Two Loves

by Siân James

  ‘Of course I do. Thanks for having him, love. I’ll ring when I hear something from Mary-Louise. I hope she won’t be away long.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me she had a boyfriend?’

  ‘You didn’t ask. Why shouldn’t she have a boyfriend?’

  Rosamund went back to her drawing but somehow wasn’t as pleased with it as she’d been before. She decided to start again. ‘This time I must try not to flatter myself,’ she told herself. ‘Truth. Truth is what I’m after.’

  She’d hardly started on the new drawing when the phone rang again.

  ‘Joss is not here, Rosamund. I thought I ought to let you know. Apparently he and Harry fell out about something during the afternoon and they left school separately. I suppose Joss must have gone to your mother’s. I’d offer to fetch him but Jim’s crying hard now.’

  ‘It’s all right. Mum will bring him back. She’ll probably give him his tea first.’

  She rang Marian but there was no reply so she concluded they were on their way back. She returned to her drawing and was immediately absorbed in it.

  At half-past five she rang Marian again. This time she was in. But no, she hadn’t seen Joss. It wasn’t their day for having him. She and Brian had been out shopping since three. Wherever was he? They’d go to the school to see if he was hanging about there. There could be a cricket match on, but surely he would have mentioned it.

  Rosamund said she’d go to the Woodisons’ to get what information she could from Harry. Perhaps Joss had gone to Whitemore School to look out for Stephen and Martin who didn’t finish till four-thirty. Possibly he was still with Stephen and Martin. She told herself she wasn’t worried but her mouth felt dry.

  Harry was cagey. ‘I don’t know where he went and I don’t care.’

  ‘What did you quarrel about?’

  ‘I can’t remember.’

  ‘I bet it was something about Jim.’

  ‘No, it wasn’t. It was about Thomas. He said Thomas was his father. He said you said so. And I said he jolly well wasn’t.’

  ‘He and I did have a talk about his father, but he obviously got it wrong. Thomas isn’t his father.’

  ‘That’s what I said.’

  ‘You were right. So now will you help me find him?’

  ‘I suppose so.’

  Stephen and Martin were watching television. No, they hadn’t seen him.

  ‘Will you go out on your bikes, please, to look for him?’

  ‘Isn’t he at his Granny’s?’ Stephen asked.

  ‘No, I phoned there.’

  ‘Oh, he’s all right. He’s hanging about somewhere to give you a fright.’

  ‘Stephen, you’re old enough to know that there are men about who could harm him. I’m getting really worried and his Granny will be frantic. Please help me look for him. Harry can come with me in the car. If we all go in different directions we’ll find him sooner … Thomas, should I ring the police? It’s six o’clock and he came out of school at a quarter to four.’

  ‘Yes. Phone this minute. As soon as I’ve changed Jim’s nappy I’ll put him in the car seat and join the search. He may have gone up Barrow Hill. He could just be fed-up with Harry and striking out somewhere on his own. Stephen, will you go up Barrow Hill?’

  ‘It’s not my fault,’ Harry said.

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘We’ll get someone to drive round looking for him,’ the policeman said.

  Oh God, they’re taking it seriously, Rosamund thought.

  * * *

  Seven o’clock. Rosamund and Marian hugged each other wordlessly as though already comforting each other. Brian insisted that they should have tea and biscuits if nothing else. He poured out yet more cups of tea.

  They phoned Miss Adams who said it had been a perfectly normal day and that Joss had been completely unperturbed by the message that he was to go home with Harry. She’d known nothing of their quarrel. No, he hadn’t been in trouble with anyone.

  At eight o’clock Brian collected some volunteers from the George to make door-to-door enquiries; someone must surely have seen him. Some boys from Stephen and Martin’s school started racing about to search the children’s playground, the churchyard, the caravan park, the field by the river.

  Stephen came back from Barrow Hill saying he’d been all the way to the top, calling and calling.

  No one had anything to report. Martin, in a bad mood and uncooperative as usual, was sent to the schoolhouse to await a possible phone-call.

  By nine o’clock two policemen had come out from Admington. Had Joss ever gone missing before? Was he in trouble with anyone? Had they spoken to all his friends? Had any strangers been seen in the village? Anyone hanging around the school gates? They left to contact the Headmistress. At ten Thomas took Harry and Jim home, but promised to get a colleague to babysit so that he could come back. To do what? There didn’t seem anything more that anyone could do but wait. The whole village had been searched.

  ‘Do you think Molly could have had anything to do with this?’ Rosamund asked her mother, the words tearing at her throat.

  ‘Oh darling, it’s been on my mind from the beginning, but I didn’t want to add to your worries. I can’t forget that venomous look on her face when she left the schoolhouse on Joss’s birthday. And I know we’ve all preached and preached about not taking a lift from strangers, but what if she’d sent Alex to pick him up outside the school and he’d said, “Hello, Joss. I’m your Dad.” How could a dear friendly little boy resist that?’

  ‘Mum, I don’t think Alex would be prepared to do anything as ruthless as that.’

  ‘But you told me he was in his mother’s power. And she’d stop at nothing, I’m sure. I don’t think she’d harm Joss, dear, but she seems really determined to harm you.’

  ‘How would Alex recognise Joss? He’s never seen him, neither has Molly. Oh, I’m sure this is a red herring, but perhaps I should phone her to see how she reacts.’

  ‘I think you should, dear. Be very upset and contrite. Offer her whatever she wants. Those poems, dear, oh let her have them. What do you think, Brian?’

  ‘I’d certainly like to think it was his grandmother behind this, Marian, and not some evil-minded pervert.’

  ‘Brian, stop it. Phone Molly, Rosamund, for God’s sake. Or would you like me to tackle her?’

  ‘No, I’ll do it.’

  * * *

  ‘Miss Drew, may I speak to Mrs Gilchrist? It’s Rosamund Gilchrist.’

  ‘I’m afraid Mrs Gilchrist is in bed and most probably asleep. She’s had rather a bad day so I dare not disturb her. Can I help?’

  ‘Is Alex Gilchrist available, please?’

  ‘I’ll see if he’s in. Hold on, please … I’m afraid he’s still out, Mrs Gilchrist.’

  ‘No, he’s not. I heard you talking to him. Please tell him that I shall go on ringing till he comes to the phone. It’s a matter of great urgency.’

  ‘What is it, Rosamund? I’m not very well, I’m afraid, and not entirely sober either.’

  ‘Alex, my son is missing and I’m going through hell. Please tell me if your mother had anything to do with it.’

  ‘My mother? Are you mad? Of course she had nothing to do with it. Do you think she’s some sort of monster? I’m shocked that you felt you needed to ring. She may be ruthless but she’s not cruel. I’m really shocked.’

  ‘For God’s sake, try to understand how I’m feeling for once. My son is missing! We’ve looked everywhere, done everything. And now my stepfather is beginning to suspect that some wretched pervert may have lured him away. It happens, for God’s sake, it happens. And I’m too frightened to think about it.’

  A moment’s silence. ‘I wish I could help you, I really do. My mother had nothing to do with it though. That’s all I can say.’

  * * *

  ‘They know nothing, Mum.’

  ‘Don’t say anything else, Brian. Don’t even think it. It doesn’t help. The police are searching for him and they�
�ve circulated his description to other areas. They can’t do more. We can’t do more.’

  Rosamund drove back to the schoolhouse, somehow feeling the need to be there. She was light-headed with anxiety. There’d been no phone-call. Martin left as soon as she got back. She had nothing to say to him, simply watched him hurrying towards his bike and vaulting onto it.

  She stood by the open door looking down at the valley. It was beginning to get dark, a few white stars piercing the violet-blue sky. Her heart felt pierced, too. If only she knew Joss was safe and well, she would ask for nothing more. The air was cool and scented, but the exaltation of the morning, the drowsy happiness of the afternoon seemed a mockery and pitiful.

  * * *

  The phone rang. Thomas. ‘We know where he is, love. We’re just going to fetch him. Hold on. Phone your mother. Tell her we know where he is. Tell her he’s safe.’

  Safe. Numb with shock and relief, Rosamund rang Marian who failed to say a word, only passed the receiver to Brian who said he’d felt sure he was safe all along, and then abruptly put the phone down.

  Rosamund went back to stand outside. Tears streamed down her face. ‘Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.’ Her voice didn’t sound like hers. Where was he? When would Thomas bring him home?

  Marian and Brian drove up. ‘Where is he? When will he be home?’

  ‘I don’t know. But I know Thomas is doing all he can. He didn’t have time to talk. He’s safe. That’s all that matters. He’s safe.’

  ‘We’ve brought some brandy, dear. Let’s go in and have a stiff drink.’

  Brian put his arm round Rosamund and squeezed her. He looked old and haggard; in the twilight the lines on his face were deep and blue.

  Half an hour passed. No further news from Thomas. No further news. They were too overwrought to talk to one another. Even Marian, who could never bear to be idle, sat quietly with her hands in her lap.

  Another car, and this time it was Thomas. He burst in, hugged Rosamund and then Marian, shook Brian’s hand and went on shaking it. ‘He’s all right. He’s in the cottage hospital. They’re keeping him in tonight, but he’s all right. You can go along to peep at him if you want to, but I promised Sister you wouldn’t wake him.’

  Still unable to say a word, Rosamund followed Thomas to his car.

  ‘We won’t come to the hospital, dear,’ Marian said. ‘Now that we know he’s safe and well, we’ll wait till tomorrow morning.’ She and Brian got into their car and followed Thomas down the hill.

  ‘Mrs Jordan is with my lot,’ Thomas said. And then: ‘I’m afraid it was all Martin’s doing.’

  Chapter Twenty-One

  He was awake, very small and pale in the white bed.

  ‘Mum, I’ve got six stitches.’ He held out his arm, the soft, tender, inner part and showed it to her. Six little black stitches in a straight line and some deep-yellow medication. ‘But Mum, they won’t even put a bandage on it.’

  ‘It’ll heal better without,’ Thomas said, since Rosamund seemed far beyond saying anything. He hoped she wasn’t going to faint. ‘Sit down,’ he told her. ‘For God’s sake, sit down.’

  ‘Martin forgot about me,’ Joss said.

  ‘He’s going to be punished,’ Thomas said grimly. ‘He’s going to be punished, I can assure you of that.’

  ‘He gave me a ride on the bar of his new bike, though. And I did ask to go with him … Mum, can I have a kitten?’

  ‘Yes,’ Rosamund said, her voice gentle, but a little hoarse.

  ‘Why don’t you ask her for a tiger, man, or a lion? She’s not going to refuse you anything tonight.’

  A nurse came up to them, very young but reassuringly solid in her heavy black shoes. ‘I’m afraid I must ask you to go,’ she said. ‘He must sleep or Dr Clifford won’t let him out in the morning.’

  Rosamund bent to kiss him. ‘You got hold of a bottle of teething-drops when you were a baby and drank it all. I didn’t think anything in life could be worse than that.’

  * * *

  ‘It was Mary-Louise who put me onto it,’ Thomas said when they were back in the car. ‘She rang to say she’ll be home on the first train tomorrow, and just before she put the phone down, asked if Martin had been to feed the cats. Apparently he’d forgotten yesterday until quite late. “Don’t ring off, Mary-Louise,” I said. “I know nothing about him feeding any cats. Whose cats are they?”’

  ‘She couldn’t tell me much except that his friend Andrew was in Majorca with his parents and that Martin had been paid to feed the cats every day after school. She thought the cleaning woman was doing it in the morning.

  ‘“What’s all this about feeding Andrew’s cats?” I asked Martin. “I’ve already done it,” he said with that shut, sulky look which is almost permanent with him these days. But the way he spoke and immediately looked away alerted me that this was something different. “Where does Andrew live?” I asked. “Right outside the village. I don’t know what the lane’s called. Towards Admington.” “Take me there.” “When? After school tomorrow?” “Now. This minute.” “Joss is there,” he said.

  ‘The only thing I can say in his defence is that he seemed relieved to be found out. I think things had gone much further than he’d intended.’

  ‘He took Joss there on the bar of his bike?’

  ‘Yes. He saw Joss outside Marian’s house and offered him a lift.’

  ‘How strange that no one saw them. Brian went round all the new houses.’

  ‘Incredible, I know. Anyway he told Joss where he was going and apparently he wanted to go with him. The house is about half a mile down this lane and quite isolated – it would be, wouldn’t it? Martin unlocked the back door and they went through to the kitchen where Joss discovered that one of the cats had four kittens, just old enough to climb out of the basket to play. After opening a tin of cat food and putting down some water, Martin went up to Andrew’s bedroom to look at something, then wanted to leave. And according to him, Joss begged to stay a while longer, so he said he’d leave him there for a time. And – again according to him – that was the first moment he’d thought of shutting him up there. Anyway, that’s what he did. Christ knows why.’

  ‘To punish me,’ Rosamund said sadly. ‘He can’t have believed you when you told him I wasn’t responsible for Eliza’s death. He hates me, I know. And in a way you can’t blame him. I wonder how long he intended to leave Joss there? All night?’

  ‘He won’t tell me that. Perhaps he doesn’t know.’

  ‘Poor little mite. You’d think he could have got out, though. Wasn’t there a phone?’

  ‘A phone point, but they must have disconnected it and put it away. Probably thought the cleaning woman – or Martin – would use it. And the house was completely burglar-proof, everywhere double-locked. Joss finally smashed a tiny window in the pantry and tried to squeeze out. Which is how he ripped his arm open.’

  ‘I want to be sick.’

  ‘No, you don’t. Take a deep breath. I haven’t got time to stop. I’ve got to run Mrs Jordan home and you still have to talk to Marian and Brian.’

  ‘I’d better come with you, hadn’t I, to babysit?’

  ‘No, they’ll be all right for twenty minutes. Stephen is almost fifteen. And I don’t particularly want you to have to face Martin tonight.’

  ‘He’ll probably have a harder time facing me.’

  ‘I hope so. I hope he isn’t completely without remorse. What am I going to do with him, Rosie?’

  ‘There isn’t an answer to that. He’s suffering too.’

  ‘I said I was going to take his bike away from him, but I don’t suppose I will. Eliza bought it for him and it would only make him more angry and intractable. I may ask the Head to have a word with him, pointing out what might have happened. I’ve said enough, but hearing it from someone else could have more effect.’

  ‘Joss could have cut an artery. Could have bled to death.’

  ‘Anyway, he didn’t. Thank heavens.’

  ‘Thank
heavens,’ Rosamund echoed fervently. ‘Thank heavens. Whatever that means.’

  ‘Good night, love. Sleep well.’

  ‘I won’t sleep a wink.’

  ‘Do you want to come home with me, then? I’ll stay awake with you.’

  ‘It’s all right, love. I’m just being melodramatic, I suppose. Thanks, Thomas.’

  * * *

  ‘He was punishing me,’ Rosamund said when she was telling Marian about Martin. ‘And perhaps it was fair.’

  ‘I’m not going to go on talking to you, dear, if you’re in that silly mood. Punishment indeed! It’s Martin who needs punishment, it seems to me.’

  ‘He thinks I’m the cause of his mother’s suicide.’

  ‘His father should have put him right, then, about that.’

  ‘He did try, but Martin is a stern judge. And, oh Mum, my conscience troubles me.’

  ‘You were both very lonely people.’

  ‘I know that. At the time it seemed something tender and comforting and relatively unimportant. But everything you do can have repercussions which don’t bear thinking about. The only thing I remember from my O-level Science is that frightening law: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Too dreadful to think about.’

  ‘Then don’t think about it. Go to bed, dear, and have a good sleep. You’ve had a terrible ordeal – well, we all have – but it’s ended happily. Brian and I will be up to see him tomorrow. And I daresay we’ll buy him a few odds and ends to keep him occupied till he gets back to school. So go to bed, dear, and no more talk of a guilty conscience, I beg you.’

  * * *

  Rosamund was allowed to fetch Joss at ten the next morning.

  He was subdued at first, trying to work out whether Martin had really intended him harm. ‘He was a bit cross because 1 wanted to play with the kittens instead of coming home, but I thought he’d come back after having his tea. The kittens are so sweet, Mum, black and fluffy with blue eyes and they kept climbing right over my shoulders and down my back and peeing in my shoes. And I played with them for ages and ages. But then I started to feel hungry and I couldn’t open any of the doors or windows to get out and I got rather frightened. I turned lights off and on as a signal but I don’t think anyone noticed because it was still light outside. And I did worry about you waiting for me, honestly Mum, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I looked all over for a phone but there wasn’t one. I found biscuits and chocolate though, and a full bottle of coke, so that was all right for a while, but when it was nine o’clock I decided to break the pantry window and climb out. But I fell against a jagged piece of glass and had to get myself down to wash the blood off.’