Don't You Remember

by Lana Davison

  He moved me slowly onto my back and placed his hands on my breasts over my tank, but not suggesting that he wanted me to take any of my clothes off, at least not yet. Johnny slipped his hand up my top and toyed with the underwire of my bra with his finger running between the underwire and my flesh. I wanted him to go further and take the whole thing off, but he didn’t. My heart rate rose to dangerous levels. He was in full control now moving southwards towards my navel. Johnny pushed my tank up to my bra and began to kiss my stomach gently. I had never felt this aroused before; so intense and thrilling. I wanted him, all of him. I needed to understand everything that was Johnny. I moaned with pleasure, he breathed heavily as if he had just completed a marathon. I touched his groin through his jeans and there could be no doubt that he was attracted to me, too.

  Being the best of friends we were now moving into unknown territory. Johnny stopped kissing my navel and met me at my lips with his. I ran my long fingers through his dark hair. We kissed intently and then I stopped him and told him "I want you, I'm ready.”

  He knew what that meant. I was a virgin he knew that, I was frigid, scared to let someone touch me, once even confiding to Johnny that I couldn't possibly have a boyfriend because I was too afraid of sexual intimacy. He had laughed at me, but not in a judgmental way, in an admiring way, like an adult might value the innocence of a child. I wondered if Johnny had ever thought of me as a lover before today.

  Johnny brushed my cheek. "Are you sure?"

  "Yes. I've never been more sure,” I said, meeting his eyes as I held his head with my hands.

  "I don't want to yet. Let's just play, do what we are doing, explore each other’s body before we go there."

  "Why? You’ve done it before.“ I knew this because he had had lots of girlfriends, I'd seen him with numerous girls at school and around town, but I wasn’t jealous back then.

  I never understood how Johnny managed to be so popular and still be able to keep people from knowing who he really was; such as where he lived and what his mum was like. What about the numerous boyfriends she’s had over the years, or her lack of employment, her lack of ambition, even her drinking habits. This is why I kept people at arm’s length from me. I didn’t want them to know any of that stuff, and I’m the first to admit the reason is because I am embarrassed. Whenever someone asked Johnny about his private life, about his background he would say where he lives and details about his parents have got nothing to do with who he is and what he wants out of life. I didn't know how to do that, how to bring people into my world without divulging my personal details, at least on some level.

  "Yeah, I’ve been with other girls before, but not with you, Jen, I’ll take it slow with you, you're my girl."

  The words were the best I'd ever heard in my life. "Really?"

  "Of course, you have got to have always known that,” he said, surprised that I had ever doubted him.

  "I didn't know you liked me like that."

  "Jen Redman, I like you however I can get you. What's not to like? You're my best mate, the only person who really knows me and you're also the hottest babe I know".

  "I so am not,” I said blushing.

  "But you are,” he said lifting his eyebrows. "The fact you don't know that surprises me.”

  "If that were true then why aren't there any guys lining up?"

  "Because guys think they are out of your league."

  "Really?” I said, squinting with surprise. I rolled over to my side and perched on my elbow using my hand as a head-rest and facing him head on.

  "Really. I should know, I’m a guy and I hear guys talk,” he said kissing me hard on the lips.

  I rolled onto my back and lay down putting my hands behind my head. Johnny moved his hand to the top of my jean line and ran his fingers across my pant line. I moved my hands to his waist and glided them over to his strong arms and felt his well-built muscles. We kiss more, enthused and with purpose, with an intense craving, as if we had deprived ourselves from something we wanted so much for so long.

  Ignoring his request to take things slowly, I said, “Make love to me.”

  “I will, in time, Jen. Making love to you will drive me crazy. I have to take it slow and steady.”

  I felt as if time had slowed down, like we were suspended in time just for this moment. Holding me firmly around the waist, Johnny rolled onto his back, leaving me on top. We smiled at each other and kissed more, feeling the areas of each other’s mouth. The hunger rose and I used what I had to make things progress. Instinctively I placed myself on an incline and slid my hands onto Johnny’s chest, thrilled to touch his fit shape. He let me feel around as much as I liked. I felt like a child entering a candy store for the very first time. Intuitively I moved my knee gently into Johnny’s groin area and circulated my knee joint lightly. He seized my leg and held it on his thigh as if about to burst. “Slow down, we’ve got time for this.”

  We moved in perfect rhythm as we explored each other’s bodies. After what seemed like hours, I rolled over to the side of Johnny, curling up perfectly into the space under his arms, in a state of pure joy.

  *****

  As the sun came up shining through the grooves on the tree branches, I lifted my head and found I was still curled up in the space under Johnny’s arm. My face rested against his chest, our legs intertwined all night. I blinked at the sun and moved my hand to Johnny’s chest, shaking him gently to wake up.

  “Johnny, Johnny, wake up. We’ve slept through the night. I’ve got to get home, showered and ready for school.”

  Johnny started to move and looked down at me happily. “We’re still here. We must have fallen to sleep last night,” he said moving his wrist up to his eyes then blinking to focus on reading the time. “It’s 5.45 am, we’ve got plenty of time to get home.”

  I stretched, stood up and waited while I contentedly watched Johnny yawn and stretch out too. He jumped up and stood in front of me taking both my hands in his and looking me straight in the eyes. His eyes were happy. What had happened the previous night was amazing, not a mistake in the slightest.

  The morning was glorious; Raven Lake sparkled as the sun’s rays hit the water. It was a picturesque moment, a time I wanted to remember. We turned to walk up the hill toward the path that led back home, enjoying the feeling of our hands held together.

  As we reached our houses we stopped and kissed each other goodbye. I ran inside and noticed my parents were still in bed – I didn’t expect any less. I went to the bathroom, turned on the shower and hopped in, washing my body and my hair so as to feel completely clean and fresh. Afterwards I walked into my bedroom, one towel folded around my body, another towel wrapped around my head. Still in a state of bliss from the night before I moseyed on over to the curtains to close them but changed my mind when I saw Johnny across the way, looking at me. I released the towel wrapped around my head and let my long hair fall onto my back before turning around and walking over to my tall set of drawers looking for my hair comb. I opened my drawers and found some clean pants and bra. I wasn’t sure if I should let him see me naked, but given that I wanted to make love to him last night, and even now if he let me, I decided to release the towel around my body with my back facing him. He could see my naked body only from behind. I looked into the mirror that stood on top of the tall set of drawers, and watched Johnny watch me. He kept his eyes fixed on me the whole time as if I was the most engaging thing he had ever seen. I put my pants and bra on and walked to my wardrobe to search for a clean pair of jeans. I picked any old pair and turned only my head to look over my shoulder and smiled mischievously at Johnny. I figured seeing me in my underwear was no different to seeing me in a bikini, which he had seen me in before, so I comfortably walked around my bedroom doing a little bit of tidying up then dressed in a blue tank, jeans and a cream hoodie. I put my trusty converse trainers back on my feet then strolled over to the window and winked at Johnny when I opened it. He opened his window too to meet me. “Go and get ready and I’ll mee
t you out the front in half an hour,” I said unable to take the smile off of my face.

  He nodded and dashed off to have a shower.

  I felt so in love. If this is the way love feels? If it is, then you don’t need anything else to get you by in life, I thought. It made me think about my own mother and father and I wondered if they ever felt this way about each other and if they had, what happened along the way? What went wrong? What had made them take up the booze?

  In the kitchen I searched the cupboards to see what was on offer for breakfast. I found a variety pack of cereal, picked out some corn flakes and poured them into a bowl adding some milk I found in the fridge. I sliced up a banana I found lying all by itself on the kitchen counter and added it to my cereal. I ate on my own and in silence, the world was treating me well today – I hoped it would last.

  Later, I sat on the front porch, took out my science workbook and read yesterday’s lesson notes while I waited for Johnny. We were learning about how cells work – it was fascinating. Science, maths and English were my best subjects, but I was doing well in every subject. It was my way of keeping my parents away from the school. As far as I knew the teachers had a good opinion of me and I didn’t want that to change by them meeting my parents. As long as my grades were fairly good there would be no reason to call them in.

  “Ready?” Johnny asked as he walked over to meet me.

  “All ready,” I smiled, getting up to meet him on the pavement.

  We walked to Johnny’s car hand in hand. He opened the passenger door for me and when we were both inside the car I leaned over and kissed him. “Thanks for last night.”

  “Thank you, too,” he smirked.

  “Johnny, you need to speak with Samantha.”

  “I’m already ahead of you,” he replied. “I called her this morning and asked her to meet me before our maths class. I’ll tell her I can’t see us going anywhere and it’s over. I don’t think she’ll be overly surprised.”

  Johnny drove to school and parked. He switched off the sexy noisy V8 engine and turned to face me. "You ready to face the music, kiddo?"

  "I guess it's now or never,” I announced taking a deep breath.

  Johnny opened his car door, came around to meet me and opened the door. "Let's do it,” he said, holding out his hand and taking mine. We walked hand in hand through the car park, along the path at the front of the school and into the front double door entrance. I let go of his hand at this point, concerned that people would talk and news of our relationship would get to Samantha before Johnny had time to talk to her. Johnny held his head high even greeting fellow pupils along the way, while I looked at the floor hoping no one would discover our secret until we were ready for the whole school to know. If students at my school knew I was going out with Johnny, before he broke up with Samantha that would be bad, very bad. I would be seen as a boyfriend stealer, a relationship wreaker or something like that, and I could see such news spreading like wild fire around our school. We walked down one of many corridors full of lockers. At the time I felt as though students were looking at us and judging, but I’m sure that wasn’t the case, I was being paranoid because the fact was, I was the catalyst responsible for Johnny and Samantha’s split, even if it was inevitable.

  Johnny looked at me with my head down purposely to avoid meeting looks from my fellow students. He took my hand in his and squeezed it for reassurance. "You’ll all right, kiddo and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone,” he said, reading my concerns.

  When we reached my locker Johnny waited while I fiddled with my locker key combination nervously, opened the door and placed two textbooks inside and took my folder out.

  Next stop was Johnny’s locker; this time he walked through the corridors with his arm casually around my shoulders. I didn’t mind this display of affection, in fact I preferred it to holding hands because we looked like we could be buddies or partners. I would be happy to go back to holding hands once Johnny had broken up with Samantha.

  Johnny opened up his locker while I took this opportunity to look around. "What's your first class?" Johnny asked.

  "Science."

  "Let me walk you there,” he stated rather than asked.

  "OK, what's your first class? I said, forgetting he had already told me he was meeting Samantha before class.

  "Maths and it's a double, it’s with Samantha."

  We reached my classroom in no time. I said goodbye, smiled sweetly and gave his arm a small squeeze for encouragement.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Johnny entered his maths classroom and saw Samantha sitting on the windowsill above the radiator. As soon as she saw him, she gently smiled and slowly tucked her long blonde hair behind her ears, one side at a time, as if a master of seduction.

  “Sam,” he said looking at her directly in the eye. “I need to talk with you.”

  “Yes, you said that on the phone this morning. Is everything all right?” she asked unconcerned, while pulling her cherry chap stick from her jean pocket and applying over her lips.

  “Everything’s all right,” he said. “Can we step outside for a moment?

  “OK.” Samantha jumped off the windowsill without a second thought and followed Johnny to the classroom door. They stepped outside and stood in the hallway by a large corridor window.

  “Sam, I’m not going to beat around the bush and make up some story as to why I’m ending things with you, but I am ending it, I’m sorry. I never intended to hurt you.”

  “What?” she said confused by his announcement. “Why? What have I done? What did I do? Did I do something wrong?” she asked desperately.

  “No, Sam, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me not you.”

  “But, why? I don’t understand.”

  “I don’t have those feelings for you anymore and I don’t think it’s right to string you along. You’re a great girl and we had some good times that’s for sure, but I don’t see us going anywhere. I don’t see a future for us.”

  “I do. I did. I feel like this has come from nowhere, Johnny”.

  “It hasn’t come from nowhere, we’re just too different. I like to spend hours with my music and you don’t. You’re not even interested in my music. You were in the beginning but now this relationship is all about you. That’s fine, don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and a place for that, but I can’t keep going on as things are.”

  “I’ll change,” she said as a last resort, tears beginning to roll down her face.

  “I don’t want you to change. You are who you are. If you change for me then you’re not being yourself. Sam, you’re a great girl and I want to be friends, but it’s not going to be more than that,” he said firmly.

  Samantha’s tears turned into a sob. Johnny put his arms around her and squeezed her tight. “It will be all right, Sam, you’ll see. I’m always here for you. You can rely on me as a friend.”

  “We were going to be the most popular couple at the prom, I know it.”

  “You will still be part of the most popular couple at the prom, no matter who you go with. There’s Michael Sampson and Jordan Black – both have been keen on you for a long time. Before we dated, they both asked me how to approach you and if they had a chance. They’re pretty cool guys. Michael is popular, great at sport and Jordan has a band you like to go and see. Remember we went to see them at Jesco’s on the A51? That band is going places,” he said giving her a hug.

  “Johnny, Sam, can you join the rest of the class, please?” Mr Fornoff, the maths teacher, asked lifting his eyebrows and folding his arms across his body as if to acknowledge how hard life must be when you’re a teenager in love.

  As Johnny began to tear himself away from Samantha, Mr Fornoff realized she was crying. “Samantha is there anything I can help you with?”

  “No, sir,” she snuffled, wiping her eyes.

  “OK. Go and get yourself into the girls’ bathroom and sort yourself out before you come back to class,” Mr Fornoff announced pointing in the dir
ection to the girls’ toilets. “Right, Johnny, inside,” he finished, having no time for their teenage drama.

  “Yes, sir,” Johnny replied, walking back into the classroom.

  Tongues wagged for the rest of the day, everyone talking about the “big split”; the popular couple had ended their relationship. I saw Johnny in the corridor just before lunchtime and told him I was going to the library. I thought it best that I steer clear of him for the time being, at least at school. Johnny reluctantly agreed to my terms and we organized to see each other straight after school. I couldn’t wait and kept looking at my watch throughout the rest of the school day.

  The last bell eventually sounded, indicating the end of the school day and a reminder that I would see Johnny shortly. I hurried through the corridors in the direction of the front doors leading directly to the car park, as if I were in a race to get there before anyone else.