All I Want (Three Holiday Romances)

by Kaylee Baldwin

With a hand on his arm, Kenzie leaned over to get a look. “Anything from Madagascar?”

  “Nope. Sorry.”

  She sighed. “I’m not sure why I keep hoping to hear from him again. But I can’t imagine that a letter dated back in September would be the last one he wrote. I just” —she rested her shoulder against the wall—“really need to hear from him again, you know?”

  No, Ty didn’t know. Why would she want to hear from a guy who didn’t know what a good thing he had? Why would she want to marry him? Still, the look on her face made him feel a pang of guilt for keeping the postcard from her.

  Ty pocketed an invoice before throwing the rest of his mail in the trash. “I bet dinner’s getting cold,” he said, “which means my mom’s getting frustrated, which means—”

  Kenzie gasped and grabbed his arm, pulling him down the hall. “I can’t believe I’m sitting here whining while your mom is waiting on us.”

  “Technically, you’re not sitting.”

  “You know what I meant.”

  Ty smiled as he pushed open his door. He loved it when she got flustered and bit down on her lip like that.

  “LouAnn, I’m so sorry—” The words died in Kenzie’s mouth, as did the smile on Ty’s face. His formally masculine apartment now looked like the Christmas section of a dollar store.

  Twinkling, multi-colored lights outlined his window that was now covered with stick-on, chubby snowmen. Cheap, tinsel garland—the kind he’d helped Kenzie hang in her classroom—lined the back of his couch, the top of his TV, and the top of his kitchen cabinets. Some strange snowflake mobile dangled from the small chandelier above his table. A garish wreath hung on the wall above his couch, decorated with cheap-looking shiny red, blue, green, and gold balls. Matching Christmas balls now filled the apothecary jar that Kenzie had given him as a thank you gift for fixing her computer. Only yesterday it had been half-filled with his favorite candy. Where was that candy now?

  “Wow.” Kenzie regained her voice first. “This looks so festive, LouAnn. You must have been working all day.”

  His mother smiled. “Thank you, sweetie. I know it’s not quite what you’re used to at home, Ty, but Christmas decorations are pretty expensive these days, so I did the best I could. I hope you like it.”

  “Like isn’t exactly the word I’d use,” said Ty.

  “Well, I think it’s great,” Kenzie said, walking toward the table. “Ty never gets into this kind of stuff, so it’s refreshing to see some holiday spirit in here.”

  Ty clamped his mouth shut and frowned. Maybe he’d relocate his newly found holiday spirit to her apartment and then see what she had to say.

  “Well, I’m glad I could help,” said his mother. “It just didn’t feel like Christmas without decorations.”

  “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him.” Kenzie grinned at Ty, obviously enjoying this way too much. “And dinner smells wonderful, by the way,” she added. “Can I help you with anything?”

  “Oh, heavens no. I’ve got it all ready.” His mother bustled into the kitchen. “Go ahead and get settled, and I’ll bring it right over.”

  They sat down, and Kenzie looked around with a satisfied smile on her face. “You know what’s missing in here?”

  “A big, inflatable Santa Claus?” Ty muttered under his breath.

  Kenzie’s lips twitched. “No. A Christmas tree.”

  His mother joined in with, “I was thinking the same thing,” and Ty swallowed a groan.

  “We should go tomorrow,” said Kenzie. ”There’s a tree farm not far from here where we can chop them down ourselves. We can get one for both of our apartments.”

  “What a great idea!” said his mother.

  Ty started to argue until he realized something. With the exception of Chinese takeout and his holiday party, last week ended up being a total bust where Kenzie was concerned. But ever since his mom had shown up, Kenzie was the one doing the inviting and planning. She’d even gone ice skating, held his hand and hugged him. And now she wanted to cut down Christmas trees with him.

  Huh. Maybe having his mom here wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

  “Ty,” said his mother, “as I was cooking, I noticed that you keep your dishes on the right side of the sink.”

  “So?”

  “So it doesn’t make sense. They should go above your dishwasher where they can be easily unloaded. I went ahead and moved them for you.”

  That’s what Ty got for having a charitable thought about his mother and for offering to let her stay with him. He rolled his eyes and shot Kenzie a see-what-I’m-talking-about look.

  She grinned. “Just think of all those extra steps it will save you.”

  “Right.”

  KENZIE BLINKED AT TY AS HE LEANED against the doorjamb of her apartment, probably waiting for her to do something besides blink. But she didn’t know what else to do.

  He’d just informed her that his mom was sick—food poisoning from lunch. Which meant it would be only her and Ty trudging through the snow beneath the romantic moonlight, searching for romantic Christmas trees in a romantic forest.

  Kenzie shouldn’t go. She should make up an excuse and stay right here in her apartment where she wouldn’t feel, think, or do something she’d regret.

  “You’re going to want your coat,” Ty said, nodding toward her coat closet. “Gloves. A scarf. Boots. Possibly even a hat. It’s cold out tonight.”

  Kenzie’s lower lip started to hurt because she’d bit down on it too hard. She let it free. “Maybe we should go tomorrow night instead. Your mom was really looking forward to this. I’d hate for her miss out.” There. She hadn’t given into temptation. She’d stayed strong.

  “She wants us to go without her.” Ty pushed away from the doorjamb and opened Kenzie’s coat closet, pulling her puffy white coat free from the hanger and holding it up. “Come on. I’ve been waiting all day to chop down two innocent trees who’ve done nothing to deserve the ugly, plastic ornaments and gobs of tinsel my mom plans to put on them tomorrow.”

  Kenzie laughed. “Speak for your own tree. Mine will love the decorations I have for it.”

  “Just promise not to tell my tree that. No need to make it feel even worse than it already will.”

  Kenzie laughed again, debating her options. Stay home alone and try not to think about Ty, or go with him, laugh all night long, and bring home a beautiful pine-smelling Christmas tree. She took the coat from him.

  Weak, weak, weak—that’s what she was.

  Kenzie followed him out to his 4-Runner, and less than an hour later, they trudged through knee-high snow, fogging up the night air with their breaths. Ty pointed to the first four-foot tree they came across. “This one looks good to me.”

  “Yeah?” Kenzie studied the tree. “I guess if you like your trees uniform and balanced, it works.” She lifted the lower branches while he hacked away at the trunk. Before long, a snapping noise filled the silence as the tree came falling down.

  Ty rubbed his hands together and grinned. “Did you know that’s the first Christmas tree I’ve ever cut down?”

  Kenzie smiled back. “I’m just glad you’re having fun. We are doing something Christmas-y, you know.”

  Ty’s expression became less playful as he searched her face. “Yeah, well, lately I’ve been finding that I don’t mind Christmas as much as I used to.”

  Kenzie’s heart skipped a beat—something it shouldn’t doing, at least not with Ty. “I’m glad,” she said quickly, crouching to lift the top of the tree. “Ready to take it back?”

  Ty hefted the trunk, and together they carried it back to the lot where they left it near the register. Then back through the snow they went in search of Kenzie’s tree. Ty pointed out one after another, but she shook her head every time. Kenzie wasn’t looking for just any tree. She wanted one with character. A story. Why was one branch bent? Why there a hole right there? Why did the pine needles in that spot look as though they’d seen better days?

  “S
ince you didn’t like any of the others, what about this one?” Ty joked, pointing to a small, lopsided tree with a gap on one side. “We’d probably put it out of its misery if we take it. Come to think of it, I could put this one in my apartment instead of the other one. It looks too worn out to care what decorations my mom wants to throw on it.”

  Kenzie smiled, fingering the soft pine needles. “No. I want this one. It’s perfect.”

  Ty looked at the tree with raised eyebrows. “I hate to break it to you, but it’s not even close to perfect. Or do you need to get your eyes checked?”

  “That’s why it’s perfect.”

  “I’m not following.”

  She pointed to the side of the tree. “See that hole? I bet it was caused by a hungry animal who needed something to eat on a really cold night. And notice how it leans to the side? It probably grew that way on purpose so that the little tree behind it would get the afternoon sun. And see that branch there? The one that’s lower to the ground than all the others? I’m sure it lowered it on purpose so small animals wouldn’t have a problem reaching safety when they needed a place to hide out from a storm.” Kenzie stepped back and studied the little tree with a smile. “Like I said, it’s perfect.”

  When Ty said nothing, she turned and caught him staring—the same look he’d given her earlier. Her heart beat faster as he stepped closer and brushed a strand of hair from her face. “I love how you see the world,” he said, his breath fogging the air between them, smelling of mint.

  “Thanks.” Kenzie’s chest rose and fell as she stared up at him. She felt a sudden loss of control over her mind, her heart—everything. All common sense evaporated. If he leaned in and kissed her right now, she’d let him. She’d even kiss him back.

  Not good.

  Ty’s gloved finger moved to her chin, raising it ever so slightly. Kenzie couldn’t do this, she couldn’t. She closed her eyes, forcing a picture of Brad to her mind. He’s the one I want. He’s the one I’m going to marry.

  Not Ty.

  A warm, minty breath tickled her face, putting her senses on alert. She could feel Ty moving closer. Any second now his lips would touch hers, making her the kind of person who would kiss one guy while engaged to another. She’d never felt so conflicted. So torn. So completely messed up.

  This wasn’t right.

  Her eyes flew open, and she took a quick step back, away from Ty and away from temptation. Forgetting about the deep snow, she tripped and landed in the soft powder. The cold was a welcome shock, jolting her back to her senses. What was happening? Why did she want Ty to touch her and hold her and kiss her? Was this the pre-wedding jitters people talked about? One last fling before she committed herself for life?

  No.

  As she sat there, looking up at Ty, she knew it was more than that. She was falling for him—both literally and figuratively.

  But she was engaged to someone else—someone who’d flown all the way to Madagascar to live in a tent and eat rice every day so that he could help build homes and start schools. Someone who’d be boarding a plane in a little over a week to return home to marry his fiancée.

  Kenzie couldn’t do this to him. She couldn’t.

  Feeling tears sting the back of her eyes, she ignored Ty’s hand and scrambled up. Then she picked up the ax and started hacking away at the poor, forlorn pine tree that had withstood storms, provided food and shelter, and would bring the Christmas spirit to her apartment.

  Kenzie needed to take a lesson from this tree. She needed to be strong.

  ON HIS WAY HOME FROM WORK, Ty’s phone buzzed with a text from Kenzie:

  Sorry but I can’t decorate trees tonight. Too much to do. Just go ahead without me.

  Ty frowned, mentally kicking himself. If he hadn’t tried to kiss Kenzie last night, she wouldn’t want to avoid him now. But the way she’d looked at him, the way she’d leaned in just a little—and the electricity between them—made Ty believe that she felt it too. So he’d thrown caution to the wind and tried.

  Stupid move because it had sent her scurrying back into her rock solid shell—one he wasn’t sure she’d be willing to come out of again.

  Maybe it was time to tell her about the postcard. Was she holding back because of Brad? Or because she thought of Ty as a friend and only a friend? He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know.

  Ty let out a breath as he pulled into the parking lot. He stopped the car and stared at his apartment building where his mother waited for him inside. It would be a long night with no Kenzie to act as buffer. No Kenzie to light up the room with her warmth and happiness. No Kenzie to joke with or tease.

  Just him and his mom.

  For a moment Ty thought about sending his mom a text, saying that he, too, had to work late. But knowing her, she’d head straight to his office and tell him that it was time to leave work behind and experience life—as she’d so often told his dad over the years.

  Ty withdrew his key from the ignition and climbed from his car. He could handle one night alone with his mother.

  “I’m telling you, Ty, any girl would love a new sweater for Christmas,” Ty’s mom said as they drove downtown. “You need to trust me on this.”

  Ty refrained from commenting and focused on the road. The skies had darkened, making the high rise buildings either stand out or almost disappear. Some glowed with bright Christmas lights, some didn’t. Some sported wreaths on windows or doors, some didn’t. Some bustled with happy-looking people, some stood vacant and alone. It made Ty think of the contrast between him and Kenzie. Happiness and the Christmas spirit radiated from her, whereas he was more like one of those tall, bland buildings with mostly darkened windows and no color—not that anyone would know that if they walked inside his apartment.

  Still, seeing the contrast in the buildings, Ty couldn’t help but wish that Kenzie were here, sitting next to him and making his world brighter and more colorful.

  But he’d scared her away. So now Ty was stuck going Christmas shopping with his mom instead—for Kenzie. It didn’t matter that he was in the process of writing a computer program as her Christmas gift. No. Kenzie would prefer a sweater. Ty’s mom was sure of it.

  Instead of arguing, he’d held his tongue and led his mother back outside, into the cold, dark night and here they were.

  He mentally kicked himself yet again for trying to kiss Kenzie.

  “So, how did work go today?” his mom asked as they navigated their way through the busy Rochester streets.

  “Fine.”

  “That’s it? Just fine?”

  “Yep. That’s it. Fine.”

  A pause. “Maybe I should call your receptionist and ask her.”

  Ty should have known she’d say something like that. “Please don’t. She’s finally talking to me again now that she doesn’t have to field a bunch of calls from you anymore.”

  “If you would’ve taken a few minutes to call me back, I wouldn’t have bothered her so much. But that was the only number I had for you.”

  Ty suddenly missed Kenzie more than ever. If she’d come tonight, this conversation wouldn’t be happening. But maybe it needed to happen. Here. In this car—where neither of them could walk away or continue to dance around it.

  Ty stopped his car for a red light before facing his mother. “And if you would just let me be a grown-up and trust me to make my own decisions—even if you don’t agree with them—we might have a decent mother/son relationship right now. I might even want to call you back.”

  “I do let you make your own decisions.”

  Ty shot her a yeah-right look.

  “I let you move across the country from me and gave you your space, didn’t I?” she said. “But when six months came and went with no word from you, I couldn’t do it anymore. You’re my son, Ty. I carried you in my belly for nine months, I lost sleep over you, I took care of you when you were sick and supported you in every activity you wanted to try. I raised you and taught you and was there for you. And just
because you went and grew up on me doesn’t mean I can stop caring about what you do with your life. I’m your mother. It’s my job to care.”

  The light changed, and Ty returned his attention to the road. “I’m fully aware of how much you care, Mom. But caring and trying to make decisions for me are two very different things. If I don’t want Christmas decorations in my apartment, then I shouldn’t have to have Christmas decorations. If I want my dishes in a cupboard to the right of the sink, that’s my call. And if I want to marry someone you don’t like, you need to learn to live with it. Caring is letting me make mistakes and then being there for me when I do.”

  “So you admit that marrying Nicole would have been a mistake,” she said with that I-told-you-so tone she often used.

  Ty wanted to shake her. “It doesn’t matter if it would have been a mistake. What matters is that you should’ve let me make it. I’m not saying you can’t express concern when you think I’m doing something I’ll regret. But if I choose to disagree with you, then you need to take a step back and try to accept whatever it is I choose to do with my life.”

  “So you’re telling me,” she said slowly, “that you would be happier right now if I would have stayed out of it and let you marry Nicole?”

  “No. I’m saying that I wouldn’t ignore your calls if you had.”

  Her hand came to rest on Ty’s knee, and she shook it gently. “But surely you can see that she wasn’t right for you, can’t you?”

  Ty suddenly felt like he was stuck on a merry-go-round, going around and around in the same unchanging circle. “This is the root of our problem, right here. If you disagree with an opinion I have or something I want to do, then it’s always a fight. You’re right and I’m wrong. End of discussion. But you know what? Sometimes I’m right and you’re wrong. Like becoming a computer programmer or moving out here—hands down two of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”

  She tapped her finger on his knee. “Yes, but you wouldn’t have moved out here if you’d gotten engaged to Nicole. So I was right about one thing.”