Dying to Remember (The Station #2)

by Trish Marie Dawson

"Wow, a break?" I laugh as the three of us naturally gravitate toward the fountain.

  "I know, right? Sounds like your job is awesome," Mallory says.

  "It has some perks, that's for sure."

  "Have you heard from Niles? You know, about your volunteer status?" Mallory asks me as we walk around the fountain rim till we find an open spot large enough for the three of us to sit down next to each other.

  "No, not yet. Have you even seen him around?"

  "I saw him earlier, talking to that mentor woman…Edith, right?" Kerry-Anne asks.

  "Yeah, Edith. Where were they?"

  "Over by the Training building. It was a while ago. Wish we had days here so we could figure that sort of stuff out," Kerry-Anne replies.

  "Wouldn't that be nice," I say sarcastically. "I take it Mallory filled you in on the details?"

  "Oh my gosh, yes. Are you okay, how are you?" Kerry-Anne leans forward and takes my hand between hers. The bowl that is her shiny black hair bounces around her ears. I laugh at how large my fingers seem wrapped around her dainty ones.

  "I'm okay; it sure has been a lot to take in."

  I glance up at the passing crowds while Kerry-Anne strokes my hand as a mother would and talks to me about who-knows what. I've zoned out completely. My eyes are only focusing on the soft heather-grey shirt that is moving through the milling people, coming closer to us.

  He's barely stepped out of the group before I whisper his name, "Sloan."

  ***

  The only time we break eye contact is when a tall woman with streaks of silver highlighting her fire-red hair accidentally bumps into Sloan as she passes by him. They exchange simple apologies and then he's moving slowly toward the fountain again. The sea-color of his eyes shine brightly even from a distance, and I instantly get lost in them. The after-world stops around me and I'm swimming in the blue when Kerry-Anne tugs on my arm.

  "Hmm?" I mumble without blinking.

  "Is that him?"

  "Hmm?"

  I hear Kerry-Anne and Mallory whispering beside me but I ignore them. Sloan is now close enough for us to hear each other speak, if words were something my mouth could actually form at the moment. My brain has ceased sending basic signals to the rest of my body. I'm sure I'm not breathing. This seems to be a regular thing around Sloan…this loss of basic functions.

  There is something about him that draws the eye of everyone he passes. Women do double-takes, teen girls giggle. The men glare and teen boys scowl. For him to spot me in the crowd makes me nervous, because those same people then turn around and stare at me. I'm sure anyone watching him assumes he is on his way to speak with Mallory; Station Barbie Extraordinaire. I glance over at the leggy blonde and she's smoothing her skirt carefully over her crossed legs and struggling to keep her mouth closed.

  Great, maybe he's coming over to say hi just to meet her. Without intending to, my face sets into a frown as Sloan finally reaches the fountain.

  "Hey," he says quietly while scanning my face.

  I nod at him, sure that my tongue has dissolved into mush and if I open my mouth only toddler-like babble will come out. After he gestures at the fountain to my right where no one is sitting nearby, I nod again. My God, Piper - speak, girl!

  "Hi," I say. We are close enough to touch now. And I'm aware I'm not breathing normally.

  "I love this place," he says as he drops a hand into the water.

  "Really?" I look around, dumbfounded. I've never heard anyone say they love the Station.

  "The fountain, I mean," he says with a smile.

  "Oh. Yeah, me too."

  We stare awkwardly at each other in silence. Great. All coherent speech has failed me now that he's smiling at me. This is very different from getting a glimpse of his reflection off the microwave or a three second glance in a bathroom mirror. I have no words. None. Thankfully, Kerry-Anne speaks, reminding me that there are still two other people sitting nearby.

  "So, you must be Sloan?" she asks with a big grin plastered on her face.

  Suddenly she reaches her thin arm over my lap to shake his hand. I have to lean backwards to keep from touching them. She gives me a wink after pulling her hand back and rests it in her lap. She did that on purpose…the brat!

  Mallory leans forward and repeats Kerry-Anne's gesture with her own introduction. Both times Sloan had to lean over me, coming close enough for me to smell him. The standard Station-issue grapefruit fragrance radiates off his hair and threatens to choke what little oxygen I have left in my lungs. It takes all my control to not inhale as deeply as I can when his head is mere inches from my nose.

  A few yards away two women not much older than us but definitely not in our age group are chatting quietly while batting eyelashes in Sloan's direction. His passive observation of the women around him reminds me of my time as his Volunteer…when he seemed uninterested, or distracted, from the beautiful women so eager to give him attention. I guess he hasn't changed much.

  I remember what it felt like, being inside his mind. The thought that he's sitting right next to me now, fully aware that I've literally seen him naked, causes a blush to spread from my neck up into my face. Out of habit I chew on my lower lip, and as I do I sense him watching me.

  Unable to bear the silence much longer, I ask a question that should distract both of us from my current embarrassment, "So, how's training going?"

  He blinks, surprised I think, that I brought up the most unpleasant part of a new arrival's existence at the Station.

  "It's going okay, I guess. I'd rather sit here all day, tell you the truth."

  Now he's smiling again and I can't help but laugh, because that was something I thought every second of my own training. "I know exactly what you mean."

  "Um, Piper, I need to borrow Kerry-Anne for a second, I'll see you later, okay?" Mallory says as she pulls Kerry-Anne up to her feet and begins walking away from the fountain with a smile. I'm not sure if I should scream for her to stay or give her a gentle kick to send them on their way. I go with the latter, though I don't actually move, but I give Mallory a knowing wink and watch as Kerry-Anne's yellow sundress bounces and twirls around her knees with each step. I clench my jaw to keep from laughing out loud as I hear her innocent voice questioning Mallory about where they had to rush off to.

  "They seem nice," Sloan says.

  I nod in agreement, "Yeah, they are. Funny that I have more friends now that I'm dead then I did when I was alive."

  "Wow, that's true. I mean, I didn't have any good friends…and now I have you." He squirms and I watch as his own cheeks flush a pale shade of pink.

  Not sure how to change the subject, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, "Did you know that Mallory was my Volunteer?"

  His blue eyes widen slightly, "No. I didn't."

  "Yeah, she was with me…you know, when I ended it."

  "How did you?"

  "How did I do what…kill myself?

  He winces but nods his head.

  "Pills."

  Sloan looks out into the direction that Mallory and Kerry-Anne hurried off to with a slight nod. "Do you regret it?"

  For a moment I'm quiet, thinking about his words carefully. Not that I haven't mulled them around incessantly in my own brain since the moment I woke outside the massive Station gates.

  "Yes. I do."

  "I wonder if I would have still done it, had you stayed with me."

  My mouth drops open so far I'm afraid my jaw has come unhinged. I jump when he shifts so that his torso is facing me, bending his left knee in such a way that makes our legs touch. I stare at him, unable to move, unable to blink. And there is no question now; I am definitely not breathing.

  He shifts even closer, like he's about to share a secret, placing both his hands on either side of the fountain rim, and for a second I'm terrified he might kiss me. But instead he says, "I'm sorry I didn't thank you before. I should have. I remember what you did for me, and I'm sorry I didn't keep your words with me after you left."
r />   Something in my brain kicks it into over-drive and I'm able to find words briefly even though the emotionless syllables fall out of my mouth like pebbles. "I'm sure it's just the feeling of me that you remember. You know, like an impression." I try and laugh but Sloan shakes his head.

  "No. I remember you. I remember all of it. The early morning runs. The pineapple…" he pauses and we both laugh softly, "…and I remember the baseball glove. All of it. It was you there, not some impression."

  "Oh. I-I don't know what to say, Sloan." And it's true.

  "I know. I just, well…wanted you to know I'm thankful, is all. And I'm sorry."

  "Don't ever apologize. Not to me. Okay?" I ask him.

  "Thanks."

  His faded jeans feel soft against my bare thigh as he leans forward and brushes his lips against my cheek before quickly pulling away with a shy grin. First my heart implodes, shrinking into itself before popping like an explosion inside my chest. This process seems to repeat a million times over the next five seconds as we simply watch one another.

  "I should get back…you know, to the Training Department," he eventually says while standing. The muscles in his arm ripple slightly as he raises a hand up to his hair, pushing the dark waves back off his forehead.

  "Me too." I jump up a bit too fast, nearly bumping into his chest. "Sorry," I say with a laugh.

  A smile erupts across his face while he repeats what I said to him not a minute ago, "Don't ever apologize. Not to me. Okay?"

  After we grin at each other and wave our goodbyes, we walk away in opposite directions across the Station. Even with the massive fountain in between us, I've turned around twice to find him in the crowd looking over his shoulder, smiling at me.

  I practically skip my way back to the Ones building. The negative rain cloud that had been hovering over me, threatening to wring itself out on my head, was finally drifting away. I had been dying to remember this feeling and now I had it again. No matter what it took, I was holding on to this with all my might, like a crazed rodeo rider.

  I finally feel…happy.

  CHAPTER 5

  If I thought the exceedingly happy mood that has me perched atop my favorite velvet throne would last very long I'm mistaken after I enter the Ones building. Niles is standing near the counter talking to Laney. I know the moment I see him that he is there to give me news about my volunteering status. Poof goes my throne.

  "Hey, Piper. You really are a popular girl today," says Laney with a tight smile.

  "I guess so," I try and laugh but it sounds more like a vocal seizure.

  "Piper, I came to collect you," Niles says, all business.

  "Collect me?" I try and laugh again, but the sound is simply unpleasant so I snap my mouth shut to avoid any more verbal diarrhea, and nod a goodbye at Laney while moving back outside with Niles.

  I allow my eyes a few seconds to readjust to the brightness around us. He places an arm loosely around my shoulders as we begin walking and says in a comforting tone, "Before I tell you where we are going and who we will be speaking with, I need you to understand you aren't in trouble. You've done nothing wrong, okay dear?"

  I don't trust my voice so I only nod.

  "I'm taking you to see the Mentors and…" he pauses to glance around us, and only when he seems satisfied that no one is close enough to hear, he continues, "…and the Keeper."

  I don't know what this means. The look on my face must further establish my confusion but Niles only nods and continues to usher me around the fountain, which is currently teeming with teens of all ages, until we reach the Staff building.

  Finally, just as Niles opens the door in front of us, I find my voice, "What's the Keeper?"

  "I can't tell you, but you will see, don't worry, dear. Remember, you aren't in trouble, okay?"

  We walk down the empty hallway and go through a door into a room that looks nothing like the one where Mallory and I met for the first time in person. This staff room is shaped more like an oval, with no corners on the walls and there are no tables or chairs. The center of the floor dips down a good two feet, creating a sort of recessed bench that matches the curved shape of the room. This is where the Mentor's sit in a circle. I get over my intimidation of them instantly as my eyes widen at the sight of the other person sitting with them. A man at least a good foot taller than anyone else stands and nods at me. His clothes appear to be all white but it's hard to tell at first, because the man is glowing.

  ***

  "Piper. Please, come in," Edith says warmly.

  I'm frozen. Niles has to nudge me inside so he can close the door behind us. I have no idea who…or what I'm looking at exactly and I have the sudden urge to pinch myself. This must be a dream.

  When the man crosses the room in three impossibly long and graceful strides and takes my hand in his, I feel his warm energy course through my arm like a weak shock after we touch. Nope, not a dream.

  "Hello, Piper Willow. My name is Andurush. It's very nice to meet you."

  His round eyes are a clear bluish-grey color…breathtaking, really. The dark brown of his lengthy lashes match the short yet wild hair on his head. I'm lost glancing between his hair and the features of his face as Niles moves around us to take a seat next to Edith. Up close it's hard to see the light that surrounds the stranger, but I can sense that it's there. Like an electrical field around us.

  "Uh, hi, And-"

  "Andurush. You can call me Rush, for short, if that pleases you?" He tilts his head at me before stepping back and releasing my hand. I feel the energy of his touch fade from my arm as the soft white light brightens around his entire being once again.

  What the hell are you?

  He laughs softly and tilts his head to the other side while gesturing for me to follow him to the center of the room, where the others are watching our exchange with interest.

  "Please, come sit and I will tell you what you ask," he says simply.

  What the…

  He turns around and winks at me and that's when I realize he's heard my thoughts. Oh my God, there's no way. A twitch at the corner of his mouth confirms my suspicion. He's a mind-reader of some sort. I try to blank my mind completely but it doesn't work. In fact the opposite happens and my mind floods with thoughts from everywhere about everything and everyone I know. Rush laughs softly as I numbly lower myself down onto the recessed step.

  "It will pass. It happens to everyone," he says with a chuckle as the color drains from my face.

  Niles leans forward across the small gap between him and Rush and extends his hand in greeting. "It's very good to see you again, Andurush," he says.

  As soon as their hands meet I see Rush fade slightly as the halo of light ebbs around Niles. This must have been what happened when Rush shook my hand. When they part, the light leaves Niles and returns to Rush in full hue.

  "Okay. Look. I've died and woke up in a place that shouldn't exist. I've been transported into the minds of two living people to not only experience their pain but my own all over again. I've helped dead children move on to 'what's beyond'. I've done all this with no complaints or too many questions, for who knows how long, because the Station doesn't believe in hanging up a damn clock. But this…this…now I know. I've entered the Twilight Zone, right? I mean, there's no other way to explain this." I cross my arms over my chest and glare at anyone who dares to make eye contact with me.

  Niles braves the heavy silence with his soft voice, "We can explain, Piper."

  "Please do. Explain it all," I say with an irritated wave of my hand.

  "May I have the honor?" Rush says, resting his cool eyes on me while he leans forward, casually draping his arms across his knees.

  I squirm slightly then quickly force myself to remain still. Oh no you don't, you won't make me uncomfortable. I tilt my chin up in indignation as he smiles at me.

  "Well…?" I ask.

  "It's a bit of a long story, Piper Willow. I do hope you are comfortable," he says with a tilt of his head.


  "I have nowhere else to be," I say flatly. Because this is true of course, no one argues.

  ***

  Edith rises and all four of the men, including Rush, stand as she crosses the room. At the door she pauses with the other two male Mentors behind her, to blow Niles a kiss. He looks at her adoringly and sends her off with a little wave.

  "Do you have to leave too, Niles?" I ask.

  "No, Piper. I'll stay, if that's okay with you?"

  "Of course," I say a bit too fast.

  As both of the men sit down again, I draw my legs up over the edge of the circular bench and cross them into a lanky pretzel. I feel more comfortable sitting this way, rather than having my feet dangling out in front of me. Plus, it gives me comfort, since this is the way I've spent most of my time lately sitting with the One's. With my hands gripping my ankles, Rush begins a tale that rivals all before it.

  "Piper Willow, you have already guessed I am different from you or anyone else you know. I come from a place far from here, where life never ceases completely, like it does for your body. It's in my nature to travel, as it is for the rest of my kind. We came across your home by accident, many ages ago and your abilities as a People fascinate us. But your lifespan is…brief. Too brief, in all honesty. We have created this place, what you call The Station, as a way for some of you to return home to reach the fullest aspect of your potential and to give you the chance to continue your essence for a bit longer. We return only when the balance here has been disrupted. You have disrupted the balance, little Piper Willow," he stops to wave around the room and smiles at me.

  I gulp, swallowing a mouthful of air while he continues, "You see; you are unlike the others here. You have the ultimate connection to your Assignments, the ability to be heard completely. Just as you know I can hear you. Do you understand what I mean?"

  I shake my head. I don't get any of this.

  "Though you are new here, the impression you left on your Assignments was heard across the stars. Somehow, you have imprinted your will on another human mind. The Station was not designed for this ability. The ability to change one's will. Only to help aid in…shall we say…a change of direction, but you go beyond that. I am aware that one of these people - a boy, he is here with you now. He is aware that you were in fact a part of him, is he not?"