Heaven's Children (Earth Totem)

by Jackson, Deborah

  Nettles recoiled as if she’d been stung.

  23

  Tapestries

  Hawk, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I think I’m dreaming now. Can you dream when you’re dead? Someone is whispering my name, and they’re talking in a strange underwater voice. I can’t see properly, and everything looks white and fuzzy. I’m floating Hawk, help me, I’m floating.

  I’ve lost you...

  ‘Hawk! I’m not lost silly, just dreaming.’ My voice doesn’t sound right either, it echoes, maybe ‘cos I’m so high up. Where are you?

  ‘Nevaeh…if you can hear me…wake up everyone needs you…I need you.’

  ‘Wake up? How?’

  I'm drifting downwards. I wish you could see this, feel this. There is a warm wind on my face, and I’m hovering above a vast field it seems clearer than when I dreamt it. Now I can actually smell the wild flowers, and they’re every colour imaginable – it seems to go on forever like a tapestry. I wonder if the temple is there? I feel like I’m in heaven, maybe it is heaven. The urge to run through it and grab handfuls is overwhelming. I’m so close that if I push my bare foot downwards, pointing my toe, I can almost feel it. There’s a tickling sensation travelling up my legs like fingers. I feel so energised, I just want t curl my toes into the soft soil - why can’t I?

  In my dreams, I ran through these fields to the temple. I really want to do that again. I feel so frustrated - maybe I’m not totally dead. I want to stay here and make angels in the long grass. I just wish my parents could see this and Jo-Jo. I bet she’s lying on her bed listening to music – I miss her.

  Jo-Jo lay on her bed listening to her i-pod as a way of hiding from her Mother. She wasn’t used to the attention she was getting; Mum had always been such a workaholic, and now she was doing the overkill protective mother thing, and it made her uncomfortable. It was bad enough that her best friend was in a coma, but now she had to deal with her mother constantly asking if she was alright. Why can’t she leave her alone? She had phoned Nevaeh’s parents most nights, and tonight was no different. Her Mum was living at the hospital while her Dad looked after the baby.

  Guilt was her constant companion lately, which even spread towards Nevaeh’s family. She’d been jealous of them; they were so close, compared to hers. Her parents had been divorced since she was two and she hardly heard from him. He had his own family and step-children; while she was a constant reminder of his past.

  Jo-Jo’s eyes turn towards the photo frame of them both in their rollerblades, her eyes misting up again. Nevaeh, never asked anything from her. Why was she so stupid? She could have any guy she wanted and yet she went for the one guy her shy best friend wanted. She remembered her dreams of him and blushed. Every morning she felt more frantic, wanting him for herself. Nevaeh suddenly became the competition, not her friend but the girl in her way of getting the guy.

  ‘Such an idiot.’ She whispered to herself. Ever since the accident, she had fought with herself about it constantly, wondering why, why she was like that? She groaned then, pulling a strand of limp hair forward. He wouldn’t look twice at her now – no-one would. Nevaeh’s hair was beautiful, and she wished she had told her more often. She caught sight of herself in her mirror and rubbed her forefinger under her pale eyes. Another face she didn’t recognise. She bit her bottom lip, willing some life into it, but the effort was too much. She just didn’t care anymore, the guilt was slowly eating her up bit by bit, and she distanced herself from everyone. Before they broke up for summer holidays, she had started to sit under Nevaeh’s tree. It felt a little creepy at first, and she fought the urge to leave, especially with all the bugs and stuff. Everyone else kept away from her when she sat there. No-one wanted to be reminded of something sad, when they were heading for their holidays, including Jay and Paul.

  Jo-Jo sunk back into her pillows then, pulling the duvet over her. She had been to the hospital once and once only and only took Josh because he insisted. It didn’t feel right standing there with the one guy her friend had liked, but she wasn’t in the mood to argue. He had been so comforting then, holding her, almost cradling her in his arms. A small whimper expelled from her, and she closed her eyes. It didn’t matter anyway, he was history – gone. He didn’t turn up the next day at school or the days that followed. She even sent Jay and Paul to be school detectives and check what was going on, but they didn’t find a thing. The teachers said that he had moved for personal reasons – family business. Deep down, being dumped wasn’t a surprise. He still seemed too interested in Nevaeh and was always asking personal questions. She wished now, that she’d never told him about the adoption side.

  ‘That makes sense,’ he had muttered. Even then, she remembered thinking how weird it was.

  ‘What do you mean?’ She had asked.

  ‘Well she doesn’t look like her parents - that’s all,’ he shrugged, before ambling away.

  Jo-Jo frowned at that; when had he met her parents? Now, she played the conversation over and over again in her head, damning herself for not asking him to explain himself. She shivered. Now that she thought about it, he was always watching her, even when she was with that weird group of hers.

  Jo-Jo buried her face in the pillow screaming silently. She’d heard things through Jay and Paul of that night. Some said they were devil worshippers, and Nevaeh was the sacrifice. That, she’d been running away when she was hit. Ever since then, her dreams were filled with frightening images of her friend screaming. Sometimes she even felt the darkness probing her dreams from the edge questioning her subconscious.

  Why did they all have to look like that anyway? They all seemed so knotty and dishevelled when they stood together. She couldn’t understand why Nevaeh hung out with them, they didn’t seem her type. Jo-Jo closed her eyes, imagining them that last night, and wondering what really made her friend run to the house in such a hurry. It didn’t feel right, unless, her mind flashed to the mystery guy. She remembered how he had to be convinced to stand back when they put her in the ambulance. He had looked at her then, his dark eyes piercing right through her and she felt another shiver of guilt. She had really let her friend down.

  ‘Nevaeh, I’m so sorry.’ She rolled over miserably, wondering why she was talking to her like she was a ghost. But it felt like that. Nevaeh, her friend since they were five years old, lay like a ghost, reminding her of their favourite movie when they were little – Snow White.

  ‘You always wanted to be Snow White, and if I could find a prince to kiss you and wake you up I would.’

  A soft breeze startled her when it moved the curtain. She sat up at the strong smell of perfume.

  ‘Nevaeh?’

  Her heart raced, thinking again of ghosts. It can’t be, she isn’t dead, is she?

  She nearly screamed when her mobile buzzed, the light flashing – it was a text. She picked it up, her body shaking with dread and almost fainted at the smiley face that stared back. For most people who read this, it won’t mean anything, but to Jo-Jo it meant everything – it was their way of saying hello; hers and Nevaeh’s. She bounded off the bed, her breath heaving as she texted her back. The word ghost screamed at her over and over again and she felt like her feet were rooted as she waited. When the mobile vibrated, she thought she was going to be sick. Part of her wanted it to be her and the other didn’t.

  Please don’t be dead Nevaeh, please.

  Another waft of perfume curled towards her again, and she stared wildly round the room, then at her window. It was half open, maybe it came from there, she reasoned to herself. Or, it meant something else; her brain screamed back. Maybe, she’s awake. She gasped then at the obviousness of it and almost laughed out loud. She wasn’t a ghost, she’s awake! Snow White had woken up.

  Jo-Jo felt her muscles give way and sat back on her bed, texting frantically. Her heart thumping, threatening to explode, before damning herself.

  Don’t be an idiot. If she’s just woken up, she’s not going to be allowe
d to text you - is she? Jo-Jo thought of all the movies she had seen of coma victims waking up and imagined doctors and nurses rushing around her. The thought galvanised her into action and she jumped up, grabbing her jacket before racing to the door. If Nevaeh was going to wake up – she wanted to be there, before the weirdoes got there.

  ‘Mum!’ she screamed pounding down the stairs, the image of the smiley face overwhelming her.

  ‘Mum, its Nevaeh, she’s awake, Mum!’

  Tears poured down her face, and she struggled to see properly. Jumping the last two steps, Jo-Jo almost knocked down both her Mum and the person next to her.

  She stopped in shock, ignoring the weak smile of the person opposite.

  ‘What the hell do you want?’ She growled.

  ‘Jo-Jo!’ Her Mum gasped. Jo-Jo felt all her anxiety explode.

  ‘Mum, Nevaeh was at her house when she had the accident. She shouldn’t have even been there. I hate her for what she’s done.’ She narrowed her eyes until they were slits in Amber’s direction. Amber stepped back, visibly shaken. The action didn’t go unnoticed.

  ‘Look at her Mum; she knows it’s the truth.’ Amber flushed red and Jo-Jo looked triumphant. Her Mum looked at Amber with undisguised horror before pursing her lips. Her parents had been more than good friends to her.

  ‘Amber, I think you had better leave.’ She nodded towards her daughter.

  ‘I’m sorry, but it’s the right thing. I don’t want my daughter more distressed than she already is.’ she added, holding her arm out towards the door. Amber continued to stare up at Jo-Jo.

  ‘We have to talk.’ she said stubbornly, and then looked at her Mum. ‘I promise, I won’t be long, but I have to talk to her, please.’ Her voice wavered and it didn’t go unnoticed by either of them.

  Jo-Jo frowned.

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘Talk, I have to talk to you – it’s extremely important.’ Amber’s voice barely rose above a whisper.

  ‘What’s wrong? Is it Nevaeh? Has she woken up?’

  ‘Can I talk to you,’ she looked at Jo-Jo’s Mum. ‘Alone’.

  Jo-Jo was agitated, she wanted to go to the hospital not sit here and talk with the person who had taken her place, even if some of it was her fault. She nodded to her mother and led her into the kitchen.

  ‘You have five minutes – tops.’ She almost growled.

  ‘I need your help.’ Amber blurted, sagging onto the kitchen chair. Jo-Jo stared at her like she was mad; watching the way Amber rubbed the back of her neck nervously. Her eyes darted to the bruises on her forearm, they looked deep and recent. She’d heard the same stories as everyone else about Amber’s mother. She glanced at her mobile.

  ‘I have to go, she’s awake you know, Nevaeh.’ She looked at Amber then, biting her lip. ‘And I’d prefer it if you weren’t there.’

  Amber looked at her like she had two heads.

  ‘No she isn’t – believe me – I would know.’

  All of Jo-Jo’s anger bubbled out. Who the hell did she think she was? She shoved the text image at her and Amber flinched like she was about to be hit. Jo-Jo shook her phone again.

  ‘Really? Then how did she do this?’

  Amber stared at it blankly.

  ‘It’s from Nevaeh’s phone, it’s our secret message.’ Amber continued to stare at her, replacing confusion with pity. The look made Jo-Jo seethe.

  ‘For crying out loud Amber – it’s our way of telling each other that we’re okay – Okay?’ Amber burst into tears.

  ‘You don’t understand, if you don’t help me, she won’t be fine, she’ll live, but she won’t be the Nevaeh you know. Not if Anna gets her way.’

  Jo-Jo felt the blood drain from her face, she could tell Amber was serious, and her mind raced.

  Her Goth make-up couldn’t hide the way her voice trembled over the name of Anna. Who was this girl? Is she from the school? Part of her didn’t want to know.

  ‘Jo-Jo, did you hear me?’ Amber touched her hand that clasped the mobile. Jo-Jo shrunk away from her as if she had been stung.

  She leaned forward whispering through gritted teeth. It was Jo-Jo’s turn to lean back. ‘Jo-Jo, I’m not lying. You know me or know about me. Do I look like one of those dramatic queenies that blow everything up?’ Jo-Jo stared at her blankly.

  ‘I don’t make shit like this up!’ Amber added, almost shouting now.

  Jo-Jo looked down at her mobile before holding her hand up to Amber.

  ‘Do you know the number for the hospital?’

  When she put the phone down, every imaginable emotion rushed through her – nothing had changed. Nevaeh was exactly the same; no-one could help her except herself. She blinked looking at the smiley again and felt tears forming. If this was a joke, it was one of the cruellest jokes ever played. Amber paced back and forth, her eyes flicked between Jo-Jo and the kitchen window, everything made her edgy.

  ‘Amber sit down and tell me what’s going on. If something is going to happen to Nevaeh, I want to know everything.’

  Amber took a long sip of the cola that was put in front of her. She knew she was playing a dangerous game, but she had to do it. She’d already decided to edit parts, if she told Jo-Jo everything, she wouldn’t believe her.

  It was still dangerous, not just for Jo-Jo but for everyone. She owed her for what she had done. All of this was her fault. Anna was right about that and she rubbed her temple angrily. Jo-Jo was Nevaeh’s insurance and as enemies, the only one she could rely on.

  24

  Faces of the moon

  Urrgh - that was really hard, Hawk. I feel tired, if a dead person can feel tired. But I think I did it, I could see Jo-Jo and even imagine our secret text working. I was so excited when it popped through to her. If I can do that – why can’t I touch the ground? If you can hear me, angels, let me die, please. I want to stay and feel the grass, here in Heaven.

  Hawk, I can feel someone coming – it might be her, I hope it’s her.

  Hawk joins the others his body stretching with his totem, Mahpee. For the last week, he has been patrolling and trancing to protect Nevaeh. Wherever she was, she wasn’t safe until she woke up. He twisted before pumping his exaggerated wings, gathering speed. The night wind was on their side as he led the formation across the night sky. To others, below, the night flyers resembled a large dark cloud drifting across the face of the moon. It was a risk they had to take, fear had risen. News of more trancers disappearing began sweeping through the different groups. Forbidden from patrolling alone, their assignment was to look for and identify Anna’s recruits. He beat his wings, circling wider and wider to glide. To him, this was second nature, and he couldn’t remember the time in his life when he wasn’t joined. Being without his totem was like being without air.

  His wings rippled against the invisible airwaves that lifted him up. These were friendly, they didn’t sting like the blue energy waves had when they flew through them earlier. Recently they almost lost one of their more experienced flyers. Raven was the first to be tangled in the energy as they neared Harp’s land, and it almost paralysed him. It took every bit of effort to pull him back before he lost consciousness.

  Penetration was impossible. Hawk flicked his head from side to side reading the airwaves again while wondering how many more of his totem brothers and sisters would be taken. Nevaeh seemed to be the key to this entire war, and he wished he knew more. The other child that Quinqui spoke of still unsettled him. Everything affected him lately, even his adopted group.

  Andrea made it seem so easy when she suggested that they give her up to save the whole, and after their last argument, he felt more uncertain of her than before.

  Nevaeh was in more danger from his kind than from Anna. Although no-one had actually said anything, he knew that most of them would agree with Andrea. She was well thought of and although young had been totem leader for a long time. The wind fractured for only a moment, but the scent that drifted up to him was
unmistakeable and he led the formation further towards the ground. Within minutes, his golden eyes picked up movement, and he swooped down. The figure half turned revealing the focus of its attention – a small and frightened totem, an Eco child, and judging by the white marking, this one was alone for initiation. The Eco group were the only totems that passed their powers through their children, and initiates had to survive a week alone.

  Its attacker scuttled towards the bushes, and they sensed the ground patrol while driving the thing deeper into the woods. The child pulled up its knees, rocking until the earth beneath moved. She was calling for help and he hovered protectively as a group of Ecos stepped from Gaia herself. They looked up only briefly before cupping the child into their arms and disappearing beneath the earth. Going near an initiate was strictly forbidden and only when the child was safe, did the ground patrol move quickly. Within minutes they had bagged the attacker, tying it to the back of a totem horse before speeding to the cabin. Hawk swung round with the rest of the group cawing in elation, pleased with the night’s victory. Until now, he had been alone, preferring the freedom to work without question, his only law being the natural law of Gaia, cause and effect, until now.

  Outside the cabin, he watched his totem dissolve into the early morning mist before thinking of Nevaeh. He rubbed his eyes and knew that sleep would be difficult until he had seen Anna’s offspring. He was certain he had glimpsed hands and hair. Whatever this was, it wasn’t a natural totem, it was forced. He considered it good fortune that they had finally caught one, and taking a deep breath, braced himself for the questioning that would come.