by Chapel Byrne
“Can I ask you a question? Like, it’s a sincere one and I don’t want you to think I’m just being difficult. I just…I hadn’t thought of this before.” Lina chewed at a nail, not liking where her brain was tripping up.
“Of course. Anything.” He looked at her, curious. “What’s up?”
“This ends with someone dead, doesn’t it? I mean, not just if he kills you, but…you won’t bring the police in and, even if you did, people would die before they took the right precautions. Right? And, like, as long as he’s alive, unless we somehow get through his crazy brain, he’s never going to be sure you’re not ‘evil’ or whatever.” She sneered when she said “evil” and leaned her head back against the headrest of the seat, a bit of despair starting to creep into her annoyance.
“I swear that I’ve been trying to come up with options. But the only one I’ve really got is if the company will send in security. At least that way it wouldn’t be me who does it.”
“Or me,” she said. “Because we’re pretty sure my fire will hurt him more, right?”
“I’ve been trying not to think about that,” Shane said. “Even if it’s self defense, I know it would wreck you.” He sounded worried, frustrated.
Lina felt those same things, but she also felt afraid. She wished she could at least be fearless like Shane. In a voice that was much smaller and more fragile than she liked, she asked, “So, what do we do?”
“For now, I vote home, sex, sleep, and then pace around frustrated as we try to figure this out in the morning.” He gave her his crooked grin. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and dream of a better solution. At the very least, our brains will be rested.”
She breathed out a quiet chuckle. “I’m totally not going to object to using sleep and sex to stall.”
Before sex and sleep, they decided to lie on the back lawn and look at the sky. Not many stars made it through the light pollution of the city, but Lina felt like even the few she could see were somehow allies.
“I know it’s, like, ridiculous,” she said, “but sometimes, when it seems impossible that I can ever hope for a good future, I can look at the stars and know that there’s so much more out there. If I can just survive…”
Shane squeezed her hand, looking at her instead of the sky. “You think things are impossible?”
Lina thought a moment before she replied, carefully choosing words. “I think that we’re in a situation where it’s likely I’m going to be really unhappy with at least part of the outcome. And where it’s hard to see us making it through without somebody dying. So, not impossible, but maybe too big for my head to hold. But,” and she moved so that her head was touching his shoulder, “not too big for all that space out there to hold.”
Quietly, he asked, “How many times did you do this in the past?”
“In the Brad days, I was lucky to catch a quick glimpse. But we went camping a couple times, and then I just did it for as long as possible.” She smiled to herself. “And look at me now. The stars took all that darkness away.”
“Took it all away and gave you something just as bad.” Grey’s voice was hard and shattered the little bliss Lina had built up. Somehow, he’d slipped into the back yard unnoticed.
She and Shane quickly scrambled to their feet, stood with hands in front of them, ready to throw fire. Grey faced them with his sword, and he didn’t look worried that he was outnumbered.
Through clenched teeth, Shane growled, “I’m giving you one chance, because Lina desperately wants this to end with everyone alive. Leave. Don’t come back. Ever.”
Grey somehow managed to have the confidence and a taste of the charm that Lina was used to in Shane while also seeming sincerely sad. “I wish I could, Shane. But the path to my salvation lies through you, through wiping out your evil. However,” and he pointed at them with his sword, “I’m also here to give one of you a chance.” He shifted so his sword briefly pointed at Lina. “You have the chance now to step away from this. I’m not actually excited to kill anyone, and it would be great if you could get yourself off the list.”
Trying to whisper too quietly for Grey to easily hear her, Lina said to Shane, “We didn’t decide what to do yet. I…I don’t know what to do.”
In the same low tones, Shane whispered over his shoulder, stepping in front of her, “Since my fire won’t kill him, I’ll get it to where we can run. Regroup.”
Patiently, Grey watched them confer, then said, “Now,” and launched forward.
“Lina, get back,” Shane said as he moved in to fight.
She stepped back, watching as Grey used his sword in a way that, to her untrained eyes, looked pretty impressive. Of course, more impressive to her was the way that Shane was somehow able to dodge, able to get enough control to throw fire small enough that it was unlikely to also burn down the house.
At first, they fought silently except for grunts and heavy breaths.
Then Shane asked, “So, this is what you gave it all up for? This life?” He snorted. “Quite the upgrade, old friend.”
Grey lunged and managed to nick Shane’s arm. “I’m keeping my eye on the future. Just like you. Except I’m using my present to try to actually help people.”
Shane ducked under a swinging blade and landed a punch to Grey’s side. He snarled, “Oh, yes, because trying to kill me is somehow more noble than the volunteer work I’ve been doing.”
Somehow, Grey managed to laugh derisively while also sliding under a stream of little flames. “Yeah, because feeding the homeless balances out all the souls you’ve ruined.”
Shane didn’t reply, but it looked to Lina like his attacks intensified. They should have an opening to run for the house soon.
Grey went on, “And does she know what you are? What you do?” He didn’t turn but inclined his head a little to call to Lina, “You know what he does?”
“Obviously, you psycho. He does scouting and PR for a record company.” She would have rolled her eyes if she hadn’t needed to keep her eyes on the fight.
“Yeah, which company?” Grey challenged.
Lina opened her mouth to reply, but she couldn’t find the name. She knew she knew it, but the information just wasn’t there. Frustrated, she said, “Just because I forget things when we’re in the middle of being attacked doesn’t mean he doesn’t work for a record company.”
“Shane, when are you going to tell her? You seem to maybe actually care about this one. How far are you going to let it go before you tell her what she’s gotten into?” Grey was starting to sound a little short of breath.
When Shane didn’t reply with words but with a volley of fire that grazed Grey’s hair, Grey offered, “I’ll just tell her for you, shall I?” Again, he leaned his head slightly toward Lina. “Your precious boyfriend is a demon. And I know because I’m one too. Or I was one. As you can see from my eyes, I’m working on that.”
She laughed. She knew this was a serious situation, but it was the most ludicrous thing she’d heard yet. “Oh, please! Look, you’re mentally ill. I get it. Fire makes you think Hell. I mean, I’m not a shrink, but that seems like it’s probably too classic.” She laughed again.
But then she got a little uncomfortable, because Shane wasn’t objecting. He wasn’t even rubbing it in Grey’s face that the whole demon accusation was totally falling flat. He was just fighting on, viciously.
When he did finally talk, he said, “Lina, I think you should take a shot. I think we’re going to need that.”
“But he’s totally delusional, right? Shane?” Lina held her hands up, ready to send out enough fire to hurt Grey but probably not kill him.
“It’s…complicated,” Shane replied.
“What?” Lina felt like the world had just gone mad. “I feel like this is totally just a yes or no sort of thing.”
He didn’t reply, but she saw the veins of his fire start to glow on his face and then on other exposed skin.
“Shane?”
He roared and managed an attack so brutal that it fin
ally knocked Grey down. He looked quickly at Lina and urged, “Now! Do it now!”
She shook her head, starting to feel horrified. Somehow, the fire in his veins and in his eyes looked sinister now. His clothes smoked slightly.
“At least run with me now. Let me explain,” he pleaded. He backed toward the door of the house. “Please.”
Lina took a step away from the door, shaking her head. Her throat was tight, but she whispered, “I don’t think I can.”
As Shane turned to flee, a look of distress on his face, he said, “Grey won’t hurt you. I’m sorry.” And then he ducked into the house.
Through the wall of windows, she watched him run for the garage. As Grey picked himself up from the lawn, they could hear Shane’s car roaring off into the night.
The sound seemed to release Lina from some spell. She put her hands up, considering throwing fire at Grey, and inched backward toward the house.
Grey stood and sheathed his sword. When he finally looked up at her, he just said, “I’m not crazy.”
Lina felt the tears trying to fill her eyes. Fear and betrayal and wondering how she could be so stupid. And she whispered, “Am I a demon too?”
Grey shook his head. “I don’t know what you are, but you’d know if you were one of us.”
She swore and covered her face with her hands for a moment, trying to stop crying. When she looked up, he hadn’t moved and was just looking at her with concern.
He said, “You can do what you want, but it might be safest for you to stick by me tonight. Get some sleep. Decide what you want to do in the morning.”
Through tears, she said, “I just…I have so many questions. I don’t think I can decide what to do.” She let herself just cry a moment before she said, “I love him. Loved him? I don’t even know. I don’t know.” She sounded about as pitiful and lost as she felt.
“Well, I’m in a hotel room with two beds. And I’m…I was a demon, but I made a deal, so I’m legitimately working to clear out some evil. Which is the long way of saying I’ll be a gentleman.” He offered her a grin, one that was clearly learned in the same charming world as the one where Shane had also learned to grin.
“Yeah.” It wasn’t a very enthusiastic reply, but it was all Lina could manage.
“Cool. This way.” Grey led her through the house, explaining, “This will be easier than hopping the fence,” paused to let her pack a small bag, and then escorted her down the street to his bike. He handed her the helmet. “Here. You take this. And…sorry you have to hang on to me while we drive. I’m sure that’s not really comfortable for you.”
Lina shrugged, finding it hard to believe that anything actually mattered at the moment, and took the helmet.
The drive to Grey’s cheap hotel was easy. Late night makes even city traffic reasonable.
When they got to his room, they sat on the edges of their beds in silence. Lina tried to pull some actual questions from the mass of confusion in her head. When she cleared her throat, preparing to ask, Grey looked up at her.
“Ask whatever you want,” he said in an achingly kind voice.
“So, demons?” she started weakly.
He nodded.
“Does that mean God and angels and the Devil too?” She felt disconnected, lightheaded.
“Technically, I’m not allowed to answer that. But, uh, I’d say that it’s safe to act as if all that exists.” He gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry. Part of trying to fix my situation is that I’m really trying to follow the rules.”
“So, you’re fixing your…demon-ness?” She stumbled uncertainly through her made up word.
“I got a deal, from a source whose existence I’m not allow to confirm to anyone who doesn’t already know. If I do enough good, if I wipe enough dangerous evil from the earth, I’ll be transformed.” He leaned forward, pointing at his one eye, the one that was a cool grey. “When I started, this one was yellow too.”
“Can anybody make the deal?” Even as she asked, Lina thought about how Shane had said he did the volunteer work for her, not because he actually enjoyed it. Obviously, this wasn’t something that would apply to him, was it?
“I honestly don’t know.” Grey shrugged. “I didn’t even know it was an option when I went looking for a way out of what I was doing.”
Numbly, she echoed him. “What you were doing.” She sighed and turned it into a question. “And, what were you doing?”
“I was doing almost the same thing as Shane. He and I sometimes traded tips.” Grey’s voice was tinged with shame.
“Why…Why are you after people like Shane? I mean, he’s charming, but aren’t there, like, leaders of cults and hate groups and stuff who are impacting more people?” Lina chewed on a finger, trying to will her brain to assimilate and accept all this.
“Because there are humans who can deal with humans. It takes something else, something not human, to take out the demons.”
“And…can demons actually love, or was he…Like, was he trying to get me to sell my soul or something?” She didn’t want, or need, to say Shane’s name.
“Sometimes, he does old school ‘sell your soul for fame’ contracts. It’s actually easier now because artists are just as desperate as ever, but they also don’t believe we exist. So, even at the point where he has to tell them what the real terms are, they laugh. They assume it’s him trying to be clever. If he does some little fire trick, they think it’s just that. A trick.” Grey shook his head sadly. “It was way too easy. Which is actually part of why he tends to do some other stuff to do his job.”
“Other stuff? Like, was he trying to lead me to a life of sin or something?” Lina could feel her annoyance returning and shifting to aim at Shane.
“Sin is such a complicated topic and, even where it’s clear, it’s not necessarily the most fruitful. Not in the terms Shane uses. The terms I used to use. Shane was the one who taught me that you could put in a lot of work and get someone to sin once, and you might get lucky and have it be big enough a sin to tip the balance. But, the real trick…The real trick is to change attitudes of individuals. Get them focused on themselves and on pleasure. Make it so they started to believe that they deserved pleasure and privilege. Make them feel a false entitlement. If you can, put them in situations where that can escalate to big stuff. But, even if you can’t…Every evil I’ve ever seen was done out of fear or selfishness if you really looked at the root. And even a lot of the fear that leads to evil is a fear that you won’t get your due. So…” He sighed. “So, that was Shane’s main ploy. Is his main ploy. And, working with artists, working with most humans in the current world…It’s almost too easy.”
Lina felt stunned. She moved her mouth a few times before words came out. “So, that was it? He didn’t love me or care about my past? He was just trying to set me on the path to becoming capable of…that?”
Grey gave a frustrated groan. “I really want to give you an emphatic and sure response, to say that was definitely it. But…I can’t know another person’s heart, obviously. And…he did volunteer work for you. Volunteer work. So, maybe it was more complicated?” He tapped his chin with a finger and thought. “Tell me about your past?”
“Uh, well, long story short, I spent a decade in an abusive relationship, learning to be meek and quiet and subjugate my own desires and everything.” She gave a sad little laugh. “And Shane claimed that he was just trying to help me find my power, to help me see that I deserved more.”
Grey winced a little as he noted, “Well, that could have been part of it.” Then his tone got serious. “But it doesn’t change that, at the end of the day, for anyone else, his intentions are nowhere near pure.”
Lina’s eyes went wide as she was struck by a horrific thought. “And he used me to do his work.”
“What?” Grey intently examined her face. “How so?”
“He said that having a pretty girl on his arm helped him get business. And…and the company liked the idea of me being with him and were maybe goi
ng to offer me a job.” She met Grey’s eyes, mortified. “Did I help hurt people? Were they grooming me?” She started to cry again. “I should have just stayed in Missouri and let Brad beat me down. At least there the only person I was hurting was me.”
Fiercely, Grey hissed, “Never say that. Never.” More gently, he said, “You leaving was right. Nobody deserves abuse. And you didn’t know what you were doing. I…” He gave an awkward laugh. “Sorry, I’m trying to give you advice without breaking rules about what I can and can’t say. Um…If you keep focusing on doing good, focusing on being a good person, on not being selfish and on not doing harm…You should be okay.”
He let her cry a while, looking like he wanted to help. He passed her tissues and silently dug some chocolate out of a bag. She laughed a little hysterically when he offered her that.
When she was done crying, when she was just numb and sad, she said, “I think I’m gonna sleep. If that’s okay.”
He nodded and turned out the lights.
Just before she drifted off, she asked, “Grey, what am I?”
His voice floated out of the darkness. “I honestly don’t know.”
CHAPTER 11
In the morning, Grey said, “You should probably call in to work if you’re scheduled. Just for today. I’ll…I’ve warded this room, so he won’t be able to see you. I’ll go find him.”
He set Lina up with some food and his phone number, then headed out.
After she called in sick to work, she lay for a long while, just feeling miserable. When her phone beeped, she didn’t look right away. Could be Grey, she told herself. She sighed and checked.
It was Shane. “I’m sorry. So sorry. I don’t know what he told you, but you weren’t in danger. From me”
She gave a little yelp of disbelief and quickly replied, “Are you kidding me? I don’t even know where to start!!!! WTH is wrong with you???”
“Not kidding. I just wanted you to be happy.”
She sneered and tapped out, “Happy in Hell??”