Tiredness hit him like a force when he arrived home, and by the looks of the others lying everywhere, he wasn’t the only one. Andrea half smiled from the couch holding her thumb up. She had experienced her first ground patrol with Pippa’s group and seemed happy as she closed her eyes.
In the kitchen, thirst overwhelmed Hawk. Patrolling was different; it required more energy and his muscles ached. He was stopped from downing another litre of water by the sudden appearance of Raven at the kitchen door. They had taken the half thing to the oversized shed.
‘Hawk, it’s asking for you,’ Raven called pulling a face. At Hawk’s confused look, he shrugged.
‘Apparently you know her.’ Raven muttered. The emphasis on her, made him jolt. He felt the rest of the group’s mood shift from where they had been lounging.
‘Wake Andrea,’ He commanded. ‘But keep it discreet.’ Raven nodded and Hawk pulled open the kitchen door quietly. Instinct told him it was not the time to alert the others until he knew what he was talking about. Whoever it was, if they knew him, it might be a trick. Anger replaced his tiredness with anxiousness. For him, the half thing represented the cause, the effect being Nevaeh, and he hesitated at the locked door. He knew he had to calm down and normally was able to control his emotions, but this was personal. If he went into the room now, he knew the instinct to kill it would overwhelm him.
In the room, he couldn’t disguise his contempt at the sight of this whimpering half being that hid under the blanket. The weeping only angered him further; he wanted answers.
‘You know me?’ His voice is cold and emotionless. A tail thumps under the blanket and he heard it hold its breath.
‘I was told you know me, show yourself or I will – by ripping you apart.’ He repeated, trying to suppress the image of Seth, and Nettles dangling by their necks. Whatever this thing was, he needed it alive – for now. He watched it twist round on itself under the blanket, one eye peeping through a rip.
‘Well?’ he crossed his arms fighting with himself. One bloody hand pulled part of the blanket down, and he caught sight of a mouth.
‘Hawk, help me…’ He felt the blood drain from his face at the disfigurement. It moved again, and his stomach heaved at the sight of the half totem body and the stench that filtered through. The flesh had rejected the joining. It was bruised, and blistered like it had been burnt together. He had heard but never seen anything like this before. Totems only reject what wasn’t their natural choice; this totem had been stolen. He noted the tail and colour of the fur – it wasn’t a wolf but a fox and the way the silver streak ran down its spine towards the tail seemed familiar. He nodded to Raven who surprised it by plucking the blanket from its head. A small and frightened sob filtered through from under the tangle of dark hair. Raven grabbed a torch, focusing it on the whimpering creature.
‘There’s no point hiding. You said you know me – but I don’t know you…’ he stopped, watching as it half sat up and shook its hair back, dark eyes wincing against the brightness.
‘AMBER?’
He whirled round at Andrea’s voice, she was standing behind them. Dark eyes blinked furiously from her to him.
‘I’m so sorry Hawk and Andrea, I just wanted to experience it, and she let me. Anna seemed so nice, too nice. I didn’t know who she was, I promise, I didn’t understand. Andrea help me.’ The part that was Amber held a bloody hand out.
‘Please, you have to believe me. I wasn’t going to hurt her,’ she added when no-one approached her. Hawk thought of Nevaeh then and realised with horror that Anna must know where she is. He turned to Andrea, mouthing her name. ‘She’s safe, don’t worry. I’ve doubled the watch.’ Andrea hissed turning back to Amber. Her mind raced as she thought about how difficult it had been to get hold of her lately. The betrayal felt like ice water, and she instinctively moved forward, next to Hawk.
‘Of course they will know about this and everything else won’t they Amber? All part of your little plan was it? How long have you been betraying us, you little bitch?’ Her totem was already gathering itself in readiness, and no one tried to stop her as her body elongated, bands of red scales forming rings over her torso.
‘What are you going to do?’ Amber whimpered dragging the blanket around her while backing into the corner.
‘Feed,’ Andrea spat, flicking her tongue at her.
‘Andrea – No!’
Raven and Hawk stood in front of her. The betrayal of a soon-to-be initiate was too much for Andrea to bear. Hawk, frantically messaged the part of Andrea that was left, her snake brain already taking over.
Amber burst into floods of tears hiding under the blanket, her t-shirt ripped and bloody.
‘She’s useful and might be our only chance of helping Seth and Nettles.’ Hawk shouted at her.
At the mention of two missing group members, Andrea’s body stilled.
‘Amber, there is a chance if you help us, that we might be able to get you back to normal. You must tell us everything, if not -’ he shrugged, nodding back at Andrea. She had stretched into herself, coiling and swaying above them.
‘Make a decision Amber, or I might not be able to save you. She’s been on patrol, and is very hungry.’ His voice was softer then and Amber pulled herself towards the comfort of his voice.
‘I’ll tell you everything, please don’t eat me.’ She pleaded keeping one terrified eye on Andrea who hovered dangerously close, her fangs dripping venom. She was in strike position and remained that way, until Hawk had found out all he needed to know. His disgust at what Anna had become and done, raged in him. He knew there was only one way to stop Anna and that was by killing her.
By the following evening, most of the group had left the area to await their instructions for attack. Hawk had decided to keep the previous night’s events away from the group – for now. The less people knew, the less risk of Anna infiltrating them. Raven had dragged along the miserable half creature back to where they had found her. They had tried to keep her comfortable, but he knew she didn’t have long. The image of Amber repulsed him, but if his plan worked, she would have the chance to pay back her betrayal.
More than ever, Nevaeh had to wake up. He made his way to the hospital one last time, hoping he could reach her.
25
Chills
Wow - the sky is so blue and the light is becoming brighter, it makes me so sleepy, and I can feel my eyelids become heavy. I have to close them. Sorry Hawk, I’m so tired. The warm wind is soothing as it brushes over my body. I feel like its whispering my name, like the voice from before. Only now I can hear other voices, voices from my life – Mum is talking to me now and I keep my eyes closed, feeling her touch on my arms.
‘Rest honey, you’re safe, I’m not going to leave you.’
I curl up in her words. I do feel safe, and I can smell Dad’s aftershave even though he’s not speaking. He’s sad too, and I wish I could help him but I can’t. I think of my sister then, and remember how sad he was when she was born. They’d nearly lost her because the chord was wrapped round her neck and she spent weeks in the incubator. Can you imagine how scared they were?
The breeze has become cooler, and I’m shivering - does that mean I’m going back again?’
Nevaeh…can you hear me?
It’s a male voice. Are you another angel?
The chill was wrapping itself around me, and I feel as if something from here is watching me again, breathing darkness and screaming shadows. I don’t want them to reach me. They’re whispering, and I can hear a woman’s voice. She sounds angry.
‘Get away!’
Hawk, help me…I want to wake up now there’s something here.
‘Nevaeh…open your eyes.’
‘No, I don’t want to, safer this way.’
‘Its okay, I’m all around you, look I’ve pushed them away. No-one is going to hurt you.’
His voice is sweet and drips like honey. I feel as if I know him even though I can’
t see him. There’s something about him, something I’ve forgotten.
‘Do I know you? Are you like me?’
I can hear him chuckling.
‘ Yes’
‘Am I in heaven? Am I dead?’
‘Nevaeh, you cannot die…you were never born.’
‘I don’t understand…’
‘You are a true daughter of Gaia, conceived in thought and delivered for a purpose.’
‘Hawk, did you hear that?’
‘What purpose?’
A feeling traces itself like fingers over my body making me tremble. I feel our souls connecting. His voice makes the chill disappear.
I know without looking that the dark breathing shadow has gone and the warmth of the light bathes my face. I revel in the feel of the grass and nestle into it like a soft blanket.
I feel so much calmer now as if by thinking it makes it okay. It’s this place Hawk; I wish you could see it. I only have one, regret; that Mum and Dad might miss me. My mind is trying to remember. I feel I can do things, create things. Have I been sleeping for a long time? Time doesn’t seem to matter anymore, and a golden winged butterfly is a massive distraction when you’ve got nothing to do. I never noticed how rhythmical they are. How perfectly they dodge through the flowers.
The flowers - OMG you won’t believe the flowers. They’re like this crazy colour and seem to have their own light. I’m surprised I don’t see any of my favourite ones. They’re purple and the ends of the petals curl.
‘Close your eyes and imagine it…’
My heart leaps with happiness, he’s here.
‘Where are you?’
I can hear laughter now of others, and wonder if I’m surrounded by angels. I didn’t tell you before, but I saw one of them when I fell out of the window.
‘Close your eyes Nevaeh…imagine the flower, then open them.’
The male voice sounds urgent. Okay, make your mind up, you wanted me to open them earlier.
Mmmm, I’m closing them, seeing giant, curly purple petals, lighter on the edges, and darker on the inside.
‘Can I see you now? Why are you laughing? Right that’s it, I’m going to open my eyes.’
‘You see Nevaeh, the power of thought.’
I can’t believe it. I feel like laughing and crying at the same time, I’ve never felt so happy. You won’t believe this Hawk, but right in front of me is the flower, exactly the way I imagined it. My mind is racing with what I can do. I have to try other things. I wish I knew where you were; I want to give you this flower. Hey, someone else is here, I can see a face – I remember that face from the night of the accident. Leaves and flowers are blowing all over the place and it’s creating a person – wow, so beautiful, she’s more than beautiful….Hawk, I know her.
‘This is our true mother Nevaeh.’
I want to cry, she’s so beautiful, if that makes sense.
I can feel myself moving forward, my body disappearing through her into a mass of colours. She’s holding her arms out to me, and I know I’m home.
His words repeat themselves in my head.
‘You were never born.’
‘I….was never born.’
26
Rejection
Amber screamed in agony, her body continuing to tear from its totem. If she had a choice, she would choose death over the pain that racked her body. The mental torture overwhelmed her. Everything was ruined – she had betrayed the only group that truly accepted her, and had been betrayed by the one she had trusted.
She sat in the same place they had found her; reliving the memories of the child’s terror. The joining had been catastrophic, but it was the only way to be tracked. She wished she knew why Anna was so interested in Nevaeh – so what if she was an indigo? From what she had heard, there were plenty of them around. Why Nevaeh, in particular? She mulled the thought over, and knew once again that she wasn’t important enough to be told.
An image of Jo-Jo came to mind, and she prayed that she had stuck to the plan. Every day, since they had met, she had texted her. If she missed the six pm text, Jo-Jo would take it that there was trouble. Now, she wished, she’d made it earlier – six o’clock seemed so far away. She didn’t know why she felt the need to call for insurance, but her sixth sense had been right. She had been caught; they must have known this was going to happen. A sharp pain shot through her body making her spasm and she wished for death.
Why? Why did I do this?
Her mind drifted backwards, remembering her last encounter with Anna. She had been changing, becoming distant and instinct told her that she was running out of usefulness. Then suddenly she wanted her to join, suddenly it was important and it was her turn to have reservations.
‘Exactly why can't you use that animal's totem? Look at him, he’s not going anywhere.’ Anna grabbed her roughly by the arm pulling her to the front of Seth’s cage. She stared in wide eyes at the naked figure that was curled up and tried to turn away, but Anna held her fast.
‘This is what you always wanted, isn’t it? A chance to be like them?’ Her voice lowered as she cupped her chin, pulling her gaze back to her. Amber stared in fear at the hypnotic green eyes. At first, they had reminded her of Nevaeh’s, except for the burst blood vessels at the edges. It gave her a crazed look, and she knew then that she was in too deep. If she didn’t accept Seth’s totem - her life would be over. She had seen Anna dispose of those that stood against her. If she accepted, she knew that she would lose everyone else. The thought of being without Andrea felt like bites being taken from her soul. Anna’s madness had disappeared when she agreed, and she felt her own body physically relax. Her mission had seemed so easy at first - to find an Eco child and return to Harp. Apparently they needed two children; she only had one and the thought of the trapped child in the cage made her seethe. She had heard them talking. They knew there were patrols out; she had seen them on Anna’s screen.
Amber cried out when she moved and licked her blistered arm. At first, the soothing sensation of the drug to relax the totem seeped into her and it felt natural. Then, when she felt the weight of it hit her body she knew even then, that it was going to be challenging. It bent her bones into alien positions, her muscles expanding and retracting until a short burst of ecstasy and adrenaline coursed through her. Everything she had been told by the twins was true and the guilt over using Seth’s totem disappeared. She felt and saw everything with an intense clarity of colour that her human self could not measure. Around her, auras spiked and dipped. Some were muddy and dull like the drones, their breath robotic and measured, but others, especially him, radiated. She finally understood how the others had felt. And when her human mind finally melted away, so did her guilt. She was happier than she’d ever been, focusing only on the forest and the avalanche of smells in front of her.
Instinct alone had driven her forward then and she felt the aching hunger of the hunter. The rapid heartbeat of her intended prey was close by. Saliva dripped from her mouth as she circled, stepping lightly through the brush. Fibre and sinew stretched to their maximum when she watched from behind the trees. She forgot her instructions to preserve, wanting to kill, to stretch her teeth around her prey and feel the first tingle of warm blood in her throat. She was unaware that her totem was also waking up and felt the same instinctive urge towards its host, to her, and that was to kill.
In the beginning, the thirst for the prey made her ignore the painful tearing. She continued to push her powerful limbs forward. The aura over the prey glowed like a beacon, changing colours as it shifted between tree, bush and earth. But mostly it was the stench of sweat that made it easier to track. As she anticipated the distance, she felt the first flickers of pain and when she pounced, it felt like she had practically jumped from her skin.
She fell clumsily, dizziness blurring her vision. Muffled screams came from underneath her body. She felt as though she was burning and watched in horror as her fur rippled. When she cried out, it w
as with her human voice and she finally understood what was happening – the borrowed totem was rejecting her. She rolled off the whimpering prey thinking only of her tearing body, while the child stared wordlessly, her thumping heart threatening to burst. She wanted to comfort her, to tell her it was okay, but her ripping skin made her seem more fiendish than consoling.
Sounds from above the treetops screamed at her. The earth beneath rumbled as the ecos retrieved their child. She had already pushed herself as far as she could under a bush, the tangle of branches twisting at her skin and hair. She wanted to hide because she was hideous, and in pain. When she tried to call out, to let them know who she was, coarse fabric muzzled her. She was grateful when darkness claimed her. Her last memory before she woke up in the shed was of the air being pushed out of her lungs.
Amber cried out again, the memory of what she had done was too much. She clawed the earth, wondering how many other totems were going through what she was. She knew that some had left and never returned and now she knew why. Bile rose in her throat as she waited; she had never felt so alone and kept thinking of Andrea, and the look of betrayal and disgust.
‘I hope you’re in pain,’ Andrea had whispered in her ear before she was dropped off. ‘You’re a disease, just like Anna and I will never forgive you.’
The pain of that conversation felt worse than the shivering raw skin that clumped to her body. Whatever she did, she was doomed, but at least with Jo-Jo’s help, she might be able to help, even if it was in a small way.
27
Eden
We meet at last and I stare up at the golden shoulder length hair that frames his perfect face and sea green eyes. His skin sparkles and blazes like an angel. He’s holding my hand as we walk through the endless carpet of flowers, the smells and colours hold me transfixed. In the distance, I can hear a waterfall and look at him questioningly, thinking of my mortal meditations. He puts one finger gently on my lips and I almost groan at the touch.
Heaven's Children (Earth Totem) Page 13