Silent Night

by Natasha Preston

Everleigh’s excitement was infectious. I never wanted that to end for her, and I couldn’t wait for it to start for Bentley too. I could remember before the abuse started where I was as vocal about Christmas as her, but after I was locked in a prison of silence. It made me work extra hard to give my children the most magical childhood I could.

  She bounced up and down on my mum’s doorstep. “Uncle Jasper! Uncle Jasper!” My brother was probably her favourite person in the world; he had a lot of time for her and they got along so well – probably because they both had the same mental age.

  Mum opened the door and bent straight down to give Everleigh a hug. A chorus of ‘Merry Christmas’ flowed through the house as we made our way to the kitchen where everyone was.

  My mum and her husband, Cole’s parents, sister and niece, my brother, his girlfriend and their daughter were drinking, playing and chatting. Everleigh ran off to tackle her Jasper.

  The people in this room were the only ones I trusted my children with, and they all meant so much to me.

  We were welcomed with drinks and soon settled in the living room to exchange presents while the turkey cooked to perfection. Mum’s husband, Miles, was lighting a fire. The house looked like Santa’s grotto, it was beautifully decorated.

  There were plenty of seats for us all, but we still sat on the floor. I lost Bentley to my mum and Cole’s mum, and Sophia was also taken from Holly’s arms as they cooed over the littlest ones.

  When we were here, I could relax with Cole because we knew Everleigh would be off with her cousin, Leona, and Bentley would be passed around to be cuddled. I sat right up against my husband’s side while we passed presents around.

  “No one can open mine until the girls are in bed,” Jasper announced, smirking.

  His girlfriend, Holly, slapped his arm playfully. “I have real presents for everyone. I don’t even know what he’s bought, so please don’t blame me,” she said.

  “Oh, no one would blame you,” I replied, glaring at my brother.

  His idea of a present was a sex toy. The more outrageous the better. Last year he gave Mum and Miles a strap-on. She couldn’t look him in the eye for a week after, bless her. I didn’t even want to open mine and Cole’s.

  “Oh, Jasper!” Mum chastised. “I don’t know why you feel the need to buy those things.”

  His response was a huge, cheesy smile that made him look like a naughty schoolboy.

  “Well, I think Jasper’s presents are funny,” Mia, Cole’s older sister, said.

  Jasper bowed his head. “Don’t worry, love, I’ve sorted you out with the latest rabbit.”

  “A bunny!” Leona said, suddenly stopping her unwrapping to look at her mum with pure hope in her innocent eyes.

  Mia glared at Jasper. “Yes, looks like we’re getting a bunny rabbit, sweetie.”

  “Jasper will buy you one, Leona,” Holly said, shaking her head at him. Holly really had her work cut out for her taking my brother on.

  “Let’s make a pact,” Cole whispered in my ear. “Whatever it is, we use it.”

  “Sure. If we use it on you.”

  His eyebrows shot up and he tipped his head to the side. “Come on now...”

  “So it’s good enough for me but not you?”

  “I don’t have certain places where things can go in,” he replied in my ear. Even though the conversation was not a turn on, his low, seductive voice and breath on my neck was.

  “You have one place where things can go in…”

  “So that’s settled, we’re throwing the present out,” he said and sat back.

  “Thought you might say that.”

  When the presents had been opened, leaving behind a mountain of wrapping paper in the middle of the room that Everleigh had to jump on between playing with her new toys, Cole and Jasper were entertaining Bentley and Sophia, Holly and I followed Mum into the kitchen.

  “Are you having a good day?” Mum asked us, peering into the oven to see how the turkey was doing.

  Holly nodded, leaning on the worktop. Later tonight, Holly, Jasper and Sophia were all heading to her parents and having another Christmas day tomorrow.

  “Yeah, Everleigh loves it and Bentley is, well, loving the lights. It’s really nice to be together.”

  “I know,” she replied. “I’m glad Jenna, David, Mia and Leona could come.”

  Of course, they came. Cole’s family was our family too, and had been since we were all young. I grew up with Cole and Mia as well as Jasper. We’d always been close, and not even four years and thousands of miles could get in the way of our bond.

  “Can I do anything?” Jenna asked, setting her glass of wine on the granite worktop. Mia followed her, looking back over her shoulder and laughing at something going on in the living room.

  “We need to get the roast potatoes and stuffing on soon,” Mum said. “There are jobs for everyone but first…” She reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. Thank goodness there were plenty of snacks and chocolate out, or everyone would be drunk.

  I sat at the large island beside Mia and looked at the garlands fairy lights and other Christmas decorations in the kitchen. Mum always made the house shine and sparkle at Christmas and since Everleigh was born she went that extra mile.

  While we worked on dinner, I glanced out of the window. Cole thought the PlayStation was his big surprise this year, but I had something that topped that in store for him.

  Mum handed me the alcohol-free wine. “Next year when you’re not still breastfeeding,” she said, doing her best to look sad for me.

  “Thanks. It’s fine. Someone has to remain sober to look after the little ones.” I poured a glass and took a sip. It tasted okay and at least I didn’t feel like a child with a coke when everyone else was enjoying a proper drink.

  The noise level in the house was high. Everleigh and Leona couldn’t stick to one room and flitted between them all; running, shouting and laughing everywhere they went. The babies gave the odd cry between food, bottles and naps.

  It was chaotic but perfect. The colourful light danced above our heads, wrapped around and stuck to every possible surface.

  “New Years resolutions!” Jenna said, stirring the gravy as we put the finishing touches to dinner. “Mine is to find Mia a decent man.”

  “Hey, Mum!” Mia said, then thought about it and shrugged. “Yeah, alright. That’s mine too.”

  “Mine is to get a big, fat rock on my finger,” Holly said, laughing when Mum’s eyes lit up.

  That big rock was coming sooner than the New Year…

  “He does need to pull his finger out, doesn’t he,” Mum said.

  “Why do I get the feeling this is about me?” Jasper asked as he passed the doorway, holding Sophia’s little hands so she could walk.

  “Because it is! When are you going to marry this girl?” Mum demanded. Most people would be embarrassed, but Holly laughed and blew him a kiss.

  Jasper took hold of Sophia, stood up, turned on his heel and walked away, leaving a room full of cackling women. I joined in, pretending to laugh at his ‘discomfort’. He really only left because he didn’t want to give anything away.

  I was so excited for them both I almost squealed. If anyone looked at me now, I’d probably give it away.

  “Mum, what’s your resolution?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from proposals.

  “Mine is to spend one day a week taking my grandchildren somewhere. Doesn’t have to be anywhere special, even just the park or the soft play centre.”

  “That’s a nice one,” I said. “And, yes, you can steal them for one day every week.” Since I had Bentley, I’d lowered my working days to two a week but if Mum wanted to take them I could always go back up to three. It’d give me a chance to build the business.

  “Yours, honey?” she asked.

  “Mine is probably to focus on Everleigh’s gymnastics.” She was better than me when I was younger and since her love of throwing herself about had only grown it was pr
obably time to get a bit more serious about it.

  “She’ll love that,” Jenna said.

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  I’d always been very cautious not to push her, but she loved her classes and wanted to do more. It had to be her decision, and I was following what she wanted to do. Part of me was really happy though; my passion for the sport had never died.

  “Oooh, I can’t wait to watch her in the Olympics!” Mum squealed.

  “I was thinking of starting with some small contests and seeing how she likes it but at least you’re dreaming big for her. Now, what can I do?”

  I was sent with Holly to lay the table, setting crackers out and serving dishes that were piled high with food. She had definitely cooked too much. “Is she trying to fatten us all up?” Holly joked.

  “Looks that way.” I still had a few extra pounds from my pregnancy with Bentley that was going to be impossible to shift now. “Think Jasper will want a Disney cracker or a normal one?” she teased.

  “I heard that!” he shouted from the living room, making me and Holly laugh.

  Mum, Jenna and Mia came into the room, each holding two more dishes in their hands. The dining room filled with the smells of Christmas and my stomach begged for the roasties.

  “Dinner, everyone,” Mum called.

  The men and kids’ footsteps sounded like a stampede as they made their way into the room, gazing longingly at the food.

  “Take a seat anywhere, but before you take a bite I want to see hats on,” she added.

  Cole sat Bentley in the highchair next to me and then took his seat on the other side, taking my hand. “Has he been okay?”

  “He’s been great,” he replied, leaning over and giving me a kiss.

  I looked at my family around the extended dining table that was piled high with a traditional Christmas turkey with all the trimmings and felt so much love, it forced out the shadows of the awful things I’d been through. With them at my side I knew that even one of my worst days wouldn’t be too bad.

  “Pull this with me!” Everleigh said, holding her cracker out to Leona. They were next to each other at the end of the table, looking very smug that they were head of the table. I put a few soft carrot sticks on Bentley’s plate and grabbed my cracker. Hats first had always been the rule.

  Cole and I helped each other, pulling both crackers at the same time. Bentley didn’t bat an eyelid at the noise. He held a carrot stick in his chubby little hand and chewed on it.

  “Here,” Cole said, handing over his yellow hat and taking my red one. It was a small gesture, but those were the things I loved so much. He always thought of the little things.

  We dug in, and before I knew it, my plate was piled high. Mum had cooked so many dishes, but they all looked and smelt incredible.

  I gave Bentley a little mashed potato and watched him bash his hand into it more than eat it.

  I was so full. Mum had done an amazing job with dinner, and I wouldn’t need to eat for at least another week. Everyone looked the same as I felt – so stuffed it hurt but so satisfied it didn’t matter.

  “I’ll be back in a minute,” I said, getting up from the table. There was one last thing I needed to do for Cole, so I snuck outside when everyone went back to chatting.

  The air was bitterly cold, and I knew I had to work fast. Breaking off a branch from one of the many trees Mum had in the garden, I split it into smaller lengths and went around the side to where Everleigh had built her snowman family.

  My hands shivered and seized up as I poked them into place in the snow. But it would be worth it. When I’d finished and looked back, I was overcome with warmth.

  Dashing back before anyone questioned why I’d been too long for the toilet, I joined everyone back at the table. Mum had Bentley falling asleep in her arms, and Holly had Sophia bouncing on her legs, babbling ‘da da da’ which put a huge smile on Jasper’s face.

  “She’s not saying ‘dad’, Jasper,” Holly said.

  “Of course she is,” he replied.

  Most babies started with that sound; it was easy to make but Jasper was absolutely claiming it as ‘dad’.

  She rolled her lightly lined eyes. “She could say mum and you’d still argue it was dad.”

  “Don’t hate just because I’m the favourite,” he said, grinning as he leant over to kiss her. “I’m sure the next one will say…well, dad first too, actually.”

  Holly raised her light eyebrow. “Keep talking like that and you won’t get another one.”

  I loved their banter. It was so good to see him blissfully happy. He never had that with his ex-wife, Abby, but he knew that Holly would never hurt him. She loved him as much as he loved her.

  They were amazing together, especially given the short space of time that they’d actually been a couple.

  “You’ll give me more, woman. You want a whole football team too.”

  “You can keep wishing for that one. I said maybe we’ll have one more.”

  He shrugged. “They’ll have my genes so that two-man footie team would smash the World Cup.”

  She shook her head, discouraged, but still smiling. “You’re an idiot, Jasper.”

  “You’ve only just realised that?” Cole said, soon finding himself on the receiving end of a napkin ball hit.

  “Shall we discuss how you’re the most whipped man on earth?” Jasper quipped, smirking at Cole.

  “Oh, please, Holly only has to flutter her eyelashes and you jump.”

  While they were arguing, Mum, Miles, Jenna, David and Mia took the kids into the living room.

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Oh, good comeback,” Cole said, laughing as he dodged another napkin ball.

  “You two do realise that Everleigh, Leona and the babies sat nicer than you at the table, don’t you?” I said.

  “Yeah, and Sophia spent most of the time smearing her food across her face and throwing mashed potato,” Holly added.

  Jasper frowned. “Cole called me an idiot.”

  Holly shook her head. “No, I called you that, he just agreed.”

  “Shouldn’t I get a break from all the shit since it’s Christmas?”

  “Now where would be the fun in that?” Cole said.

  Jasper sat back in the seat and crossed his arms. “I hate you all.” He looked to Holly. “You should be on my side.”

  “Now where would be the fun in that,” she sang, borrowing Cole’s words.

  He grunted. “And to think I was going to propose to you tomorrow.”

  “Jasper!” I hissed.

  What a complete idiot.

  I knew, of course. He’d summoned me to help pick out the perfect ring and told me his romantic plan of proposing on Boxing Day when they went to Holly’s parents. They lived near a natural park, which was decorated beautifully over the holiday season. He was going to take her for a walk and propose there. It was a much better idea than blurting it out over dinner.

  Holly’s eyes widened, and Jasper winced. “You what?” she whispered.

  “Smooth,” Cole muttered.

  “There is no way you weren’t dropped on your head as a child,” I said.

  Cole took my hand and stood up. “Let’s go in the living room.”

  “What? Why?” Was he serious? This was just getting good!

  He raised his eyebrow, tilting his head to say ‘you know why’. I did, of course, but I really wanted to witness this. Cole pulled me up and removed me from the room.

  “Why did you do that?”

  Laughing, he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my shoulder. I turned us around so I could still see into the kitchen and hugged him back.

  “You’re a bad sister,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Shh,” I replied waving my hand at him, making him laugh.

  “What do you mean you were going to propose tomorrow?” Holly asked.

  Jasper cleared his throat. “Tomorrow I planned to propose we move house.”

  I closed my
eyes. Why does he even bother opening his mouth at all?

  “Oh, Jesus,” Cole whispered in my ear.

  “Jasper,” Holly said.

  “Propose we have another child.”

  “Jasper.”

  “Propose we do that thing?” His voice got a little too high at the end of his sentence. I turned my nose up and hoped I would never find out what ‘that thing’ was.

  “Jasper!” She sounded like she’d lost all patience with him, and I couldn’t blame her.

  “Fine. Damn it, I’m so stupid,” he muttered.

  That he was.

  “The ring is packed, so this isn’t going to be at all romantic.” He shook his head. “Screw it! Holly, will you marry me?”

  My smile was as big as hers. I squeezed Cole’s arms around mine. They’d better hurry up and set a date soon. I loved wedding preparations. Mum would too. And Everleigh.

  “I don’t care about big, romantic gestures, and of course I’ll marry you.”

  Cole chuckled and kissed my shoulder. “Good luck, Holly.”

  “She’s good for him. Helps that she has the patience of a saint.”

  “Mum!” Jasper shouted. “Holly and I just got engaged!”

  Cole just managed to pull us both to the side before everyone came rushing through to congratulate them.

  “Where’s the ring?” I heard Mum ask. She’d given Bentley over to Miles, who had him sleeping in one arm and Sophia sitting in the other. Miles may not be related to them by blood, but he was the best grandad I could have hoped for, along with Cole’s dad.

  “I haven’t got it. This wasn’t supposed to happen until tomorrow but apparently I can’t keep my big mouth shut,” Jasper explained. He then had to explain exactly what that meant.

  “This is the best Christmas yet,” Jenna said, giving them both a hug.

  That reminded me. “Hey, in a little while we need to go and see Everleigh’s snowman family.”

  “Yeah,” he replied. “Shall we go see the happy couple first?”

  “Definitely.”

  The second I stepped into the kitchen Jasper pried Mum’s hands off him and made his way over. Though he drove me crazy, we were incredibly close. When we left for Australia, he’d been my rock and helped me to heal.

  “Congratulations, you utter moron,” I said, giving him a hug.

  He squeezed. “At least I don’t have to spend tomorrow night freezing my balls off in a park.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You better still do that for her.”

  Pulling back, he frowned. “She said yes.”

  “I know that, but you haven’t given her the ring…”

  He groaned. “I should do it again tomorrow.”

  “Uh huh! She’s an incredible woman, and she’s taken you on, she deserves a medal and a romantic proposal.”

  “You always make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside,” he said sarcastically.

  “I’m so happy for you both.”

  “Me too. Now we can get on with making more babies, she wanted to wait until we were married before more. Cole is always on about how much more of a man he is having two already.”

  “Jasper…” My mouth fell open. I knew they joked about it, but I bloody hoped it was just a joke.

  Laughing, he replied, “As ever, you’re fun to tease.” He slapped me on the back and went back to his fiancée, grabbing Sophia as she put her arms out for him on the way.

  Everleigh climbed on Jasper’s lap, sitting beside Sophia on his knee. “Uncle Jasper, can I be a bridesmaid?”

  He looked to Holly, and she tilted her head.