Monsters on the March

by Derek the Ghost

  She carefully crawled down the enormous, screaming face of Petrified Pavilion to the grassy area below. She scuttled as fast as she could toward the only place that looked inviting—the Scary School main building.

  She made her way through a bulkhead and found herself in the Scary School basement. The damp darkness made her feel right at home.

  Tanya explored her surroundings, finding a ventilation shaft in the wall. She crawled into the shaft and discovered that it snaked through every room in the school. Her favorite pastime became traveling from class to class and listening in on the lessons. She found that she loved learning. She taught herself how to write with her fangs and even took the tests right along with the students.

  After a few years, Tanya was a proud straight-A student. She would have been valedictorian of Scary School had anybody known that she existed.

  Most impressively, Tanya had taught herself to speak English. At night in the basement, she would practice speaking when not feasting on mice and rats. Her voice was very raspy and unladylike. Sometimes the school janitor, Marvin, would hear her, but he just assumed it was a ghost and thought nothing of it.

  By the fifth day of school this year, Tanya had grown so big and heavy, she broke through the ceiling vent and came crashing down on top of Bryce McCallister.

  After the incident, she found herself in front of Principal Headcrusher being grilled with more questions. After Tanya told her story, Principal Headcrusher asked, “Tanya, how would you like to be a full-time student here at Scary School? I suppose you can attend for free since you’ve saved me a fortune in vermin-exterminator fees over the years. As long as you keep up the good work in that department, I see no reason why you can’t enroll as a student and we’ll call it even.”

  Tanya wiggled her chelicerae (also known as fangs) up and down, which in tarantula-speak is equivalent to nodding.

  That afternoon, Tanya became an official member of King Khufu’s class. Since she couldn’t fit into any of the chairs, they set up a lovely terrarium for her at the back of the room. When she knew an answer, she would raise one of her hairy tarantula arms. When she really wanted to answer a question, she raised six of her hairy arms.

  After a few classes, the students stopped looking behind them every few minutes to check if she was about to pounce. She became just another member of the class.

  After her first week, she found that her usual instinct of solitude was fading away. To her surprise, she was enjoying being part of a community. All the kids in class became friends with her and had a lot of fun patting her on her hairy head and riding on her back during recess. If this was what having a family felt like, she wanted more of it.

  When she’d go back down to her basement at night, she’d think about all her friends who were spending time with their mothers and fathers. She wondered if her parents were out there somewhere and if they still loved her.

  When Tanya was invited to join her classmates on the trip to Monster Forest to meet the Monster King, she was very excited. She wasn’t very homesick, but just maybe she’d see her parents there and they would give her a big, hairy eight-armed hug.

  7

  The Legend of Steven Kingsley

  The morning when the students of Scary School were to take their trip to meet the Monster King, Steven Kingsley was shaking in his boots.

  A member of King Khufu’s class with Charles Nukid, he had thick black hair that draped across his forehead. His eyes were as blue as the feathers of a jagalark. Trust me. That’s really blue.

  It was raining outside and Steven was wearing a big rubbery raincoat, galoshes, rain boots, and a rain hat. The students were rushing past him in a frenzy of excitement to get on the bus that would take them to see the Monster King, but Steven couldn’t move an inch. He was scared to death of going to meet the Monster King. A crash of thunder rumbled in the sky, and Steven jumped backward in fright.

  Poor Steven was afraid of everything. Everything. He had every phobia there ever was and he even had some new phobias they had to give names to because of him.

  He was afraid of the dark and afraid of the light. He was afraid of heights and afraid of being on the ground. He was afraid of ants and afraid of anteaters. He was afraid of dust and afraid of dusters. They named that fear “dusterbustaphobia.”

  You’d probably think Scary School was the worst possible school for Steven to attend, but the fact is, Steven was afraid of everything at his normal school anyway, so it didn’t make much difference. At his previous school he was afraid of the marker boards and the erasers. He was afraid of the teachers and the janitors. He was afraid of the lockers and the lunches and the library, and none of those things had ever tried to eat a kid, as they often do at Scary School.

  Steven’s parents figured, Well, since he’s afraid of everything anyway, why not put him in the scariest school possible? Then, perhaps, everything else won’t seem so scary.

  Everyone thought this was a great idea. Everyone, of course, except for Steven, who was almost as angry as he was terrified at the idea of attending Scary School.

  He was in Ms. Fangs’s class last year, but asked to be transferred to the other class this year because too many of his classmates were Scary kids. While his new classmates weren’t as scary, King Khufu was as terrifying as thirty Peter the Wolfs, so Steven wasn’t much calmer.

  Steven made it through the days by focusing on the two things he loved most: writing and baseball. Whenever Steven became overwhelmed with fear, he found a quiet corner where he would either write a story or watch baseball highlights on his phone.

  Sometimes students would ask him what he was writing, but he was too afraid of the other kids to answer. Instead, he left copies of his stories around the school without writing his name on them. Steven didn’t want anyone to know he was the author because he was afraid his peers would hate what he wrote about. Regardless, every student knew they were Steven’s stories and they really liked them.

  Nobody ever complimented Steven for fear he would stop writing the stories if his secret was out.

  But as I was saying, on the morning when Scary School was to leave on the journey to visit the Monster King, a crash of thunder made Steven jump backward against the lockers. Unfortunately for Steven, the locker he jumped backward against was Locker 39, the most dangerous locker of all. It is also known as the Locker of Infinite Oblivion.

  A wretched green claw reached out from the locker as soon as it felt Steven’s presence. It wrapped itself around Steven’s body and began pulling him inside.

  Steven screamed as loud as he could, which attracted the attention of Ms. Hydra, the hall monitor. Ms. Hydra rushed toward Steven as fast she could, each of her nine heads determined to save him.

  The other students cleared the area. Steven was holding on to the locker’s edge with all his strength. The slightest slip, and he would be lost into the Oblivion.

  But Ms. Hydra arrived in the nick of time and wrapped one of her twenty-foot necks around Steven. She tugged and pulled but didn’t have much leverage with her stumpy legs. Steven was moments from being yanked away.

  Then, to everyone’s surprise, Dr. Dragonbreath arrived on the scene. He was the meanest teacher at Scary School, having eaten twenty-six students so far this year. Compared with last year, he seemed to be losing his appetite.

  Dr. Dragonbreath grabbed Ms. Hydra’s legs with his strong dragon arms and pulled with all his might.

  Steven didn’t know what he was more afraid of—the monster grabbing on to him or the monsters trying to save him.

  Even with Dr. Dragonbreath’s help, Steven was slipping away. Some of the students in the hallway rushed to lend a hand. Fred, the boy without fear, clutched Dr. Dragonbreath’s legs. Jason, still sporting his ever-present hockey mask, grabbed on to Fred. Charles Nukid grabbed on to Jason, Penny Possum grabbed on to Charles, Petunia grabbed on to Penny, Frank (which is pronounced “Rachel”) grabbed on to Petunia, Johnny grabbed on to Frank, Peter grabbed on to Johnny, R
amon grabbed on to Peter, and Rachael grabbed on to Ramon. As soon as Rachael had grabbed on to Ramon, his zombie body broke apart into thirty pieces, and Rachael and Raychel had to help put him back together.

  The tug-of-war was on for the life of poor Steven Kingsley. Nobody wanted to lose the school’s favorite writer to the Infinite Oblivion. If I could physically grab on to something, I would have been pulling also, even though he’s my competition.

  With all the students, Dr. Dragonbreath, and Ms. Hydra pulling backward, they made some progress. Steven was coming back into view. Whatever was attached to the arm inside the locker roared angrily.

  That’s when another wretched claw appeared. It was holding a can of spray grease!

  Laughing, the claw sprayed grease all over the area where Ms. Hydra was coiled around Steven. The area became super-lubricated and Steven slipped through Ms. Hydra’s neck hold like a wet fish.

  The sudden break in tension caused the students, Dr. Dragonbreath, and Ms. Hydra to fall backward on top of one another.

  The claw laughed victoriously and slammed the locker door, and poor Steven was lost in the Oblivion, whence no kid has ever escaped.

  Until now….

  8

  Inside Locker 39

  As soon as the locker slammed shut, many of the students started crying because they would never get to read Steven Kingsley’s stories again. Petunia was especially broken up. Steven’s stories made her feel better when the other students would tease her for being purple and swarming with bugs. She wanted to tell Steven how much his words meant to her, but she had been too scared. Now she would never get the chance.

  Everyone, even Principal Headcrusher, tried to open the locker, but they couldn’t.

  Nobody felt much in the mood to go visit the Monster King anymore.

  Then, Locker 39 began shaking. Sounds of gurgling and bubbling echoed through the locker’s thin vents. Miraculously, the locker swung open with a loud bluuuuuuurp!

  A slush of slime spilled out into the hallway. Steven Kingsley rode the slime like a wave crashing on the shore. Steven sucked in air as everyone looked at him in shock and relief. Then he said the last thing anybody expected him to say:

  “What…what day is it?” Steven asked, wiping the yucky slime from his face.

  Everyone looked at him, bewildered. Petunia answered, “It’s September fifth.”

  “Is that the day we were supposed to visit the Monster King?”

  “Yes. What day do you think it is?”

  “I have no idea. But I was definitely inside that locker for over a year.”

  “Over a year?” several kids exclaimed. “Are you crazy?”

  “No!” Steven snapped back. “The depths of the locker must be a realm outside of our space-time continuum. What felt like a year to me passed instantaneously in this world.”

  “Wow! Where were you?” Charles Nukid prodded, fueled by the excitement that he was in the middle of a real-life science fiction story.

  “I was in the worst place imaginable,” said Steven, standing up and walking slowly toward the group. He even helped up Dr. Dragonbreath and Ms. Hydra, showing no fear whatsoever. “To put it simply, I was placed smack-dab in the middle of my deepest fears and my darkest nightmares.”

  The kids’ jaws dropped and they gathered in a circle around Steven. Even Dr. Dragonbreath and Ms. Hydra listened intently.

  “I found myself in a grand hotel. It was three times as big as this school. It was deserted and outside there was a great snowstorm. I was all alone, until a man appeared carrying an ax. At first I was glad to see someone else, but then the man started chasing me! He was trying to chop me into pieces!”

  The students gasped, and Ms. Hydra squeezed Dr. Dragonbreath’s arm tightly. Dr. Dragonbreath turned and made eye contact with Ms. Hydra’s ninth head. The ninth head winked, and Dr. Dragonbreath flashed his toothy dragon grin. Ms. Hydra’s other eight heads became jealous and snipped to each other, “She was always the good-looking one.”

  Steven continued, “Finally, after weeks of being chased, I locked the ax-wielding madman outside the hotel and he froze in the snow.”

  The students let out a sigh of relief.

  “But then came the worst part.”

  Everyone braced themselves.

  “I found myself in an abandoned city. The streetlights flickered on and off, and all the stores were deserted. A tennis ball sat on the street. For days all I did was throw the tennis ball against the walls of the buildings. Then, the ball got away from me and rolled into a gutter. I went to go fish it out, but inside the gutter was a smiling clown!”

  Dr. Dragonbreath and three of Ms. Hydra’s heads fainted.

  “It looked like Ronald McDonald, except when it smiled, I saw it had fangs. Either Ronald had a really bad dentist or this clown was evil. I wouldn’t have eaten its french fries if they were the last food on Earth. It gestured for me to crawl into the gutter with it to get my ball. I screamed, ‘No way!’ and started running. When I looked behind me, I saw the clown crawling out of the gutter. Then it turned into a giant spider and started chasing after me! That’s when I noticed a car with keys in the ignition. Luckily, I always paid close attention when my parents drove. I sped off in the car, but the spider was fast and remained on my tail. As I headed up a steep mountain, I decided to put the car in reverse. The spider was not expecting that. I hit it with the back of the car and it went tumbling down the mountain.”

  Everyone cheered.

  “Unfortunately, driving backward was harder than I thought, and I also went tumbling down the mountain. Next thing I knew, I woke up in a small room with nothing in it but a bed and desk. There was just one window, with a fifty-foot drop to the ground. A big, scary lady walked inside and dropped a whole stack of papers on the desk. ‘Do all your homework if you want your dinner!’ she yelled.

  “With nothing else to do, I sat at the desk and did the homework. It was the worst kind of homework. Tedious and boring. It made the minutes feel like hours. When I was finished, she brought me a piece of moldy bread and some wilted spinach. The scary lady had rescued me from the car wreck, but only so she could lock me in a room and force me to do nothing but grueling homework the rest of my life!”

  At the mention of that, every other student passed out.

  Without an audience, Steven shrugged his shoulders and walked away. The only one who didn’t faint was me because I’m a ghost and don’t have any blood in my head.

  I made myself visible and said, “Excuse me, do you mind telling me how you escaped? It’s for my book.”

  “Oh, you’re a writer too?” Steven inquired.

  “Yes. A ghostwriter actually.”

  “Oh, cool. Here’s how I escaped: Each time I finished a homework assignment, I tore off the tiniest sliver of paper from the side of the page so it wasn’t even noticeable. As the months went by, I tied the slivers of paper into a sturdy rope and was able to climb out the window to the ground below. I ran to freedom alongside a creek of mucky, slimy water. I stopped when I saw something shining in the water. When I examined it closer, I realized it was the other side of Locker 39. I stomped on the locker door and fell through into the hallway along with all the muck and slime. That’s how I ended up here.”

  “Wow,” I said. “All those scary things that happened to you would make great stories. You should write them down!”

  “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard,” Steven replied, furrowing his brow. “I hate being scared. Why would I want to scare other people with my writing? I may become a writer, but I’m going to write nothing but happy stories about rainbows and kittens where nothing bad ever happens. Now, I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to meet the Monster King. Let’s go.”

  As Steven walked away, he stepped right over Ms. Hydra and Dr. Dragonbreath without even flinching.

  I guess after living in Locker 39 for all that time, nothing else was very scary to Steven.

  Not even Scary School.
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br />   9

  Journey to the Monster King

  After Steven Kingsley escaped from Locker 39, everyone made their way to the front lawn of Scary School for the big send-off.

  Archie the giant squid popped his enormous eyeball out of the moat that surrounded the school to witness the festivities.

  Petunia, who had just been elected class president for rescuing everyone from Jacqueline’s haunted house, led her class to the front of the lawn. Mr. Grump followed behind them so he wouldn’t get lost. Next, Bryce McCallister led King Khufu’s sixth-grade class in a line next to Petunia’s class. The class had elected Bryce president because they believed he was still cursed to die at any moment and felt sorry for him.

  No one was more thrilled to meet the Monster King than Charles Nukid. Charles had heard about the strict rules one must obey to survive Monster Kingdom. He couldn’t wait to arrive and start following them.

  When all the classes had taken their places on the lawn, Principal Headcrusher stepped forward to address the crowd. “Good morning,” she said. “Who’s excited to go see the Monster King?”

  The whole school cheered.

  “Who’s excited about taking a ten-hour bus ride?”

  There was a smattering of unsure applause.

  “Well, you’re in luck, because we aren’t taking buses. Look!”

  Principal Headcrusher pointed to the sky, and a whole brigade of young dragons burst through the clouds and flew down to the front lawn. The students went crazy with excitement.

  “As a thank-you for being such good hosts for last year’s Ghoul Games, these dragon-students from Firecrest Middle School have offered to fly everyone to Albania to meet the Monster King!”

  “Don’t you mean Albany?” Wendy Crumkin corrected.

  “Nope. We’re going to Albania. I had to tell your parents you were going to Albany so they would sign the permission slips. None of them would have let you go to Albania, and your absence would have been a dire insult to the Monster King. Sorry to mislead you, but I probably saved all your lives by doing so.”