“I was drinking vodka with my friends, and by the time we started playing Truth or Dare, I was already buzzing. When the bottle spun my way, I chose a dare, and I was challenged to allow this guy, Daniel, to feel my boobs. It all sounds so juvenile now, but back then it was a big deal. He was fifteen and two years ahead of me in school. All the girls had a crush on the guy—me included—but I was still apprehensive about agreeing. Everyone was teasing me over being a prude, so I pushed my nervousness aside and went with him to one of the bedrooms.”
I take deep breaths, in and out. No matter how many times I tell this story, it still feels like I’m reliving the moment over and over again. Ky continues to hold my hand firmly, his thumb tracing soothing circles on my skin.
“I developed quite early, and the boys were always making crude jokes, but I was completely innocent. Hadn’t even kissed a boy then, so taking my bra off for an older guy was a huge deal.” An intense shiver thunders through me. “He was a pig.” The usual maelstrom attacks me, but I push on. “He was rough, squeezing my flesh hard, and I closed my eyes, wishing it was over.”
I press my lips together as remembered humiliation and discomfort resurfaces. Kyler changes position on the couch, sliding in behind me. His strong arms wrap around me, renewing my courage. I rest my head back on his chest. “That must’ve been when he took the photo.” Ky stiffens underneath me. “I was blocking it all so effectively that I didn’t even hear the faint click of his phone. It wasn’t until I came back to the main room, greeted by a chorus of obnoxious hollers, that I realized what he’d done. By the next day, the photo had been circulated to everyone in school. The boys wouldn’t leave me alone. I was besieged with propositions and wolf-whistles, and random boys would leer at me. Some even tried copping a feel. It was a total free-for-all.” A lump builds in my throat.
Kyler holds me tighter, pressing a soft kiss to the side of my head. “But the girls were worse. My friends disowned me. Even though they’d been there, and they knew me and knew how upset I was over the whole thing, they didn’t stand up for me. They didn’t want to be tarnished by association.”
I shake my head sadly. “Complete strangers along with other girls I had known for years shouted insults at me. It was horrendous.” I gulp. “I felt so stupid, so foolish, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents or any of the teachers in school. I was too ashamed.”
Feeling cold, I run my hands up and down Ky’s arms, siphoning warmth. “I was depressed, and my parents noticed something was wrong, but I still couldn’t tell them. It hurt so much, and even now, I can still feel it. In here.” I place my hand over my chest. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget how violated I felt. Mix that with my self-revulsion, and my head was a very dark place. After a few weeks, I couldn’t take much more, and I … I had a mini breakdown.”
Tears glisten in my eyes. “My swimming teacher found me sobbing in the changing room after practice, and she called my parents. I caved. Told them everything.”
Kyler’s lips brush my cheek.
“My self-esteem was in the toilet, so I started seeing a psychiatrist and began to work through my feelings. My parents insisted on telling the school, and that was when things went to absolute shite. Daniel was suspended for two weeks, and a number of other boys were cautioned. The abuse ramped up a few notches, and ‘snitch’ was added to the ‘slut’ taunts. I tried to ignore it but it refused to go away.”
I breathe in, inhaling his familiar scent, allowing it to comfort me. “When Daniel returned after his suspension, he waited by my locker every day. He never said a word to me, never so much as looked sideways at me, did nothing concrete that I could report, but that silent intimidation was the worst form of torture. I literally shook walking up the steps to school each morning.”
Ky sweeps my hair aside, resting his chin on my shoulder.
“Daniel’s girlfriend decided to take matters into her own hands after that. Or maybe he put her up to it.” I shrug. “I never found out. But that was when the bullying started in earnest. I’d come out of school to find someone had slashed the tires on my bike. Another time she broke into my locker and destroyed all my books. I’d come out of the pool to find my clothes cut to shreds. She did a bunch of stuff like that, and I knew it was her, but I could never prove it; she always had an alibi. Eventually, even the school was getting sick of the hassle, and I knew they didn’t believe me anymore.”
I twist in his arms, snuggling into his chest. He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “The twenty-fourth of February 2012 is a day that will be indelibly imprinted on my brain. That’s when things came to a head. It was a Friday.” I tilt my head back to look at him. His eyes are hard but compassionate. “I knew something was up the minute I stepped into the building. Everyone was laughing and pointing, and I walked toward my locker on shaky legs. Then I saw it plastered across every locker. She had photoshopped my head onto a pornographic image and printed it with ‘Hooker for Hire’ and my mobile number on it.” I blink my eyes shut as a garbled choking sound travels up my throat.
Kyler smooths a hand up and down my back. “I told the principal it was her, but he didn’t believe me. He told me they’d investigate it, but I knew she must’ve covered her tracks. I was like a zombie all day. I blanked everything out. It was the only way I could survive all the insults and disgusting innuendos. She was waiting for me with some of her cronies outside at the end of the day. I can’t remember exactly what it was she said to me now, but it was enough to affirm in my mind that she was definitely the one behind it.
I sit up straighter, easing back a little. “I just snapped. It was the final straw. Even though she said it to provoke me, and I should’ve known better than to respond to it, I was powerless to halt my natural reaction. All the pent-up anger and stress and self-loathing bolted from me like a streak of lightning. Rage, like I’ve never felt before, consumed me, and I couldn’t leash it even if I’d wanted to. But I didn’t. I wanted to hurt her. To inflict pain so she’d feel what it was like. In that moment, I didn’t care what happened to me. I just wanted to make her pay.”
“What did you do?” He palms one side of my face.
“I lunged at her, swinging with both fists. I caught her off guard, and she lost her footing on the steep, concrete steps and fell backward, tumbling and crashing to the ground. She was out cold, clearly injured, and I just stood there and laughed. I laughed until my stomach ached. I didn’t even feel a twinge of guilt or concern.” I hold my head in my hands. “Two ambulances were called. One for her. One for me. I was admitted to the psych ward for evaluation while she was rushed into surgery.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. “She suffered a brain injury, Ky, and it was all my fault.”
He holds me close. “It was an accident, Faye, and she was hardly blameless. She bullied you to the breaking point, and you retaliated in self-defense. You didn’t push her down the steps or deliberately set out that day to inflict damage. She brought it on herself.”
I hold his shoulders, leaning back so he can see my face. “I wanted to hurt her, Ky. Like, really, really hurt her. And I didn’t feel any remorse when it happened. I laughed when she was lying motionless on the ground.” The usual bout of self-loathing crawls over my skin like a rash that refuses to go away. “That I could feel such intense rage terrifies me. Now I know what I’m capable of doing and it sickens me. I try to stay calm in confrontational situations, but sometimes the need is almost overwhelming. Like back there with Kent. I was so incensed I wanted to storm right in and beat their asses. If Brad hadn’t hauled me out of there …” I look down at my lap, not caring to witness the disappointment that is surely displayed in his eyes.
He tilts my chin up with his finger. “Everyone has a dark side, Faye. A side of them that is downright ugly. Everyone.” His eyes burn a hole in mine. “You know I know that. But it’s what you do that counts. The truly evil people in this world can’t he
lp but give in to that side of themselves, and they never suffer an attack of conscience. For them, it’s as easy as breathing. Then there are those who are weak, those who allow the devil on their shoulder to sway them into doing the wrong thing. The majority of people are strong enough to resist, to know right from wrong, to constantly battle so that good wins out over bad.”
He twirls a lock of my hair around his finger. “And then there are people like you. People who are inherently good but who end up in a bad situation. What happened that day was self-preservation. What happened after that day is all that matters, and you aren’t a bad person, Faye.” He shakes his head. “Far from it. You didn’t intentionally hurt her, and your natural response is to help others. That’s the Faye I’ve come to know.”
I’m quietly contemplative for a few seconds. “I know I would’ve gotten over it—the photo, I mean. I was embarrassed and humiliated, and I hated the thought that so many people had seen me in such an intimate way, but over the years, I’ve realized that that wasn’t the issue. I could’ve overcome it, but it’s the part that came after that will stay with me forever. The bullying and the loss of friendship and what happened to Vera—that was her name—and the fear that some resident evil conceals itself in the deepest part of me. Now, I have to live with what I’ve done. With the realization that I’m capable of true evil.”
“I’m calling bullshit on that.” He pins me with a fierce look. “You defended yourself. It’s not the same thing. What exactly happened afterwards?”
“I was in the psych ward for a couple of days. They determined that I’d had a mild break as a result of the excess stress I’d been under. Vera’s parents wanted to press charges, but I was a minor. With the psych assessment, and the fact that the school was finally able to pin some of the bullying on Vera, and they had caught the entire incident on camera, their solicitor advised them to drop the case. She was in the hospital for a few weeks and I believe her brain injury was minor.”
I fiddle with the hem on my dress. “I never saw her again. I never returned to that school. My parents moved us from Waterford to Dublin, and we tried to start over, as if it’d never happened. But I couldn’t dismiss it. I couldn’t pretend like everything was okay when I felt like I was dying inside. The guilt was destroying me.”
“How do you feel about it now?”
“I’ve spent what feels like a lifetime in therapy, and I’ve finally learned to manage it. But there are days when I still feel shit about myself. Days where I worry that I might flip again.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
I open my mouth to protest but he silences me with a deadly look. “I’ve watched you. I see you. You’re a good person. I think your experiences have proven that fact, because you stand up for yourself and others. You’re not a victim or a monster. You fight for what is right, like what went down tonight.”
I bite on the inside of my cheek. “I can’t stand to see anyone vulnerable being taken advantage of. It reminds me so much of my situation, and no one did anything to help me. My so-called friends all shunned me. I would never do that. And even though Kent doesn’t see himself in that light, I do. He’s drowning, Ky. I’m no psychologist but even I can see that his behavior is a classic cry for help. Your parents need to do more for him.”
He grinds his teeth. “I know. I’ll talk to Mom.”
“You may need to defer it for a bit. James is planning on telling her about Courtney this weekend.”
Ky snorts. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“I spoke with him this morning, and I think he’s sincere.”
“I guess we’ll find out soon enough.”
I rest my head on his chest, listening to the steady thud-thud of his heart. “You know why we’re drawn to one another, don’t you?” I twist my fingers in his shirt.
“I know it’s not for the reasons you think.”
I jerk upright at that. “What do y—”
A massive crash, like the sound of something heavy hitting the ground, halts me mid-sentence. We both scramble to our feet at the same time, running out into the lobby. My eyes fly around the room looking for the source of the noise. A telltale creak emits from upstairs, and Kyler and I lock eyes before he bounds up the stairs, two at a time. I race after him, heart pounding in my chest.
He opens the door to his father’s study and slams to an immediate halt. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”
I peer around his taller frame and gasp. A multitude of tiny shards of glass litters the floor around the desk. But it’s the sight of Addison, crouched over the desk, with her hands immersed in a bundle of files, that causes all the blood to drain from my face.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Addison raises her palms in a conciliatory gesture, rounding the desk and carefully stepping over the bits of broken glass on the floor. She peers up at Ky, a forced wide-eyed innocent look on her face. “Don’t be mad.” She juts her lower lip out, and I roll my eyes.
“Why are you in here? What are you searching for?” Ky asks, deliberately stepping sideways. His arm brushes mine.
Addison narrows her eyes suspiciously, as she rakes her gaze over me. “The recording of us.”
Ky keeps that well-rehearsed impassive face intact. “What recording?”
She plants her hands on her hips as a deep line creases her brow. “Don’t tell me you don’t know? It’s a vid of us fucking. It looked like the room we used at Jeremy’s party.” She shoots me a smug look, but I ignore it and her.
“Back up there.” Ky holds up his hand. “What are you talking about?”
“At first, I thought Brad was behind the anonymous email I received last week. I know he sent one to you, months ago—to split us up—so I naturally assumed he was up to his old tricks again now that we’re back together.”
“Bullshit.” The words fly out of my mouth like spittle. I whip my head around to Ky. “Brad isn’t behind the email you received. Trust me. She’s lying.”
Addison focuses a concentrated gaze on Ky. “She knows nothing. Brad has been hounding me all year. No matter how many times I tell him that I’m not interested, that it’s you I love”—she places her hand on Ky’s chest and I feel all territorial—“he just keeps coming back. He deliberately set about breaking us up, thinking I’d fall right into his arms. Why do you think he’s feigning interest in her?” Her nostrils flare unattractively. “It’s an attempt to make me jealous.” She looks down her nose at me. “As if.”
“Get to the point, Addison,” Ky growls, removing her hand from his chest.
“Brad didn’t send me the email, so I moved on to the next likely suspect.” Her eyes have a calculating sheen to them.
Ky arches a brow. “Me? You think I sent you some video of us fucking? Why the hell would I do that? Even if I had such evidence, which, for the record, I don’t, why would I email it to you?”
“Blackmail, Ky.” She says it so sweetly. “And before you say anything else, I didn’t think it was you.”
Ky glances at me as my eyes widen in realization. Damn it! I told Kal he needed to tell Ky before Addison played her hand. Now it’s too bloody late.
Addison looks down at her feet, shuffling in a bogus nervous manner. “I thought it was Kal. I didn’t think he’d be so stupid as to hide the evidence in his room, so—”
“You thought you’d break into my house and rummage through my father’s study?” Ky levels an incredulous look at her.
He’s buying this about as much as I am. This reeks of duplicity.
“I know Kal despises you, but he’d never do something like that because of how it would impact me.” His razor-sharp eyes lock on Addison as he searches her face for evidence of her lies.
“You don’t know everything about your brother,” she says softly, and a sympathetic look appears in her eyes.
Her manipulative tone and loo
k chill me to the bone. I swing into action, grabbing her arm at the elbow and hauling her toward the door. “Get out before I call the cops and have you arrested for breaking and entering.”
“Get your filthy hands off me.” Wriggling, she slaps at my hand, but my hold doesn’t budge.
“Wait,” Ky commands. “I want to hear what she has to say.” My eyes silently plead with him to let this drop. “Let her go, Faye.”
Reluctantly, I release her.
She rubs her arm in an exaggerated motion, and I roll my eyes again. “That better not bruise.” Her eyes drill a hole in my skull, but I affect my most blasé look.
“Today, Addison.” Kyler’s impatience is blatant.
Addison leans into Ky. Batting her eyelashes, she peers up at him desolately. “I never wanted it to happen. He took advantage of me.”
Ky goes deathly still.
“You’re a rotten liar!” I yell, stalking toward her with purpose.
Ky’s arm jerks out, holding me back. Pinning fierce eyes on Addison, he demands, “What are you saying, Addison?”
“We slept together, Ky, but I never wanted it. I was drunk, and you were being mean to me, and he swooped in when I was most vulnerable.” She forces a tear out of her eye. “And now he’s trying to keep us apart by blackmailing me. So now you know why I need that video.”
Very slowly, Kyler steps away from Addison, turning to face me. “Wake Kalvin, please, and bring him here.”
“Ky.” I rest my hand on his arm, feeling bunched-up tendons straining his skin. “She’s lying. Kick her out and talk to Kal in private.”
A muscle pops in his jaw. “Get him, now, Faye.” He batters his forearms, and I can tell there’s no reasoning with him.
Fast as my legs will carry me, I race to Kal’s room and wake him up. He jumps out of bed the minute I explain, pulling on a pair of sweats, which had been discarded on the floor, and rushing toward the study. His bare feet slip and slide on the polished hardwood floor.
Finding Kyler (The Kennedy Boys #1) Page 27