by Leigh Bale
* * *
Tanner stared at Zoë. Why hadn’t he thought of this? “You know, that just might work. It certainly couldn’t hurt. I’ll bet the Fish and Wildlife Service would help us with the project.”
Her sun-kissed nose crinkled with her smile. “And we could time it for when the salmon are ready to swim upriver. Three days would give them all the time they need to go up and for the smaller fish to come down on their journey to the ocean.”
Yes! The more he thought about this idea, the more he liked it. He smiled wide, barely able to contain his enthusiasm. “Zoë, I think it just might work. You know that fish trap we have at the mouth of Bingham River? We could hold the fish there until the water conditions are right, then open it to let the fish come upstream. We would know very soon if it was working. It’s a cooperative gesture that would involve a lot of different players, but I don’t know many farmers who would refuse to help for such a short time.”
“Well, you taught me that compromise and cooperation get the job done better than threats.”
He gave her a quizzical frown. “I taught you that?”
“Uh-huh. Among other things.” Her face lit up in a teasing smile.
“What other things?”
She just laughed but didn’t say anything further.
For the next thirty minutes, they discussed plans for their new project. How to get word out to all the farmers. Who should be involved in the endeavor. The best time for the experiment to take place so that it allowed the most fish to move up and down the river. How they might track and determine their rate of success.
Tanner took a cleansing breath. “I’ll call for a meeting first thing next week.”
“Good. We’ll need to get moving quickly. We’ve got just enough time to set it all up before the fish need to start their trek upstream.”
Filled with expectations, he waited while Zoë labeled her last sample and tucked it inside her bag with the others.
When she climbed out of the water, she rubbed both her wrists. “I’ve got to get these gloves off. My hands and arms are itching like crazy.”
Tanner held her elbow as she climbed over the rocks. While she pulled off her gloves, he handed her a dry towel so she could mop off the water. She sat on the ground near her dry socks and hiking boots and gasped.
“Look at this!” She pointed at her gloves, then her hip waders.
Tanner was surprised to see small holes dotting each rubber boot. “What on earth do you think caused it?”
“I have no idea. The holes weren’t there when I put my boots on several hours ago. It looks like little bugs have eaten their way through my waders.”
“Do you think the high concentration of copper could have done this?”
“It’s hard to know for sure. It’s ironic that there’s so much focus on nuclear waste when we’re leaving tons of mine tailings in our mountains to contaminate our streams. The tailings problem will be here forever.”
Tanner grasped the toe of one wader and tugged while Zoë pushed the boot off. She’d stuffed the pant legs of her blue jeans down into the waders to keep them dry. Her gaze lifted to Tanner’s face. “I’m just thankful no water invaded my boots.”
“Me, too.” He gazed at her hands with misgivings. The rash covered every inch of her fingers and wrists.
“I think this is a chemical burn.” She rubbed her open palms, careful not to scratch and make the wounds worse.
Tanner knelt beside her, concerned by her discomfort. “What would have caused this?”
They both turned to stare at the creek. The trickling sound of the stream moving across the rocks appeared harmless and soothing to the ear. At first glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except the absence of plant life.
“You didn’t happen to notice any fish or frogs swimming in the stream, did you?” Tanner asked.
Zoë shook her head. “Not even a single bug or fly. Something’s seriously wrong here, Tanner. Something bad.”
He nodded. “Yeah, wait right here. I’ll get the first-aid kit.”
He jogged toward the green Forest Service truck parked two hundred yards away, conscious of her gaze following him. By the time he returned carrying a case of bottled water, she had her socks and boots back on her feet.
“Whatever you were working in needs to be rinsed off right now,” he said.
Nodding at his common sense, she let him pop the lids of each bottle and drain the fresh water over her arms. He then knelt beside her and wrapped a clean orange towel around each of her hands.
She laughed. “I feel like I’m wearing two fat jack-o’-lanterns. I can’t wait to get these samples back to my lab.”
He didn’t look up from his work, trying to be infinitely gentle as he spread the cream over her skin. “We’re going to the hospital first.”
Because her hands were wrapped up, he helped her stand, then gathered up the other damp towels and her bags.
Back in the truck, he turned onto the main road and headed down the mountain. An urgency built within him to get her back to town. The burns on her hands could be serious, and he wasn’t about to let them linger without medical care.
He tried to tell himself his concern was just because she was a coworker and he was responsible for her. But deep inside, he knew it was much more than that. He just refused to acknowledge it right now. And he possibly never would.
Chapter Eleven
Thirty-five minutes later, Zoë was grateful for Tanner’s help. By the time they pulled into the emergency parking lot of the hospital in town, her hands burned like fire, the rash a bright, angry red.
Tanner accompanied her inside where he placed her in a chair, then hurried over to the reception desk. “We need a doctor right now, please.”
At least he was polite about it.
“What seems to be the problem, sir?”
He quickly explained. “She’s in a lot of pain.”
Very interesting, considering Zoë hadn’t told him this. But Tanner always seemed in tune with what she was thinking. As he leaned his arms against the front counter, he shifted his weight impatiently. And in a rush, his urgency reminded her that she wasn’t alone. For the first time in years, she had someone else looking out for her. And it felt good.
The receptionist handed Tanner a clipboard to take down her information. Tucking the clipboard beneath his arm, he returned to Zoë. His gaze scanned her face, as though searching for signs of distress. She’d never seen Tanner like this before. So concerned. So agitated and worried. As if he really cared.
Zoë reached for her purse, but Tanner slipped it away. Holding the pen and clipboard in his fingers, he wrote fast, his handwriting almost illegible as she dictated to him. It felt good to have Tanner here. His presence made her feel protected and safe.
“Remind me to never go kayaking in that tributary.” She tried to laugh, but the pain in her hands caused her to grimace instead.
He tilted his head, his hand never ceasing its movement as he wrote out her address, phone number and employment information. “You know how to kayak?”
She lifted one shoulder and smiled as happy memories from long ago washed through her mind. “Very well. My husband and I used to kayak the American River all the time, before I had Jonah. But I haven’t been since—”
The words caught in her throat. A rush of loneliness caused her to inhale a sharp breath.
“Since your husband died,” Tanner finished for her, glancing at her face.
She nodded, a deluge of tears pressing against the back of her eyes. Recognizing that she was feeling especially vulnerable right now, she refused to give in to her sudden emotions. Instead, she gazed at the crisp seams along the sleeves of his Forest Service shirt.
“How’d you like to go again?” he asked, slapping the pen o
n top of the clipboard as he reached to help her stand.
Her gaze met his. “What do you mean?”
He flashed that dazzling, lopsided smile of his. “With me. I’d like to take you kayaking. I still need to give you a tour of Whisper Creek. I guarantee that water won’t burn your hands. It’s pure and clean. And what better way to see it than to go kayaking? It has some amazing white water, but not too swift. Just what you need to get back into the groove of the sport.”
“I’d like that very much.”
As Zoë walked across the foyer, an orderly scurried over with a wheelchair and insisted she sit down. A sudden lump formed in her chest and she tried to swallow. For some crazy reason, Tanner’s invitation lit her up from the inside. Then she remembered this was just business. Nothing more.
He glanced down at the tips of her swollen fingers poking out of the towels. They weren’t pretty right now. No, they were inflamed and as red as beets.
“I’m so sorry about this,” he said.
Her heart felt as though it plunged downward toward her toes, wishing things could be different between them but knowing it was futile. “I know. I’ll be okay.”
The orderly pushed Zoë toward the hallway with Tanner walking close beside her.
“When do you want to go kayaking?” he asked.
“Soon.”
His gaze caressed her reddened wrists, his eyes filled with compassion. “I can schedule the trip once you’re well enough.”
“You name the day and time and I’ll be ready. I can make arrangements for Debbie Milan to watch Jonah next week.”
“That might be too soon.”
“Not for me.”
He licked his bottom lip, as though he regretted the suggestion. They could just drive up. They didn’t need to kayak the river. She wouldn’t force him, but she did look forward to the trip.
“I was thinking we should go in a few weeks. I’ll call you at home later to confirm the date and time,” he said.
“Do you have my home number?”
He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. As he unfolded it, she recognized the same note she’d written her name and cell-phone number on that crazy day when Jonah had crashed their shopping cart into Tanner’s truck.
So. He hadn’t thrown it away. He still had it with him. Maybe he wasn’t as remote about his feelings for her, after all.
“I’ve got it right here.” Tanner gave her a sheepish smile as the orderly pushed her inside an examination room.
Zoë didn’t say a word. She didn’t have to. Tanner would call her later. She knew it. He wouldn’t dare cancel on her. She was an invalid right now. And if a chemical burn was what it took to get Tanner to lower some of his barriers, maybe it had been worth it.
* * *
Tanner stayed at the hospital and drove Zoë home later that evening.
“I’m sorry about your hands,” he said for the umpteenth time.
“It wasn’t your fault. And you didn’t need to stay with me all this time. I could have found my own ride home.”
And yet, he still felt responsible. “Nonsense. It’s the least I could do. I should have taken the samples instead of you. I knew that creek was bad. I should have put you in a hazmat suit before letting you into that water.”
She reached across the expanse of the truck cab and touched his arm with her bandaged fingertips. “We didn’t know it was severe, Tanner. The doctor said I should be fine within a week or two.”
Tanner kept his eyes on the road. Her reassuring words washed over him like a soothing caress, but he still felt rotten about what had happened. He hated seeing her suffer even the slightest bit. His stomach clenched when he thought of how serious the damage to her hands might have been. It wasn’t anyone’s fault except the mine owners’, but he still felt responsible for her.
“Is Jonah at home now?” she asked.
“No, I got hold of the Milans, as you suggested. I spoke to Blaine. They’re keeping Jonah at their place overnight. Debbie will feed him dinner and give you time to rest your hands. They’ll get him ready and bring him to church tomorrow morning, too.”
Zoë nodded. “Dear Debbie and Blaine.”
“Nice folks.”
“Yes, they are. Do you have a best friend?” she asked.
He tightened his fingers around the steering wheel, wishing she hadn’t brought that up. “I did once.”
“But no more?”
A rush of memories filled his mind. Of him and Dave clowning around on the high school football team. Double-dating the homecoming queen and first runner-up. Hanging out at the local burger joint after school when they should have been home studying. Rooming together at Idaho State University in Pocatello. All the times they’d watched each other’s back. And then the hurtful betrayal.
“No, we’re not friends anymore,” he murmured.
“Why not?”
“He stole Cheryl, my fiancée.” There, he’d said the words out loud. For the first time since it’d happened.
“Ouch,” she whispered. “I’m sure that hurt.”
“It did.” He glanced at Zoë, feeling ugly inside.
“Did they get married?”
An icy fist clutched his heart. “Yes. I think they’re expecting their first child now.”
Dave had stolen the life Tanner planned for himself. He’d thought that finally he was going to have a family of his own. Someone to love. A place of belonging. A permanent home.
He’d been wrong.
“Then they’re still happy together?” Zoë said.
Tanner nodded, not daring to speak right now. Dave and Cheryl’s happiness was a constant reminder that it should have been him.
“I’m sorry they hurt you.”
He glanced at Zoë and caught the deep sympathy in her eyes.
“I keep going over what happened in my mind, trying to figure out what I did wrong,” he confessed.
“You did nothing wrong, Tanner. There’s no way to really explain why we fall in love with one special person. It happens. And then when we marry them, we have to lock our hearts and give only our spouse the key. I’m glad Cheryl didn’t marry you and hurt you later on.”
She gave him a soft smile, and somehow he didn’t feel quite as angry anymore. In fact, with Zoë here, the loss seemed to evaporate like dew beneath the summer sun. It just wasn’t there.
He shrugged. “They were in love and I wish them well.”
She reached over and nudged his arm with one bandaged hand. “Do you really mean that?”
He paused for several heartbeats, feeling the warm consolation of her touch. He listened to the sound of the truck engine as the tires sped across the gravel road leading up to Zoë’s house. As he searched his deepest feelings, he listened to his inner voice to discover the truth. “Yes. I’m glad we found out early, before I married Cheryl and we ended up divorced. I wouldn’t want to marry a woman who loved someone else.”
Zoë smiled. “I know it must have been very hard on you at the time, but I’m glad Cheryl and Dave found each other, too.”
He’d never looked at it that way. Yes, he’d been hurt when Cheryl had told him she didn’t really love him. That she’d fallen for Dave and planned to marry him. But Tanner had been so wrapped up in his own hurt that he hadn’t stopped to think about her happiness. And now he realized that if he’d really loved Cheryl the way a man should love a woman, he would have put her joy above his own without even trying.
In Zoë’s driveway, Tanner killed the motor and hurried to help her out of the truck. He held her arm until they were inside the house where he caught the faint aroma of cinnamon and apples. A homemade pie with fluted edges sat on the kitchen table along with a toy train.
“I made that for you.” Zo�
� nodded at the table.
He swallowed hard. “The train?”
She laughed at his humor. “No, silly. The pie.”
“You did?”
“Uh-huh. As a way of saying thank-you for all you’ve done for Jonah.”
He didn’t need to ask why. Obviously, she’d listened when he’d revealed his fond memories of his grandmother’s homemade pie. And like it or not, he couldn’t resist Zoë’s offering. In fact, the gesture squeezed his heart with such a longing for family and home that it almost hurt.
Chapter Twelve
Standing in her kitchen, Zoë’s gaze met and locked with Tanner’s for several pounding moments. Neither one spoke, and the air filled with a sizzle of expectancy and hope.
He looked away first, taking a step back as he slid his hands into his pants pockets. “Is there anything you need before I get going? I know it can be rough without the full use of your hands.”
“No, I’ll be fine. With the meds they gave me, I have no pain at all. The burns will heal quickly enough.”
Why hadn’t she said yes? I need your help. I need you to stay and help me fix something for dinner and turn on the TV and cuddle up on the couch and watch an old movie with me. I need you, Tanner. I need your love.
Zoë shook her head, wondering where all these sentimental thoughts had come from. Allowing herself to think this way would only make leaving for Portland that much harder.
“Okay, I’d better get going, then.” He turned toward the door.
“Wait!” She hurried over to the table and picked up the pie. Not an easy achievement with her bandaged hands. Maybe she needed his help more than she realized. Stepping close, she gave him the pie. He held it in his hands, a quiet barrier between them.
Zoë stayed close for several seconds, knowing she was being forward. Knowing she was jostling him out of his sad comfort zone. She told herself it was just because she’d hurt her hands today. But somehow, she knew her feelings went deeper than that. In spite of her desire not to, she was falling for this man. She just hoped and prayed it didn’t hurt too much when she hit the ground. And for the umpteenth time, she wished she didn’t have to return to Portland in the fall.