He was safe. And she could stop fretting.
After kissing her sleeping child on the forehead, she relaxed. She noticed a smear of ketchup on Jonah’s chin and a stain of chocolate on his shirt. “Looks like he had plenty to eat.”
Tanner nodded, his angular face covered with deep shadows in the darkened room. “He ate everything in sight.”
“Thank you for taking him.” She whispered the words so she wouldn’t disturb Jonah. She didn’t mean to be a worrywart, but she’d never been parted from her son for so long.
“You’re welcome.”
Zoë walked back to the living room and Tanner followed. She wrapped her sweater around her and spoke in a quiet voice. “Did you two have fun?”
He stared at her bare feet and swallowed twice, as though a lump had formed in his throat. A strong emotion filled his eyes, which she didn’t recognize. As though he were fighting himself. “Yes, we had the best time. Thank you for sharing your son with me, Zoë. He’s a great kid.”
His declaration touched Zoë’s heart. Even though Jonah’s father had died, the Lord had brought this kind man into her little boy’s life.
Into her life.
Taking a deep breath, she released it on a sigh. “No matter how much I try, I can’t be both a father and a mother to my son. Your willingness to help means a great deal to both Jonah and me.”
Tanner stood close. Too close. And yet, she didn’t have the heart to put more distance between them. A sense of longing pulsed through her veins. She wished they could be closer than just friends.
“Would you like to sit down? Are you hungry?” she asked.
He hesitated, as though he felt conflicted.
“No, it’s late. I’d better get going.” Tanner’s gaze lowered to her lips, then shot over to the door. But he didn’t take a step. Didn’t move a muscle.
Zoë couldn’t read his expression in the dimly lit room. His gaze locked with hers for several pounding moments. Then he looked away, as though fighting himself. He seemed almost desperate to leave. And yet, a part of him seemed to want to stay.
“It is late,” she agreed, refusing to make this easier on him. Or herself.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stepped back, breaking eye contact with her.
“Tomorrow? It’s Sunday.” She bit down on her bottom lip. She’d invited him to church before and he’d refused.
“Yeah, I know.” He stood on her front step, the pale moonlight gleaming off his short dark hair. His amber eyes darkened to coal-black.
“But Jonah and I go to church on Sunday.”
“Yep, I know.”
“Do you want to go to church with Jonah and me?” She asked the taboo question one more time, refusing to give up on Tanner any more than God would ever give up on her. They still had to work together. She didn’t want to upset him and make their jobs any more difficult, and yet, she believed she had a duty to encourage Tanner to return to the Lord.
“We’ll see.” He swiveled around and walked off into the night, leaving her standing there in confusion.
What did he mean? He hadn’t said no. But neither had he said yes.
She folded her arms against the balmy night air, watching as he got into his truck and drove away. As his taillights gleamed red at the first stoplight on the corner, she turned and closed the door.
A flicker of hope speared her heart and she couldn’t contain a soft laugh of victory.
He hadn’t said no.
* * *
Tanner drove himself home, a bead of perspiration breaking out on his forehead. His hands trembled around the steering wheel. He parked his truck and sat there in the dark, staring at the lamppost near the mailboxes of his apartment complex. Against every wish and desire of his heart, against his common sense and best interests, he’d fallen in love with Jonah.
And what about Zoë?
He wasn’t sure what he felt for her, though he’d come to care deeply for her. Strong feelings he couldn’t explain. Even with Cheryl, he’d never felt like this. So content, yet the feeling was intense and consuming. And frightening.
He had to do something fast to quit thinking about Zoë all the time. To quit longing to be near her. To stop himself from loving her.
Like what?
He raked his fingers through his hair, wondering why he kept fighting the attraction between them. He just couldn’t seem to let go and take that leap of faith one more time. But he couldn’t ignore the way they seemed to fit each other so perfectly, either.
Over the past few weeks, he and Zoë had visited more and more farmers. Most of them had cooperated and agreed to have a fish screen installed on their property. When someone refused, Tanner stood back and let Zoë explain what the unpleasant options might be. He and Zoë seemed to have found a balance in their working relationship. He could no longer deny that he found her highly capable, professional, intelligent and completely wonderful.
He identified with Jonah in more ways than one. The Jonah from the biblical story, that is. The prophet whom the Lord had called on a mission to the wicked people of Nineveh. Instead, Jonah had run away, trying to hide from the world. But he couldn’t hide from God. And somehow, the Lord had found Jonah and called him to repent. It’d taken a trip down into a whale’s stomach for Jonah to become humble enough to acquiesce to what God wanted him to do.
So now what? Did Tanner need to be swallowed by a whale before he realized what God wanted from him? He couldn’t hide anymore. He had to live in this world. He had to open his heart and make a difference. And he could do that for Zoë and her son.
And maybe for himself, too.
Something had happened to him during the father-son outing. Something he couldn’t explain. During the morning devotional, he’d felt a calming influence settle over him. A still, small voice whispered within him that everything would be all right. That he didn’t need to keep worrying about his relationship with Zoë. But what did that really mean? He had no answers on how to proceed. She’d move back to Portland and he’d stay here. But that was still weeks away. He had to decide what he was going to do in the here and now.
Blaine Milan had invited Tanner to church on Sunday. The man seemed so comfortable in his own skin and genuine in everything he did. Strong in his faith.
Tanner wanted to emulate that.
Tanner hadn’t been to church in ages. And now he couldn’t help wondering if he’d missed something. The companionship. The worship of God. The insight into his own needs, desires and failings, which he needed to overcome.
He liked the way he’d felt during the devotional that morning, listening to the simple yet sweet opening prayer offered by a boy not much older than Jonah. And then the short lesson on God’s love for all His children and heeding the Holy Spirit. Tanner couldn’t explain all the emotions he’d felt today, but he knew he liked them. And he craved more of the same. He felt happy for the first time in a long time. And it was all because of Zoë and Jonah.
Perhaps Zoë was right. Maybe it was time to let go of his indifference toward God. He realized without being told that if he did that he’d also forgive Cheryl for what she’d done. He wouldn’t be bitter about losing his parents and grandparents when he was young. And that sounded so appealing. So freeing. He just didn’t want to be angry anymore. At anyone.
Hmm. Maybe he ought to take Blaine up on his invitation. Maybe even a gruff fish-and-wildlife specialist like him deserved a second chance with the Lord.
Chapter Ten
“Billie, your mom’s here,” Zo
ë called toward the back of her house as she opened the front door.
Debbie stood on the porch step wearing a pair of capris and sandals, her cheeks flushed with color as she shifted her baby on her hip. Mindy, her toddler, clung to her other hand. “Hi, Zoë. Was Billie any trouble this afternoon?”
“Of course not. The boys play so quietly together I have to check on them frequently just to see what they might be up to.” She picked up Mindy and stepped back to let Debbie inside.
“I know what you mean. Sometimes quietness is a sign of disaster. I made the mistake of ignoring Mindy once when she was playing too quietly and discovered she’d plugged the bathroom sink and flooded the bathroom with water.”
Zoë cringed with sympathy. “Oh, no! That would not be fun.”
Debbie set the baby on the floor before she plopped down into a soft chair. Making happy bubbling sounds, the infant immediately crawled across the Berber carpet and pulled himself up against the sofa. Zoë set Mindy on her feet and the girl plopped down beside a basket of toys.
“Would you like something to drink?” Zoë offered.
“I’d love a glass of water. It’s hot outside today.”
Zoë retrieved a glass before filling it with ice and chilled water from the fridge. She returned to the living room and handed the glass to Debbie. “Did you get your shopping done?”
“Yep.” Debbie took several swallows before lowering the glass.
They chatted for several minutes, in no hurry to chase down the boys.
“You’ll never guess who I saw downtown in the grocery store.” Debbie took another sip from her glass.
“Who?”
“Tanner Bohlman.”
“Oh?” Every muscle in Zoë’s body tightened, but she tried not to show her reaction.
Debbie’s shrewd gaze rested on Zoë like a ten-ton sledge. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on between you two?”
Zoë shifted nervously in her chair. “What do you mean?”
“Come on. I see the way you two look at each other.”
“Nothing’s going on. We work together, nothing more.”
“Yeah, right. I have eyes in my head. You both light up like the Fourth of July every time you see each other. He asked me about you today.”
“He did?”
“Yes, he asked if you were watching Billie for me. I told him you were. I also told him he should call and ask you out.”
Zoë gasped. “No, tell me you didn’t do that.”
Debbie laughed. “No, I didn’t, but I sure wanted to. You two seem made for each other.”
Zoë scoffed, trying not to feel nervous about this conversation. “Tanner and I work together—that’s all.”
“You sure it isn’t something more? He did take Jonah on the father-son outing, after all.”
“He was just being kind. There’s nothing to it. At least not for him. He’s struggling with his own problems and needs to figure them out by himself.”
“You’re talking about Cheryl.”
Zoë froze. “How do you know about Cheryl?”
The chair creaked as Debbie sat forward. She reached to help balance the toddler as the little girl held on to the edge of the coffee table and crossed the carpet. “You forget I’ve lived here all my life. This is a small town and people talk. I remember when Cheryl broke Tanner’s heart. His best friend came to visit just weeks before their wedding and that was that.”
Though she didn’t like gossip, Zoë had to ask. “What happened between them?”
Debbie lifted one shoulder. “Cheryl moved to Boise and married the other guy. Apparently, Tanner took it real hard. Not only did he lose the woman he loved just before their wedding, but he also lost his best friend.”
Zoë bit back a gasp. “His best friend?”
“Correction. His ex-best friend.”
“Oh, no.”
“Oh, yes.”
Zoë bit her bottom lip, her heart aching for Tanner’s loss. “Poor Tanner.”
“So, have you told him you’re interested in him yet?”
Confusion fogged Zoë’s mind. “Of course not. I don’t know what you mean.”
“It’s obvious, honey. You like him. A lot. Why not tell him? Blaine is friends with him. Believe me, my hubby was furious when he heard what Cheryl had done. We’d love to see Tanner happily settled with someone who deserves him. And you’d be great together. You have so much in common and he obviously loves Jonah. He’s tall and handsome and you’re so gorgeous. He’s a great catch and you’d make a cute couple.”
Zoë had heard enough. Shaking her head, she stood. “Maybe for someone else. I’ve got my hands full with my own life. I don’t need any more complications. Besides, I’m moving back to Portland soon.”
“You ought to think about staying here.”
“No, my job is there.” She didn’t add that Tanner had trust issues. She didn’t want to immerse herself and Jonah in that kind of trouble. Tanner would have to reconcile his problems on his own terms. Something like this couldn’t be rushed. And Zoë didn’t want herself or Jonah to be a casualty in the process.
“Can’t you get another job here?”
Zoë snorted. “In this economy?”
“Yeah, it’d probably be the same problem if Tanner moved to Portland. I can see you don’t want to talk about it. But if you ever change your mind, I’m willing to listen.” Debbie picked up the baby, grabbed her toddler’s hand and stood before calling for Billie again.
After they’d left, Zoë sat on the sofa in her living room and hugged a tasseled pillow to her chest. Her gaze was fixed on the TV, but she didn’t see the evening news or follow any of the dialogue. Her mind kept traveling back over what Debbie had said.
Tanner was a great catch and she had strong feelings for him, but she had to accept the truth that he wasn’t the man for her. She needed someone who was calm, settled and loved the Lord as much as she did. Someone from Portland. So why did she keep perusing the job listings for this area? And why did she entertain thoughts of staying in Steelhead instead of returning to Oregon?
Yes, Tanner was good at his job, handsome, smart and funny. But he wasn’t what a widow with a young son to raise needed in her life. No, not at all.
* * *
Zoë waded into the stream. Even through her rubber knee-high waders, she felt the warm temperature of the water swirling about her ankles. Not crisp and cold, like a healthy creek ought to be.
Tall tree trunks, grayed by death and devoid of leaves, lined the meandering flow of Hansen Creek. A clutter of dried sticks and vegetation clung to the yellowed rocks and sloping banks. There was no life whatsoever showing within the riparian area. Looking up, she gazed at the caustic water. It ran clear, but it couldn’t be healthy.
Something had killed this creek. No doubt that something was the now-defunct cobalt and copper mine sitting a scant mile above them high in the Bingham Mountains.
Two hours earlier, Tanner had taken Zoë to view the five million tons of waste-rock piles at the abandoned mine. She’d never worked on a mine contamination cleanup before, but she knew what it meant to the environment. Each time a thunderstorm or snowmelt hit the area, soils filled with arsenic, zinc, cobalt and copper washed down the mountain, killing every living thing it came into contact with.
Cautious not to lose her footing on the slick rocks, she straddled the creek and leaned down to dip a glass vial into the water to take another sample. She snapped the lid onto the vial, then scrawled a few notes on the label. Her rubber gloves gave her a better grip on the slippery vials. For the umpteenth time since she’d first dipped her hands into the water, she scratched her right wrist, then her lower arm. Maybe she’d been bitten by mosquitoes.
“How’s it going?” Tanner called nearby from shore.
As usual, he’d driven her up here, describing the condition of the tributary and surrounding area. So far, their conversation had been completely sterile. Only once had Tanner asked how Jonah was doing. That was it. No mention of the father-son outing. No discussion about the wonderful time the boys had together. No appearance at church yet.
“Good. Almost done,” she said.
She scratched again, surprised to find a pinkish rash covering her wrist. Almost like an allergic reaction to something. Maybe the new lotion she’d worn that morning. Or perhaps she’d brushed against a poisonous plant as she’d hiked along the waterway. Hmm. Very odd.
Shrugging it off, she placed the samples inside the hip bag she wore draped sideways across her body, then moved farther downstream to the confluence where Hansen Creek joined with Clear Creek. She waded out into the middle of the stream. The swifter current beat against her calves, threatening to knock her over if she wasn’t careful.
Sloshing over to the shore, she dipped a last vial into the bluish mud of the streambed. In a normal riparian area, this soil should be black and rich with nutrients.
“You getting the samples you need?” Tanner stood nearby, his cheeks and nose showing a hint of sunburn.
She faced him. “Yes. You know, I’ve been thinking. You mentioned that the lower seven miles of Bingham River has dried up due to water diversion by irrigators. There isn’t enough water for the fish to swim up or down the river, so they can’t get through to the tributaries and reach their spawning beds. You also said the farmers and ranchers don’t need all the water they’ve been taking out for irrigation.”
Tanner nodded. “That’s correct. Right now, the farmers take out too much.”
She shifted her weight, continuing with her idea. “So, what if we ask the farmers to cut their water use in half for three days and nights in a row? That short a time shouldn’t cause them any duress. We could coordinate the dates with them so we’re all on the same schedule and see if it might make a difference in the water level of the river.”