Four Letters

by Lisa M. Harley

  He took his other hand and wiped a tear from my cheek. “We really are gonna have to work on what kinda guy you think I am. I would never take you back to that monster. Never, Adlee. Like I said earlier, I’m taking you to my house. I live in the boonies, but I think you’ll like it.” I nodded and he lowered his hand from my chin. “Why don’t you get some sleep and I’ll sit over here and think about the things I can do to make you realize I’m not a bad guy.”

  “I’m starting to understand that, Tanner. I really am,” I added in a whisper.

  “Good. That’s progress. Now go to sleep.”

  I tried, I really did. I tossed and turned. I couldn’t stand to be comfortable in bed with Tanner sitting up in that chair. He had tried every way in the world to get comfortable. He was so tall that he just couldn’t do it.

  He had his legs on the bedside table, that didn’t work.

  He tried to put them on the bed and they kept slipping off.

  I had to do something. I stood up and took the comforter off of the bed. I rolled it up and made it look like a log. I laid it in the middle of the bed.

  “Tanner?”

  “What’s wrong? You okay?” he asked, half asleep.

  “Please come sleep in the bed.”

  “I told you earlier, Adlee, I don’t want anything from you. Especially, not sex.”

  That was so unusual to me. I smiled.

  “I know. I don’t want to have sex with you either, but I can’t stand being in this comfortable bed with you sitting in that horribly uncomfortable chair. So, look what I did,” I gestured toward the comforter log I placed in the center of the bed.

  He smiled, “Are you sure it won’t bother you? I don’t want to do anything to upset you.”

  “I’m fine. It’s just sleeping together. Nothing but sleep. It’s fine.”

  He climbed into bed and slid under the top sheet. He doubled the pillow over and laid down with his arm under it. He looked over at me. “Thanks, Adlee. Sweet dreams.”

  He smiled and my heart melted. At that moment I really wished that I wasn’t so screwed in the head because I was pretty sure I could have feelings for this sweet man lying next to me. But my screwed up head wouldn’t allow for that. No man would ever love me. Not the way I wanted to be loved any way. They were all after one thing…sex. All of them, with the exception of Tanner. He seemed to like me for me.

  He obviously had no interest in having sex, because he was lying beside me in a bed in a hotel in the middle of nowhere and he hadn’t tried anything. Oh, and I practically raped him in the bathroom earlier and he didn’t even kiss me back. I was safe. For the first time in my life I felt truly safe with a man.

  Chapter Three~

  The drive to Tanner’s house was really long. Incredibly long. It took us over twenty two hours to get there from the hotel. I had been asleep for awhile when I felt the road change below us. We were traveling down an old dirt road. The road was lined with old rickety fencing and trees, there were so many trees. Tanner didn’t lie, he lived in the boonies and it was so pretty.

  We pulled down the lane, but I couldn’t see the house from the road. When he turned a corner we drove past a big old oak tree and there it was the cutest little farm house I’d ever seen. A white two-story house with a big front porch and a porch swing on one side. It was lined in the front with honeysuckle bushes that smelled so delicious and looked even better.

  The house was old and looked like it needed some work done to it, but a simple paint job would help the outside a lot. I couldn’t wait to see the inside. Almost on cue, Tanner said, “Keep in mind this house hasn’t had a woman’s touch in many moons. So, believe me when I say the inside ain’t much to look at it, but I can take you into town and we can get some stuff to make it more comfortable for you.”

  “That’s okay, Tanner. I’m sure it’s perfect.”

  “You better hold back your opinion until you see the inside,” he chuckled.

  He parked the truck in front of the old garage that sat right next to the house. “I’ve been planning on painting this place for a while now. I guess I better get on it. Now that I got a lady living here, I probably better try to make it look presentable.”

  “Oh, don’t worry about doing that for me. I’m sure I won’t be here long. Is there a place in town where I can get a job? I need to earn some money so I can get a place of my own.”

  “That was quick,” he said.

  “What? What was quick?” I asked.

  “Normally, it takes me a bit longer to get rid of a woman. I must be losing my touch.”

  I slapped his arm. “That’s not funny.”

  “It kinda was actually,” he said with a smile. “You don’t need to worry about getting a job or doing anything else. You stay here as long as you need to. I travel a lot for work, so the house will be all yours most of the time.”

  “I can’t just stay here without pulling my own weight.” I climbed out of the truck and met him on the path to the house.

  “I plan on you pulling your own weight. You can cook, clean, help me out with stuff while I’m away. It’s a win win situation. My poor house needs a woman’s touch and I was hoping you were the right woman for the job.” He took my hand and led me up the stairs to his home.

  When he opened the front door and we walked in I had this weird feeling come over me. This place felt so comfortable, it was like I was coming home.

  Yes, that sounds completely and utterly crazy, I knew that this wasn’t my home, but the feeling hit me any way. This was what I’d always dreamed of - a home.

  They say the kitchen is the heart of the home and this one definitely didn’t disappoint. It was just left of the entryway and was lined with pretty white cabinets with white appliances that looked like they came from the fifties.

  As we walked through the house we came to the living room. It was situated on the opposite side of the house from the kitchen. A faded brown plaid couch sat against the far wall and an old scratched up oak coffee table with some manly looking magazines resting on it sat directly in front of it. The old television sitting in the corner of the room looked like it should be playing old episodes of Leave it to Beaver.

  I immediately fell in love with the fireplace in the corner. The dark wood mantle looked like the perfect place to hang Christmas stockings for the holidays. This was seriously weird - I could see Tanner and me standing in the corner, him lifting me up to place the star atop our Christmas tree. I shook my head, I guess trying to shake these strange thoughts from my mind.

  It was clear that Tanner didn’t spend much time at the house. The beige carpeting that ran through the entire home was old and kinda musty. When we came to the back door the view took my breath away. The backyard, well, I guess that’s what you would call it. Tanner’s house sat on many acres and it looked like the backyard was never ending. I wasn’t sure how many acres he owned, but it must’ve been tons.

  Tanner led me upstairs where there were two bedrooms and a shared bathroom. The bathroom sat right at the top of the stairs. The walls were painted a dark shade of gray and there was an old claw-foot tub situated right in the middle of the room. I’d never seen a tub that big. I wasn’t even sure they made tubs that big back then, but this one would easily fit two people. There was a small pedestal sink to the right of the tub and the toilet sat on the other side of the room.

  “I thought this could be your room,” Tanner said as he led me into the room to the left of the stairs. When he opened the door and we walked in the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. Apparently, this room had been closed up for quite a while.

  “Sorry about the dust. I can help you get it cleaned up. There hasn’t been anyone in this room since I’ve owned the house.”

  “I can see that, but it’s perfect for me,” I laughed, wiping my finger across the dresser and leaving a trail in the dust. I looked around the room and saw there was a queen sized bed sitting right under the big window on the far wall of the room. The bed had a white w
rought iron head and foot board. There weren’t any linens on the bed yet, but Tanner turned around and pulled a quilt and set of sheets out of the closet.

  “You can use these until we get you some new ones.” He sat them down on the bed and proceeded to show me the rest of the room. “There’s a dresser here for you to use and a pretty good sized closet. Adlee, just pretend this is your place. You can put your stuff wherever you want it.”

  “Tanner?”

  “Yeah?” Turning back toward me, he paused as he was reaching up to pull the chain to turn the light off in the closet.

  “Thank you. Really, for everything. I can never thank you enough for what all you’ve done for me.”

  “You don’t need to keep thanking me. You needed some help, and luckily I was there.” He placed his hand gently on my shoulder. “I’m sorry the place is such a mess, but I really didn’t plan on bringing any company home with me.”

  “Your house is great, Tanner. I really couldn’t ask for anything better.”

  And that was the god’s honest truth. Tanner had already done more for me in two days than anyone else had done for me in my whole life - my mother included.

  “My room is right across the hall there.” He pointed to the other side of the house. “I’m thinking about taking a bath. Need to wash off some of that road trip stank.”

  Pretending to sniff toward him, a small smile spread across my lips. “Um, that might be a good idea.”

  He chuckled. “Oh, where are my manners? You probably wanna go first.”

  “No, you go on. I can clean up a little in here while you’re in the tub.”

  “Okay, I’m not gonna argue with you, I’m smelling pretty ripe.”

  “And I can’t argue with that, so please go ahead.”

  He nodded and I heard the bathroom door shut. I grabbed an old rag out of the kitchen and some furniture polish and started working on my room. The furniture was so pretty and feminine. I loved it, but it made me wonder where Tanner got it and why he had such feminine stuff. Maybe he inherited it or picked it up on sale, or I guess it could’ve come with the house. That had to be it.

  I was so busy cleaning that I didn’t even hear the bathroom door open. When I looked up to the door I saw Tanner standing there with nothing on but a towel that was loosely wrapped around his waist.

  Running his hand through his dark, wet hair, he said, “How are things coming along in here? Damn girl, looks like you got a lot done while I was getting clean.”

  “Uh, yeah. I’m a pretty fast worker. I don’t like to be idle. You know what they say about idle hands…,” I said just as my stomach growled a loud embarrassing growl.

  “Well, I was gonna ask if you were hungry, but I guess that noise that just came from your belly answered my question,” he laughed. “Wanna take a bath then we can run into town and grab a bite to eat?”

  “I’m not sure if I’m up to being around people just yet.”

  “Oh, sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I’ll head into town and grab us some burgers.” He looked down and realized he was standing there in a towel. “Guess I better throw some clothes on first.”

  “That would probably be a good idea.”

  “Yep, I think you’re right. I’ll be back before you get outta the tub.” He turned and headed toward his room. I heard the door shut and started getting ready for my nice relaxing bath.

  On the way here we had stopped at Wal-Mart and grabbed me some clothes and necessities. In my head I knew that I should be freaking out a little. I mean I was in the boonies with some guy that I didn’t know at all, but I was really okay. I felt happy and safe. The abuse that I endured since I was a kid was over. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t ever going to have to see Paul again. He wasn’t going to hurt me ever again.

  I should be upset, right?

  Everything that I’ve went through all these years should’ve hit me and caused me to go deep into myself and flinch at every touch or look from Tanner, right?

  For some reason I felt relieved and not scared or nervous at all. Someday soon everything was going to hit me and I’d probably have a mental break and have to be committed, but for right now I was going to enjoy what I was feeling and take a heavenly warm bath.

  I started the water and set all of my stuff out on the counter. I had never been a girly-girl. My favorite outfit was jeans and an old t-shirt. I very rarely wore make-up, and if I did it was nothing but a little mascara and barely there lip gloss. I’ve never worn fancy panties or bras either; Paul preferred I not wear undergarments.

  My stuff consisted of deodorant, some body spray, shampoo, conditioner, a razor, and a new cotton bra and panties. I also bought some pajama pants and tank tops. I laid out my hello kitty pants and pink tank top to put on once I washed all this traveling grime off of me.

  Sinking down into the toasty warm water in the big old bath tub, I didn’t care if I ever got out. It felt even better than I thought it would. Letting the warm water wash away my worries…I didn’t need to be scared of Paul anymore. He couldn’t find me here. Tanner took me somewhere safe and far away from my old life. I didn’t have to be touched by Paul or any of his friends ever again. I didn’t have to feel disgusting anymore. I could be Adlee again. I couldn’t wait to just be Adlee again. I didn’t even really remember a time when I was just me. A time when I wasn’t abused by someone who claimed to love me. I was getting a whole new life and I sure as hell wasn’t going to waste it. I was going to be happy and do things for me. Things I wanted to do just for me. My step-dad wasn’t in charge anymore. He couldn’t hurt me anymore.

  Tanner saved me. He was a good man. He seemed so strange to me because I’d never been around that type of man before. He was new territory for me.

  Not only did he make me feel safe, but he made me feel like me. I wasn’t anything to him, and yet he cared enough about some stranger to save her from the hell that was her life.

  What kinda man does that?

  That’s an easy question…a man like Tanner Jones.

  I must’ve lain in the tub for a long while and fallen asleep, because I was awoken by the sound of the door opening. Grabbing a towel to cover myself, I looked up and saw Tanner standing with his back in the doorway.

  “I’m not looking, I promise. My eyes are closed. I was getting worried about you. Are you ready to eat?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be right down. Just let me get dressed.”

  “Yes, please do. I don’t think we need to be eating dinner naked. Not a good way to start a friendship,” he laughed.

  “You’re probably right. Give me five minutes and I’ll be downstairs.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said shutting the door behind him.

  Climbing out of the tub, I dried off and pulled on my pj’s. I stepped into my flip flops before I headed downstairs. When I walked into the kitchen Tanner had the burgers out on the dining table. The table sat in the bay window that looked out over the field next to the house. I sat down beside him and started to unwrap the burger in front of me.

  “This is the best damn burger you’ll ever eat. I guarantee it.”

  “Really?”

  “Most definitely. Sue has owned that diner since the beginning of time. That woman knows her way around a burger.”

  I took my first bite of burger and I had to agree with him. “This is the best burger I’ve ever tasted,” I said around a mouth full of burger.

  Tanner reached over and used his napkin to wipe something from my chin.

  “A little mayo dripped on your chin.”

  “Thanks,” I said in a whisper.

  “No problem.”

  We sat in silence as we finished our burgers. When we were both done I stood up and collected all of our trash and tossed it in the wastebasket.

  “Wanna watch some TV before we go to bed?”

  “Sure, sounds good.”

  Following him into the living room, I sat on the opposite end of the couch from him. He took the remote from the coffee table and tur
ned the TV on.

  “What do you feel like watching?”

  “Uh, whatever you want. I never really watched much TV, so I couldn’t tell you any shows I like.”

  “You weren’t allowed to watch TV?” he asked with a confused look on his face.

  “It’s not that I wasn’t allowed to watch it, it was just, well, Paul had other things to do at night.” I could feel the blush creep up my cheeks. Even though he knew what Paul did to me, talking about it was embarrassing.

  Tanner stood up and started upstairs. As he tossed the remote down on the couch beside me, he said, “Watch whatever you want. I’m going to bed. See you in the morning.”

  I heard the door slam and then a couple minutes later I heard a loud thud and a crash. Running upstairs I found Tanner stepping out of his room and into the hall. He was heading toward the bathroom and I noticed he had blood all over his shirt. When I looked closer I saw that his hand was the source of the blood.

  “What happened?”

  “Don’t worry about it. Just go get some sleep. Just me being an idiot. You should probably get used to it. I do stupid shit all the time.”

  “What’d you to do your hand, Tanner?” Grabbing a towel from the linen closet I wrapped it around his hand and then said, “Tell me what happened, Tanner. Did I do something to upset you?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, you fucking pissed me off,” he screamed as he went into the bathroom and unwrapped his hand. He put it under the cold water and I heard his loud exhale of breath. The pain must’ve been pretty intense.

  The tears that I’d held back earlier were about to burst free. I could feel them welling up.

  “I’m…I’m…s-s-sorry,” I cried. “I’ll leave. I didn’t mean to upset you. Don’t worry, I won’t cause you anymore problems.”

  He turned around and roughly grabbed my shoulder with his uninjured hand. “This isn’t your fault, Adlee. You didn’t piss me off. What you said pissed me off. The thought of that man doing those horrible things to you makes me sick and it really pisses me off. None of this is your fault. Like I said, it was just me being an idiot. It happens. That’s all on me and my ignorance. I decided to take my anger out on the wall in my room. Like that poor wall ever did anything to hurt me.” He tried his damnedest to smile, but it just didn’t quite reach his eyes. But even though it was pretty damn fake, it made my heart warm.